Long rant ahead, just need someone to talk to.

[summertimesadness]

Before I start, I'd just like to say that I understand everyone here is not a dental professional and that these concerns will be addressed to my dentist (I have an appointment this month).

Okay. I'm a 19F. Growing up I wasn't the best at brushing my teeth and I also ate terribly (since I was only a child, I've tried to forgive myself for this). I remember going to the dentist only once prior to my consistent appointments these past few years (financial reasons). I got braces put on when I was 13. I brushed every day but probably still not well enough and my diet was still not great. I got them taken off at 15. I was left with white spots on a few of my bottom teeth which have been a major insecurity for years now, but other than that, my teeth were pretty white and I had no other concerns.

When I was 16, I noticed some tartar on my teeth and I made an appointment with a dentist. He said that I had numerous cavities. I was confused. Even though I wasn't flossing daily, I had still improved both my brushing and my diet. I got the cavities filled (which by the way the work done on my teeth was horrible. My fillings don't even match the color of my teeth) and went about. I went to the same dentist 6 months later and got told yet again I had more cavities. The amount of cavities I've had is quite humiliating and embarrassing. I'm so ashamed. But after doing research, the dentist I went to seemed a little sketchy. They advertised so many sales (which seemed good to me being tight on money), but after research, I realized that that is a red flag. They also made it seem like I had to get everything done right then and there and kind of pressured me. I'm wondering now if they screwed me over? I'm sure I really did have some cavities but the amount of fillings I've had is just unusual.

Anyway, fast forward, I switched offices and have been going to a great dentist for almost 2 years now. My oral care routine is also in top-notch shape. I brush 3 times a day with an electric toothbrush, floss every night, use mouthwash after every brush, and watch my diet as best as I can. I'm doing everything I can to help and take care of my teeth. I haven't had any cavities since the previous dentist a few years ago, but I can't help but worry about the future state of my teeth with so many fillings. It is worth noting that I deal with extreme anxiety and depression. I have an appointment this month and I'm going to let out all of my worries (sometimes at my appointments I just avoid telling them because I don't want to bother). Will I eventually need dentures? I can't help but think that losing my teeth will significantly decrease my quality of life as far as confidence goes, especially since I already have self-esteem issues. And I've also heard that since dentures cause bone loss, your face structure changes. That scares me so much. Not only I am concerned for the health of my teeth, but their appearance is not great either with my white spots and discolored fillings. I also have a gap in my front teeth that came back after my braces despite wearing my retainer and getting an upper frenectomy. Plus I developed mild recession after braces.

I feel ashamed to say this but I feel suicidal over my teeth in every way possible. How did they get to be this bad? I feel especially horrible since every girl my age I see on social media has perfect teeth. I fear I'll never have a romantic relationship which is a depressing thought for someone as romantic as me. I'm sorry if I seem conceited, I'm just terrified and so mad at myself. Any insight would be appreciated, but I ask you to please be as kind and unjudgemental as possible. I would never judge someone on the state of their teeth or on their appearance period. Thank you so much, I'm sending you all love and light. <3

 

[BoxerMom]

Hi there and welcome!
Congratulations on your dental routine - sounds like you’ve developed a great habit. And you’re right, your dentist is the best person to discuss your concerns and fears with. Sometimes I bring up all my questions with the assistant and they answer what they can and then talk to the dentist about the ones they can’t. That way I don’t feel like I’m being such a bother.
My main reason for responding to your post is to tell you to try to be kind to yourself as well. We cannot change our past mistakes, we can only go forward.

Now more than ever it seems like there’s so much importance placed on appearance, especially with social media. Please try not to judge yourself by those standards. Even though it may seem like it, those posts are not spur of the moment or spontaneous. They are carefully planned and choreographed for maximum effect. They are not real. They’re staged using professional photographers, make up artists and photoshop.

 

[Enarete]

Hi summertimesadness,

first, rest assured that nobody would treat you judgmentally here. We all understand that teeth are a topic that many people find hard to talk about and that thinking or writing about these things can stir up some heavy feelings. I was very sorry to read that you feel suicidal about your teeth.

You mentioned that you felt the amount of cavities you had was humiliating or embarassing. It sounds like having cavities is something bad that you have done or had control over or to be ashamed about. So I was wondering where this comes from in the first place. Did your dentist make you feel ashamed back then? Or maybe it‘s more because you don‘t like how the fillings look like? Or have some ideas about how many fillings an average human has to have / or shouldn‘t have? Or maybe you simply generally pay a lot of attention to how you look like? Very often we create some beliefs about how our teeth should be like and believe that everyone has perfect teeth. Not fitting into what we think is the ideal image can feel paralyzing.

If I got you right, your teeth are healthy right now, but the fact that you have fillings makes you anticipate needing more dental work in the future, right? There also seems to be something about the appearance of your teeth that makes you unhappy. When it comes to needing more work just because you have fillings, that doesn‘t necessarily have to be that way. Fillings can last decades if you take care of them and even if a filling needs to get redone, there is no way how that could lead to dentures. By the way, the fact that you haven‘t had any new cavities in the past two years show that you are doing something right.

When it comes to appearance, this is where your dentist can help you as you mentioned. It makes sense to me that you are not happy with discolored fillings and white spots, most people would be. I also know that having a front gap can be difficult and most people are not happy about having it. People don‘t like looking different to the main stream and the fact that many celebrities have a gap too doesn‘t seem to help. But again, your dentist will surely be able to help you with this.

One thing I was wondering about was the anxiety and depression you mentioned. I can imagine that taking care of yourself may be difficult, so again, you are really doing a great job keeping your home care right and seeing a dentist regularly. When we struggle with a lot of anxiety and depression, it can become difficult to cope with things that would be a bit more bearable otherwise. Many people find it helpful to get some extra support on this front, besides looking at the dental things, so if you have a counselor you trust, then sharing about how you feel about your teeth may help too. I talk to my therapist about my teeth a lot.

All the best wishes and keep us posted