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PeriwinkleBlue
Junior member
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2025
- Messages
- 1
- Location
- California, USA
This is my first time writing here. I am very, very, very afraid of going to the dentist. And my dentist is the sweetest, most gentle dentist who I don't have an issue with. I wish I went to him as a child, but my fears go way back to when I was little and needed a baby molar pulled. That dentist was sort of impatient, yelled at me because I wouldn't open my mouth, I was crying, shaking, and he yelled at my mom....it was such a traumatic experience.
When I was a teenager, I had braces. I am super sensitive to pain and whenever I got a tightening I literally could not stand to brush my teeth for a day or 2 afterwards. I would try to remember to use the water pik but sometimes the pain was so bad. When I got the braces off, the person removing them commented that there was a bit of scarring on my teeth left from the braces "because you didn't brush well"....I did what I could but yes maybe I could have done better, they were just SO sensitive.
I ended up with my current dentist in my adulthood. I like him. But the cleanings are the most stressful. I had one hygienist who got on my case for not being consistent in my flossing....she showed me pictures of periodontal disease and told me I was starting to have pockets and she made me feel so ashamed. It affected me for months after the appointment, as I would constantly obsess over my teeth and gums and stare them down in the mirror. After that, I've always had the measurements....mostly 3's maybe a couple 4's...one time there was a 5 way way back but my dentist himself never shamed me or commented.
I had a bad habit of extending my appointments, one time I canceled and told them I had to do my taxes. Normally I would be scared, to the point of paralyzed fear, and would obsess about it for days leading up to the appointment. Sometimes, it would be ok and i had stressed for nothing.
One time I decided to be super meticulous in between appointments, I was going to make it so they didn't have to clean much. So for 6 months, I had this regiment where I would use my sonicare for 2 minutes, then floss, then brush 2 minutes again, then water pik, then mouthwash. When I went for my cleaning, the hygienist was surprised that she hardly had to scrape anything....my numbers were down to 2s and 1s....then came the xrays. OMG. The dentist told me he had bad news, that one of my teeth was experiencing external reabsorption, meaning, below the gum line, my bone cells were eating away at the root of my tooth.....probably a long term result of the braces. And that I had to have the tooth extracted. I swear, I completely collapsed and burst into tears. The dentist was very uncomfortable and the sweet lady at the front desk (who always has to hold my hand when I have a procedure done) had to come in and console me. This was back in 2011, and 2012 I had to have the tooth pulled. I have been using a flipper ever since and have been meaning to get a bridge, since an implant won't be covered by insurance.
During my adulthood, most of my other teeth issues have been old fillings falling out, sometimes needing a root canal or a crown, sometimes just a replaced filling. I had one molar in the upper back (the last molar) where they had to replace the filling 3-4 times until the dentist told me I had to have it pulled. This was in 2019. I went back to the oral surgeon who pulled my other tooth in 2012 and he was supposed to put me in twilight before but had trouble finding my vein...so I was awake with only local anesthesia for this!!! And having rhis molar pulled was such a pain because they had to break it with a hammer and pull it out in pieces. OMG. I was so traumatized by this, I remember crying when I was in the chair saying "I don't wanna be here!!!" and of course being shamed.
So a few months after that, I had an old filling fall out on the bottom left when I went out for a steak dinner...I went to the dentist, and he said that with the tooth being pulled a few months before and other stuff, that it would be best to wait on getting a crown for this tooth the next year (by this point it was December 2019) so it could be run through insurance and that should cover it, we also discussed finally getting the bridge for the tooth pulled in 2012....he put a temporary filling to seal it off and told me to be careful eating on that side, and I made my appointment for April of 2020.....
Then as we know, the world shut down for covid. The dentist office was closed for a couple years, except for emergencies...then for the past 3 years, I was working on my dissertation for my doctorate degree and basically just forgot to make an appointment. You know how you feel like it's been this long, but then you feel ashamed and scared about not being there for so long? I still do my brushing 2 minutes daily routine, nothing has hurt or anything in the meantime.....
Then, 2 days ago, it happened. Not the tooth that needs the crown still, but since I've been eating on the opposite side of my mouth, I bit down on something and felt like I cracked an upper tooth....when I took a picture with my phone it looks like a tooth that has a big filling and I am thinking since I am in no pain at all (except if I use my finger to push on it) it might only be the filling coming loose? I immediately called and made an appt for this Saturday (it's now Thursday) and I have been struggling ever since.
I am scared of the shame, as I haven't been there for over 5 years....I'm afraid of the xrays and what it will find....in my dentist's office, the xrays are on a huge computer monitor and omg teeth look so weird on there. I always have a fear that they will tell me that they have to pull all my teeth and that I failed....I know these fears are probably (hopefully) irrational and I hope he can just fix the broken filling on Saturday and be done with it. I will make an appt for a cleaning for later, I can't deal with all of it on Saturday....
Last night, I did not sleep at all, I kept ruminating about this. I literally feel like my stomach is in knots and my stomach feels like it's vibrating I am so damn scared. I feel ashamed, terrified, embarrassed, and if it wasn't for the fact that I don't want to eat on that side of my mouth now, I probably wouldn't have made the appointment. My gums look pinkish, they don't bleed unless I brush too hard, and I hope they are ok. I hope my other teeth are ok too and I'm not told that all my teeth are rotting away or something like that. This freaks me out so much.....can anyone else relate?
