No Turning Back: My Journey to a Radiant Smile

[APhobicQueen]

Oh my, it's been a while again! I suppose it only makes sense seeing as how I haven't had a lot of movement since October! I was supposed to have my next filling appointment in November/December but unfortunately for me I've had a whole host of reasons I've had to rebook. So my filling appointment is now scheduled for mid January.

Now you might be wondering why am I'm here and writing in this journal with nothing new to report. Well. Not quite true that we don't have anything new to talk about. Sometimes, your teeth just decide to do the talking for you as it turns out!

Yesterday, I woke up, and felt pretty fatigued...I wasn't having a good day chronic illness wise, so I was mainly lounging about trying to just rest. I brushed my teeth like normal and then after noon, I decided to eat a soft breakfast bar and a soft oat cup. Started eating, just like normal when...pain. On my right side. It was so sharp! I've had some sensitivity before but never anything like this. And then it got worse. Hot and cold sent such a jolt of pain through that area of my mouth that I actually said "ow" out loud (most of the time I don't voice pain unless I'm really feeling it.) Of course, when this happened, the spiral began. Did I lose a filling? Do I have decay somewhere that was missed? Is the filling failing? Do I need a root canal? Do my teeth need to be pulled?

Now. The weird thing about it all, and truly I think this is odd no matter which way you cut it, is that the pain is mostly localised to one area: my upper right quadrant. Where I've had all fillings in that area done. Specifically it seems to be targeting the far back molar which was the last filling I've had done. But there is also sensitivity on my bottom right quadrant and the far back molars. I haven't had any fillings done yet on the bottom right.

I took a little look around my mouth and also had someone else do it and they didn't see anything that was an obvious sign of distress on the teeth. I find it very weird too that it's not just one area of my mouth this seems to be affecting either, and that the worst bit of it is where I've already had a filling done. It all feels, if I'm being frank, very strange!

On the left side, we have no pain or discomfort but sometimes my mouth does scrunch up when eating something cooler or hot like I've had something sour...same kind of feeling. I wonder then if I'm just going through a period of extreme sensitivity perhaps not helped by chronic illness (which leads to higher degrees of sensitivity) or if it's something else.

It doesn't seem to hurt either when I bite down, floss or brush my teeth. Which I also think is a bit strange. But I'm not a dentist, so I can't say I know the mouth well, and one thing I've learned throughout all of this is the human mouth can be a bit of an oddball at the best of times. But I would think if it were something very serious it would hurt when I did those things as well since I'd be irritating the area more. But it doesn't.

It's not even that I just don't want to go to the dentist until my next filling appointment, it's that I actually can't get to the dentist. One of the reasons I've had to rebook? Car problems. Our car isn't working and it's been a headache to try to get it fixed/get a new reliable car! Truly what a way to come into the close of the year the weather is also quite bad so we're a bit snowed in at the moment.

I think perhaps, that's adding to my stress as well. Because what flashes through your head but dental emergencies that need to be looked at right then and there. A total fear of time ticking away and perhaps something critical happening that you're missing.

Like I said: spiral.

We've all heard the horror stories and sometimes they stick in your mind a bit like glue. I'm trying not to think about them myself because that doesn't actually help me at all.

Ah, well. Not much else to say I suppose. Just a normal ordinary mental spiral for me today. I'm thinking of taking some painkillers, snuggling into bed, and hoping that it's really just some chronic illness flare up pain (from my jaw) mixed with a healthy dose of increased sensitivity and it will go away soon and there's actually nothing wrong.

Anyway that's all for now!

 

[APhobicQueen]

@krlovesherkids777 Ah sorry it took me so long to get back to you! I went on a bit of a hiatus from the site for a while and didn't get notifs! I fully agree that I think sometimes they say things without realising how they actually sound to us. Sometimes we phobic patients do need the kid gloves! I know I prefer that approach rather than a bluntness that I find more disarming.

 

[APhobicQueen]

Hello and Happy New Year fellow phobics!

I have a quick little update for you. It does appear I'm going to have to go back to the dentist...although right now I can't because I still don't have a working car! But, I've managed to find something? that's happening with that top back molar that would explain the sensitivity I feel! Well sort of. I obviously can't see myself what's going on, since I only have so many angles to work with but when I felt back beside the molar I felt something that felt like tooth, and not the surface from my molar but something else. And when I took a little look, it appears like there's something beside the molar. Could it be a wisdom tooth making its appearance? I haven't had any of my wisdom teeth taken out and the dentist upon my initial assessment did say it was something they'd like to do but it was the lowest priority seeing as how they weren't bothering me.

If it's not a wisdom tooth, then I'd say it must be part of the tooth and perhaps I've lost my newly placed filling. But I can't be sure because I don't have the tools to fully see in there.

