New here, glad to see I'm not alone

[shyguy404]

Hi there,

I just signed up for the site after reading through your "Common Fears" section. It was all very helpful! I haven't been to a dentist in probably 13 years, I'm honestly not even sure the last time I went. I've always been very fearful of people putting things in my mouth, as I have a strong gag reflex coupled with emetophobia (a fun mix. . . ) For those who don't know emetophobia is a strong fear of gagging or vomiting. I've let it and issues of embarrassment and shame keep me from the dentist for over a decade even though I have multiple issues with my teeth. I unfortunately didn't take very good care of them during college and developed damage to my enamel, I think caused by too many soft drinks which dissolved some of the enamel. I was extremely shocked and embarrassed when I first noticed it. I felt very guilty for not taking better care of my teeth (probably compounded by the fact that my dad is a dentist). I was too ashamed and afraid to try to do anything about it, so I just ignored it. Of course, things have gotten worse over the years. I developed a major cavity in a back lower molar, then a year or so later a large piece of an upper molar broke off. I knew I needed to see a dentist soon, but by this point I was so ashamed at how my teeth looked at my young age (26) that I couldn't bring myself to go. Like a lot of you I was afraid of "the lecture." Especially being so young, I was terrified I'd get a particularly harsh lecture. I was convinced I'd have the worst teeth that any dentist had seen in someone my age and the dentist would be sure to let me know it (I also suffer from a lot of self-esteem issues if that wasn't apparent). I've been so embarrassed that I've never told anyone about my dental problems until just recently. Well, a few weeks ago another large piece of another molar broke off and I decided I couldn't put it off anymore. It was just going to get worse if I didn't do something. I picked a dentist that one of my friends uses and forced myself to make an appointment (It took about three hours for me to work up the courage to even do that). My appointment is on Friday and I'm pretty nervous about it. I don't know what to expect. My friend said this dentist is good, but he didn't need anything major done. Hopefully I'll have picked one of those good, non-lecturing dentists I've read about on this board. I guess if I do get a lecture I'll just have to deal with it and try another dentist. I also don't know how good they'll be about accommodating my overactive gag reflex and fear of it. Then there's of course the problem of how in the world I'll pay for all the work I'm likely to need. My dental plan only covers $600/year, which I doubt will make even a dent in what I'll need done. I haven't been working a real job very long, so I don't really have a ton of money saved yet.

Anyway, if anyone actually read all that, wish me luck I guess. It's nice to see there's a forum like this where people can help each other out!

 

[vict4ia]

, Shyguy.

As you've already noticed from reading the boards, people here suffer from many of the same fears as you. It's great that you're ready and willing to take charge of your situation.

Try to take things one step at a time. Concentrate on finding a kind and compassionate dentist at this stage. A good dentist will often work with you within the bounds of your financial constraints.

As for your having the worst teeth, I highly doubt it. As I've said before on these boards, dentists aren't paid to look at healthy teeth all day long. They are paid, for the most part, to fix problems. An experienced dentist will have seen it all before.

You can get through this. Be sure to keep us posted.

 

[LadyDi4476]

Hi shyguy!

I totally understand your pain! I'm going to my first appointment on Wednesday in four years and I'm absolutely terrified of "the lecture". I'm 33 years old and I also believe I have one of the worst set of teeth imaginable. I keep thinking this new dentist is going to say something that will just humiliate me to no end. I am so scared of being made to feel worse, but at the same time I can't keep stalling as my teeth and gums continue to get worse. I"m sure you feel the same way right about now.

Just remember you're not alone and we ALL understand and sympathize and I wish you the best luck in finding the right compassionate dentist. You are human and not perfect. We've all made mistakes we wish we could take back with our teeth. Lord knows I wish I would have gotten this taken care of years ago, but there's no point in looking at the past. We have to move forward and take the step to better teeth and a better peace of mind!

