Wrote my New Dentist a crazy email

[Meichan]

..And I wonder if I will regret it, but I'm in such a state of anxiety, that I wrote the email to them anyways.

3-4 weeks ago I noticed a small absess on my gum. My tooth didn't hurt (it was root canaled). I had no other symptoms. Didn't hurt brushing or anything, but then the 'bite' felt not painful, but slightly off. I searched around the area and noticed a shallow lump at the top of my gums and that they were inflamed.
At the same time, my father was in ICU, intubated and in renal failure. I was told he was not going to survive, and I am in charge of making his medical decisions. Because it didn't hurt, and because I was waiting with my family daily for the dreaded phone call, I pushed off finding a new dentist (I moved to a new city so needed a new one).
I got in 2-3 weeks later. I told the dentist before I walked in that I had crippling dental anxiety. Never seems to make a difference with them. But I tried.
So I ended up with an asymptomatic something from an old root canal. It's eaten away at some of my bone and my gums are so enflamed that I have 7mm "pockets" (only on one tooth and the adjacent tooth). But teeth are firm and not loose.
I had prepared myself for the one tooth being a goner. But the dentist told me the OTHER tooth could be a goner too and it devastated me. And she went on about my gums.
Thing is, the rest of my gums look perfectly healthy. It's whatever this infection is that is making a certain area funky. But it's in my smile zone. And I'm TERRIFIED.
I can't eat. i won't eat. I don't sleep w/o pills. I'm incapacitated and can't work or focus. I was referred to an Endodentist on Monday, (4 days from now) and I'm petrified.

But I isolated my terror to the concept that I will look like a toothless hag. That even money will not be able to restor a normal smile and I'll live the rest of my life looking and feeling horrible about myself. I googled ( I know- I shouldnt) but now I really know what I have. I just don't know how badly I have it.

So I actually WROTE my new dentist. I probably sounded like an absolute crazy woman. I was just honest and raw- and asked the manager, if she could ask the Dentist, if dental implants would be *possible* for me failing all else. I just need to know I will not end up looking like a meth addict. I spent so much money and so many years working on my dental phobia and I had it pretty much licked with my old dentist. But she's 3 hours away.
It's inconcievable to me that such damage can happen in 3 years. And I know I should have just pushed my life aside and been diligent. But with lockdowns, and both my parents critically ill, it was just one anxiety to heavy.

So now yeah. Im waiting for a reply- and let's see if they make fun of me, or think I'm a screwball, or even worse, give me an automated "We have referred you to an Endo so no comment" so I can writhe in the agony of my Mind for 4 more days.

Why am I like this? Why is it so hard? WHy do teeth SUCK so much?

 

[Emily85]

Wow, what a journey you've had. I don't see anything wrong with emailing your dentist. I can see that you're at breaking point with all this and I know how that feels! I also can't see why an implant will be an option for you. If they're professionals, they'll be calm and compassionate (they would have seen worse!). If not, it's time to find a better dentist! Good luck. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by how your dentist responds

 

[Meichan]

@Emily85
The Dental office manager phoned me to attempt to "make me feel better" and just made me feel even worse.
She made it out like I'm attacking the dentist, when i wasn't. Lectured me on how they're "sending me to a specialist" to determine if they can save the tooth. Then told me how a 7mm pocket at the adjacent tooth is really bad, so they would have to address that (NO SHIT). And that they really wouldn't know anything until they got into from others.
That's funny, because the dentist surmised a lot.

Then she lectured me on how they don't usually meet patients just as walk-ins with a bad problem. They have them as constant dutiful patients before these problems occur (THANKS but I moved). And that even tho she knows how difficult it is to care for two dying parents, 3 years can still destroy your teeth! It's still a long time and your mouth is a minefield waiting for horrible things to happen.

I told her that I don't need a lecture. That I wasn't attacking the dentist (don't even know her). And I planned to get my whole mouth checked. It's just I've been a bit over-taxed with anxiety lately. Been spread a bit thin. I was half crying. Didn't matter.

So it was a mealy-mouthed "Lets talk about how serious your problems are, let's talk about how you neglected them. And how GREAT we are for placing you on a pathway where we send you out to various people to treat your problems".
One thing I learned? This dental office, the dentist, pretty much only does cavities and crowns.


I mean the manager wouldnt even ask the dentist if she thought an implant would be *possible* for me. You would think a dentist could sort of eyeball that and be like.."Yeah". I've had an implant before. And it's always complete bullshit to get one.

And now I feel even worse than when I started. because now I feel like I HAVE to work with these people until at least the issues with my infection are over with. I'm just so tired of dental offices treating anxiety like it's a joke.

 

[letsconnect]

One thing I learned? This dental office, the dentist, pretty much only does cavities and crowns.

And another thing: they don't have any real interest in helping people who are anxious about visiting the dentist .

The only positive is that at least, you now know for certain that this is not the right dentist for you...

 

[Meichan]

@letsconnect you're always so great. I see you always posting and supporting people. Thank you so much for what you do.
It really helps <3

 

[Emily85]

@Meichan oh wow, I'm so sorry. That sounds like a distressing conversation. I agree with @letsconnect, sounds like this dentist has no interest in supporting you through this. I'm surprised there are still dentists like this out there with all the knowledge we have around dental anxiety these days. So, I say have them treat your infections and move to a better clinic. I'm certain that won't be hard to do as most other dentists wouldn't treat you this way!