• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

    Register now to access all the features of the forum.

Finding the right dentist did the trick!

N

ninjoezgirl

Junior member
Joined
Jul 5, 2012
Messages
5
Hi all. Let me start by saying I am 37 y/o and, for the first time in my life, am okay with the dentist. I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and have always had a severe dental phobia. This phobia, in part, comes from the GAD, but also because I have had nothing but traumatic experiences with the dentist...lots of pain, rude doctors, and complications. Well recently, after MANY years of avoiding the dentist, my teeth starting breaking (4 in one month) and I could avoid no longer.

I began my search for a dentist by looking at their websites, if I liked the way it looked, I called, if I liked the receptionist, I booked an appointment... in all cases, I cancelled the appointment out of fear. Finally, after one day of some serious pain and my husband saying I have got to do something about my horrid breath, a friend referred me to his dentist...and I went.

I promptly explained to everyone in the office about my severe anxiety, the dentist offered Adivan, but I also have a narcotic phobia so I had to go it sans pills.


As it turns out, the appointment went fine, and the following extractions, cleaning, fillings, etc. were all faced without an irrational anxiety. How do I get through this? Simple, it was all in finding the right dentist, who knew?!?
This is what my dentist is, and therefore, what I suggest you look for. First off, she is a woman, this made me more comfortable (softer voice, gentler touch, more understanding IMO). Secondly, very kind, patient, and understanding staff (this one is huge) Third, the dentist was VERY understanding of my fears. She made it very clear to me that she will stop at anytime if I'm uncomfortable (showed me to raise my hand as a sign) and throughout treatment asked quite often if I'm doing okay. She also told me absolutely everything she was doing, how it might feel, and what sound and smell to expect (she offered to show me each tool, but I declined), she also gave me sunglasses so the light wasn't too bright. On one occasion during an extraction my jaw was really uncomfortable so she stopped her method entirely, and went about it a different way (problem solved, trust gained) Lastly, (and this helped alot) she has a TV on her ceiling so I watched a movie during treatment to keep distracted...I brought my fave DVD and it worked great. She then gave me her mobile number and told me to call anytime I desire.

By my second appointment I realized that much of my phobia has to do with not feeling in control. With the methods of this particular dentist, I felt like the control was given back to me. It has made the hugest difference, and now I feel like my dental anxiety is no greater than anyone without dental anxiety might experience.

My point of this long thread, is to share how very important it is to find a dentist who you are comfortable with, and who has compassion and patience for phobias. I never in a million years figured I could be okay with going to the dentist. While it is still a painful and uncomfortable process for me... the fear is just about non-existent. Shop around until you find a dentist you like... they are out there and can be all the difference!

Let it be known, I was not someone with a simple fear, I have always suffered with very severe dental anxiety and am agoraphobic. So if I can overcome this, anyone can. Good luck to you all!
 
You are so right, it is important to have the right caring dentist, I have always had a male dentist and now I have just changed to a female, I could never imagine seeing a female dentist but I have had a check up and only met her once, but I like her and she was very considerate and careful with me.

I am phobic, but I have always forced myself to go shaking and terrified, your story is a lovely read and it is 100% correct. Thank you for writing this :butterfly:
 
The gender of the dentist really doesn't matter........the gentleness, patience and understanding DOES!!
I've had a female dentist who yelled and screamed at me and absolutely REFUSED to me give me more Novocaine while pulling a wisdom tooth. I currently have a male dentist who is super gentle and patient.
I guess the moral of this story is to find a dentist who meshes well with your particular needs and personality, be they male or female. I don't think one is necessarily better than the other.....it's just a matter of personal preference.
All the best!!!
Jen
 
Last edited:
That is true, it is down to the dentist themselves, I am just hoping I have a change of luck with a female dentist. I have had some very good and caring male dentists. I have also had some very, can't be bothered as well. I only once before saw a female dentist, and I didn't like her she was in her own, I'm the dentist clever mode, so we didn't get on. She did a filling that made my jaw ache for years because she wouldn't have it that it was too low in the bite.

So as you point out it is down to the person, I just want my teeth to feel good again, and no more infections, of which I have had a few. :butterfly:
 
That is true, it is down to the dentist themselves, I am just hoping I have a change of luck with a female dentist. I have had some very good and caring male dentists. I have also had some very, can't be bothered as well. I only once before saw a female dentist, and I didn't like her she was in her own, I'm the dentist clever mode, so we didn't get on. She did a filling that made my jaw ache for years because she wouldn't have it that it was too low in the bite.

So as you point out it is down to the person, I just want my teeth to feel good again, and no more infections, of which I have had a few. :butterfly:

Carole,
I TOTALLY understand about infections!!!! In the 6 months before I started going back to the dentist, I had what I think was an abscess. It would form a little pus- filled pimple on the gum next to the abscessed tooth and was excruciatingly painful til the little pimple burst. This happened almost every day for most of the 6 months.........it's one of the reasons I started going back to the dentist!!!!
 
