how to tell friends/family?

[xxv546]

i have my first appointment in years, in a few days and know i will need serious work done, likely extractions and treatment for severe gum disease. If i am lucky implants will be a possibility, if i am less lucky, dentures.

For people who have had this situation, how did you tell people? Friends, partners, bosses, parents, etc?

I want to tell as few people as possible, but I know that still will mean a lot of people knowing. For family, I ordinarily wouldn't need to tell, but with the holidays coming up I will need some sort of explanation for why i can't eat, drink, am talking funny, etc. For my friends, I will need to say why I can't go out to dinner, can't party (we are in our 20s and like to go out drinking/dancing, and my broader circle gets dinner together at least once a week.), for months/potentially over a year. I also have friends' bachelorette parties coming up, and will need to give excuses to people I don't know as to why i can't do these thing. Other examples would include camping (my friends and I camp a lot as well) when it would likely be hard to sneak off and take out my teeth if I had to have dentures...

As for my boss/coworkers, I know people are going to say I legally don't have to tell them blah blah blah, but I work at a very small company, we have lots of team/client dinners, and I do client presentations 1-3x per week. I also get sent on trips to travel to meet with clients. So I will need some excuse why I can't talk, eat, or travel; my boss is also like a family friend so expects a level of disclosure.

I see a lot of stories on here of people mentioning how supportive their friends/family/partners are but I am quite certain that will not be the case for me; many of them work in medical fields and have very strict views on this sort of thing. Even the kindest and most understanding people I know still make snide comments about peoples' dental situations. Every time I see a post talk about how understanding their family was I just get more depressed.

I don't mind needles and while the pain/sensation of dental procedures is of course horrifying to me, the real root of my dental phobia is how it impacts my social life/people's perceptions of me and how I will cope with telling people who will inevitably be disgusted/disappointed. I would happily endure agonizing pain at the dentist if it meant it didn't have to tell everyone. Unfortunately that is not possible. I think creating some sort of plan of action on how to tell everyone for this would be very beneficial to me. I think for my bf I am going to write him a letter once I get the formal diagnosis and treatment plan, because I don't think I would be able to say it out loud without crying too much. Has anyone else had the experience of telling people who were grossed out/saw you very differently afterwards/lectured you after you told them? How did you manage it/what did you say that got them to be understanding? How did you cope with losing the respect of those around you (fewer invites to things, people avoiding looking at you, rumors, etc)? I am usually pretty good at putting a humorous spin on bad things that happen to me when telling the story to friends, but this is just too much and is seen as too gross by everyone to be a funny story.

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Hello xxv546,

Sorry I am just seeing this now, How did your appt go. You are definitely not alone in feeling you are hesitant at sharing with people , friends ,family, coworkers The fact is you really don't have to if you don't feel a peace. Many of us here have felt the same thing, sometimes people just don't understand the anxiety, the feelings that go with it. Everyone has different experiences .

Know you really are not alone and you are not less than anyone due to having dental issues, Having dental issues are really more common than you think but many people don't really talk about it in the public arena.

I've have awful teeth and at times have felt so shameful of my situation. But come to find out when I do tell people , they have no idea and seem to not care at all or notice. Most recently I was meeting a new boss,I work remotely and had only spoken on the phone and emailed for over a year , felt shame meeting her due to state of my teeth and she even knows I"m going through a bit of work.. come to find out her father got all of 4's a year ago or so and was in rough shape and she wasn't judgemental at all.

Only share with those you feel at peace doing so with ,those are your boundaries and know that shame is a liar and you are worthy of love and kindness no matter what your dental situation or history. preaching to myself here too it's hard.. I hope you appt went well.. Let us know...