No Turning Back: My Journey to a Radiant Smile

[APhobicQueen]

It’s fairly rare here as well I believe, except for wisdom teeth as well. This is the first time I’ve had a practice offer it to me. Plenty offer “sleep dentistry” but it’s just IV.

Haha! Wouldn’t that be something. I’d be like a real rich person then! No gold plating, but apparently they’re going to look very natural so I suppose that’s the next best thing? Hehe. And of course, they better last a long time for that money.

 

[APhobicQueen]

Short post this evening. I’ve been doing better. Eating more and regular foods at that…I really think talking to the treatment coordinator helped because it didn’t seem so daunting when I saw line by line what needed to be done. Of course things could change and that, that is what terrifies me and brings me to tonight’s post.

I decided to have a look at my upper left molars. Those poor guys, I never see them. Not even when I’m brushing. I just kinda do my thing and then that’s it. I see my other molars on the uppers, often enough and of course my bottoms all the time, but never these guys. So, I thought, let’s have a look.

Kinda wish I hadn’t. One of my molars has a spot on it. A cavity at the very least. But considering I thought my right front tooth (the one without the crack) only had a cavity too, and was told it actually needed to be extracted, I’m freaking paranoid. Like oh, what if they want to pull that one too. What if the good news of only needing four was just wishful thinking? They did tell me they can’t possibly know until they get those other x-rays done. What if this tooth gets worse? What then?

It’s all just so much. It’s hard not to go to worst case scenario. To the worst will happen, of course it will. To be fatalistic. But then…I think about this: I have no pain, I can eat just fine with it, I have no sensitivity. Yes, there’s a ring of red around the tooth, but I have gingivitis and teeth that haven’t been cleaned in 10 years, the gums are bound to be a little angry with me. Why should I assume the tooth can’t be fixed via filling or restoration? Why should I assume they’d pull the tooth? The dentist said to me, the last thing she ever wants to do is pull a tooth. A dentist will do everything they can to save one. This isn’t the dental practices of old, back when my parents were kids and they’d just pull teeth at the first sign of trouble.

I really need to believe and trust that. Like yeah, they could get x-rays back, and it could be bad. But equally, the opposite of that, is they could get x-rays back and see that…you know what? Things aren’t so bad.

I mean if we want to get technical, I have a lower tooth that has a pretty nasty cavity on it and there was no mention of pulling that one, just filling it. So why would the upper molar be different?

Anyway, I just needed to vent. To get this out before I felt like I was going crazy. Hopefully tomorrow will be another good day.

(Oh. Something else by the way! I got confirmation the other day of an inflammatory condition I have. In addition to inflaming other parts of my body, it also inflames my gums when it acts up! Isn’t that neat? I wonder if the dentist would be receptive to me telling her that. Last time I told a dentist [actually a hygienist] about inflammation due to another illness, I wasn’t believed. I remember it clearly. And I remember it was because my gums looked worse than they were. I should remember that.)

 

[APhobicQueen]

I feel like my updates are going to be sporadic here because there isn’t much to do in this waiting period I’m in where I have to try to get the money together and wait for GA openings at the dentist. But that’s okay. It is what it is.

Sadly for me, I have to go to a wedding in July—luckily I plan on wearing a mask (I feel it’s unsafe not to when it’s not members of my household) so no one will see my teeth. Too bad the wedding couldn’t be pushed back so I could have a pretty smile to show off instead. (Honestly I’m not sure how eating will go considering I can’t eat certain foods but ah well, maybe I’ll make a little food package for myself in case I can’t eat.)

Anyway. It’s been another one of those times where my anxiety about my teeth and awareness of them has gotten worse. This time it’s not so much the gums as the cracked tooth. It just feels like the crack has gotten worse (it hasn’t, to my knowledge anyway.) And I’m constantly afraid it’s on the verge of breaking into pieces or something, in which I‘d need an emergency procedure with no general to take it out. That’s really the root of the problem I think (ha, root, what a pun.) I’m afraid that something will happen to my teeth before I go under GA and I won’t be able to handle it if it does. Of course, if that does happen, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, but also…there’s no point worrying over something I can’t know. I know that. Like the earliest GA appointment was July anyway (of which I wouldn’t be able to make because I have to go to a wedding.) So either way, I’m still stuck waiting months for the next one to open up. I just keep telling myself that the dentist wouldn’t let me wait months if they thought the tooth was in danger of being an issue right at that moment you know? I’m sure of it.

