Setback

[ChockFullONuts]

Hey all,

I've been lurking on this forum but I feel as if it's time for me to post...so, here's my story.
First off I'd like to say Thank You to everyone who's involved with this site. Reading your stories and the support offered is truly inspiring and it gives me the courage to commit to finally conquering my fear.
Like many of you in this community, I've not been to the dentist in many years. I can't pinpoint how my fears began, but when I was a child there was no such thing as a pleasant visit to the dentist. I didn't like to go, but I wasn't so averse to going that I avoided it at all costs. My memories of my experiences are fuzzy, but I do recall a strong feeling that nobody cared how I was feeling, if I was ok. Not my dentist, not my mother; if I were to speak up about how I felt I was being a nuisance. (This dynamic with my mother goes beyond dental visits, but that's for a different forum). So I learned early on that it did no good to express any discomfort; in fact it usually made things worse because now the grown ups were annoyed with me. And it's not like anyone would take my concerns seriously anyway.
Anyway, I have developed such a paralyzing fear of dental treatment (specifically surgery) that I haven't gone in a long time. And now it's getting to be time to pay the piper. Frankly, I'm tired of feeling like a scared child who can't do something as simple as visit the dentist like any other normal adult. And, unlike you fine people, nobody in my life understands my fear. "Nobody likes going to the dentist, you just have to suck it up and go". Wow thanks, I'm cured.
After finding this website and reading through it I finally plucked up the courage to find a dentist and make an appointment. Calling still seemed out of the question, so I took the advice suggested here and emailed a potential dentist who says they specialize in fearful patients. I told them in the email that I hadn't been to a dentist in many years because of my fear, and asked how they would approach a patient like me. I also inquired if I could possibly come in for an appointment just to chat with the Dr, to build trust before I got in The Chair.
Unfortunately, they didn't reply, and that stung a bit. I told a friend about it and they told me emailing the office about my fears was a bad idea because "nobody wants to take that on, you're just making things more difficult for them and they won't want to deal with your problems". I waited a few days and then emailed the same office again, along with another potential office I found online. Again, no reply.
This has discouraged me quite a bit, to put it mildly. I was feeling like I was making progress, little by little, and now that's been dashed. Maybe they really don't want to have to deal with my fears after all. I feel so alone.
Anyway, thanks for reading.

 

[letsconnect]

Hi @ChockFullONuts,

congratulations on working up the courage to tackle your fears. Emailing a dentist is such a huge steps, so I can only imagine how discouraging it must feel not to get any reply whatsoever! Sure, sometimes emails get lost in the system or the junk mail box, but you'd expect to get lucky at least one time in three! And because receptionists usually act as gatekeepers, you can't even be sure that the email has been passed onto the actual dentists you're trying to contact. In fact, it's quite likely that they haven't.

So what do you do? I suppose one option might be to check out their Facebook pages and see if they have a contact option there. Some dental offices are more into the social media side of things and will react to messages there rather than via email. Another one I'd recommend is to look at more websites (discounting the ones that get poor google reviews) and read what they have to say about themselves, even if they don't explicitly mention specialising in dental phobia. You can sometimes get a feel for whether they're caring and personable from their websites. Seeing how you've already got your sample email written, you can send the same message to as many dentists as you like. I take it you've already come across the pages on how to find a dentist here on DFC? (if not I can give you the links).

And if you want some help with googling for additional potential candidates, don't feel shy to ask, we're here to help !

(P.S. your friend does have a point, there are plenty of dentists who are not all that interested in the people aspect of their job, and who chose dentistry purely for academic and/or financial reasons. But of course, there are also those who do love interacting with people and who derive great satisfaction from helping people overcome their fears. So don't give up just yet!)

 

[ChockFullONuts]

Thanks for your reply, @letsconnect . I think my biggest hurdle to overcome is learning to trust a dentist and believe they want to help me and they care about my well-being, especially when I'm in The Chair. My recent experience has felt the opposite, and it's difficult for me to let it go and redouble my efforts.
I'm tired of feeling scared, I'm tired of worrying about my teeth, and I'm tired of having this secret burden. Three of my teeth are broken down to the gumline. I've lived through so much pain in order to avoid the dentist, and I'm ashamed of the condition my mouth is in all because of an irrational fear.
Nonetheless, I still can't bring myself to go. I do feel closer to it than I can remember, which is something, I guess.
Thanks again for the encouragement.

 

[Jackieallen]

Take one step at a time book a check up and see what's required . No surgery is done at check up stage . I totally understand your fears and also understand your comment of trying to get over it sadly a phobia is a phobia . I recently hadcaxdeep sloan with injections and that took me 18 month to come to terms with it and allow . Btw a deep clean injections are tiny ones locsllised to tooth and not deep so dont hurts all . So I wasted 18 months. I also had to have sedation to have tooth extracted costing me lots but that the phobia. One step at a time.....

 

[letsconnect]

I do feel closer to it than I can remember, which is something, I guess.

It sure is .

It must be so discouraging not to hear anything back . But on the plus side, at least you don't live in the middle of nowhere with little or no choice of dentists. Keeping my fingers crossed that you will get some promising replies eventually!

 

[ChockFullONuts]

@Jackieallen Thanks for your reply...I know what you mean by "a phobia is a phobia", thanks for being an understanding voice when all i hear around me in person is "get over it". I wish it were that simple!

It sure is .

It must be so discouraging not to hear anything back . But on the plus side, at least you don't live in the middle of nowhere with little or no choice of dentists. Keeping my fingers crossed that you will get some promising replies eventually!

I greatly appreciate it, I've got my fingers and toes crossed!