Either way, I'm halfway torn between approaching this with a begrudging sort of acceptance and being absolutely terrified. The terrified part is, of course, because I don't know what's actually going on or what it will involve and I'm scared of what could be said to me. I'm also scared about how long I'll have to wait until I can go back to the dentist...the fear of something happening in the meantime is a strong one.

On the other side of it, a certain kind of acceptance exists too. I've been through a lot in my journey already, which includes extractions, fillings, cleanings, and x-rays. All things I thought I'd never be able to get through or do again. And yet here I am! So in that sense, I know I'll be okay. I have no choice not to be.

I think the anxiety is probably going to, at some point, win out over the acceptance but the fact the acceptance was there in the first place? A very big step! Hopefully I can build on that.

Now, it's very late for me and I really must be getting to bed. Let's raise a glass to another year of dental visits in the book, and instead toast a glass to good mouth hygiene and an ease for everyone in 2026 (that includes me too.)

Until next time

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Hey Aphobicqueen! Happy New Year!!! really think it is so normal to be 1/2 terrified and 1/2 having that acceptance or somewhere along that line.. What a great way to put it.. We can really have both. I remember a therapist saying it is the level of anxiety , the duration, and frequency. I know when I get some positive momentum with a dentist or a good appt or two it can decrease then something can throw that way off with a bad experience. Sorry to hear of your car. Hope you can get into the dentist to get that peace of mind on what is happening!

 

[APhobicQueen]

@krlovesherkids777 Very much normal I think! I do think it's a lot of progress to reach that level of knowing what's happened has happened, I can't change whatever is going on with that tooth/area of my mouth and I can't ignore it because it won't go away! It wasn't so long ago that I'd still be in absolute denial. So I'm cheering myself for that!

But yes, even just not going to the dentist for a period of time, can make my anxiety worse when I do go back, because it's been some time and I've forgotten how everything was fine when I went last time. Our brains truly are fascinating aren't they?

Thank you! Let's hope so because I don't want to leave this for too long! (I always joke it would have been useful if a family member had gone into dentistry for this exact reason )

 

[APhobicQueen]

And another update!

Still no car. As in the driveway is empty and I have no way to get anywhere. We're in the process of hopefully trading in the car that's a dud for one that actually runs and won't just have the battery die after 24 hours but we're not sure it will go through. This is the worst timing for this truly because...

I've actually been doing relatively okay. Discomfort was minimal, I was trying to avoid chewing on that side, I was able to sleep through the night, go about my day, I even forgot about it after a while! A few times I even caught myself going to chew on that side! I was even totally calm about going back to the dentist. Things seemed to be okay for the time being.

Unfortunately, that hasn't lasted. Which, I suppose makes sense. I do believe it's been exactly a week today since I broke off a piece of the tooth. Oh, yes! That's something that I believe I've confirmed via a flashlight and putting myself into the funniest angle I could in my bathroom mirror Looks like I broke off part of my molar that was just filled. From what I can feel and see, it looks like there's a sharp point where the tooth is rooted on top, then there's an empty space where is no part of a tooth that there should be. From what I can see which again, isn't that much, it looks it's not even half the tooth that's broken off so that's I think a good sign? From the front it looks like there's maybe just a quarter but then it feels like it could be a bit more. It might have been one of the fillings themselves I lost and not like a piece of the natural tooth as well which! Ah, of course it would be the hardest to get molar that made me gag when I had to get it filled the first time.

(I was thinking of what I could have possibly broken the tooth on actually because I don't normally eat that much that's crunchy or hard and I haven't hit my mouth on anything. Vegetables sometimes but I hadn't had any hard, raw vegetables recently, just soft ones. Then it hit me: a cookie. Specifically a snickerdoodle, one of my favourite kinds of cookie. Turns out over Christmas there was a batch made that was in the oven a bit too long and had hardened a lot in the open air. I went to bite into it and it was hard as a rock, like cement, I couldn't even get through it. I think perhaps that was the moment I broke off either part of the filling/the whole filling or part of the tooth. I feel betrayed by one of my favourite cookies! Lesson learned, always double check how hard something is especially a baked good before trying to eat it, even if trying to be polite.)

So. Back to the actual point of this post, I was doing fairly well this morning, but in the last hour or so I've had severe pain start up in that area. Like it is hurting. Instantly I become extremely anxious, thinking of worst case scenarios: abscess and extractions and extreme sickness that will wind me up in the hospital.

I know that these thoughts are irrational, because while I certainly need to get this looked at as quickly as possible and not leave it, I don't think it's gone to severe worst case scenario especially when I haven't had anything like a fever, swelling, or an inability to sleep through the night. I've also only take some over the counter painkillers twice since this started including last night which wasn't even about the tooth pain. So logic would dictate, I'm probably okay for now and not in immediate danger. I actually sought out reassurance from a family member and they were both helpful and not helpful.