And my teeth are pretty strong. I mean heck, one of my issues as a kid was that my adult teeth came into my mouth while my baby teeth were still there! They just didn’t want to come out That’s why some of my teeth look a little wonky now, because baby teeth were in the way. I like to look at it like my teeth were so strong they didn’t want to let go. It makes me feel better.

Anyway, I dunno what this post is. I guess another venting post? It helps to vent, it helps to write down my feelings in a place where I can just let all of my irrationality out and know I’m not judged or told to just “calm down.” Believe me, I’m trying.

One of the parts that’s been kind of “meh“ as well is the tension from stress is making me rest my mouth in a weird way. Like I’ll put my front teeth on top of my bottom teeth and press, rather than letting them rest as they naturally do, which is over the bottom teeth a bit. Of course if I press them together like that it’ll hurt a bit and feel bad! I also find myself clenching my teeth/jaw as well and that doesn’t help. It’s almost like I’m trying to prove to myself that my tooth is getting worse and I’m not over here trying to do a self fulfilling prophecy thank you very much.

Hopefully, this period of anxiety will ease in a few days and I’ll be back to my new normal but…I really wish I could just get to the part where I have the partials and my teeth are all fixed and everything is just…fine and normal and great. I know I’ll get there but it’s such a long wait to that point and there’s so much to go through before then. It’s just hard.

P.S. one thing I have been doing to ease my anxiety about partials and the like is to talk about it in a positive way. To talk about it like it’s normal. I’ll say things like “oh when I get my partials…” or make jokes about my parents never letting me live it down that I was the first in our family unit to need some form of denture (this is done in a joking way by the way, not like a mocking, hurtful way.) I think it does help, although sometimes I kinda disassociate with it and can’t believe that it’s really happening to me, like I never saw it coming (that denial really was such a strong force in my life.) But anyway, I’m hoping continuing to do that will help too.

So. That’s about it for now. What a mess of a post. But I suppose that’s how a lot of these journeys are right? A bit all over the place? Until next time…

 

[Jackieallen]

@APhobicQueen

Good to get it all out . I know if feels better to talk to others with same issues

When are you scheduled to have work done ? Apologies i cant recall . Is it after july

Your dentist would only schedule work sooner if your in pain or their was a infection .

The partials look amazing honestly please dont stress over them and really good your being positive to get used to the idea .

Could you post a pic so we can see if you really need the mask at the wedding . Also can you eat on the other side ?

I totally understand all your anxieties and wish i could remove them but sadly cant. I wound myself up badly for the last month not eating crying drinking anything ...then i visited the dentist and her to say good job nothing to be done for now ...sadly i still think of the future amd when i will need work done . I guess it all part of the phobia . I will have my work done under sedation which is the only way for me . But will still stress as you are doing

 

[APhobicQueen]

@Jackieallen Thank you Jackie It does feel better, much better to just be able to vent like this. I think bottling it all up would be much worse.

It’ll probably be after July now unfortunately. But I’m still hoping it will be sometime this year. I’ve applied to a program for income support, that would help with getting money together, so fingers crossed I get approved (they also cover basic dental needs I believe such as fillings and cleanings.)

Mm, yeah I think that the positive talk is really helpful! It helps my brain get used to the idea before hand. And I mean I went from being like “oh god, I don’t want any teeth out!” To wanting the work done as soon as possible, so that is definitely an improvement! It’ll be an adjustment and it won’t be easy but I might be overestimating how bad it will be. I have a tendency to do that.

I can eat on both sides of my mouth actually! Because my molars are okay-ish (they need fillings I think only) I can only bite really with the one side though. My mouth is small so anything layered (like say a sandwich) has to be taken apart so I can fit it in the corner of my mouth. Also anything too hard I can’t really do much with, as it puts too much pressure on my molars.

