Would it be weird to ask a dentist to take a look?

[Enarete]

I have an appointment on Thursday and getting numbed plus getting a desensitization fluid painted on a tooth is planned. The numbing is not necessary for the procedure, it's just for me to get used to it since it's one of my fears. It's my 9th visit in the last 6 months.

In the first 2-3 visits my dentist had a brief look before doing what was planned. On visits 4-8 I asked him something about a particular tooth and if he could take a look at it (to delay the procedure a bit) and he would do that first. I have found out this kind of stabilizes me - it's like an anchor that's always the same, there's just the mirror involved, I am familiar with the manner in which he would touch my mouth so it doesn't make me too nervous (I struggle with being touched and the beginning is the worst) and it calms me down and makes me ready for the procedure.

The problem is that I have run out of 'problem'-teeth so I am considering to ask him right away if he could take a look around before he would start with the numbing. And wondering, if he would find it weird?

What do you think? Would it be weird? Or would he take a look anyway without me saying anything? Does your dentist always start with the procedure or takes a look first?

I'm making a big thing out of a small topic right now but this really makes me insecure..

 

[Thephilsblogbar]

Hi Enarete,

My dentist always have a look around my mouth first and other checks like neck, face etc before she starts with the checking or anything I need doing on my mouth/teeth.

 

[Tink]

The problem is that I have run out of 'problem'-teeth so I am considering to ask him right away if he could take a look around before he would start with the numbing. And wondering, if he would find it weird?

What do you think? Would it be weird? Or would he take a look anyway without me saying anything? Does your dentist always start with the procedure or takes a look first?

I'm making a big thing out of a small topic right now but this really makes me insecure..

Hello, just passing by! I've done the gradual exposure thing to treat my phobia so I can relate to this sort of worry.

First off, it's not silly so you don't need to worry about worrying about it! What you are saying sounds perfectly sensible to me!

I would say 100% yes, ask him to take a wee look round with the mirror before he starts - that's a great idea. Since you're going to be getting numbed just for the practise, this dentist is clearly very happy to help you deal with your fears, and happy to work with you to make you comfortable. If there are simple little things like that that will help you then the dentist will absolutely want to know that.

Mine doesn't always take a look around first if he's got something specific to do (i.e. it's not just a routine checkup) so your best bet would be to ask about this right at the start - explain how it would help you, tell him what you just told us and I'm sure he'd be more than happy to spend a couple of minutes just taking a look around to help you settle! You don't need to find a tooth to ask about as an "excuse", just tell him the real reason!


Sometimes when I'm seeing my dentist and we have some work to do that makes me anxious, we will go back over some of the basic exercises we did right at the beginning before starting the actual treatment. Just like you find when he takes a look with the mirror, it's all very familiar and safe and well-rehearsed, and that helps me to feel more settled and ready for the next step. It works ?

I hope your appointment goes well!


Tink x


Edited to add: To answer your question in the title, I don't think it's especially weird. And even if it was, so what? Does it matter if it's a bit weird, if it works? It's very easy to do, takes 2 minutes, and is no trouble for anybody.

 

[Enarete]

Thank you for your replies.

So it would be ok to ask.. but I will probably end up making up an imaginary problem on a tooth and ask him to have a look at it, just because asking for it directly is such a big deal Makes me feel quite silly but making requests or voicing preferences in a dental situation is hard. I needed 6 visits to be able to ask some of my questions.

The thought of asking actually seems more scary than being numbed right away. On the other hand, if what we fear the most usually is what we most need to do, then I should do exactly that.. I could ask him before going into the chair, during the initial chat at the beginning, so that it feels more normal.

I will wait how it feels on Thursday and decide spontaniously. And I will prepare a back up tooth to ask about, just for the case things get complicated...

 

[Tink]

Yeah, I hear you! This stuff is much, much easier said than done.

If it helps at all, this is really normal - lots of us struggle with things like speaking up and asking for things that would help. We're too conditioned to try to keep quiet and 'stay out of the way', do what we're told, and phobia just makes that even worse as we can freeze up too.

I know I sound flippant saying "yes, totally ask!" but honestly, I struggle with this sort of thing too and I get that it's hard to do. My dentist had me rehearsing the stop signals to try to get past some of this. When we were working through the process of desensitisation/exposure therapy we did, he'd sit next to me and run the drill and I had to give a stop signal and he'd stop - we did that over and over again (until it felt really silly!), but it really helped because it got me used to doing it and now I can without any trouble.

So I'm working on the assumption that your dentist is working with you here and wants to help get you used to things - from what you're saying, it certainly sounds like he's on board!

Here's the thing: when they're trying to help you get over your phobia, they actually want to know about things that would help you. They want you to tell them stuff, make suggestions, ask questions, that sort of thing. I know everything in us wants to hide away and be as small and meek as possible, but really what the dentist wants is for you to help them to help you. They're not mind-readers!


It seems like you need to practise asking your dentist for stuff, just like mine did with the stop signals.

Your idea of asking before you even get in the chair is a good one ? Any little things that you can do for yourself that make it a bit easier for you are good.

Some other things that might help you:

- Before you go, visualise yourself successfully asking the dentist what you want to ask. It's fine if you don't think it's realistic, just picture it anyway.

- It might even help you to practise! You don't want a very fixed script, but try asking...I dunno, your cat, or a stuffed toy or whatever is to hand. They won't judge you. (OK, a cat might, but that's because it's a cat and not because you're doing something weird...)

