I'm so sorry all of that happened! My dentist's office sends text message reminders which I hate b/c I don't want to be reminded that I have an appt, but I like them b/c it gives me peace of mind that I haven't messed up the appt date/time. As far as the reaction from the woman at the desk, I think that those staff don't always know what to do with really phobic patients. I'm lucky that the office manager at my dentist's office really gets it, but I don't think most do. I think it's best to just try to have that discussion with the dentist. If he doesn't want to honor your request, it's time to find a new dentist. You may just have to build the trust from allow any more than x-rays and a look without the tools... And, as long as your not in pain that needs to be addressed right away, that should be ok. Also, if this dentist isn't a good fit, you may find that, with the right dentist, sedation is not necessary. Hang in there!