Mmm yeah, I think for us with dental phobia, the way in which anxiety manifests for us is far worse. It’s disruptive to our lives. We can’t help but think of the worst case scenarios because we’ve been in a place of trauma or fear and it’s a bit of a helpless feeling isn’t it? Hopefully, we’ll both be able to stress less though and get our work done so we can have gorgeous smiles again

 

[Jackieallen]

@APhobicQueen

Well how postive that response was well done .

And you can eat at wedding just cut up small .

Well done u i cant even salads with anything crunchy it a adjustment to get used to it but something i have to do .

Keep up the positivity and enjoy yourself july is a long way off

 

[APhobicQueen]

@Jackieallen Thank you! I am trying. It’s a ”fake it till you make it” kind of thinking in some regards but eventually it should sink in I think LOL

Mm, yeah salads are also a no for me unless the lettuce is small pieces and just the soft parts. I do steal vegetables from it though like carrots and things. I think one way of looking at it is really I’ll already be prepared for the three months I’ll go without the (minimum) four teeth, so I won’t have to adjust too much because I’ll be used to eating in a different way.

It is, it is. Apparently the GA at the dentist has to give them their schedule a year in advance they book up so fast! So who knows when they’ll have an opening even after the money is taken care of (I do need to ask about financing, which I kept forgetting about because I was flustered and it was never brought up to me.)

 

[APhobicQueen]

Another late night rambling post. I debated about writing in here for days actually, because I felt like I’d just be repeating myself but you know what? That’s what anxiety is isn’t it? A cycle. And I need to get it out somehow.

It’s just that awareness again. Creeping back in. That feeling that my front tooth is getting worse, that the crack is deeper, that I’ll be chewing and something awful will happen. That feeling that the tooth on the left next to it is getting worse too.

I did notice today, something I hadn’t before, which is how deep the hole in my cracked front tooth goes. Far deeper than I had originally thought. I think it’s been that way for a little while, but I just never noticed (as in been that way before I ever went to the dentist in March.)

Anyway.

The stress is making my teeth knock against each other again which is always annoying and with anxiety it’s always a game of did I actually feel that or was it just a phantom feeling caused by anxiety? Hey, Hollywood, I have your next horror film right here! Honestly, it’s just so much and so annoying.

On one hand, I’m so ready to have the teeth out and to start that part of my journey. To get the ball rolling. To begin the healing process. On the other hand, it’s scary to think about all that entails too. Especially because I realized something important tonight:

This is my full circle moment.

No really it is. Listen, when I was a child and I had gone through my trauma that resulted in PTSD, I also had more than just that leading to my aversion to all things dental and teeth related. Like most kids, I got some baby teeth knocked out in accidents on the school playground. One was a chain from a swing, another was that I fell from too high on a teeter totter. It resulted in a crying me, blood in my mouth that scared me, and the phoning of my parents. I’m not going to lie, I was (and still am) a sensitive person. And because of that sensitivity I became terrified of losing teeth. Even my baby ones naturally. I hated the blood in my mouth (still do), and I would get so terrified I would start crying.
Isn’t it funny then, that now, all these years later, I have no choice but to get teeth removed? I’m choosing to do it? I’m going to have it happen? My worst fear as a child, realized.

Well one of them anyway.

And yet here I am. And here I will be. And you know, maybe it won’t be so bad? My intuition tells me so (tells me I’ll be fine) and I always trust my gut. It told me months ago, that something was going to give with my teeth and give it did.

I just think there’s something poetic in how the universe works sometimes. It’s like it’s decided to clean out (haha dental pun) my old trauma so I can start fresh and new. So I can build myself up and back into a better person. Someone who isn’t terrified. Someone who isn’t scared of what might happen to her teeth.

I’m exhausted so I’ll end this here. Maybe I’ll add more onto it in the next few days. Maybe not. But either way, I’ll conquer this anxiety, I’ll win against my trauma, and I’ll be whole again. I really will be.

To future me: it’s all going to be okay. You’re going to be just fine.

 

[APhobicQueen]

Look, I’m back again so soon! My emotional health has spiralled a little, I’m sad to say. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and sad at this limbo experience of not being able to get work done but needing it done and then thinking of how I’ll be loosing teeth once it starts…and the recovery process which seems so long and arduous. I’ve read on other forums specific to dentures such negativity, and it definitely didn’t help my mood. So many people said they regretted it and should have gotten second even third opinions. That the only thing to do is go for implants because dentures are hell, etc, etc. I’ve never really understood that personally. Implants are just…permanent dentures. They’re still fake teeth. It’s just that they can’t be removed, and there’s a more invasive way of getting them in your mouth. And they do uphold your bone/jaw structure, because of the rods, etc, etc that are put in there. But at the end of the day...still fake teeth, still not your own.

