not brushed teeth in 10 years

[frosty]

Im 25 and not brushed my teeth since i was a teenager, since then my teeth have yellowed, cracked (exept the front top and bottoms), bad breath and ive proberly got gum disease. Its only 6 months ago that ive just clicked on how this is affecting me and why my self confidence have been so low.

ALSO i think i have depression, i mean when i stopped brushing my teeth (coz i have a phobia of the noice and the feel of the toothbrush) i also stopped bathing and hardly ever cut and kept my hair neat. Looking back i was a freak . I just wished someone would have helped me or told me, i went through high school and university a mess! Im trying to get myself sorted but its hard and embarrasing. My family are useless so they are no help, they just judge and think they are better then me, i havnt spoken to my mum properly for a few years.

i want to know what help is out there and how do i go about having my teeth fixed without being judged - ie just go into the dentist and what to say to the dentist . Should i go and see the doctor about depression, and what would i say? Also i am on benifits (job seekers) so i think money wont be a problem for dental treatment.

 

[Kim]

Hello and welcome - glad you found this site and so hopefully you will be able to get the help you need - and deserve - remember that one!

With your teeth feeling the way they are, it is going to be a good idea to get someone to check them out. If you feel like you are depressed, then from personal experience, you probably are - you need to find an understanding person to help you on both counts - it isn't going to be easy - I am not going to tell you something you don't already know - but once you go through that first door, you will feel like a weight lifted from your shoulders, both dentally and mentally.

Do you have someone you can confide in, to help you on your way - feel free to pm me if that would help you, you need to seek some sort of initial help sweetie.

I am wishing you well

 

[carole]

Being on job seekers dental treatment should be free of charge, so if you could try and contact a few dentists where you live that would be a start.
They have seen teeth much worse than yours and will not judge you. If you see one that makes you feel uncomfortable leave and don't go back.
Explain that you want to get your teeth fixed and that you know you haven't looked after them, but you realise that getting orally healthy is going to be part of a bigger picture in getting yourself out of you depression and feeling better about yourself. Also explain that you want to look after them and yourself from now on.

Also if you make and appointment at the doctors and tell them how you feel and that you need some advise on what you can do to start feeling better, they may offer you medication, it is up to you if you decide to take it or they may be able to refer you to see someone that can talk to you and help you that way.

Depression is a horrible thing and caring about oneself is often effected. It is good to hear that you are wanting to feel better and do something about it, but you will need help.

I wish you well and I hope you find the strength to seek the help you are wanting.

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

Im 25 and not brushed my teeth since i was a teenager, since then my teeth have yellowed, cracked (exept the front top and bottoms), bad breath and ive proberly got gum disease. Its only 6 months ago that ive just clicked on how this is affecting me and why my self confidence have been so low.

ALSO i think i have depression, i mean when i stopped brushing my teeth (coz i have a phobia of the noice and the feel of the toothbrush) i also stopped bathing and hardly ever cut and kept my hair neat. Looking back i was a freak . I just wished someone would have helped me or told me, i went through high school and university a mess! Im trying to get myself sorted but its hard and embarrasing. My family are useless so they are no help, they just judge and think they are better then me, i havnt spoken to my mum properly for a few years.

i want to know what help is out there and how do i go about having my teeth fixed without being judged - ie just go into the dentist and what to say to the dentist . Should i go and see the doctor about depression, and what would i say? Also i am on benifits (job seekers) so i think money wont be a problem for dental treatment.

Hi frosty,

I'm so sorry, it sounds like you've got an awful lot of bad circumstances to deal with.

For starters, you need to know that you're not a bad person or a freak. Okay, maybe you were a freak in university, but who wasn't? Some combination of circumstances led you down a bad road of not taking care of yourself; it sounds like maybe a combination of depression, neglect, lack of guidance, and maybe just good old-fashioned being-a-teenager. One of the problems with both dental phobia and low self-esteem is that they tend to feed on themselves. The less you care, the worse you let yourself get, and the worse you get, the less you care, and on and on. It's easy to slide down deeper in a spiral like that, and it's really hard to pull yourself out.

The bad news is, your teeth suffered some from all the neglect during the bad times. The good news is, you're now taking stock of your life, and there's plenty of time to turn yourself around and put yourself on a better course, dentally and mentally.