Of course as I say this I'm counting each hour to my appointment with anxiety, dread, and fear

 

[shyguy404]

Thanks vict4ia and LadyDi for your support! I am glad that I finally decided to go in and get everything looked at, but at the same time am more anxious and nervous than I've ever been. I understand the way you feel LadyDi. I've woken up numerous times over the past few nights from nightmares and been barely able to fall back asleep again. This isn't like me at all as I almost never have nightmares. There's just so much I'm worrying about, it feels overwhelming. I worry about how I'll tell the dentist what's wrong with my teeth. I worry that I won't even be able to explain things beforehand and he'll just want me to open up right away. I worry about what he'll think the first time he sees my teeth. I worry about the procedures they'll do and if anything is going to cause my gag reflex to go off. I worry about all the other problems he's likely to find that I don't even know about. I worry that I'll never be able to pay for what I need. I'm almost positive that I need 3-4 root canals, maybe more. Plus crowns that could be $10-$12k, not even including fixes to my other enamel-damaged teeth. I'm afraid I'm going to wind up losing numerous perfectly salvageable teeth only because I don't have the money to pay for the procedures and was dumb enough to choose the wrong dental insurance policy from work. The other one they offer is more HMO-like with less dentist choice, but it has no annual limit and covers practically everything I'd need. I might as well not have insurance with the plan I'm on.

I know I need to just take these worries one at a time. Get through one before I worry about the next, but it's difficult to do. It all feels so overwhelming. I live alone out here with no close friends, so I feel like I don't have much of a support network sometimes. If it weren't for my very supportive girlfriend (who lives half an ocean and two-thirds of a continent away), I don't know what I'd do.

I know there are people here who have had all these same worries and made it through, so hopefully I can too. Good luck at your appointment LadyDi!

 

[LadyDi4476]

Thanks shyguy!

I'm literally counting down the hours and getting more scared as time goes by. I'm trying not to think about it but it's just useless. I'm also scared that the dentist won't let me talk about my situation first. Or he won't give me time to prepare. Or even worse that he won't see how SCARED I am. I don't want to just down in the chair and open wide. I feel like I have to say something, to defend my case and why my teeth look the way they do. I seriously cannot wait to get this over with. I can't stand the constant worry about what he's going to say. I haven't had anyone look inside my mouth in over 4 years and it's gotten quite worse since the last time. It is VERY overwhelming, I understand. My insurance plan sucks too by the way. I am in financial debt so I definitely don't have the money to afford the work I'm going to need. But I can't go on living in fear either. Thanks for the good thoughts, I'll definitely update tomorrow!

 

[shyguy404]

Let me know how your appointment goes LadyDi! I hope your dentist lets you explain the situation beforehand. I'm getting increasingly worried about that. I wish I'd just asked for a consultation instead of made an appointment, but I didn't even know a "consultation" was an option when I made the appointment. I'm afraid the dentist's office will just be expecting another check-up and instead they'll get me. Maybe I'll try to make myself call there and explain the situation to the front desk person. Then I can find out if I've scheduled the right kind of appointment and I'll have let them know my problems.

I hope your appointment goes well! I'll post about my appointment afterward, also.

 

[Donnie86]

Hey im new on here too, just signed up today. I hope your appointment goes well, you are so much braver than me because im still working up the courage to even find a dentist!

Good luck

 

[fatcat]

Hi guys

I know where you are both coming from. I had waited around 8/9 years to go to the dentist. The first time back was sooo scary and I was in tears before I got into the waiting room!
Please don't be worried or ashamed at how you may react to the situation or how the dentist will react to your teeth as dentists have seen it (and worse) all before and a good one will now how to cope with it and calm you down.

Also please keep in mind that you control this situation. This is something that helped me, if you don't feel ready to open your mouth or sit in the chair you tell them you are not comfortable (it took me a good 10 minutes to sit in the chair!). Again, a good dentist will be willing to give you time and do what they can to help you make each step. If you can call them to say you are a nervous patient I would, if only to put your minds at rest.

Believe me, when I came out of that 1st appointment I was on a high, I felt so great that I was finally on the way to sorting this out after so many years of worrying and obbessing over the fears. Keep in mind how great it will be once your teeth are fixed!

Good luck to both of you, I look forward to hearing about it!

 

[shyguy404]

So my appointment is tomorrow morning at 8:45. I'm starting to get really nervous about it, though I feel a lot better after reading through the "new patient" packet that the dental office mailed me. The introductory letter explains exactly what they will do at the first appointment (It even includes being introduced to all the staff!). The dental history form they ask you to fill out has specific spaces for you to explain bad dental experiences you've had and any fears or concerns. It even asks if you'd like to talk to the dentist privately about anything. I also liked that the introductory sentence of the welcome letter stressed that they provide dental care in "the most gentle manner possible." The overall impression is of a dental office that cares about its patients. Hopefully I've found a good dentist that can help me get everything straightened out!