As it is with phobic patients, and I'm sure many of us have dealt with this, those around us have grown a little exasperated by our worries. They're frustrated by our lack of logic and constant spirals. I've dealt with someone in an anxiety spiral before, full on doomerism, and I know how difficult it can be when you can see the logic but they can't. I'm on the other side of it now, where for me, seeing logic seems difficult.

Which means it's the perfect time to write in my journal here! Just get everything out on the proverbial page so I'm not dealing with it alone. It really does help. No judgement here!

Anyway, getting back on track (you can tell I'm anxious when I go off on this many tangents) this person said to me that they can barely see where the tooth is broken off, and it doesn't look like it's covering a big surface and that surely, if it were severe there would be multiple other symptoms. Then, the dreaded question happened: "are you sure part of this pain you're feeling isn't just in your head?"

I get asked this a lot. In many things, not just relating to my phobia, but also my chronic illness. It generally gets pretty annoying. Because I'm certain the pain I'm feeling is real, but at the same time, I understand the question. Because when I got distracted by doing some laundry (chores wait for no one even someone spiralling with a broken tooth), I felt that the pain had lessened. It's not that there is no pain, but that maybe the pain isn't as bad when I'm not focusing on it.

I have dealt with that before. In the time between finding out I needed extractions and actually having to go get them done, I thought I had pain everywhere and everything was bad, which included a tooth I thought for sure was going to be gone because it was the most "painful." Guess which one is still in my mouth to this day? So I'm familiar with the concept of the mind making things worse. It can actually be tracked in this very journal.

That being said, there's a time and a place for questions like that and I think most of us phobics would agree sometimes you just have to be reassuring without questioning. I think more people need to understand that. I've stated it before but us phobics are fully aware we're being irrational. It's just that we can't do anything about it! But I digress.

Point is, I started writing this journal entry hours and hours ago and I'm here, having just taking pain killers and still in a good heaping of pain/discomfort. Hopefully I'll be able to get into the dentist this week sometime. I imagine when I phone and tell them "I think I broke a tooth" they'll be looking to get me in the same day. Unfortunately in addition to not having a car, we have some very nasty weather arriving! (winter in Canada is not nice.) Including a lot of ice pellets and a lot of snow. What a mess.

To think I was looking forward to completing my fillings and only having my partials left to get along with regular cleanings! Perhaps the dental assistant tempted fate when she told me I wouldn't have to do anything again (as in for many years) with this tooth

Either way I just hope I can get it taken care of soon and it's not bad. I feel like I'm very close to wanting to ask a dentist here for reassurance but I haven't gotten that bad yet in terms of my own spiralling.

I'll end this here and end it with this: who would have thought we'd reach the day where I want to go to the dentist again?

 

[krlovesherkids777]

A PhobicQueen.

How are you feeling? How is the pain? Any update? I just saw this, Sorry about you not having a car, that is hard, I hope you can find a workable one !
"the dreaded question happened: "are you sure part of this pain you're feeling isn't just in your head?"

I get asked this a lot. In many things, not just relating to my phobia, but also my chronic illness. It generally gets pretty annoying. Because I'm certain the pain I'm feeling is real, but at the same time, I understand the question." absolutely hate this question both from others and ourselves. as much of the time us anxious are taught to question our reality .

It could be very possible the tooth could still be saved, I had a back molar I had taken out because of finances 20 years ago that my dentist said he could have fixed or I could pull for much less than a crown, I ended up pulling and regretting. It was similiar situation as yours. We do what we feel is best and we must at the time. I hope you find the best answer for you! I hope you enjoyed as much of the cookie as possible. I once broke my tooth on Christmas eve on a piece of English toffee. I don't think I've eaten toffee since then .

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Also,, agh... sounds like Winters are brutal there. I'm originally from MN where they are pretty bad too. but I hope it lets up some and you can get a vehicle.

 

[APhobicQueen]

@krlovesherkids777 Hi Kr! Thank you for replying, yours is a very friendly face to "see" so to speak Pain is better! Yesterday it was feeling a lot better than before. But I irritated it a bit by drinking a bit too fast and getting some food on that side of my mouth, oops! Still, it's definitely not that bad. So it seemed like some flash fire irritation? I was checking for any swelling, fever, inability to sleep through the night, and there hasn't been anything like that. The most there's been is if I feel the area with my finger and take my finger away, there's a bit of a smell. But there isn't a smell on my breath, or anything. Like you actively had to be putting something in the area to get it. Which makes sense, I assume even with brushing and trying to keep that space clean, there's probably some debris, etc, etc.

