New here. Need to go after 12 years and afraid/paranoid

[HappyFeet36]

Contrary to my username, I am not happy about having to be here or go to the dentist. I last went when I was 17 on my dad's insurance and had a cleaning plus four extra visits for fillings. The dentist I had was my dad and stepmom's dentist, and while he wasn't 100% mean, he wasn't exactly sensitive and neither was his hygienist, but I remember that the assistant and the receptionist were nice ladies.

Fast-forward to 12 years. I'm 29 and finally have a job with dental insurance so I can go to the dentist, and my fears still exist. Pretty much everything about the dentist makes me nervous, but I'll just go over my biggest fears since this is where I need the most help:

-The lecture and scolding. I have partly put this off out of fear, but also because of no insurance. My mom is a nurse (not in a dentist's office) and said I would not be the first person to not go to the dentist b/c of not being insured. I know it's been a long time since I've gone and do not need to hear "You should have come sooner" or "You need to floss regularly." I know I haven't been perfect about my teeth, but now I want to take charge and look better, and I'm hoping to find a dentist who supports this and isn't going to chastise me over not coming, especially since it took me time to find a job with insurance.

-Invasive and extensive work. I have a condition with my eye and needed blood work to see if there was an underlying cause to the eye problem (nothing turned up). I feared every disease I could possibly have connected with this eye issue, and then all that worrying for nothing. However, I was crying when it was time to have the blood taken from my arm. I felt like a baby knowing five-year-olds do better than me at dentist and doctor's appointments. At this point, I'm worried that I've let my teeth go too late and I'll have to have multiple extractions, root canals or implants. I have insurance but am worried I'll max out credit cards, my insurance co-pays and lose money because I'll need so much work. My teeth are not of the graphic photo variety, but I also know they're not great as I have a couple crooked ones on the bottom and one tooth looks like it has a faint line down the middle.

-Gagging and other unpleasant feelings. I have gagged on toothpaste at the dentist in the past. I've already said I hate needles. I'm worried about this happening again and embarrassing myself in front of a dentist or his/her hygienist.

-Perception. I don't really talk with anyone else about this fear because it embarrasses me. I know others who seem to have no problem going to the dentist regularly and their teeth (at least to me) are perfect. They have nice, straight white smiles or even tell me they have good teeth and have no fear. My mom and a friend are in the same boat as me and cry when they have to go to the dentist or need Ibuprofen ahead of time. Another friend of mine got a root canal fixed last week and wasn't afraid at all even though it's not like she loves the dentist. I'm worried that if I need work done, especially on my front teeth, others will look at me and believe I don't take care of myself or that I'm disgusting. I tend to get fixated on my looks and wonder if my teeth will be just another thing I can't stand about my self-image.

Sorry this was long. I just hope someone can help...

 

[Sevena]

Okay, I'll try and opine on these one by one.

"Lecturing/scolding". Your dentist shouldn't scold you. It was a bit more common in the past for dentists to shame their patients, but dentistry has improved much in recent years. They are taught to deal with nervous patients. Tell them that you had no insurance. Also tell them that you are phobic. They should definitely treat you kindly and respectfully (on the off-chance they don't, find a different dentist! Look for ones with good reviews). They might offer you advice, but don't be offended by that. They just want you to be healthy, and they just want to do a good job!

"Invasive work". You won't know until you get there. Dentists are pretty good at saving teeth, and they'll only do extractions as a last resort. Get your check-up, then think about that part. It's easier said than done, I know, but you don't sound as if you'll need super-extensive work - it sounds as if you're imagining things are worse than they really are.

"Gagging". This is where you just need to be open with your dentist. Don't feel embarrassed if you do gag. They're used to it! They probably have a patient that gags at least every day. A good dentist will go at a pace you can handle, stop if you need a break, and try to make it as comfortable for you as possible. Like I said before, dentistry is getting better all the time, their methods and equipment will be improved since you last went.

"Perception". I think we all fixate on our looks and worry about that others think of us. Even your friends who seem to have no fears, who knows what they really feel? They don't know your feelings because you hide it - they'll have fears and embarrassments they hide too. I doubt your friends will be so judgemental as to look down on you for getting dental treatment. Try not to dwell on what others are thinking (not only because they're probably not thinking anything of the sort). You're going to the dentist for you, for your health. That's really all that matters at the end of the day!

I hope some of this helps. Take care x

 

[HappyFeet36]

Thanks! This did help a lot.

I'm going away next week and at first I told myself, I will make an appointment when I get back from vacation. But then I decided it would be best to just reach out to my dentist of choice first and sent an e-mail explaining my fears. The office manager/receptionist called me back almost right away to set up a free consultation and said I won't have anything done that day besides a check...not even a cleaning...and I would meet the staff and go from there. I made the appointment for August 19, as I told her I prefer the mornings, and she was able to get me in on my normal day off from work. So at least if I get bad news, I have all day to take it in I guess.

Anyone else have any advice? I woke up this morning from a dream where the dentist told me I would be losing all my top teeth. Luckily I still have them for now since I obviously didn't have my appointment yet. So I really hope that nightmare doesn't come true. I'm not nervous for now but I would like to avoid keeping myself from getting too anxious until D-Day.

 

[Sevena]

Good on you for making the appointment! Really, that's a huge step in itself.

I can't count the number of bad dreams I've had about my teeth! It's hard, but try to forget them. You only dreamt it because you've been worrying about it. The chances you'll for some reason need all your teeth out are so so slim. Countless people avoid the dentist for years but don't actually lose any teeth. Focus on that, instead. Cold hard logic can be a good thing to base yourself in when you have anxiety.

 

[Mugz]

Hi!
I'm going to have to "ditto" both of Sevena's posts...you gave great advice! No topping that!

You should be VERY proud of yourself for even scheduling the first appointment. That is HUGE. Anyone on this board would agree. We've all been or are still there... so instead of worrying about what is to come on the 19th, just be really proud of yourself for taking the first step forward.

As for dreaming about teeth...I'd say I did probably nightly from the time I was 5-13 years old. I kid you not. They'd fall out, they'd sprout, they'd change shape and size, they'd become things, I'd choke on them....yeah. I hate teeth. As I got older the less I saw the dentist the less I'd dream about teeth...then when I'd have a problem or an appointment looming sure enough, the nightmares would return. More sophisticated now that I was older...but still crazy. However, none of the horrible toothy things I dreamed about ever happened. If you like math, go figure 365 x 8. That's how many childhood tooth nightmare scenarios NEVER happened. Not one. So yes, I think it is totally normal or natural because, like Sevena said, you've been worrying about it so it is on your mind.

Try not to borrow trouble and worry until you have something to worry about! Easier said than done...I know. Again, you've made a huge step forward just by scheduling so maybe replay that positive call and visualize a positive experience before bed.

Good luck to you! Keep us posted.