How to accept my phobia and overcome it?

[brit]

What I want to know is should I feel ashamed, guilty or embarrassed by my dental fear? People tell me I'm 18 and should be over it by now. I've been trying to be brave every time I've had to go to the dentist and it was a touch-and-go. It was either a success or a disaster waiting to happen.

NO you are completely normal, assuming you are in USA which I believe you are, you are in the group with fear that actually manages to go along despite your fear...there are millions who never get there at all simply because of fear.

How pathetic was it of me to fail while my friends did so well with their's? I know they're both different procedures but still, I feel awful I had to be the one to fail.

Not pathetic at all. I think your friends are atypical to need that kind of medical procedure so young...you weren't there on the day, so you don't know how they got on really and of course that is sth where sedation is automatic.
Many people have issues with dentists specifically because they block your oral cavity (I think) whereas they do not have the same fears around doctors/hospitals. Again not unusual at all.

My next question is how are/did you overcome your fear? What steps did you Ty's take? Because I've grown sick and tired of people telling me to grow up and seeing my fear as a sign of immaturity. And I hate embarrassing myself around new dentists I happen to meet.

I've never avoided dental care, just had a real mixed bag of terrible and wonderful experiences both in childhood (1960s/70s) and as an adult. This gives me a unique perspective compared to most on here, also I have lived in more than one country and the issue I had finding painfree care which I knew was doable in one particular location in 2004, caused me to find this website and I've stuck around and learnt loads.
The secret is that you need to embarass yourself in front of as many dentists as it takes, until you find the one that really 'gets it' and enjoys helping you overcome your fear for the long-term. Doing research first rather than just taking pot luck multiple times is the way forward. Your project is to find your new dentist for the forseeable future, someone who makes you feel calm by their manner and wants to help....this is the only way and it is the main message of this website which comes from the perspective that the quality of dentist-patient relationship is what matters.

It does not come from the (if I dare say more Americanised philosophic) viewpoint that it is up to you the patient to change your behaviour and just accept whatever you are dealt by the dental professiony, rather you explain what you want and need to be able to cope and find a dentist who is willing to provide it.

Try to find an Office which has a pleasant calming atmosphere and where the staff don't wear white coats (any colour but white) and where the dentist cares about the long-term relationship because it is his own practice and he needs your repeat business. This won't be the cheapest Office in your area but it is worth paying a little more to get care you can come not to fear - you may even find one day that the fear disappears completely if you do a good job of finding the Right Dentist/Hygienist for you. Believe it or not, you may even start to look forward to visits or at least not dread them. Colonoscopy yuck, no one could ever look forward to that! Dental work, not so bad with the right dentist and you the patient feeling in control.