We managed to get a new car! We pick it up tomorrow! My original filling appointment is scheduled for Wednesday next week so I might just keep that appointment and then when they ask if there's anything bothering me I'll say "funny you should mention that" and get them to take a look.

That's just it! I feel like, specific to anxiety, people brush off physical symptoms as being in the head, but they aren't! They're real things we're feeling. Yes perhaps caused or worsened by our anxiety, but no less real.

I'm hoping so! It feels like most of the tooth is intact and fine. Honestly, I can't tell (because of where the tooth is) what's really come off but it feels like it might just be the side or bottom quarter. Which I'm sure, especially with how dentistry is done today, must be savable assuming no infection or deeper cracks/fractures/issues.

Aha, I didn't enjoy that cookie but I did enjoy other softer ones! Much better. That's a shame about the toffee, who knew Christmas was so hazardous for us!

Winters are very brutal here. This one in particular has been very very cold compared to normal. And the weather has been a mess. Yesterday it was snow and freezing drizzle/rain and now everything is pure ice. Not fun at all! But hopefully next week it's clear enough for me to get to the dentist and get this taken care of.

Thank you for checking up on me, I appreciate it!

 

[krlovesherkids777]

A phobicqueen.. I read this quick though a few days ago and got terribly busy

k you for replying, yours is a very friendly face to "see" so to speak Pain is better! Yesterday it was feeling a lot better than before. But I irritated it a bit by drinking a bit too fast and getting some food on that side of my mouth, oops! Still, it's definitely not that bad. So it seemed like some flash fire irritation? I was checking for any swelling, fever, inability to sleep through the night, and there hasn't been anything like that. The most there's been is if I feel the area with my finger and take my finger away, there's a bit of a smell. But there isn't a smell on my breath, or anything. Like you actively had to be putting something in the area to get it. Which makes sense, I assume even with brushing and trying to keep that space clean, there's probably some debris, etc, etc.
We managed to get a new car! We pick it up tomorrow! My original filling appointment is scheduled for Wednesday next week so I might just keep that appointment and then when they ask if there's anything bothering me I'll say "funny you should mention that" and get them to take a look.

That's just it! I feel like, specific to anxiety, people brush off physical symptoms as being in the head, but they aren't! They're real things we're feeling. Yes perhaps caused or worsened by our anxiety, but no less real.

I'm hoping so! It feels like most of the tooth is intact and fine. Honestly, I can't tell (because of where the tooth is) what's really come off but it feels like it might just be the side or bottom quarter. Which I'm sure, especially with how dentistry is done today, must be savable assuming no infection or deeper cracks/fractures/issues.

Aha, I didn't enjoy that cookie but I did enjoy other softer ones! Much better. That's a shame about the toffee, who knew Christmas was so hazardous for us!

Winters are very brutal here. This one in particular has been very very cold compared to normal. And the weather has been a mess. Yesterday it was snow and freezing drizzle/rain and now everything is pure ice. Not fun at all! But hopefully next week it's clear enough for me to get to the dentist and get this taken care of.

Thank you for checking up on me, I appreciate it!

to get back quicker. I"m not sure how I copied your whole last response but having trouble deleting the box so never mind that .. Me and technology.. sometimes.. Hey... How is your new car? That is awesome news!!

"My original filling appointment is scheduled for Wednesday next week so I might just keep that appointment and then when they ask if there's anything bothering me I'll say "funny you should mention that" and get them to take a look." I would do the same thing ...

lol on the Christmas food too, for that matter, I once broke my tooth on a Wendy's burger that had a hard bone in it.. You just never know .. Hope the weather stays ok for you to make it to your appointment.

 

[APhobicQueen]

All right, here we are! Back after my appointment and with news!

Drumroll please...

I do not have a broken tooth! What I do have is a wisdom tooth erupting as I first suspected. Yep, that pain I've been feeling has been adult me teething. I now have a new appreciation for babies who can't even take proper pain killers and have their whole mouths at once going off. Poor things. No wonder they cry all the time.

So yes! A wisdom tooth. On my top right quadrant. Well hello there. And I've got better news: back in 2012 I was told by my old dentist (and the last time I visited one before this dentistry practice) that they believed there was enough room for my top wisdom teeth to come in and be fine, no need to extract them. My dentist today had a little look and said the same. He believed that there was enough space that it should be fine to have this one where it is (I suppose it helps that I had some extractions done so my teeth actually have more room to shift a bit for space now ) Point is, we're operating on the basis that I will not have to have this tooth extracted. Just a bonus molar for me to chew with.

He did say the gum was inflamed a bit which makes sense what with the wisdom tooth trying to come through. Did a little flossing around the area which felt better (I have a hard time getting back there.) And I reiterated a few times that the cold hurt and he said there wasn't much they could do for that but recommended a speciality toothpaste for it. I assume (?) the sensitivity will ease up once the wisdom tooth is fully in place?

