It looks like I missed some replies here! Thanks email notifications for not telling me about that

I‘ll get to those after this post, because oh boy, I need to vent!
I don’t have much to report, it’s been a bit of a mixed bag lately though. First, I
still haven’t made the initial appointment to get my work done in September. I want to, I do, but I haven’t been talked to by my family about finances and it seems that the family member in charge is sort of just…not doing anything regarding looking at how we can afford it. Let me be clear, that I hate that I have to even rely on my family at all, and I wish I had the money on my own to afford it but I don’t, and I won’t for quite some time even if I do get a supplementary income (which has moved forwards! They’re accessing my financial need as we speak. Or at least, I hope they are. Assuming the mail got to them properly LOL) I think said family member is sort of in the mindset of “oh she’s eating, oh she’s drinking, oh she’s not in excruciating pain, so we can just leave it.” Which no, no you can’t. Because something else is making itself known and I really don’t want it to.
My wisdom teeth! Yep. If you go back to my first post, I think I mention about my bottom wisdom teeth needing to come out, they’re full on horizontal in there and
at the time, were causing me no pain. Now, the thing with anxiety and me is that I often get anxiety symptoms that will feel like whatever physical thing I’m afraid of. It sucks. It‘s difficult going through life like that, and when I’m at my worst (sort of like now), it becomes extremely hard to distinguish. That being said…yeah I’m definitely feeling some pain in my lower jaw. Where my wisdom teeth are. Where they might be moving to make themselves known via impaction.
Now the dentist did tell me that they were the lowest priority and she didn’t think, based on my “I have no pain and didn’t even know they’d gone horizontal” that I wasn’t in any immediate danger but like that was in March. It’s May now, things could change right? And I think that’s what‘s worrying me right now. Like what if my wisdom teeth are getting worse. I really would rather not have to deal with an infection in my gum or any of the other nasty things that happen when you don’t get your wisdom teeth looked after! At the same time, I need to get the other work done, it really can’t be held off and yeah, I’m just feeling a wee bit overwhelmed. Maybe a little angry too, that my health seems to not be a priority right now. I suppose I just gotta keep pushing with the family. And pushing, until they understand. The longer we put it off, the worse I could get and then it just adds up to more money. You can’t just ignore this (I did for years and look where it got me.) And as terrified (bone chilling, deeply terrified) as I am, I think I’ll be more scared, the longe it goes on without anything being done. Like at least once the work is done, I’ll be in the healing stage, and that’ll be hard, yeah but it’ll
healing. And that’s what I need right now.
On another note, I am back in counselling, so hopefully I can get some help to deal with my trauma. I didn’t have a chance to mention it in our first session however, but I plan to bring it up in our second. I can’t wait to open with “so wait, I have a
doozy of a trauma for you!” LOL gotta keep the humour right now to deal with everything.
Actually you know what? Wisdom teeth are like the appendix in a way. Hear me out! We all know how awful appendicitis can be right? Right. And you hear the stories about people getting into dire situations because they ignored the pain and symptoms. I suppose me worrying about my wisdom teeth is a bit like me worrying about my appendix (I still have that thing by the way, despite repeatedly wondering whenever I got pain on my lower right abdomen if this was finally “it”) in that I’m just worrying and worrying and worrying and making myself believe what might not be there at all (or more likely what’s far worse than it is) because I’m so hyper focused on it. My teeth and jaw are sore sure, but is part of that just from clenching them so hard in anxiety? Is the soreness just from the bad teeth spreading little sympathy pains to my other ones? Who knows? It can’t be said right now with any certainty. All I can do on my end is try to help myself with my trauma, and advocate for myself for treatment ASAP.
This was a bit of a vent huh? I wish I had better news to report, but you know this is how it goes. Ups and downs and all arounds. Hopefully soon, I’ll have better news like we’re getting the ball rolling! (Maybe I can win the lottery even, that’d be great and definitely pay for my treatment.)
(P.S. It could also be noted that my jaw may hurt because flossing when you have a bunch of plaque/tartar buildup on your gumline and teeth tends to hurt. I mean I’m just saying. Now if only I could believe that far better explanation then “oh no my wisdom teeth are trying to traumatized me all over again!” Once again, hollywood, here is your horror movie. Please hire me! I’ve got great ideas.)