I
IWillSurviveThis
Junior member
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2026
- Messages
- 1
- Location
- Finland
Hi everyone. I wanted to post here in case it can help even one person. It's honestly a testament as to how far I've come that I can even post here now.
For some context, when I was a child, I was tortured by a dentist twice. It may sound like an exaggeration of a bad experience to say "I was tortured", but I do mean it; torture was truly the intent of the dentist for reasons I'd prefer to not go into. I developed severe PTSD due to this, and have lived with a crippling phobia/trigger of the dentist ever since.
My PTSD was so bad that the word "dentist" was a genuine trigger for me that would send me into panic attacks. I used to have to use a word filter blocker extension to block all instances of the word, or else seeing/hearing it would cause me to have a panic attack which I take medication for. Forums like this were completely inaccessible for me as just thinking of the dentist would have me needing to take my emergency meds.
I ignored my teeth for ten years, and have always thought that due to the severity of my PTSD, that if I ever needed dental work done it would have to be the end of my life. I treated it very seriously as something akin to a terminal illness, truly under the belief that I would not be able to live through anything that came next and that suicide was the only option once dental work was needed. This trigger/phobia had complete control over my life.
Fast forward ten years later to me getting pain in my mouth and just ignoring it. I could feel the giant cavity in my tooth when I ran my tongue over it, so I just spent years eating with the other side of my mouth. Then that side of my mouth, being used exclusively, eventually experienced wear and developed problems too. I felt generally happy in life, have a wonderful partner who I love very much, and kept pushing my suicide date over my dental problems as I wanted to live with him. Finally, I knew that I had to make the choice to face my trauma in order to live.
The first dentist I saw to do a check-up on me and a general assessment of my mouth was so kind and patient with me, that she wasn't upset when I walked into her room and saw the dentist's chair and then burst into tears. But getting a consultation and a check-up, actually showing up just to see that chair to begin with, was a huge step for me.
She referred me to an absolute angel of a dentist, a wonderful lady who understood my fear. The first appointment I had with her, this lady spent so much time with me to understand my trauma, build trust with me, and was so kind that I actually went into the chair and let her use tools in my mouth to partially clean and inspect my teeth. I NEVER imagined I would be able to let anyone do this again.
I've had numerus appointments with her since, and each and every time, she stops when I feel any pain, doesn't react negatively to the multiple panic attacks I've had in her chair, and always shows me her instruments and asks for my consent to do anything to me.
Over the span of a few appointments, I finally built up enough trust in her to let her use the drill on me, the most severe trigger of my trauma, for an attempted filling. I felt some pain and had an immediate, severe flashback and panic attack. She stopped immediately and was so concerned over whether I was okay, and apologized to me for pushing me too hard (she didn't even). We decided together that due to the extent of my trauma, it would be better for me to go under general anesthesia for the filling and two extractions I need.
She sadly doesn't do anesthesia but has continued to by my dentist for other things, and every time she works on me she helps me through it and heals my trauma a little bit more. I love her so much and have tried to put into words everything she's done for me to the best of my ability.
I understand that oversharing so much about trauma and mental health is a hugely awkward thing, and it feels so embarrassing and personal for me. But I wanted to really lay out the extent of the severity of my trauma to say that: if I can go from not even being able to see/hear the word "dentist", to having one able to try and drill on me in the chair, then YOU CAN TOO.
To anyone reading this: BABY STEPS. Baby steps all the way. I used to think that the prospect of needing dental work was an unsurvivable, terminal illness for me. If you're terrified like me, just try and take baby steps because there's a solid chance that you can work towards it, and that you'll meet an earth angel of a dentist who wants to help you.
I know how overwhelming this phobia can be. Please believe me, if I can do it, anyone can. If you're on this forum, you're probably either considering getting help or are undergoing current treatments. Both are huge steps and I'm proud of you for being here and wanting to help yourself. You can do it, I promise you that you can.
For some context, when I was a child, I was tortured by a dentist twice. It may sound like an exaggeration of a bad experience to say "I was tortured", but I do mean it; torture was truly the intent of the dentist for reasons I'd prefer to not go into. I developed severe PTSD due to this, and have lived with a crippling phobia/trigger of the dentist ever since.
My PTSD was so bad that the word "dentist" was a genuine trigger for me that would send me into panic attacks. I used to have to use a word filter blocker extension to block all instances of the word, or else seeing/hearing it would cause me to have a panic attack which I take medication for. Forums like this were completely inaccessible for me as just thinking of the dentist would have me needing to take my emergency meds.
I ignored my teeth for ten years, and have always thought that due to the severity of my PTSD, that if I ever needed dental work done it would have to be the end of my life. I treated it very seriously as something akin to a terminal illness, truly under the belief that I would not be able to live through anything that came next and that suicide was the only option once dental work was needed. This trigger/phobia had complete control over my life.
Fast forward ten years later to me getting pain in my mouth and just ignoring it. I could feel the giant cavity in my tooth when I ran my tongue over it, so I just spent years eating with the other side of my mouth. Then that side of my mouth, being used exclusively, eventually experienced wear and developed problems too. I felt generally happy in life, have a wonderful partner who I love very much, and kept pushing my suicide date over my dental problems as I wanted to live with him. Finally, I knew that I had to make the choice to face my trauma in order to live.
The first dentist I saw to do a check-up on me and a general assessment of my mouth was so kind and patient with me, that she wasn't upset when I walked into her room and saw the dentist's chair and then burst into tears. But getting a consultation and a check-up, actually showing up just to see that chair to begin with, was a huge step for me.
She referred me to an absolute angel of a dentist, a wonderful lady who understood my fear. The first appointment I had with her, this lady spent so much time with me to understand my trauma, build trust with me, and was so kind that I actually went into the chair and let her use tools in my mouth to partially clean and inspect my teeth. I NEVER imagined I would be able to let anyone do this again.
I've had numerus appointments with her since, and each and every time, she stops when I feel any pain, doesn't react negatively to the multiple panic attacks I've had in her chair, and always shows me her instruments and asks for my consent to do anything to me.
Over the span of a few appointments, I finally built up enough trust in her to let her use the drill on me, the most severe trigger of my trauma, for an attempted filling. I felt some pain and had an immediate, severe flashback and panic attack. She stopped immediately and was so concerned over whether I was okay, and apologized to me for pushing me too hard (she didn't even). We decided together that due to the extent of my trauma, it would be better for me to go under general anesthesia for the filling and two extractions I need.
She sadly doesn't do anesthesia but has continued to by my dentist for other things, and every time she works on me she helps me through it and heals my trauma a little bit more. I love her so much and have tried to put into words everything she's done for me to the best of my ability.
I understand that oversharing so much about trauma and mental health is a hugely awkward thing, and it feels so embarrassing and personal for me. But I wanted to really lay out the extent of the severity of my trauma to say that: if I can go from not even being able to see/hear the word "dentist", to having one able to try and drill on me in the chair, then YOU CAN TOO.
To anyone reading this: BABY STEPS. Baby steps all the way. I used to think that the prospect of needing dental work was an unsurvivable, terminal illness for me. If you're terrified like me, just try and take baby steps because there's a solid chance that you can work towards it, and that you'll meet an earth angel of a dentist who wants to help you.
I know how overwhelming this phobia can be. Please believe me, if I can do it, anyone can. If you're on this forum, you're probably either considering getting help or are undergoing current treatments. Both are huge steps and I'm proud of you for being here and wanting to help yourself. You can do it, I promise you that you can.
!!!