So for now it's a monitor the situation but we remain hopeful.

With that out of the way, I got three fillings done! Lower right quadrant, all right next to each other (I do like to be efficient apparently) and they gave me more info this time when I asked. One surface level, two on sides. They definitely learned from the second filling appointment where the freezing didn't take because they gave me the extra strong stuff again and boy I could feel nothing. Well, except pressure when the metal clamp was in my mouth. That thing is horrible. Ugh!

My bottom teeth are pretty tightly packed together so I've had to adjust since coming home because they've felt misaligned in my mouth. They aren't actually, it's just the feeling. My jaw is the worst though because as per usual, holding it open as I did has hurt it a lot. But I'll be taking painkillers soon and will refrain from doing anything but holding it in a neutral position to try to help it along.

Now I just have four fillings left to go! Two on the top of my left side and two on the bottom. They said they could do them all together or split it up and I opted for a split just because it may be an extra appointment but I think it'll feel better on my jaw to just have it split. Less freezing too.

My teeth look great though! No more cavities in that area! They're looking a lot better. My mum even commented that my teeth "looked whiter" when she saw them and I said that must have been from all the water blasting! I'm supposed to go for a cleaning at the end of January but I think I'll have to move it around a bit. My next filling appointment is in February just after Valentine's.

I will comment one last thing and say I had a far better interaction with the dental assistant today than all previous appointments. I think she's a little prickly but once she gets to know you, she's pretty fun. When I told her I thought I had broken my tooth on a cookie she was immediately like "it happens, no worries!" and then when we found out it was my wisdom tooth she said "Ah that cookie wasn't as hard as you thought" and I had to keep from laughing too hard as the dentist was in my mouth

Also, for anyone who is terrified, I just want you to know that when I stepped foot in that place today I was so scared I was repeating in my head that I was going to walk out. And I kept saying it too. I'm going to walk out, as I was called back. I'm going to walk out, as I told them what was going on. I'm going to walk out as I laid back. And you know what? I didn't do it. I went through with the appointment and the fillings and I'm feeling really good about it. Trust me when I say, to anyone reading this, you can do this! You can, and I believe in you!

Onwards and upwards we go!


@krlovesherkids777 thank you for the message! New car is fantastic! A total upgrade from our last one and not just because it actually runs lol it's just better all around. Not the Wendy's burger! Food really is out there betraying us all the time isn't it?

 

[APhobicQueen]

Well, I'm home now from my next filling appointment! It didn't exactly go to plan.

Let's talk about it.

The thing about healing journeys that is so important to realise is that they just simply aren't linear. They never will be. Trauma doesn't magically disappear. It can only heal to a point where if I'm triggered I can deal with it. That and the fact I'll know when I am triggered and understand what's happening.

Today was a day where I was triggered.

Not sure by what mind you, I think perhaps the sensory experience was just a bit much, combined with the fact they were doing an upper back molar which meant putting a lot of things on my tongue and with my high gag reflex and tongue that likes to fight, it wasn't fun. Keep in mind, I also didn't do my usual rebooking once before having my appointment like I normally do! I'm really starting to believe I should just do that for comfort

In any case, when I got there, it was nice and quiet since it was a Sunday. Very nice. When I went in, there was quite a bit of waiting which can trigger me so I do wonder if perhaps that had something to do with it. But today it was really the taste of the instruments and numbing and filling parts that seemed to be bad. It was a lot for me. I felt very nauseous. They also had to freeze me a second time (which did work!) because the first time I could still feel most things. Especially the cold. So they froze me again and we off to the races.

Since they were doing an upper molar (and another filling closer to the front, an incisor), they had to put the instruments further back on my tongue and I just struggled with it. At one point I started gagging and they asked me to relax my tongue, I tried, but it wouldn't do it. I apologised and said I didn't think it was going to work and they just said "okay that's fine" and moved along (I did end up being able to do it in the end but it was very difficult and I was clenched tight.)

Before they did the really hard filling on the molar (which was a deeper filling they expected they would have to do), they had left me to sit for a bit while both the dentist and his assistant went and dealt with something else. I was shaking the whole time. I think that really didn't help things at all to be left on my own with no knowledge of why they left and what the pause was for. It definitely didn't help.

I found my tolerance a bit low today for how long I was in the chair. I just kept thinking "are we still not done?" over and over again with that molar. It's a bit sore right now, but it'll calm down. I think the needle spot is also sore. But my teeth look quite nice! No more dark spots on those bad boys!

But you know what's important here? I still did. Still made it through. It was a lot more difficult than it has been, yeah, but I did it in the end. I knew I was having a hard time, I was struggling with swallowing too due to anxiety, but I knew it was happening and I was able to deal with it. I turned up my music, played with my stress toy a bit (I bring one of those, highly recommend) and just kept telling myself it would be over soon. And that I was so close to being done with all the fillings.