Anyway, to cheer myself up, I was thinking of a couple of things. And what cheered me up, at least a little, was this: hockey players.

Yep, yep, I know, trust the Canadian to bring up the national sport of Canada (well one of them) but listen, it’s true! Now I don’t really have any information about the women’s side of things, but at least for the men who play as a career, it’s pretty much a rite of passage that at some point, they’re losing at least one tooth if not more. High sticks, fights, pucks to the mouth, it just happens you know?

I read an interesting article interviewing some of the dentists for the teams in the National Hockey League, as well as players who played internationally and it was incredibly interesting! Most players don’t get implants or anything of the sort once losing teeth, because they find it pointless. They might just get knocked out again and then where would they be? So most of them use flippers or temps, and don’t bother with implants. At least not until after they’re retired, if then.

But the thing that struck me about all of this is how…casual and open the players were about their teeth. Most of them have fun even flashing their toothless smiles and just take it all in stride. It happens, it’s part of the game, part of the profession. Even young players, even star players who are seen as “poster boys” have missing teeth (granted they flash their toothless smiles less but still.) And it got me thinking that as a culture, we accept that kind of thing in sports, we accept celebrities having fake teeth (because 90% of them do) and yet, when it comes to regular people, it becomes this big show, and this point of shame. And it shouldn’t be should it? If anything it should be celebrated. It’s not easy to make that decision to go with having teeth extracted. To go through the recovery process, both physically and mentally, and yet everyday, here are regular people doing it. Isn’t that amazing?

But more than that, I think with hockey players it made me say “listen I’m going to be without some teeth for three months, and that’s a scary thought. I’m going to have to look at myself in the mirror and see me without teeth. I’m going to look weird. And I might cry about it. But that’s okay. It’s okay because it’s a step in recovery. It’s okay because it’s moving forward, past the trauma. It’s okay because these hockey players, look at them, they go through trauma to their mouths are a pretty regular basis, and they come back from it. They’re okay.” And maybe it’s silly to compare myself to a hockey player, to use it as inspiration, but heck, whatever works right? If they can go through that and be okay, so can I.

 

[APhobicQueen]

And we have an update! Not a huge one but still.

So it appears the inflammatory condition I have really does aggravate my teeth and gums. Currently it’s flaring up, and there are various degrees of soreness in my mouth. Nothing too bad just an ache and an “itchy” feeling. I imagine (and my mom has said this herself) that this will improve once I get my work done because my problem teeth will be gone, and I’ll have the deep cleaning to help with my gums. I think it’ll always be an issue though for my gums to get a bit irritated just by nature of the inflammation but it probably won’t be as bad? One can hope.

But anyway, here is the news! September 16th, 2022 is the next GA date after July (I can’t book my date for July as I have a wedding to attend as previously stated), and it’s looking like we’re going to try to book for that date. I’m both terrified but also like “yes, please, let’s get the ball rolling and get this over with! I want my beautiful smile!”

It’d also be in line with what I originally thought which was that 2022 has not been my year, but 2023 looks more promising. If I get the extractions in September, chances are either by January of 2023 or in January I’ll be getting the partials which is awesome. Obviously, adjustment will be a bit difficult but hey, it’ll be worth it in the end.

The second bit of an update. They do not offer financing. They do use a company that pays for medical treatment, and you pay the company in payments afterwards but nope. Not doing that. The interest rates are insanity. Luckily there was a second option I was offered which was that up until the day of treatment, one can make payments that accumulate on their account. In other words, I could start paying whatever I wanted this week or next week and then get that cost down by the time the day rolls around to get the treatment. That seems like my best bet.

Now it’s important to note, nothing has been booked or anything of the sort, but my family and I are going to try and aim for that date. We’ll see what happens, but wow, I can’t believe I went from never wanting to see a dentist again and hoping I would never have to, to just this. Getting major work done, dealing with my trauma, getting a beautiful smile I can be proud of. Who knew that would ever happen? I sure didn’t.