 

[Dr. Shirley]

Hi Shy Guy,

You are taking GREAT steps already. Sharing with us your thoughts and feelings leading up to the appointment is a huge step. That way we can support you along the way.


I'm glad that the welcome pack has helped you feel more comfortable with the dental team. It's a way for you to get to 'know them' before you get there.

Remember YOU are the one who determines the PACE of the appointment. NOT the office. If YOU want to talk with the dentist first, YOU deserve to do that. And I strongly suggest that you let them know that you'd like to sit down and just talk with the dentist about your fears and what you're feeling just by being there. I find that this time to connect and share your situation is KEY to building a relationship of trust and safety with the dental team. And that is so important. You DESERVE the time and attention of simply talking with the dentist or the team. and ONLY when you are ready, you can decide if YOU want them to let them take the xrays. YOU decide when you are ready for them to take a look at your teeth. YOU decide what you let them do or not do. and if they start with let's say xrays and you need a break. let them know.... I need a break. or I'm not ready to have you take all the xrays today. they are at YOUR service. they are there to SERVE YOUR wishes.

YOU are in charge! wooohooooo. Cheers to that.

the rock of Gibraltar is behind you.

doing the happy dance for you.
Dr. Shirley

 

[vica]

Hi Shy Guy

Very couragious!
I hope you are ok!!

Vica

 

[felicity]

Hey Shy Guy

Just go for it!! I took the step a few weeks ago and I am glad I did. what you described is almost exactly the same as how I feel, and what my situation is.
I am still very nervous after a few appointments, but the difference is I feel better about myself and my situation...I am doing something about it now. My dentist has been great up to now, so I hope you get on well. Remember and try not to be too embarrassed and give your self a pat on the back for being brave and takine the first step. Good luck!!

 

[jenjen]

A tip that works for me is that I tried to focus on the end result. It was very hard at first and took me from October 08 to May 09 to get treatment done - but when I was finally ready to go I just wouldn't let myself think about it being anything other than the positive outcome. I told myself that the worse thing that could happen that it would hurt but that I would have the fear gone afterwards and it did help. I think the reason a lot of us have such a fear is that horrible things happenend when we were children (my mom, husband and I all have horrible experiences when we were under the age of 12). That's why we're scared the dentist won't listen. When I first went back I felt like the 5 year old who was being drilled when the anaesthetic didn't work and crying for my mom but now I'm grown up and as an adult I can say no. You are in control not the dentist, they go at your pace and if they don't then they aren't for you.

Best of luck

 

[mikey]

I hope everything is going well for you.

 

[shyguy404]

Hi All,

I don't know if anyone who posted in this thread still remembers me , but I just thought I'd update everyone. My dental appointments are going fine! I'm very glad that I faced my fears when I did, as it looks like I won't need any root canals! I just barely made it into the dentist in time. There's still a small possibility that I might need just one, but that's all. All of the things I'd worried about that had kept me from the dentist for years were no problem at all. I was very afraid of the injections I'd need before the dental work. It turns out that the injections were completely painless. I had no idea I'd even been given an injection the first time the dentist did it. I was also afraid of having so much "stuff" in my mouth as I have a problem with gagging. It turns out my dentist and his assistants are very good about not touching areas of the mouth that induce gagging. I haven't had a problem with it at all. The cost has also been much less than I expected, even after having seven teeth worked on. I've had four appointments now (one was just a consultation and to get x-rays, the other a cleaning) and all of the major problems have been dealt with except for the two crowns I'll need. I'll still need a few more appointments to deal with smaller cavities, and one to get my wisdom teeth out, but I'm not as worried anymore. Like many people here have said, the physical and mental pain you're putting yourself through now by not going to the dentist is much, much worse than actually going. I almost look forward to it now since I know when I come out I'll have one less problem with my teeth.

I know I don't post much here, but I did lurk a lot before my first appointment and it was very helpful to me! Thanks for providing this forum!

 

[drummerswife]

WEll done shy guy!
So glad its going well for you.
Like so many others, I found this forum when I was scared just like you and it is indeed a great forum.

 

[Dr. Shirley]

Hi shyguy!

sounds like this is cause for a big ol' roarin celebration!!!

Celebrate good times wooohooo! nana nana na na na naaaaaaaa

I am soo excited to hear that things are coming along tons easier for you now and that you now look forward to having those teeth healthier and taken care of. YAYYYY!

Good cheer for you,
Dr. SHirley