Can't bring myself to go to the dentist

[Sosley]

I am 35 and I haven't been to the dentist since my late teens. I have multiple broken and rotting teeth and I struggle to eat.

When I was a child the dentist I saw was horrible. He hated his patients, my mum knew his wife and that was what she said. Every time I went I needed multiple fillings and would be told off for having bad teeth, first by the dentist and then again my parents when we got home. When I was 12 the dentist told me that I had some of the worst teeth he had seen in 20 years of dentistry. When I was 13 I was told I had receding gums which was something I got into a lot of trouble for, although I didn't understand why because no one ever explained what receding gums meant. The injections were always extremely painful but if I ever made any noise or showed any sign that I was in pain then my mum would shout at me not only for having bad teeth but also for acting like a baby and embarrassing her. I used to beg my parents to let me see a different dentist but they refused and said I should stop being such a baby about it. My teeth got even worse when I was a teenager as I gave up caring for them and had a very bad diet.

I'm now trying to go again as I'm really struggling to eat and it's affecting my life. I've found a dentist that looks good but I can't bring myself to contact them and I'm in tears just at the thought of going. I'm scared of the pain of the needles and I'm scared of the embarrassment of letting the dentist see how bad my teeth have got. I know they say bad teeth all the time but what if mine really are the worst? It's believable when I've been told that before. I'm thinking of sending an email to the dentist to let them know how scared I am but I don't know what to say.

 

[ScaredyCat22]

@Sosley I know exactly how you feel. In my experience though, emails make my anxiety worse because they usually don't respond and I keep checking my mail and getting more and more anxious. I am going to the dentist for the first time in years. I have asked my doctor for a pill to sedate me on my appointment day.
I am sorry your mother and former dentist put you through that. Just remember that dentists have seen everything, you are not the worst and if they are at all rude or uncaring to you or do anything to make you uncomfortable, you can walk out. You do not deserve or have to put up with disrespect.

 

[Enarete]

Hi Sosley ,

thank you for sharing your story with us. It illustrates how much impact shaming has on further trust in dental professionals. No surprise that avoiding dentist is the first thing you started doing once you were able to decide that on your own. I am deeply saddened that your mom did not take you seriously and even added to your suffering by blaming you for having dental issues. What a horrible constelation.
With that said, give yourself a pat on your back and a lot of kindness towards youself for starting this journey. I know it is really scary. The dentist that you have in mind - do they indicate being nervous patients friendly on their website? Some dentists even state that they won't judge, which may give you reassurance.
I love the idea with the email. It may help the practice team to put you at ease before you book, may be a good start to gain some trust and they will be ready when you come in and can put extra care into making you feel comfortable.

We have some ideas on what to write in an email (a sample doc) here . Also, some general information on how to contact a practice can be found here.

All the best wishes

 

[Sassycass]

I am the same age as you. Before last month, I hadn’t been to a dentist in 5 years. Then before that it was 6 years. I only go when I would have emergencies (which is something that I am changing this year) I suffer from panic disorder. My dr prescribed low dose anxiety meds for me to take before an appointment to help take some of the edge off.

I chipped a back upper molar in January by brushing it. I was so terrified that I wasn’t able to get my foot in the door until March. I thought my mouth was in such horrible state but it was not as bad as I thought it was. I needed a root canal or extraction for that tooth (I went to Endo they said they couldn’t successful do it, so was sent to an oral surgeon for extraction). My other upper molar on the other side needed a build up and crown (which I got done today), I need deep cleaning (2 appts), fillings done on many teeth and two front teeth needing bonding correction. Then I will be done until my next scheduled cleaning. I’ve decided that I am going to stay on top of my oral health so I don’t get this built up anxiety around it anymore.

Some tips that have worked for me:
1. My first contact with dentist was via email. I asked only for an exam and X-rays to start, no work to be done on first visit.
2. I brought headphones, took my small dose of anxiety meds before my appt, brought an ice place (this helps ground me while experiencing a panic attack). I will hold the ice pack on my skin on my inner wrists, stomach, back of my neck and forehead.
3. Deep breathing and relaxing each muscle when feeling tense.

For me it’s the anticipation anxiety which is the worst. My extraction earlier last month was pretty traumatic (I was awake) but I got through it and I am just so proud of each step I am taking. Once you get going you will feel the anxiety melt off of your shoulders each time you walk out the door.

I also treat myself to something special after. Today was a coffee and walking around a thrift store.

You’ve got this! One step at a time. Don’t let your anxiety or mind control you. You control it. It’s important to feel it and accept it. It will help lessen over time.