So one of the first things you need to do is to start forgiving yourself for what's in the past, and start focusing on the strong person you're starting to become. Just posting here is a great first step, and takes a lot of courage, and it shows that there is a good part of you that still cares about yourself and is worth caring about. You don't have to continue being the person you were, but it does take a little time and a lot of effort to start changing, and a lot of change starts with little steps. So, for getting started right here, today!

I do think you should investigate getting some therapy to start working on some of your self-esteem issues. I've found therapy to be a huge help in understanding how I came to be where I am, and getting over some of the loathing and self-hatred I had for letting my teeth get so bad. I think that overcoming your dental problems, and feeling like you're worth the time and effort to fix yourself up go hand-in-hand.

As far as finding a dentist, my standard advice is this:

• Check the dentist recommendations forum here, and see if you can find a compassionate dentist near you. If not, Google or check your local directories for dentists that advertise specializing in scared patients.
• Many people here find it very useful to email some dentists, describing their problems and fears. Or even just writing down your story as you've done here, and printing it out for the dentist to read when you first meet. By offering your story first, you take some control and ownership of your story, and it's a way of saying, "Look, I know I've let my teeth go, but now I need help fixing them up." That tends to diffuse a lot of the shame of hiding and waiting for the dentist to "discover" your problems.
• Your first visit to the dentist should be for a consultation. Here, the dentist will have a visual look around your mouth, and usually take some x-rays. For many of us, this was the worst and scariest appointment. But trust me, the dentist has seen worse. Especially knowing your background, a compassionate dentist won't lecture or shame you, and won't be shocked at the condition of your teeth. They really have seen worse.
• Based on what he finds, the dentist will then talk to you about what treatments he recommends, which teeth need which work, what can be saved, etc. Most people are surprised to learn they need far less work done than they thought they would. But whatever the case, you'll get a professional report on how to restore you teeth to health, and you can talk about options, costs, etc. You can also maybe talk about brushing options and some ways that you can start taking care of your teeth again.
• After that, it's really up to you how to proceed. If the dentist is kind and feels like someone you can trust, you can start by scheduling some "easy" work, and go from there. A good dentist can do nearly everything painlessly, and once you start to experience having dental work done without pain, you'll build up some trust and find it easier to go back.

It's very common to feel ashamed or worried about "what the dentist will say" but really the good dentists out there won't lecture or scold you, just help you move forward and start working one what you need to do now. Remember the whole bit about not having to be the person you were? It applies here, too. The old you didn't brush his teeth and let things get bad. Now, you're an adult, and you can start slowly changing that, and become the person who's taking the initiative and fixing his teeth up.

It's not easy, getting over the shame and starting to set things right, but you can do it! I can assure you that plenty of really good people here on the forums have managed to turn their lives and their teeth around, and have discovered that they're not bad people, they're just really brave people who had to overcome a lot of bad circumstances.

Thanks so much for posting. Keep reading the success stories and journals here on the site, and ask any questions you have, however simple or shameful they might seem. We'll do all we can to help build up your spirits and set your mind at ease, and help you make the leap back into good dental care.

Take care, and welcome!

 

[toucan]

There's not much to add to the excellent advice already posted.

I just wanted to add another voice to congratulate you on taking the very brave step of posting how you feel. That is a very positive first step.

Low self esteem is a horrible insiduous thing that leads to us holding ourselves back all the time.

I know exactly the shame of the first visit to the dentist. It is very emotional for the patient, but for the dentist it is routine. I second the recommendation to contact by email to say how you feel. You then get rid of some of the bad feelings before you go.

Very, very good luck in your journey.

toucan

 

[frosty]

thanks for the kind replies

i found it helpful to write it all down and look at it in black and white in front of me. hopefully this will be the kick up the backside i need. So today i registered at my local doctors (which i should have done 1 1/2 years ago) and got an appointment with the nurse for a 'new patient check up.' ... and for the dentist side, I've decided not to go back to my original dentist that i had as a kid because the memories and fear would come rushing back and scare me away, which i dont want. i will go and register at the dentist near me tomorrow morning and try it out.

im going to take a lot of the advice given below, firstly by writing what i put in this thread into a letter and giving it to the dentist (+doctors) beforehand and work on my self-esteem issues hopefully with help and advice from the doctors. Hopefully they will understand that i will look after them and myself from now on and hopefully they will not judge .

well its a start ....

