Petrified of getting help

[Tsukia]

Hi! I thought posting here and talking to people who dont know me might help me. I am hoping it will, but to be honest.. I am not sure what to expect. I am in my late 20s and have never really had a good experience with dentists or doctors as a whole. When I was much younger I broke my top 2 adult teeth.. I got them repaired but they kept getting broken and repaired. This did not leave me with the best of impressions of having to deal with dentists. I had to deal with a lot of bullying when I was younger too... so at some point I became a bit self destructive or got to a point where I didn't really care about taking care of everything. Needless to say, this is not good and I know it. I tried to go to a dentist some years ago, but that did not go well. I tried to ask them to not mention certain things and tried to make it clear that I was sensitive, but that was disregarded. I know one dentist said something really rude, when he found out how bad my teeth are... I was so ashamed and just wanted to crawl under a rock. Its so embarrassing, but I have a hard time over coming that and my fears... I am embarrassed and dont think I can deal with that or even explaining why my teeth are as bad as they are... or how I got to this point.. Or to explain that I am overly sensitive on the subject... The last dentist didn't even listen to my simplest request -which was I told her I was sensitive about the subject and asked her one simple thing - "Please dont mention that I have an over bite" I know it sounds like a stupid request... but she didnt even acknowledge that I asked her anything. And then still mentioned it. For me communication is a big thing, but I keep getting brushed aside. I mean I know I need to get them filled, the pain in one of my teeth is getting pretty bad... but the embarrassment is too much, so is knowing that my own feelings will probably be trampled on. I am making family upset with my because I refuse to go and would rather deal with the pain at the moment... Please help with an advise. I know I am being stupid.

 

[littlething]

Hi and welcome! You are not being stupid. Your first step is to find a good, compassionate dentist. Trust me, they are out there! Try searching online for a dentist with good reviews, or search the recommendations section of this forum. Please don't be embarrassed! I spent years avoiding the dentist because I was so ashamed of the state of my teeth, and I was so afraid of what they were going to say. When I finally got myself to a dentist after a 20+ year absence, I made a comment about how my mouth was a mess, to which my dentist replied that it was okay, that he wasn't there to judge, and all he wanted to do was help me. A good dentist won't judge or scold you, they will just want to get you back on the path to dental health. Communication is key - definitely let them know your fears. If they make rude comments or ignore your fears/concerns, leave and find a new dentist!

Best wishes to you

 

[TwoThirty22]

Yes, use the resources here and just ask around friends/family/colleagues maybe, as a dentist who comes recommended is usually a good one.

They do seem trained to help rather than judge, now. I finally plucked up courage a few years ago to go back to the dentist after over 20 years not going (and over 15 years of avoidance before that, going only once to have some teeth out). My appointment was early morning so it wouldn't be hanging over me all day and when I got there was stunned that when I said it was embarrassing as I'd left it so long, the dentist (a phobia specialist) said "Your teeth are probably the best I'll see all day!" Two of them were rotted down to the gum and numerous others had cavities... I had never used floss in my life and although this was the 2000s, last had a hygiene visit around 1970!

I now have regular (ish) treatment and check-ups and hygiene although I did just dodge a year...

What struck me most about the gum thing is that if you simply start flossing and cleaning with a good electric toothbrush, etc your gums bounce back to healthy remarkably quickly - you can even turn things round in a couple of weeks before an appointment!

If you find a dentist who says a signle thing that makes you feel uncomfortable or self conscious... walk. Find another.

When I was 15 I had a stye in one eye and despite being a dr avoider, forced myself to go to the local GP because it hurt so much. He looked at it, gave me some treatment, then said he wanted to look under my other eyelid and "It might be a bit uncomfortable". I refused point blank. I was so timid, then, I even shocked myself! He just nodded, accepted it and left. Leaving me alone in the treatment room with the practice nurse who proceeded to lambast me, in a way the dr never had. I remember just smiling and thinking "Silly cow!" and you know what - at 15 I realised I had the power in that relationship - it was my body, and I could say no.

As I walked out she said something nasty like "Now you'll prikbably get an infection in the other eye and it will be your fault. He was only trying to help you!"

She was talking rubbish. I didn't.

 

[Tsukia]

I see. Well thank you both for your stories. I am sure I will work up the courage to go, but I am not sure I am there yet. To be honest, though I have thought about it, I havent bothered to call around yet or even try to find one... Hopefully I can over come that very soon, cause I know what I need to do. However what I need to do and what I want to do are two completely different things.

 

[comfortdentist]

Everyone above is right.
Pick your dentist very carefully. The right dentist(s) for you exist but they are the minority. Ask around check their website if they have one see how it is written and what they focus on in their practice. Contact the practice ahead of time and see if they LISTEN. Ask to have an appointment to just meet the dentist and discuss how they would approach you. I would say to them that you will pay for that appointment and you just want 15 minutes of attention. Now I will say that this isn't done hardly at all but a doctor who treats many anxious patients will understand this request and will accommodate your request as a reasonable one so the request becomes a screening tool. You see? You must find the right fit that you can trust because a trusting relationship is truly the key.
*(Did you read this Mugz?)

 

[Mugz]

Got it! Thanks, Dr. Kimsey.

 

[Tsukia]

I decided to try to call a place that was recommended and ask how well they are able to deal with someone who has a dentist phobia... The answer was kind of disappointing "everyone is nice here... uh... it kind of depends on the patient". I dont think that place will work out and it was quite difficult for me to even call. Felt like my heart was pounding. Quite disappointed with that response.. Not sure what I expected, maybe I am just being unrealistic.

 

[FearfulInMA]

Sometimes the how the front desk folks respond isn't always an indication of anything. It seems like she was trying to put you at ease, but wasn't sure what to say. When I called to make an appt with my current dentist, I think I got a very similar answer. I've now been going to that dentist for 8 years and have dental had work done that I never could have imagined being able to go through with. Did you try comfortdentist's suggestion of asking for an appt just to talk?

 

[Tsukia]

No. I did not try that suggestion. My husband has an appointment this week, so I was just gonna go with him and meet who ever he sees for his appointment. As I said though, I finally decided to call and ask... the lady ask me if it was me or someone else, I lied. Either way though, she clearly didnt seem to understand the words "dentist phobia" and considering the same office can handle medical too.... I don't know, I guess I expected something more and she just completely did the opposite. guess I'll just see how it goes this week and probably try to call another location, cause my problem wasnt only with the dentist - it was some of the staff in the office (the very last time I went).

 

[newbieindeatalfear]

Don't feel to bad. Ive been there just think after you get caught up you only have to go every six months. I have a lot of work that needs to be done also. You know what i figured why not treat myself for putting up with everything right? I'm probably going to get my teeth whiten and maybe something else for having the strength to go. Hope you decide to go before its to late, just be honest with them you had a fear with dentist they will understand

 

[Tsukia]

That place was terrible and I did not do to well. I mean I handled everything well, but I wasnt feeling well just being there...And it wasnt even for me. Didnt actually meet the dentist cause the assistant had me wait in the front. Small rooms - almost too small for my comfort. The nurse also asked the same question several times - I dont think that place is gonna work. So basically back to square one for me now.