When I was a teenager, I had braces. I am super sensitive to pain and whenever I got a tightening I literally could not stand to brush my teeth for a day or 2 afterwards. I would try to remember to use the water pik but sometimes the pain was so bad. When I got the braces off, the person removing them commented that there was a bit of scarring on my teeth left from the braces "because you didn't brush well"....I did what I could but yes maybe I could have done better, they were just SO sensitive.
I ended up with my current dentist in my adulthood. I like him. But the cleanings are the most stressful. I had one hygienist who got on my case for not being consistent in my flossing....she showed me pictures of periodontal disease and told me I was starting to have pockets and she made me feel so ashamed. It affected me for months after the appointment, as I would constantly obsess over my teeth and gums and stare them down in the mirror. After that, I've always had the measurements....mostly 3's maybe a couple 4's...one time there was a 5 way way back but my dentist himself never shamed me or commented.
I had a bad habit of extending my appointments, one time I canceled and told them I had to do my taxes. Normally I would be scared, to the point of paralyzed fear, and would obsess about it for days leading up to the appointment. Sometimes, it would be ok and i had stressed for nothing.
One time I decided to be super meticulous in between appointments, I was going to make it so they didn't have to clean much. So for 6 months, I had this regiment where I would use my sonicare for 2 minutes, then floss, then brush 2 minutes again, then water pik, then mouthwash. When I went for my cleaning, the hygienist was surprised that she hardly had to scrape anything....my numbers were down to 2s and 1s....then came the xrays. OMG. The dentist told me he had bad news, that one of my teeth was experiencing external reabsorption, meaning, below the gum line, my bone cells were eating away at the root of my tooth.....probably a long term result of the braces. And that I had to have the tooth extracted. I swear, I completely collapsed and burst into tears. The dentist was very uncomfortable and the sweet lady at the front desk (who always has to hold my hand when I have a procedure done) had to come in and console me. This was back in 2011, and 2012 I had to have the tooth pulled. I have been using a flipper ever since and have been meaning to get a bridge, since an implant won't be covered by insurance.
During my adulthood, most of my other teeth issues have been old fillings falling out, sometimes needing a root canal or a crown, sometimes just a replaced filling. I had one molar in the upper back (the last molar) where they had to replace the filling 3-4 times until the dentist told me I had to have it pulled. This was in 2019. I went back to the oral surgeon who pulled my other tooth in 2012 and he was supposed to put me in twilight before but had trouble finding my vein...so I was awake with only local anesthesia for this!!! And having rhis molar pulled was such a pain because they had to break it with a hammer and pull it out in pieces. OMG. I was so traumatized by this, I remember crying when I was in the chair saying "I don't wanna be here!!!" and of course being shamed.
So a few months after that, I had an old filling fall out on the bottom left when I went out for a steak dinner...I went to the dentist, and he said that with the tooth being pulled a few months before and other stuff, that it would be best to wait on getting a crown for this tooth the next year (by this point it was December 2019) so it could be run through insurance and that should cover it, we also discussed finally getting the bridge for the tooth pulled in 2012....he put a temporary filling to seal it off and told me to be careful eating on that side, and I made my appointment for April of 2020.....
Then as we know, the world shut down for covid. The dentist office was closed for a couple years, except for emergencies...then for the past 3 years, I was working on my dissertation for my doctorate degree and basically just forgot to make an appointment. You know how you feel like it's been this long, but then you feel ashamed and scared about not being there for so long? I still do my brushing 2 minutes daily routine, nothing has hurt or anything in the meantime.....
Then, 2 days ago, it happened. Not the tooth that needs the crown still, but since I've been eating on the opposite side of my mouth, I bit down on something and felt like I cracked an upper tooth....when I took a picture with my phone it looks like a tooth that has a big filling and I am thinking since I am in no pain at all (except if I use my finger to push on it) it might only be the filling coming loose? I immediately called and made an appt for this Saturday (it's now Thursday) and I have been struggling ever since.
I am scared of the shame, as I haven't been there for over 5 years....I'm afraid of the xrays and what it will find....in my dentist's office, the xrays are on a huge computer monitor and omg teeth look so weird on there. I always have a fear that they will tell me that they have to pull all my teeth and that I failed....I know these fears are probably (hopefully) irrational and I hope he can just fix the broken filling on Saturday and be done with it. I will make an appt for a cleaning for later, I can't deal with all of it on Saturday....
Last night, I did not sleep at all, I kept ruminating about this. I literally feel like my stomach is in knots and my stomach feels like it's vibrating I am so damn scared. I feel ashamed, terrified, embarrassed, and if it wasn't for the fact that I don't want to eat on that side of my mouth now, I probably wouldn't have made the appointment. My gums look pinkish, they don't bleed unless I brush too hard, and I hope they are ok. I hope my other teeth are ok too and I'm not told that all my teeth are rotting away or something like that. This freaks me out so much.....can anyone else relate?
