Feel like i am going mad

[MumOfBoys1985]

I think my teeth are going to be the death of me. I'm absolutely obsessed. I have had two recent check ups as I am go agitated about them but the dentist just says things like "its a tiny chip, if I drill away to fix that ill be drilling good tooth for nothing as I need to drill enough to get something to stick". I understand her reasoning but how bad do they have to get for them to do something?

I grind my teeth which I cant seem to stop because I'm not always aware when I am doing it. I have spoken about a mouth guard and can afford to pay for it but the dentist said people usually say they're rubbish and she would advise not to waste my money.

I trust her as far as I can but every day I am spotting a new problem. So I have a tooth she has been watching for a while, its more filling than tooth so I don't think anything can be done. I'm happy to pay privately for whatever they suggest if needed. I have an obsession with my front teeth as they feel odd. Cant describe it anymore than that. They didn't used to feel like this but now they do. Dentist said that I have a few little "broken" bits, from grinding I think, I have just had my tea and I'm sure they feel worse now. Like some more has broken off. I'm terrified they are going to completely break.

Why won't the dentist help me? I see people on this forum and other places where their dentist does amazing work, restoring teeth etc and I feel like I am being left to suffer and be tormented until one day I either have a stroke from the stress or all my teeth fall out. Honestly it's making my life an absolute hell. I am so miserable but I don't know what to do anymore. My other half thinks I am nuts I think. I think I am driving myself to an early grave. Sorry for rambling, im just in such a panic I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Enarete]

Hi MumOfBoys1985,

sounds like your dentist has a very different opinion when it comes to how necessary it is to treat you. You want your front teeth fixed, your dentist thinks it's not necessary. You wish a night guard, your dentist thinks it's a waste of money.

You mentioned people here having amazing dentists.. well, a lot of them do, but there was a lot of dentist hopping and trying out necessary, because finding someone who is willing to think in terms of your needs and not their wants can take a while.

You sound really desperate and seem to be even doubting your own judgment, you say your life is absolute hell, you are miserable but don't know what to do anymore.. That sounds super intense. I was wondering what it was that you tried and whether you tried to change the dentist?

Btw. feel free to ramble, it helps

 

[MumOfBoys1985]

Thank you for your reply. I literally keep bursting in to tears, I absolutely feel like I am losing my mind. I am sure I am can feel broken bits and things wrong with them with my tongue and yet I have had two check ups (I think she only saw me again out of pity because she thought I was a bit insane or something) in 3months and get told not to worry, things look fine. They don't feel fine.

My dentist is such a kind woman, I feel safe with her but then she won't help me fix my teeth, she says she doesn't want to do anything until its absolutely essential because she doesnt want to drill good tooth away just to fix a tiny problem such as a little chip etc but I am absolutely terrified my teeth are breaking or falling out. I spend hours looking at and taking photos of my teeth to try and figure out if they're any different to how they were a few weeks ago- I'm sure feeling with my tongue that they are but then on pictures I'm not sure anymore. My teeth aren't in amazing shape sadly (a couple of gaps and a fair few big fillings) and now I am frightened to death of losing them, particularly my front ones so am struggling now to know if I am being ridiculous and they are the same, or if actually things are different/deteriorating or whatever.

I am in UK and right now getting to see a dentist full stop is really difficult. They are only doing urgent treatments so anything minor which involves drills, air or water is a no go right now because of covid unless an emergency due to them having to then deep clean the treatment room and vacate for 2h afterwards. Its not easy finding new dentists here either because of a shortage. I am lucky to have an NHS place but honestly I am happy to pay privately if someone would just help me, but you can't even get a private dentist right now due to covid as noone is seeing new patients.

I think the tooth I have which has a broken filling needs to come out - I'm kind of at peace with that now, its near the back and I'd pay privately for either an implant or a really good denture of some kind.

With the mouth guard, she said that if I really wanted one she would sort out the moulds etc but that she doesnt really recommend them as people say they're really uncomfortable, they can come out at night and then they get broken etc so it was kind of like she was trying to put me off because she didn't want me to waste money. I'm presuming its not something

I do feel so disgusted in myself that at my age (I'm 35) my teeth are in such a disgusting shape. My other half says they're fine - not discoloured but to me they're not fine, I feel so embarrassed every time I open my mouth because of people seeing how many fillings I have. My other half tries to be encouraging but hea sick of hearing me now I think. He says that there are loads of people who have implants, dentures etc at a young age just noone mentions it so you don't really know. I think hes trying to make me feel better but its not helping.

I'm going for try and pluck up courage to phone the dentist tomorrow but honestly I am sure they think I am insane. I have been searching Google to try and find a private dentist for help but what if I find one and go and literally my teeth are the worst they've ever seen?

Life is generally a bit stressful right now- i won't bore you with the details but my teeth seem to be the one thing i am obsessed over.

 

[Enarete]

Hi there,

I replied to your other post but wanted to reply to this one as well, even if I'm coming a bit late.

Dentistry those days is a pain, particularly in UK. Sorry to read you can't find even a private one.. hope the situation changes soon and you will be able to get someone who considers your needs and wishes. For now it's at least good that you feel safe with your current dentist. Hope she replies to all your questions and agrees to adjust that one bit as she will be working with the drill anyway.

What your dentist says about the night guard sounds super ambivalent. I would be very confused about that. Night guards fitted at the dentist are not supposed to be uncomfortable (besides the first few days as you get used to it) and they certainly shouldn't fall out at night if they are well fitted. Also I wouldn't know how a night guard can get broken in other way than a dog biting it or someone deliberately applying manual force.. so again, this is something that you may want to discuss with a new dentist once you get one. I have a splint myself and know many people who also have one and rarely heard of such complications..

There seem to be a discrepancy about how you feel about your teeth and what your partner says, I was wondering where does it come from and whether it always has been the case. To me it seems that you are having certain expectations in terms of how your teeth should be. Many people have expectations about looks or how they should be - could be about fittness, performance, status or appearance. The question always is who do you compare yourself to. There is this assumption of "people who are 35 years old usually do not have a lot of dental work" which is an interesting thought. I would be curious about whether it's true. But the other part is that your dentist should help you get where you would like to be in terms of how your teeth look like, so again, hope you will be able to find a good one soon.

Btw. feel free to write and vent as much as you like, sharing our stories and worries can be very helpful in stressfull times. I know that writing a journal here was life saving for me as I struggled with anxiety few years back.

All the best wishes