A whole month, please help.

[Giovanna0176]

I have a huge dental phobia, and I just went to the dentist on Wensday which was scary enough. My mom doesn't understand my fear and yells at me all the time for it and says I'm pathetic. She always tells me a lot of other people have it worse, and that she should just let me have rotten teeth. I do want nice teeth but I can't help being afraid and she doesn't understand this. When I went to the dentist they said I had two cavities and had to come back two times. Now I have to wait for a month, I can't eat, I can't sleep. It's fine when I'm at school, then I have things to keep me busy but as soon as I get home I can't stop thinking about it. I don't want to live like this for a month waiting and waiting. My mom gets mad at me for it, and that makes it worse. Only once has she been nice and that quickly ended. She says if I react about it one more time, she'll make me go live somewhere else. I have to go two times because apparently they can't do two at a time. I don't want to go two whole times. I don't want to have to be weepy and sick for an entire month. Please help I don't know what to do. The cavities are apparently small, so I don't know why I have to go twice.

 

[Pippa]

Hallo
I am SO glad you found this forum. You are not alone with your fears and worries,we all understand.
Perhaps it would be helpful if your Mum would read some of the messages here.Then she would see that it is not unusual to be afraid of the dentist and that people who are need help and support.
If you like you can show her what I have written in my post " need support and comfort" and she will see it happens to older people as well. I am 61.

The dentist maybe has only time on that day to do one filling.Otherwise I dont know why they only do one at a time.But I am sure it is nothing to worry about.

Keep writing to us, we can see you though the waiting time.

 

[Giovanna0176]

Thank you for your words

I'm so terrified of having to go twice and if it's going to take long. Every single time I've gone before it's been awful. I had to get my gums lased when I was younger and it was the worst thing ever. It took a long time, it smelt awful and I couldn't see anything. They also gave me at least 6 needles to freeze me up. After my gums were gray, and even though they said it would not bleed, it just started gushing blood. When I first looked at them after the fact it scared me so much I screamed. I also remember once a papoose board, though my mom denies the fact it was used and that she wasn't there, but I remember this. I'm so scared. I keep putting it out of my mind the relapsing into thinking about it and breaking down. An entire month.

 

[carole]

I am thinking you are not in the UK, due to the fact that you mentioned the papoose board which is a barbaric and sadistic piece of equipment to use on anybody never mind a child.

Could your mum go into the room with you when you go to the dentist? Do you feel you could e mail or phone the dental practice and explain how frightened and nervous you are.

Is the dentist you see nice or do they make matters worse, how long is it since you had any work done.

If there are other dentists at the practice could you see a more sympathetic dentist, if your dentist doesn't put you at ease.

When you do go, it might help to think of it this way, whatever time you go, say your appointment is at 10am, by 12noon you will have had all work done and be on your way home or even back at home. I am not saying you will be there that long, it is just an example. When I go I always think this way and it helps me, I don't like going but I always feel very pleased with myself when I have been. You should too, the lazer treatment sounds horrific but you did it and you are still here, it would have frightened me too, so I think you were very brave, the fillings won't be as bad as that.

Could you contact the dentist and ask to have both fillings done at the same time, they might think they are helping you by only doing one at a time, because you will be there for less time, they might think you would be too stressed to have the two done at once.

I am also an older person like pippa, I am 54 and it was treatments that were done in childhood that caused a lot of people my age and older to be phobic, there is hope for you though, because as phobic and as nervous as we are, we have managed to go and get treatment.

I hope you can sort this out, you can come on here anytime and there will be someone to talk to (or type to) so carry on coming and we will give you as much support as you want, and maybe help you face your next appointment.

 

[Giovanna0176]

Thank you for replying, I am from Canada. My mom says I embarrass her by having a phobia, and she will not call in, I guess I have to go twice, this is going to be a very long hard month. I just break down whenever there is nothing to distract me. The Dentists are actually very nice, they always wait for me to open my mouth to put something in and they are really gentle. I don't want to upset them, because once at my orthodontist, I got very upset and the lady started crying. I felt really bad, and my mom got mad at me, told me I was a freak and that they put that I was a freak on my file. Also having my mom there makes it worse, it makes me feel very embarrassed. That was a problem at my ortho, the rooms were open and everyone could see, it was awful.