I absolutely agree that having the right dentist is key if you are an anxious dental patient. I went to the dentist just recently after avoiding any dentist for 15 years! Of course I had to have extensive work done due to being away from the dentists chair for so long, but the dentist was so patient with me and kept me informed of what they would be doing and how it should feel. I was kept as comfortable as possible and pain free.:)
 
You are so right! I recently found the perfect dentist for me. He even prescribed Ativan for my appointments and I only used them for the first one. It really comes down to an issue of trust.
 
I can totally relate to your story!!

For years I have had severe dental phobia. It got so bad that my teeth started rotting in my mouth and falling apart. I had several abcesses, once of which inflamed the top of my mouth so badly that it looked like I had a gold ball shoved in there. After a trip to the emergency room, and a quick referral to a local dentist, I was mortified. I went in there, crying, shaking, trembling, only to have the dentist berate me for not taking care of my teeth and letting them get that bad. He was totally unsympathetic to me, and was only concerned about handling me as a 'case' rather than a patient or person. After the extraction, I developed a case of blood poisining and had to be admitted to the hospital for several days.

I swore I would never go to the dentist again.

Flash forward to several years later. I won't smile, my mouth is infested with cavities, rotten teeth, so badly that it's making me sick. I would never look in the mirror and smile, because I was so embarrassed. One day I woke up with another toothache. I nursed it for a week with aspirin, not telling my husband about it because I knew he would make me go back to that dentist (it's the only one in our area who takes our insurance). Then a few days later, I woke up and could not feel the side of my face. I knew it was another abscess. I was terrified, but not having any feeling in my face was so much worse. I broke down, sobbing and called them and made an emergency appointment for an hour later. No one understands how I felt.. they all told me to buck up and get over it, it was only the dentist.

Then I met my current dentist. He was the only one available. My normal guy was off. Let me tell you, he was so wonderful. I was a mess when I went in, tear streaming down my cheeks.. and he spoke gently to me, and assured me that everything would be ok. Somehow I believed him. He explained that he couldn't do any procedures on me because my blood pressure was too high from being all worked up. So, he sent me back home with a massive dose of antibiotics and a little blue pill to take one hour before I came back the next day. Later I found out that this pill causes conscious sedation. You're awake, not totally alert, but very relaxed. He removed the offending teeth, which was 2 at that time and that began a 6 month journey.

Over the next few months, I built a trust up with him and started having all the rotten teeth removed. 2-4 at a time. At the beginning of September, I have just had the last 5 done and a upper denture made. I love it!! I have a wonderful smile now, I am so happy that I don't have to be ashamed of my smile. And it's all because this guy, took the time to show me that he understood my problems and was willing to work with me.
 
Just want to say how much this thread has helped me I have been to two dentists recently and I feel like I'm stuck in a hole trying to claw my way out but they both were unsuccessful in helping me so I'm on the hunt for the third and after reading your posts it's given me more hope that there is someone out there who I can trust to be sympathetic and gentle and help me face my fear every step of the way without putting me into debt lol I wish you all the best and I'm so glad you have got a dentist you can rely on :)
 
I agree with this 100 percent and am so happy for you.

My question is this: HOW does a person shop around?
I mean, you can get a recommendation from a friend or loved one.
Then you go. But once you are in the chair, you can't predict
if the dentist is going to be the right one for you until the procedure
is over. And if he / she is not the right one, then what? You have
to start all over again. And before long you've spent a lot of money,
probably out of pocket since dental ins. is so stingy, getting exams
and X-rays with everyone. And frankly, they are like everyone: When
they want your business, they will always sound like they are going
to be wonderful.

I'm going through this now. Trying to figure out how I can "try out"
a new dentist to see if it's the right one. And frankly, without getting
in the chair, you can't determine this.

I don't mean to sound overly cynical. But dentists are no different
from anyone else with a business or service to sell: They have their own
agenda. That's not necessarily bad or unethical. It just is.

Also: Recommendations aren't always a good measuring stick. What
works for one person might not work for you. I was recommended to a
dentist my inlaw had gone to for decades. So I thought that sounded
good. And it was kinda good. But this inlaw has never had a single
cavity ever. He only goes for cleanings. So, yeah, it's all good--for HIM.
The dentist turned out to be nice when you're chatting about things in
the abstract. But came time for procedures, he was pretty impatient with
me and not respectful or caring when I said I needed more Novocain or that
I needed it at all, in some cases.

For me, this is an ever-present quest for something that might not ever
be attainable. And I live near a large city in the Northeast, so I have access
to many more than many people do. I have been through five dentists in
thirty years (two of them retired, so let's say three dentists in thirty years).
These are people I just couldn't take any more. And during one period I
tried out two dentists from one of those non-ins. "plans" where you pick a dentist
from a roster. Those two were really awful, by anyone's standards.

I'm in dentist state of mind tonight. As always, thankful for this forum.

Again, my sincere good wishes to those who have succeeded in finding Mr./Mrs.
Right!
 
Back
Top