Now they didn't book me in for another appointment which was odd but I guess I'll call in a few weeks and do it myself (well I say a few weeks hopefully but we'll see )

I meant to write more but I'm very tired so this will have to do. Until next time!

 

[APhobicQueen]

Well it has indeed been a while! Hi, Forum, it's me again!

Truthfully, and I think this is a net positive, I haven't had much to report I've been steadily getting my fillings done, and after my last appointment, I'm down to just one left! That's it! Only one in my upper left quadrant (I believe it's a molar) and then I'll be finished with my fillings. All that will be left then is getting my partials, keeping an eye on my wisdom teeth, and extractions.

Speaking of wisdom teeth! I do believe the wisdom tooth on my upper left quadrant is starting to erupt as well. I have the same kind of pain I had on my right quadrant and when I feel where the gum is, it does feel like there might be a little something there trying to get through. I can't think of what else would be causing an ache/pain like that and since it feels almost the same as what the pain was on my other side, I assume that would be it. So fun! I'm teething again (also trying to be anxious about it because obviously pain in the mouth is not fun and can make one anxious. But I keep reminding myself that it's fine. If I needed my wisdom teeth extracted, well I've already had teeth taken out so I've been there done that. If it's just the top one erupting, that's fine, I've also done that with the other. I have no reason to be afraid.)

Anyway, at my last filling appointment they did a lower left molar, which they told me had a slightly deeper cavity than they thought (I had been having no pain and hadn't noticed so I don't think it'd been deep for very long.) but there wasn't a risk for a root canal (whew) and the dentist also told me I had a "weird point of contact" with the tooth next to the molar. I had no idea what he meant by that but I mentioned I had some problems with baby teeth that caused my teeth to align a bit oddly when I was younger so maybe it was that. When I looked at the tooth when I got home I did notice it was significantly shorter than the other molars I had in my mouth, so maybe that's what he meant by weird point of contact. They really had to sand that baby down

They also told me something about flossing? I think maybe I need to get a little better at it with my molars, I guess. Though at my cleaning appointment which wasn't that long ago, I was told I was doing a good job, and there was a noticeable difference. In any case, I do continue to floss twice a day and trying my best!

That's really it for any updates. I do just want to take the time and thank this forum for always being there when I needed a place to vent and write my feelings, and also for the fact that such a place exists. It really helps to know you're not alone.

And for anyone who is going through treatment right now and terrified, I promise you, you can do it. It'll be okay. It's very scary and it's very unknown and you'll wonder if you can, but in the end you absolutely can. You'll feel better too! It'll be a weight lifted off of you, a relief, and you'll be super proud of yourself and realise just how capable you are.

All right, that's all for now! Till next time

 

[APhobicQueen]

Just a quick update today to say I DID IT! All my fillings have been completed! I don't have anymore to do. They had to do a few deep fillings, including the one today but no risk of root canals and it's just that I'll be a wee bit sensitive for a few more days. Currently I'm taking some pain killers because the injection site of the freezing is super sore, but that's okay. All in all the appointment went well and I was super impressed, considering it was a rear upper molar and there was a lot of things in my mouth at any given moment that my gag reflex mostly was absent.

What progress I've made! Now that that's done the only thing I have left to do is get my partials, which I suppose is really the final arc of this journey that started all the way back in 2022. What a day it's been! Sending everyone some love wherever they are in their journey and I hope this journal can help anyone who need to feel like they aren't alone

 

[APhobicQueen]

Hello! I didn't think I'd be giving another update so soon but I felt it was necessary to be completely transparent about what's going on (and hopefully not freak anyone out.)

Ah, so I said my injection site was quite sore, above, and as it turns out it was for good reason. I have a very painful canker sore in the area of the injection site! (the inside of my cheek.) Yep! Turns out, I did not know this, but when you get local, it's quite common to develop a canker, because of trauma to the tissue and the lack of blood flow to that area while you're numb. I was just very lucky it hadn't happened to me until this last appointment (of course it would be the last appointment.)

But yes, it's a little white filled mark with red around it and very sore. When I first saw it I completely flipped out because I was so worried something awful had happened and then I had my mum take a look and she talked me down with the "oh that just looks like a canker?" and I realised that that is exactly what it looked like No reason to panic.

Talking, chewing and drinking is quite a bit hard right now! But it should go away on its own (hopefully, I would rather not go back to the dentist this soon) I'm not sure if this played a role, but I wonder if getting that last filling done as soon as I did when I'm slow at healing (thanks to my chronic illness) and it was on the same side as the filling before this one played a role in that part of my mouth just being that little extra sensitive to lead to this. It wouldn't surprise me honestly.