 

[vicki]

Hi and

Many of us on here have friends and relatives who don't understand how it feels to be so scared of something that they probably see as quite minor. They sometimes find it difficult to view things from somebody else's perspective, particularly if they've not had the same experiences or worries themselves. My mum is a bit like this, even though she used to be a nurse (and therefore should be sympathetic and understanding as far as I'm concerned - even though I'm now 32 and 'grown up'!), she really doesn't understand why I'm so scared of going to the dentist and can sometimes be really quite nasty towards me when I'm working myself up into a panicking frenzy before appointments. Over the years, I've had to learn to just ignore her and do what's best for me and my teeth and if she wants to be horrible about it, then that's her choice.

Your mum probably doesn't know how to react, which is possibly why she says that you embarrass her (people often say this, but don't actually mean it - it's usually their way of coping because they're not sure what to do or say). Maybe if you try and explain how you feel and also how she can help you, she might see that you're asking for help and it might open up a two-way conversation between you. Alternatively, perhaps you have a friend or relative that you could maybe talk to instead?

Some posters have printed their posts from this site and given them to their friend/relative to read instead - sometimes it can be easier to read or type these things than say them . Just remember that you're not odd or unusual in being scared of going to the dentist. I read somewhere that around 42% of people in the UK report having some level of fear about it (so I imagine that the figures are probably similar in Canada), so you're definitely not alone.

You can overcome your fears with the right dentist who will work with you at a pace you feel comfortable with. You mentioned that you remember a papoose board. As Carole mentioned, these are not used in the UK, but I suppose the equivalent would be being held down by the dentist and his/her assistant. This is what happened to me for many years until I was about 15 years old and stopped going. It was a truly terrifying experience to have someone take away my sense of trust and control. We have a page about fearing loss of control here:

Feeling Powerless (Loss of Control)

Feelings of helplessness and lack of control are very common when visiting the dentist. Find out how you and your dentist can put you in control.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Going to the dentist is a two-way thing. You do have a say in what happens and if you're scared about something, want them to explain things or go at a slower pace, you're perfectly entitled to say so. They're there to work with you, not on you. Most dentists see patients who are nervous pretty much every day because most people are nervous to some extent (apart from my mum - who seems to enjoy going, for some strange reason !!). Talking to them about why you're scared and what you're scared of, enables them to come up with a way to help you. If you feel too nervous to be able to say anything, then many people (including me) have found it helpful to either send them an email before the appointment or perhaps write them a short note, just explaining what you're scared of and how they might be able to help you.

About needing two appointments for the two fillings - I'm not an expert, but it does depend on which teeth need to be filled. If for example, you need a filling in two teeth - one on each side at the bottom, then they don't like numbing the whole of your bottom jaw in one go (your whole tongue would be numb for a few hours which would make it very difficult to eat or drink). Usually, they would want to do it in two appointments. It does depend on which teeth need treating though. We have more information about fillings here:

Dental Fillings

Are you scared that getting a filling will hurt? This article explains what happens when you get a filling, and what materials can be used.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

 

[Giovanna0176]

I tried ignoring it, it's better than having to deal with the thought of it all the time. Every once and awhile the thought will come back and wreak havoc, but it is better than feeling it all the time. As well as having a dental phobia I have a medical phobia as well. I have a mole on my neck which my mom wants to get checked out, fine, it scares the crap out of me, but it is better than cancer. That doesn't stop it from being something I'm absolutely terrified of though, I know I'm not supposed to be scared of these things but I can't help it, as you probably all know.

She won't tell me when it is, all I know is that it is in April and I have to go twice. Twice, two times. The worst part about this stupid mole thing is my grandma has to take me, and I really don't want anyone to know about my phobia it's embarrassing and personal. That doesn't stop my mom however, her favorite thing to do is go and tell her friends, tell my grandparents.. etc. While remaining completely unsupporting and negative towards me. She makes fun of me too. I tried writing to her, tried telling her I know it's irrational, no avail. I don't think I can handle this anymore, I really don't want to live with the terror stalking me all the time.