Ashamed of teeth

[Awj82]

Hi there everyone, I am looking for some similar experiences and success stories.

I am 37 years old and scared of the dentist, I have not visited for around 12 years and that was only an emergency appointment for toothache, I didn’t follow up after. 3 pregnancies have already taken their toll on my teeth. I was also assaulted a few years ago which left me feeling like I had a loose tooth, this made me scared to brush often in case I made it worse and had to go to the dentist. Makes no sense, I know as I am now in this position but with anxiety, panic attacks and what I believe to be untreated depression, I just was not thinking right about my oral health. Now they’re so weak I’m scared to anything. I struggle to eat certain foods and it takes me a long time. Drinking cold drinks hurts me. I am missing top left row, bottom right row. You can see the top gap when I smile, I have my front teeth, I was never confident about them anyway as they are crooked and my mum didn’t believe in getting braces, we are born the way we are etc. My enamel has gone and the front teeth are thin. The teeth I do have are on their way out. I hate talking to people, I hate smiling or seeing myself. It’s sad because I was always told I have a beautiful smile. Currently sitting with what appears to be an abscess. I recently registered with a dentist and will be phoning for an emergency appointment in the morning but I am so scared. Just the thought of them looking in my mouth and what they will think. I am guessing I will need dentures, I always imagine them popping out when I’m talking. Are they more advanced now? Will the dentist leave me with no teeth for a while? I don’t care about what they need to do, I just want comfort, ability to eat easily, no pain, to smile confidently again and most of all, not for the dentist to think they’re the worst teeth they’ve seen in their career . Does anyone have a success story that might help me? Thank you in advance

 

[Gertrude]

Hello! I am currently front- toothless, and I totally understand being ashamed. I can hopefully post a success story in a few months, but in the meantime, here’s what I do know:
- There are A LOT of us who feel like you do, scared and ashamed. You are not alone.
- There are some awesome dentists who truly care about their patients’ teeth and mental comfort. These dentists don’t judge the state of our teeth with our worth; they simply try to help us achieve better dental health.
- There are also some crappy dentists, and from what I’ve read on this site, the crappy dentists are often what cause dental anxieties. Not all dentists are like this! In fact, I’d say most aren’t. So don’t settle for a bad dentist.
- While this sounds cliche, your friends, and truly good people, really don’t care if our teeth aren’t perfect. I went to a picnic yesterday and barely spoke at all because I was so embarrassed. I missed out on so much, and I’m vowing not to do that again. Nobody treated me differently because I am missing a tooth; I was the one who acted differently, and I’m the one who missed out on conversation and friendship.

I am sorry if my response wasn’t helpful, but I wanted someone to tell you that you aren’t alone in all this.

 

[Enarete]

Hi Awj82 ,

so sorry to read what you've been through It's not a surprise that brushing has been difficult and seeing a dentist even more. In your post it sounds a bit like you are blaming yourself, but sometimes it's the things in life that hurt us so badly that trusting a dentist becomes impossible.
Hope all goes well with the emergency dentist. If you get the courage to do so, it may be a good idea to find someone to get a checkup with, a dentist who would help you to get the confidence in dentists again and would be willing to take things at your pace. Dentistry has changed massively over the past years and I'm sure there are ways to make you smile and eat comfortably again.

How did the call go?

All the best wishes and keep us posted

 

[Sam44]

@Awj82 I totally get where you’re coming from. I’ve lost my bottom front tooth and others at the back and couldn’t go to a dentist as I thought they would be disgusted at my teeth. After cancelling lots of appointments I went last week, after 5 years..not ashamed to admit I cried like a baby but she was so lovely talked through my anxiety and set up a plan. I was also worried about having teeth out and having gaps but my dentist said she won’t take the teeth out until she can put the new one straight in which I feel better about. So I hope you find someone who can help you

 

[Dr. Daniel]

Hi,

Just wanted to share with you a video I made about feeling embarrassed in the dental office. Hope it helps.
Fear of embarrassment during a dental visit

 

[Anxiousasallheck_]

@Awj82
Your post was so truthful-Bravo! I love this site for how supportive and honest everyone is. I am right where you are..(actually worse) I have made two appointments and cancelled then. The last one i just didn’t show up and felt like an A$$ because the receptionist had worked so long with me via email. But I was terrified and also scared of cost…because insurance isn’t that helpful when you have seriously crappy teeth!
I need to go SOON. My bottom front teeth are bad and I know are loose….but dang it anxiety just takes over and makes it near impossible to move forward.
My can’t wait to hear your updates!!
Good luck!

 

[Awj82]

Thank you everyone for your replies. My emergency appointment was fine, I was fine because she couldn’t even get in my mouth so I was given antibiotics There was a long waiting list for a check up but the receptionist took pity on me and got me an appointment for the 29th July. I am in the UK and eligible for free dental treatment due to being on maternity. I wasn’t able to speak to the dentist about my issues as it was an emergency appointment and it’s just to get me out of pain. I’m nervous about my next appointment but also excited to maybe getting on the path to being able to smile and talk without feeling ashamed. Also to eat without worrying and being in pain. I honestly am expecting my remaining teeth to be taken out but I genuinely am fine with that, I will live with dentures, I know that more younger people than I think have them and we’ve come such a long way in dentistry. If the dentures don’t work for me there is a chance I can get implants, that is most likely a pipe dream though. As long as I can get control of my mouth back, I’ll be happy x

 

[Awj82]

I did it, I had the appointment. I was in full on panic mode whilst waiting. I explained my problems before she checked my mouth. She was a little stern, she said that she knows I know I have neglected my teeth but she needs to say it to me to give a little incentive to do better, I said I understand and I’m desperate to get it under control. I had an X-ray, a couple more teeth need to come out and also some fillings need to be done. I will have a denture for where a gap can be seen from the front. My next appointment is in two weeks where she will do a deep clean and I’ll get the impression for a denture . I feel much better now the initial appointment has been done, only onwards and upwards now

 

[HeatherWasHere]

That is AMAZING. The anticipatory anxiety is always so much worse than the reality. Congratulations, not only on seeing the emergency dentist (which is a huge step) but also in getting a plan in place to fix your smile! I'm sorry she was a bit stern, but it sounds like you handled it beautifully.

 

[Latwigg]

Great job! I do disagree with the dentist though that lectures or sternness are effective as incentives so if you want to I would go ahead and tell her that that is not going to motivate you and may even make it harder. It is okay to insist that providers respect your boundaries, whatever those are.