Anyway rinsing with warm salt water rinses right now and I'm unfortunately having to avoid things I love like tea, sparkling water, anything cold, and anything too hot. Oh and anything spicy! And I can only eat on one side of my mouth!

Just when you thin you've been through it all, you get another curveball. Ah, well what can you do? More saltwater rinses maybe

 

[APhobicQueen]

Well here we are again! I didn't think I'd be back so soon, but life really does throw curveballs at you doesn't it?

I don't have another appointment until November, when I'm scheduled to have a cleaning done. Besides getting my partial dentures finally going (although I need to wait to see if I'm covered or not by my national insurance program for dental), I really thought it was smooth sailing. Everything seemed to be going along pretty smoothly and I had no issues. And I was so so grateful to finally, for the first time in at least two decades, not have an active cavities in my mouth. What a feat!

Of course, I probably jinxed myself with that one Not that I have active cavities but here's what happened. Yesterday I woke up in the morning with a bit of an ache on my lower left jaw. Didn't think much of it, until I discovered I couldn't eat on that side of my mouth because when I went to bite down, I'd get a zing through one of my teeth! I was hoping this was just some mild sensitivity that would go away on its own, you know, save me from having to go back to the dentist but that doesn't seem like it'll be the case. Today was more of the same and the ache was worse. Now there are multiple reasons I could have something like this, it might even be that one of my fillings isn't quite sitting right. That was the last quadrant they did, and they seemed to have a bit of trouble with those teeth.

But my brain decided to jump right to the worst case scenario which is...the dreaded wisdom teeth. After all, one already erupted on my upper right. Another started on my upper left. Doesn't that mean something will happen on my bottoms? Logic would tell me so. So would my panic. What is funny about this panic is the irrationality of it, in the sense that well. I've already had extractions! I had four of them done at once under general. Not as if I'm new to this.

I think the fear of having to have wisdom teeth removed is that my bottom wizzies happen to be of the horizontal variety. Which I have been informed is the worst kind to have. It's the most complex of all the ways your wisdom teeth can be in there. And the procedure to remove them is often not as straight forward as with other positions. Which. Of course. About the only good news is horizontal pretty much guarantees general because of the steps required, but I doubt I would've ever had to fight my dental practice on that.

Of course, I'm talking about hypotheticals. I don't actually know if it's a wisdom tooth, a problem with a filling or just some other random thing that's happened. I won't know unless I contact my dentist and actually go in and see the problem.

There's the issue. I don't want to go back to the dentist. I don't want to hear that I have something else wrong. So I'm trying to just ignore it, hoping it will go away on its own. Except I know deep down, I probably do need to get this looked at even if the news is bad. Especially if the news is bad. Maybe I'll give myself another day, a little compromise and then see how I am after that.

Anyway, this is just everything out of my brain spilling out here where it's safe. Take care, and let's hope for the best!

 

[APhobicQueen]

It is with some sheepishness that I make this post today. It's been a little over two weeks since I had the first feelings of something being off with the lower left quadrant of my mouth and one of the teeth there, and I said I needed to make an appointment...

Only to not do so.

I feel this is a good reminder that healing journeys aren't linear. Especially in regards to PTSD. PTSD is not something that can be cured. Despite my progress in going to the dentist, I'm still a traumatised patient which means sometimes I do the thing I shouldn't do and I practice avoidance. Practice it until I can't anymore like today.

Here's what happened. For two weeks I've been eating on one side of my mouth and avoiding anything cold. Room temperature was fine and most hot things didn't seem to bother me. Until yesterday. Tea started to irritate that area of my mouth. And today I was drinking a berry flavoured water and ooh, the sensitivity sting! It was quite harsh. And it hurt. And afterwards, even room temperature water was setting off the sensitivity and giving me pain.

The funny thing is while the pain made me anxious, it also inspired some logic within me. For me, with my chronic illness, it's almost impossible to tell what kind of pain I'm actually in because my pain receptors don't function properly. This means one of two things. The first is that I can feel more pain than there actually is if an area of my body gets "triggered" and the second is I can not realise how much pain I'm actually in because I'm used to feeling pain every day.

Yes that is exactly as annoying as it sounds My point is, when I had my slightly more sour flavoured water, I think it triggered my sensitivity which set off my pain receptors which decided to then not go off, hence why I'm suddenly sensitive to room temperature water. I looked in the area too, just to see if there was anything glaring and not as such. There's a bit of a red outline around one of my teeth which could point to some inflammation but I'm not a dentist so I'll leave that up to them to tell me.