- When it comes to it, take a deep breath, count down from three in your head...and then just DO IT. Don't stop to think, just do it at the end of your countdown. The words will be out of your mouth before you realise.

- Finally, go easy on yourself! It's OK if it doesn't work out just exactly right this time, this stuff is hard and sometimes you have to make baby steps. If you don't manage it this time, then maybe next time will be the day. It's something to try, not something you must succeed at at all costs!



Hope something in there is useful! Everyone is different, so please do pick and choose what suits you from my suggestions.


You got this ? Really, you're doing amazingly well! OK, it took you 6 sessions to ask some of your questions, but the point is that you did it! You did lots of hard things already! So you know you can.

Tink x

 

[letsconnect]

Enarete - if you get a chance (and if it doesn't interfere with your appointment), I'd be really interested in the name of the desensitization fluid (I always mean to ask about it but keep forgetting because of more pressing issues). Don't worry though if you don't get around to it - I know it's impossible to get in all those questions one might have ! All the best for Thursday

 

[Enarete]

Tink,

thank you so much for your lovely reply, it's so good to know that you know this too!

Love the story about you learning the stop sign with the drill! I am so terrified to give a stop sign and my dentist keeps reminding me over and over again and encouraging me to use it even if I do not feel the need and then I really want to test it out but then some reason why not to do it comes up in my head, like 'the procedure is too difficult now to use it' or 'we are too much at the beginning' or 'he reminded me ten seconds ago to stop him, if I do it now it will be awkward' or 'my hand is under the bib, it's just too complicated to make it visible now'. On the fourth visit I really did the sign and we had to interrupt the procedure for few minutes because I froze and wasn't able to talk for some time after that.. and then on one visit we trained it similarly like you describe, not with the drill but with the cold test - he would test the insensitive teeth where I didn't notice anything but would hold it there till I raised the arm, this several times again and again.. it felt totally silly. I'm delighted to hear that you find stop signs easy by now, this really gives me hope..

Talking is so difficult that for the first about 6 visits I was only able to let my dentist know about triggers and what worked and what not via email and I will forever be thankful for him being so patient and allowing me to contact him via email and discuss these things. And you are so right, they need to know and my dentist was always so kind and ready to do everything possible to minimize stress involved.

Practicing this is a good idea ( ok, I won't take a cat then ). I might ask it while going into the chair - that's a moment the dentist is behind me for a moment which means no eye contact and less awkwardness for me..

Thank you so much, this was so helpful, I feel more confident now. I will ask.. won't be looking too social or relaxed while doing it - no, I will probably look like a fool - but my dentist is probably used to that so what..

All the best for you Tink and many many thanks for sharing!

 

[Enarete]

Enarete - if you get a chance (and if it doesn't interfere with your appointment), I'd be really interested in the name of the desensitization fluid (I always mean to ask about it but keep forgetting because of more pressing issues). Don't worry though if you don't get around to it - I know it's impossible to get in all those questions one might have ! All the best for Thursday

letsconnect,

it will be an honor to ask this for you I'll let you know tomorrow

 

[Tink]

Hi Enarete -

Glad I could be of some help!

Your dentist sounds like an absolute gem! You know what, between you and him, I'm confident you will get there ?

Let us know how it goes tomorrow! Will be rooting for you.

Tink x

 

[Enarete]

letsconnect: the name of the fluid is 'Seal & Protect'


Well, to my story. This is exactly how dental fear works: I have been worrying about this for two weeks and at the end, there was such a relaxed atmosphere and we were laughing a lot and making jokes and somewhere in between I got into the chair, we did the numbing gel and then the injection and during the injection my dentist was talking and I was trying to cope with the urge to laugh because he was making jokes (have you ever had a problem of trying to suppress laughing during a dental injection? I never had before..) and somewhere in the middle of the injection, I was like 'oh, I actually wanted to ask him to take a look first.. well, who cares'.

The visit was great, our desensitization phase is over and the next step is an exam in four months. He told me my anxiety will be stronger again when I see him next time and it might look like a step back, but it isn't. And I shouldn't worry about it, he will be expecting me to be more nervous and will be prepared to it when he'll see me next time, but on the long run the anxiety will get less and less. He also asked me to come earlier should I have any problem or insecurity, he asked me not to wait for the fear and the problem to get unbearable.

I was crying tears of thankfulness on my way home today because this dentist is like a beautiful present I almost cannot cope with. I cannot believe that he helped me to move from suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and nightmares to a place of having fun and fighting the urge to laugh during a treatment and that all in just six months.

 

[frostgirl]

Great to hear it went well Enarete!

 

[letsconnect]

Enarete - thank you so much for asking - that's useful to know !

And great to hear it went so well - congratulations! Your dentist sounds like a real star !!

 

[Tink]

Oh, this is wonderful to see, I'm so happy for you! Well done Enarete! Really proud of you

Your dentist is an absolute star too, this one's definitely a keeper! Everything he said there was spot on!


Re the laughing - same thing happened to me too! I sometimes laugh when I'm really anxious. When I worked through this process with my dentist, most of what we were doing was about getting used to the drill. So we would look at it and he'd tell me how it all works, then he'd run it a bit at a distance, then finally we worked up to putting it in my mouth and running it. The first time we did that bit I had to keep stopping him as I was getting an uncontrollable urge to giggle - he wasn't even making jokes, but I kept having to stop to laugh! It was weird.