Anyway, this has been a lot for today so I’m going to go and take care of myself, because that’s important. It’s a lot emotionally to deal with. I’m proud of myself but whew.

(P.S. I’m pleased to report that I’m into a routine with my oral hygiene! I never skip brushing my teeth anymore. And it’s fabulous. I’m really proud of myself for that as well. Having had the trauma I’ve had, I’m used to my coping mechanism of avoiding, but I’m not doing that anymore and that’s a great thing. It’s really showing me I’m capable of the healing I need for this.)

 

[Katkatjo]

@APhobicQueen
You are awesome. I just started on here yesterday because DUH I need major help so that I can make a phone call to a dentist and get help. Reading your bits has cheered me up a ton. Thanks for bringing some humor to it all. I only hope I can get my foot in the door and be that strong.

 

[APhobicQueen]

@Katkatjo Thank you so much for your kind words, they were so sweet (especially when things are slightly harder right now )

I’m glad that my journal can be of help! It’s really just there for me to vent but knowing that it could help someone is part of why I keep writing in it too.

I know you can do it! You’ve made the first step already, signing up on this forum. That deserves a huge cheers! It’ll be hard (as you can tell from my own journey) but I promise that you’re stronger than you think, and you can and will do this. I’m here to cheer you on. You and I both got this!

 

[Katkatjo]

@APhobicQueen I needed that. Been in tears on and off all day from just stupid fear! Thank you so much. I’ll definitely be checking here often when feeling crazy.🥰 so appreciate it.

 

[APhobicQueen]

@Katkatjo Oh I know all about those tears! Don’t feel bad about it, even tho I know we all feel stupid but it’s good to let it out. I’m so glad my journey can be a place for you when things feel out of control. And I’m always here if you need someone to talk to!

 

[Katkatjo]

@APhobicQueenthannnk you🥰

 

[APhobicQueen]

Happy May! Wow time is really flying. It’s been almost two months since I first went back to the dentist after 10 years and found out everything I’d need done.

Time flies, like I said.

It also feels like I’m going in circles lately. The same things just keep repeating over and over again and it’s starting to get to my head. This morning I woke up and my teeth and gums felt sore again as they’ve been feeling lately. But this time it was at the back where my molars are. As far as I know, my molars are in good shape, only needing fillings and cleaning done on them. And yet, here they were this morning, sore! It’s enough to make me pull my hair out. I can’t tell if I’m stressed and just imagining a phantom kind of pain because of that, or if it’s really happening and I’m just exaggerating or if the soreness is truly real in itself. I think a lot of people don’t realize what trauma can do to a person’s sense of reality. That the longer the trauma is allowed to infest your mind with anxiety, the worse it gets.

One thing I will say is there’s a possibility I’m clenching my teeth even when I sleep. That could certainly be causing soreness. The other possibility and the one that makes me the most anxious is the big “w”, you know, wisdom teeth. Like I said in my first posts here, I do need to have at least my bottoms out, but they’re supposedly not an issue yet. But my brain goes “what if, what if, what if?” What if they are becoming an issue? What if by the time I’m ready for my other procedures, my wisdom teeth are a big issue? What if they impact on my other teeth?

See what I mean about tearing my hair out?

The thing is, there’s not really much I can do at this point. If the pain seems bad, then I have to go back to the dentist, it’s that simple. That’s my only option. It’s not one of those scenarios where I can wait it out. But, when I think about it, how bad is the pain really? I remember that I slept through the night, not waking up once and that really the more I think about my mouth, the worse it is. Seems to be a case for anxiety non?

In other news, my family is planning on having an actual Christmas this year (I know, I know, Christmas is so far away, what?) since we haven’t had anyone over thanks to COVID, the past few years. If I do go ahead and get my procedures done in September, that means come December, I’ll probably be at the end of the three month recovery before I can get my partials. In other words…I won’t have any front teeth.

It’s a weird thought. My family knows I’ll be getting teeth removed, of course, but I’d sort of planned to stay in hiding until I had my partials when I could greet them with…you know all my teeth. It feels embarrassing to have to look at them without some. (Is this the part where I remember the hockey players?) There’s also the added fact that one of my family members has a fairly young child who will definitely ask questions. And…that just feels awkward. Like, yes child, I had good teeth but neglected them due to PTSD until I can no longer neglect them because they’re pretty messed up due to my initial neglect. I wonder how I’ll explain that.