I think why I've been avoiding and so frightened is...I really thought I was "done." You know, I'd gotten the extractions and fillings done, and I'd made it past the period I thought would result in things like root canals or other procedures. Which isn't to say I need a root canal or anything else (I have had this fear before, with one of the exact same teeth mind you! I got that filling done at the beginning of the year too and it's been smooth sailing afterwards) but it's also not to say that after getting my fillings, everything was going to be fine and I wouldn't have something else happen. The fact of the matter is, my teeth are more vulnerable because of the years I didn't take care of them and having to have fillings done. Which means there's always going to be a chance that something does happen and I need them looked after.

But I had convinced myself that I was done. There would be no more. Or at least it would be many years before I had to worry about anything besides cleanings and getting my partials done. I was so relieved at the prospect, that having to get back into the mindset of "oh you need to go back and get something looked at that could lead to more work" because I'd let go of that mindset, and had settled into something very much in the opposite end of the spectrum.

Perhaps that was a bit silly of me, since back in 2022 when I had my first appointment, the dentist did say she believed I'd someday need my wisdom teeth out, it was just a very low priority. Of course, I don't know if this is a wisdom tooth, but I'm sure the understanding is there. Even though I was thinking I was "done" I wasn't really.

But! We must focus on the good. The positive. A positive? I haven't taken pain killers once in these two weeks for pain. Good news! Another positive: I've been able to sleep through the night and haven't been woken up once due to pain or been unable to sleep due to pain. Also good news!

Edit: I started writing this last night but I have made my appointment! It's on Monday with my usual dentist. They asked me about what was going on and the secretary was very nice and shared a laugh with me when I said "I can't actually pinpoint what tooth it is but it's one of the back to mid ones." The reception do know how to put someone at ease.

Very proud of myself that I was able to take this step. So proud, I may have given myself a little treat of buying a few bargain books. Was I bribing myself with that? Perhaps! but one does what one must do!

Time for a big exhale and to take it easy until Monday. Fingers crossed it's good news!

 

[APhobicQueen]

Big exhale time! My appointment is done and dusted and in the books and only took 15 minutes.

Firstly, the dental assistant was very kind (we've really warmed up to each other) and she told me she was very proud of me with how quickly I did my x-rays. I only gagged once, which is a marked improvement! She also told me during that she knows how gross and bothersome they are, and she repeated that a few times and I appreciated it because I could tell she was sincere. It's nice when the dental staff also acknowledge how bad doing those things are!

Secondly, I described my issue to her and she was like "huh?" a little bit confused, so it's nice to know I'm not the only one who felt confused by what happened. The first thing she asked was if I felt it was the last tooth (my rear molar) that they had filled. I said no, I didn't believe so (I'm guessing this is also why they ended up not being concerned that it was a wisdom tooth, based on where I was describing the issue.)

After x-rays the dentist came in, and had a look at my teeth. He scraped a little, then blasted some air and asked if I felt anything. The most I felt was a tiny pinprick of sensitivity, nothing much. I was surprised myself by that.

And then he said "well, it appears everything is fine."

Cue my face:

I'd been thinking it was root canal time, or a wisdom tooth, or something else that was awful and he was here to tell me that wasn't true! He asked if I was flossing and I said yes, twice a day (except the odd day I only do it once but those days are rare.) He then said, that the x-rays and his own looking around, nothing was wrong. There was a tiny bit of de-calcification on one tooth, but nothing they felt they needed to do anything about at this point, and the deep fillings he'd had to do looked completely fine.

So, I said, my teeth are just...doing their thing? He said yes He then recommended me a new toothpaste. It's more expensive than regular toothpaste but is essentially as prescription strength as you can get without actually getting a prescription. It contains a lot of fluoride, and he said it should help. He also said, once I'm done brushing, to apply a little bit to the area that's sensitive and leave it there for five minutes and then take it off. Sort of like a spot treatment. He said I should notice a difference but if I don't or I feel any pain that's intense or anything of the sort, to call them again and they'll schedule me in with an ortho.

I have to say, I was very, very surprised. I really did think I was going to get the worst news and to be honest I'm still a little confused as to why I feel pressure when I chew on that side. They didn't have me do the paper test to check how my fillings were if any of them needed to be adjusted, but I'm assume they didn't see anything to suggest that was needed.

All of that worrying (my jaw was even sore this morning from clenching it hard while I slept I think!) and it turns out, nothing is actually wrong and my teeth seem to be doing fine. Which is great news! Though, perhaps the relief isn't quite as absolute because nothing being wrong to their eye doesn't mean that I wasn't feeling anything. I could spiral into thoughts, about what this could all mean, but I'm not going to do that. My dentist said he doesn't think anything is wrong and that I just need a stronger toothpaste, if that's what he thinks, that's what I'll stick with. Hopefully it works, and we're back on track.

Time for me to relax for the rest of the day (I'd kill for a cup of hot tea right now but I have to wait until I get that new toothpaste, I'll be getting it ASAP.)