 

[Kim]

And what a bloomin' good and positive start frosty. As much as I fear going to the dentist, I am one of these people who once the appointment is made, would have to have a far better excuse than 'just' fear to make me not keep that appointment. I don't like letting people down, and know how frustrated I would be if someone kept making appointments and then cancelling them, especially when it stops/delays others from getting the appointments, and I am not just referring to dental ones because there are a whole lot of other appointments people need, GP's hospitals etc. Step's down off of soap box

You have registered with your GP, and tomorrow you are going to get yourself sorted out with a dentist - really chuffed for you.

It will be like taking baby steps along the way, but the immense feeling of 'nice' that you get when you achieve even the teeniest weeniest of things, is sooooo worthwhile.

Keep the momentum going hunni, and come and share with us, laugh with us, cry with us and ask advice of us - we will always have someone who can chip in on something for you to help you further along your way

 

[ncarley12]

My friends mom didn't go to the dentist for 10 years. She didn't brush them either. So about a year ago she started going back to the dentist to get her teeth fixed. It may take awhile but eventually your teeth will be good again.

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

What Kim said.

Great job getting started, frosty! :bravo:! You're doing wonderful, and I know how much courage and strength it takes just to write your story down and look at it, and top pick up the phone and make that appointment.

Just remember that you don't have to take everything on at once, and that doing this kind of work can be really taxing on your spirit and body. So, do what you can, give yourself lots of space and encouragement (we'll help!), and give yourself permission to make some mistakes or slip back a little along the way. Some days it will seem like the path is too steep, but today you're climbing strong, so good for you!!

It can be hard to find a good listener to share your little victories with (it can be hard to ring your friends and brag, "I brushed my teeth today!" ). This forum and your therapist can get great allies in that regard. We understand how hard it is to take these steps, and how proud you must feel. So make sure to bask in the glow a little bit, you have a lot to proud of already!

 

[frosty]

well ... i was going to go and register with a dentist today but didnt ! I guess i just panicked (heart beating very fast) and just walked past it! But i will try again tomorrow, and force myself to go in, as its just to register, no ones going to do it for me but me!

 

[Kim]

Do you have someone who can help? Can yo e-mail - you are going so far forward, don't let this hiccup stop you xx

 

[franklinm]

Frosty it's totally fine that you didn't register today. Just take this one step at a time. I freak out any time when I pass my dentist office even if my next appointment is in 6 months, even when I'm on the street my dentist is on it makes me anxious even if I'm miles away. It took me a couple of days to work up the courage just to call my dentist office. Don't be mad at yourself for not being able to register. Trust me it will be okay, even though it seems like it won't. You will do this yourself and only you. Try again tomorrow and if you don't succeed try try again. You've done great just to come this far. Good luck.

 

[frosty]

Kim i dont know if i can email that dental practice but i will find out and no not really, i rather do the consultation part alone (would feel better doing it that way, i think) ... BUT until i get treatment done on my teeth, then i will need someone there with me, i have 2 friends who i think will be supportive at that stage (i hope).

thank you franklinm, i will try tomorrow. Im just going to take a deep breathe and go in there tomorrow

I'm fed up of being nervous about it all!!!

 

[MC]

I hope you stop by my thread in success stories...

I can tell you that I was hellaciously nervous with awful intestinal cramps before I went. My dad is a dentist, so I've been surrounded by this my whole life. The pressure has been immense. But what I can say now that I went to the dentist yesterday is that it is the most wonderful feeling that I went and that weight of the world is off my shoulders. I have the biggest spring in my step today. I know I got so lucky with the results of my exam and x-rays. But still, I know I can move forth without the pressure, the anxiety. It's the best feeling. I know I'm not cured of dental phobia. I know I'll still be anxious at my next cleaning, really the x-rays. But I know I'll be in a much better place and and work needing to be done from here forward will be minor. And easy to fix. 95% chance without needles. And that is the best feeling ever.

I wish you all the best.

 

[letsconnect]

Hi frosty, have you considered the Special Care Dentistry service in Leeds, this might be better than a regular NHS practice and they do cater to people with dental phobias and also mental health problems.

You would need a referral from your GP to avail of this service.

 

[Kim]

Everyone is different frosty - I can't go through the door alone, even tho' I am still this far down the line I know nothing horrible isn't going to happen, and that I'm in the best possible hands - does that mean I can go on my own - don't be daft, this is me we are talking about So you are far better than me in that respect, and good on you. I truly hope that when you are going for treatment you get one of your friends to go with you - for morale support as well as comforting support.

And once again, franklinm has shown what a wise head is sitting there on his young shoulders, well done mister - proud of you

Take care sweetie.

Kim