I‘m not trying to hide my partials. I really want to be open about it, because I think the stigma around false teeth is humiliating and wrong. If someone needs false teeth, they need false teeth. You don’t see anyone judging Hollywood celebrities for all of their falsies (I mean for real, I can’t believe how many people think it’s their real teeth we see) and I want to help take away the stigma and not be ashamed about it. I didn’t anticipate how hard it would be though and I don’t even have any teeth removed yet! Still. I suppose this will be my first real test won’t it?

Honestly, I feel exhausted and would like to sleep for a hundred years. Someone get me a spindle and let me be Sleeping Beauty, she didn’t realize how good she had it.

 

[Jackieallen]

Hard but you have to stay positive it will be ok i have partials and never wear them when home with my family they hardly notice ....if i am at work or out out i wesr them . Honestly it will be fine

 

[Former member 33748]

@APhobicQueen

Can I just say… you are a wonderful writer! Felt like I was reading a captivating book just now. Is that what you wanted to do for self-employment? You could write magazine articles! Or a book!

I’m on my phone in bed so I probably can’t remember enough of what I read to comment on everything that I want to right now.

Btw, I ALSO looked at hockey players recently! 😂 Like just the other day. I thought I was going to lose a tooth during my bone graft surgery a couple of weeks ago, but so far so good.

As for me, I have the dreaded periodontitis that you fear. And I’ve had it for years, at least as early as my early 30s, but the dentists didn’t make it clear to me. Anyway, make sure to stock up on floss! Not flossing is what leads to periodontitis. And missing cleanings. My 20s were such a blur… it’s crazy looking back to realize how much I neglected my dental health. I didn’t think I was doing too bad at the time. I smoked a lot of weed, so that def didn’t help.

I spent a lot of time looking at dentures. Just in case I lose any in the future at a young enough age. Just so you know, the Reddit r/dentures community is SO nice and supportive of each other. Reddit isn’t great for periodontitis though. Thankfully this forum has more supportive perio people.

It’s really cool to hear that your uncle’s face hasn’t changed and he got dentures so young! I’m glad you have a supportive family. My sister-in-law just finished dental school and doesn’t even have a cavity. I don’t want to see her anytime soon 😂 and my husband is younger than me, so even if he ever loses teeth for some reason, I’m years ahead! 😑

Anyway, I love your writing style and look forward to following your journey. Sending the best of luck to you from the USA!

 

[APhobicQueen]

It looks like I missed some replies here! Thanks email notifications for not telling me about that I‘ll get to those after this post, because oh boy, I need to vent!

I don’t have much to report, it’s been a bit of a mixed bag lately though. First, I still haven’t made the initial appointment to get my work done in September. I want to, I do, but I haven’t been talked to by my family about finances and it seems that the family member in charge is sort of just…not doing anything regarding looking at how we can afford it. Let me be clear, that I hate that I have to even rely on my family at all, and I wish I had the money on my own to afford it but I don’t, and I won’t for quite some time even if I do get a supplementary income (which has moved forwards! They’re accessing my financial need as we speak. Or at least, I hope they are. Assuming the mail got to them properly LOL) I think said family member is sort of in the mindset of “oh she’s eating, oh she’s drinking, oh she’s not in excruciating pain, so we can just leave it.” Which no, no you can’t. Because something else is making itself known and I really don’t want it to.

My wisdom teeth! Yep. If you go back to my first post, I think I mention about my bottom wisdom teeth needing to come out, they’re full on horizontal in there and at the time, were causing me no pain. Now, the thing with anxiety and me is that I often get anxiety symptoms that will feel like whatever physical thing I’m afraid of. It sucks. It‘s difficult going through life like that, and when I’m at my worst (sort of like now), it becomes extremely hard to distinguish. That being said…yeah I’m definitely feeling some pain in my lower jaw. Where my wisdom teeth are. Where they might be moving to make themselves known via impaction.

