Need to go to the dentist but scared. Need help.

[Saremi]

I'm 23 and I haven't been to the dentist in 5 years but now my wisdom teeth have started coming through and they're hurting. The pain isn't unbearable and it isn't stopping me eating, but I'm scared that they may be infected and that the infection will spread.

The only dentist I have ever seen is my childhood dentist who I had a horrible experience with. Every time I went I would need at least 3 fillings and then when I was 12 the dentist told me that I had the worst teeth he's ever seen in 20 years of dentistry. Every 6 months the same thing would come around, I would go for a check up, I would need fillings, and then when I went back for the fillings I would start crying before I was in the dentists chair at the very thought of the needle going in for the anaesthetic. I was shocked to read on here that the injection can be painless as for me some of the most painful memories of my childhood are from having that anaesthetic every 6 months. My dentist would get very frustrated with my crying and had the attitude that dental treatment will be painful so I should shut up and let him get on with it. It also didn't help that when I got outside afterwards my mum would shout at me and tell me to stop acting like a baby because it was embarrassing her. I'm also not convinced that I needed all the fillings he gave me. This was a private dentist so there wasn't the NHS budget constraints and as long as my parents were paying he could keep doing more work. I get the impression that he was trying to rake in more money to pay for his sons school fees.

I was also sexually abused as a child and laying on my back with a man leaning over me reminds me of this, although the dentist I saw as a child looked a lot like the man who abused me so I think that having a dentist who looks different will help with this.

I went today and picked up a form to register with a local dentist and the receptionist told me that I have to have a new patient appointment and then if the dentist is happy to treat me I will be on their NHS list. What if the dentist isn't happy to treat me? I thought the NHS was for everyone, or can the dentist look at my teeth and decide they're too bad for them? My teeth aren't black and none of them have fallen out or are broken. They're also not giving me any pain apart from the wisdom teeth but the comment the dentist made to me when I was 12 has really stuck with me.

It is much easier now I've realised that I can switch dentists if I don't like and don't have to go to the one my parents tell me to, and I can refuse any treatment I don't want and I don't need to worry about embarrassing my mum but I still need some help to get me through any treatment I need.

 

[kittykat]

Realizing I was in control of my own treatment was one of the best things to happen to me. I always just did whatever my parents said, and that made me upset that I didn't have a say in anything. You really can pick whatever dentist you want. If you've had bad experiences with male dentists, look for a female one. I felt uncomfortable with female dentists, so I only looked at male dentists.

One of my main fears is lying down on my back and feeling exposed and vulnerable. I found it helps to bring a blanket with me because it makes me feel safe. I also bring my teddy bear and one of those sleep masks to cover my eyes so I don't see anything. I play my music really loudly through noise-cancelling headphones, get nitrous, and everything seems to go away.

What's really helped though is that the staff there is so kind and patient with me. They make sure I'm feeling ok before they do anything, even lie me down in the chair.

At the first visit, I brought a written letter of all of my fears and how they could help because I knew I would start crying right when I got there.

 

[smiles alot]

When my wisdom teeth came through my gums used to hurt, I told my dentist who said they would all have to be removed !!, I didn't go back to the Dentist for a few years after that and kept my wisdom teeth, It was probably just teethting trouble like babies have, after a few months they were fine. Get a second opinion if they start recomending extractions. It's like fillings I had seven upto the age of 18 (excluding milk teeth) since then I've only had replacement fillings, I'm now 45 although a couple of years ago I was told I needed another filling I refused and looked very carefully at what I was eating cutting out all sugary foods not that I eat much sugary foods anyway, and started using "Xylitol" regularly which is actually good for teeth and stops decay, on my last visit to the dentist I was told I had no cavities ! although it was a different Dentist. I also suffer psychologically from teenage denistry thats the trouble when your just a child. Don't just take their word for it either if they say you need a filling check for youself in the mirror with a dental care kit, and if you can change your diet to a healthy one this will stop any further decay. If you have a bad diet it will of course get worse! Remeber only you can look after your teeth if you only rely on the Dentist to look after your teeth in the end you'll have false teeth, , thats what I believe anyway. I'm looking for an Holistic Dentist but there aren't many around ! I still think going to the Dentist is a good thing as it can highlight any problems early on and allow you to make changes in your life style, but they are just mechanics and don't consider any psychological problems they may cause.

 

[Deejay]

Only a bad dentist doesnt care about the service he/she is providing to the client, thankfully they are few and far between nowadays and usually offer a great service whether private or NHS and in my opinion the NHS has been fantastic with my treatment down to customised treatment with my wishes and their expertise working together, I would suggest to anybody who feels like they are just a set of teeth to go to a different dentist. Dentists save teeth as far as they are able and will only extract teeth as a last resort or if the client will not be able to look after a tooth.
D.J

 

[McHobbit]

I had three of my four wisdom teeth out at 18 (I know, they came through pretty early). Do get a different opinion if somebody does recommend extractions but honestly? Sometimes you really do need them out. Even if you have room. There are dentists that will recommend extractions to everyone so if somebody recommends it, do ask why. If it doesn't make sense to you, research and move on. The place I went to has the reputation of saving every single tooth that can be saved by any means necessary and only doing wisdom teeth extractions when it is absolutely necessary. Not in a case of "Oh it MIGHT cause problems in 20 years". So I'm convinced that I actually needed them. I'm sure that I could have found someone who would have told me what I wanted to hear, though.

If you do need them out- wisdom tooth extractions are hardly ever done with just a local these days. Especially not if you are fearful to begin with. I haven't heard of anyone who didn't have at least nitrous for wisdom tooth extractions. Personally I liked sedation, but I don't like nitrous at all. I prefer to be out instead of feeling high. It's a preference thing.

Your childhood dentist would make a great husband for the dentist I went to at age 11, though he sounds even worse than her. The way he treated you? He was taking advantage of your young age. Nobody would dare to treat an adult in that manner. Sure, some professionals are rude and well..unprofessional. But you can walk out of them while a child cannot.

If that NHS dentist isn't "happy to treat you", then they aren't right for you. Some dentists truly suck at working with fearful patients and if they do want to refer you- good riddance. I had one who decided that she could not work with me. I was humiliated back then, but looking back? It was a good thing. I don't want somebody who is annoyed with me working on me.

I'm so sorry to wear that you have been abused as a child. Maybe a female dentist would be better for you? Definitely nobody who looks anything like the man who did this to you. I couldn't go to anyone who looks anything like my past dentists. I heard that someone dentist will work with you sitting up, and/or work towards the laying on your back slowly. Definitely tell them that laying on your back makes you nervous. You don't need to say why.

 

[carole]

I would just like to add, don't take too much notice of what the receptionist says or the attitude. Some of them are little hitlers in the making, wait until you see the dentist. You will be working together with the dentist to get any treatment you may need done. The dentist may be really nice and you might be surprised. Tell the dentist how you feel and why and see how it goes from there.

If you aren't comfortable, and if you don't think you will be able to get a trusting relationship with the dentist, leave and don't go back. Go to different dentists until you find one that is right for you.

It might help to write things down and give it to the dentist as you go in. Keep it as short as you can to give them an outline as to how you feel. You can always tell more later as you feel able to.

There are a lot of very considerate dentists out there, I am hoping you have one. Just remember you have to give consent for them to even look at your teeth. They will ask is it okay if I have a look, and you then say it is. They also may like to do an x ray but if that feels like too much they can do it later. If the probe (the pokey tool) makes you nervous ask them if they could just look with the mirror. This can be done but they cannot give you a true treatment plan until you are comfortable enough for them to have a proper look.

I wish you good luck let us know how it goes.