Now the dentist did tell me that they were the lowest priority and she didn’t think, based on my “I have no pain and didn’t even know they’d gone horizontal” that I wasn’t in any immediate danger but like that was in March. It’s May now, things could change right? And I think that’s what‘s worrying me right now. Like what if my wisdom teeth are getting worse. I really would rather not have to deal with an infection in my gum or any of the other nasty things that happen when you don’t get your wisdom teeth looked after! At the same time, I need to get the other work done, it really can’t be held off and yeah, I’m just feeling a wee bit overwhelmed. Maybe a little angry too, that my health seems to not be a priority right now. I suppose I just gotta keep pushing with the family. And pushing, until they understand. The longer we put it off, the worse I could get and then it just adds up to more money. You can’t just ignore this (I did for years and look where it got me.) And as terrified (bone chilling, deeply terrified) as I am, I think I’ll be more scared, the longe it goes on without anything being done. Like at least once the work is done, I’ll be in the healing stage, and that’ll be hard, yeah but it’ll healing. And that’s what I need right now.

On another note, I am back in counselling, so hopefully I can get some help to deal with my trauma. I didn’t have a chance to mention it in our first session however, but I plan to bring it up in our second. I can’t wait to open with “so wait, I have a doozy of a trauma for you!” LOL gotta keep the humour right now to deal with everything.

Actually you know what? Wisdom teeth are like the appendix in a way. Hear me out! We all know how awful appendicitis can be right? Right. And you hear the stories about people getting into dire situations because they ignored the pain and symptoms. I suppose me worrying about my wisdom teeth is a bit like me worrying about my appendix (I still have that thing by the way, despite repeatedly wondering whenever I got pain on my lower right abdomen if this was finally “it”) in that I’m just worrying and worrying and worrying and making myself believe what might not be there at all (or more likely what’s far worse than it is) because I’m so hyper focused on it. My teeth and jaw are sore sure, but is part of that just from clenching them so hard in anxiety? Is the soreness just from the bad teeth spreading little sympathy pains to my other ones? Who knows? It can’t be said right now with any certainty. All I can do on my end is try to help myself with my trauma, and advocate for myself for treatment ASAP.

This was a bit of a vent huh? I wish I had better news to report, but you know this is how it goes. Ups and downs and all arounds. Hopefully soon, I’ll have better news like we’re getting the ball rolling! (Maybe I can win the lottery even, that’d be great and definitely pay for my treatment.)

(P.S. It could also be noted that my jaw may hurt because flossing when you have a bunch of plaque/tartar buildup on your gumline and teeth tends to hurt. I mean I’m just saying. Now if only I could believe that far better explanation then “oh no my wisdom teeth are trying to traumatized me all over again!” Once again, hollywood, here is your horror movie. Please hire me! I’ve got great ideas.)

 

[APhobicQueen]

@Former member 33748 Thank you so much for saying that! I do try to write with a certain cadence, though mostly it’s just me writing naturally what pops into my head

Ah, yes hockey players, truly a treasure with how they can make us feel better in the event of missing teeth! So glad I wasn’t the only one to think of them.

I’m glad your bone graft has gone well so far! Fingers crossed!

I try to floss everyday, twice a day! Though I use floss picks, which I know are not as good as regular floss but I have such a hard time getting regular floss between my teeth. I don’t know how much good it does with all my buildup, but I like to think it’s preventing more at the very least. But yeah, after the initial work is done, I’ll be going in for deep cleanings (at least I think that’s the plan) and I plan to not miss any cleanings after that. I’ve been joking that I’ll be the best dental patient they ever had LOL

I’ll check out the Reddit denture community, thank you! Sorry they don’t have as much support for periodontal stuff, but I guess that makes sense. There’s such a huge stigma around it, and judgement that no one wants to talk about it. Thank god we have this forum. The lack of judgement is more than I could’ve hoped for.

Honestly, it’s magic! You would not know, and I didn’t know nor did my dad even, that he had dentures until he and my mom mentioned it! Like there is no hint of anything falsity with his teeth at all. And he eats and drinks and does everything like a normal person.

Not one cavity? Oh some people are so lucky! Like even normal people get a cavity, darn it! I can understand not wanting to see her too soon haha

Thank you so much! I wish you the best as well and I hope things continue to go smoothly for you!