Really scared of being told off

[lilwolfangel]

My teeth are getting real bad for tooth decay but I can't bring myself to make an appointment. I know for a fact it's shameful at my age (18) and everytime I look at the mirror before and after brushing my teeth I look at them and get a horrible feeling just looking at them already had 2 fillings. I was awful at brushing teeth as a kid which f***** them over and I do try noe but then my brain sometimes goes "well you've already buggered them up it doesn't really matter anymore" and end up just going to bed without doing them and then I'm awful at lying in which means I sometimea don't do them in the morning. I know it's terrible and I honestly have tried but I just can't seem to change my mindset. I feel awful just thinking about how bad it's getting yet my brain just keeps f****** me over and stopping me! To ashamed to tell anyone because of the looks I'd get, the dentist would give me a lecture and when I look on here people are saying this in their 30s whilst I'm half their age! Any advice cause it's driving me mad that i hate my teeth but can't bring myself to do anything about it

 

[Sevena]

You're not alone, and it does happen to younger people too.

The best thing to do is communicate to the dentist. You're not an irresponsible person - after all, you're here in this forum because you want to get the problem addressed. You can say, "I know my teeth might be in bad shape, but I've been too embarrassed to come to the dentist. I would really like it if you were gentle with me and didn't lecture, because I'm trying to get this fixed, but I'm very nervous."

It can be really hard speaking up for yourself at the dentist, especially when you're young, so I understand if that's difficult for you. You could also ask the receptionist to pass along a similar message for you. Some dentists aren't very pleasant and think it's okay to shame their patients (it's never okay). Others might give a big lecture because they think their patient is completely unaware of the issues, or because they're trying scare tactics to get the patient to maintain better oral hygiene. That's not coming from a bad place, but it's not always helpful. So let the dentist know your situation!

As for your brushing habits, do you know it takes about a minimum of 21 days for a habit to form? Maybe that seems like a long time, but if you can do it and turn it into a habit, it'll be much easier and become like second-nature. You can try setting reminders on your phone. Lie-ins are one of life's greatest pleasures, especially when you're a teenager, but you can try popping out of bed to brush your teeth, then going back to bed for more laziness.

Getting your problems seen to will make brushing easier too, because you won't associate it so much with anxiety over the problems you might have. You're young so you have a good chance to turn it all around and you'll save yourself more work in future.

Whatever happens, don't be ashamed. You're not a bad person. Lots of people are too scared of lectures to go to the dentist, and then the problem compounds itself because brushing reminds them of the looming prospect of dental work, and so they brush less and need more work and so on and so on. It's actually an easy trap to fall into.

Don't beat yourself up, and hang in there!

 

[krlovesherkids777]

I just want to share a letter from a dentist I got recently after tell them I was very ashamed of anyone even looking at mouth, I was ancious and needed non rushed and compassionate care..HOpefully you will get one like below

That’s our specialty. We are open tomorrow morning but I’m not sure of our availability. I want to make sure we can give you enough time. Why don’t you call and set up a time just to meet and we can see how it goes. We never judge and I commend you for trying to improve your dental health.

 

[lilwolfangel]

You're not alone, and it does happen to younger people too.

The best thing to do is communicate to the dentist. You're not an irresponsible person - after all, you're here in this forum because you want to get the problem addressed. You can say, "I know my teeth might be in bad shape, but I've been too embarrassed to come to the dentist. I would really like it if you were gentle with me and didn't lecture, because I'm trying to get this fixed, but I'm very nervous."

It can be really hard speaking up for yourself at the dentist, especially when you're young, so I understand if that's difficult for you. You could also ask the receptionist to pass along a similar message for you. Some dentists aren't very pleasant and think it's okay to shame their patients (it's never okay). Others might give a big lecture because they think their patient is completely unaware of the issues, or because they're trying scare tactics to get the patient to maintain better oral hygiene. That's not coming from a bad place, but it's not always helpful. So let the dentist know your situation!

As for your brushing habits, do you know it takes about a minimum of 21 days for a habit to form? Maybe that seems like a long time, but if you can do it and turn it into a habit, it'll be much easier and become like second-nature. You can try setting reminders on your phone. Lie-ins are one of life's greatest pleasures, especially when you're a teenager, but you can try popping out of bed to brush your teeth, then going back to bed for more laziness.

Getting your problems seen to will make brushing easier too, because you won't associate it so much with anxiety over the problems you might have. You're young so you have a good chance to turn it all around and you'll save yourself more work in future.

Whatever happens, don't be ashamed. You're not a bad person. Lots of people are too scared of lectures to go to the dentist, and then the problem compounds itself because brushing reminds them of the looming prospect of dental work, and so they brush less and need more work and so on and so on. It's actually an easy trap to fall into.

Don't beat yourself up, and hang in there!

Thanks, I know it seems like such a simple task to go to the dentist but I'll look up dentists and have a look through but I end up just panicking and sometimes crying over it which is stupid I know for going to someone that's meant to help me fix the problem. When I say I sleep in that doesn't mean I fancy a lie in, it means I sleep through all 50 alarms and wake up 5 minutes befpre I need to leave so that time consists of clothes and shoes. Just bought an alarm clock (really loud ones with bells on top) yesterday so should help. I'm really trying atm as I've just moved about a week ago out my parents house and trying to start afresh in terms of sorting out my routine and looking after myself better but I still keep slipping. I do at least once a day which is better than it used to be many days and if that is the case I'll sit there and brish my teeth excessively for 5 mins and just started forcing myself to stop rinsing my mouth cause I hate the taste of toothpaste so that's some improvement plus I always use mouthwash at night but then I look and stare at my teeth in the mirror it actually frightens me... but so does the dentist... like I just finished brishing and checking them before writing this and my body is literally shaking. All the new people I'm meeting with the move as well I'm afraid they'll find out. Just wish I could pluck up the courage to ask advice from my parents too but Im pretty sure I know how they'd react; disappointed and annoyed

 

[lilwolfangel]

I just want to share a letter from a dentist I got recently after tell them I was very ashamed of anyone even looking at mouth, I was ancious and needed non rushed and compassionate care..HOpefully you will get one like below

That’s our specialty. We are open tomorrow morning but I’m not sure of our availability. I want to make sure we can give you enough time. Why don’t you call and set up a time just to meet and we can see how it goes. We never judge and I commend you for trying to improve your dental health.

Thanks for sharing this, it is quite reassuring. I'll try contact some dentists in advance like you as it really scares me the thought of going in and just looking at my teeth in disgust...

 

[krlovesherkids777]

lilwolfangel..

there are some real compassionate ones out ther.. there is also the lady who really changed my life. i had been going to shoddy awful dentist my whole life until I was 3o when I walked into kelly's office. she was a brand new graduate just a year into practice and had a great compassion.. I would walk in covering my mouth, she gracefully got me through some fillings and a rootcanal. and then after gaining my trust she advised me it was best to knock my 5 front bottom out and get dentures that it would look far better and function better. it was a big.... step.. her and her associates helped me along with it.. they took moulds, pulled my teeth and got those dentures inn just in time for a job interview.. I had my dignity and smile back and I forever bless Dr Kelly..that was 20 years ago.. there are ddentists like this.. she would say.. oh honey, don't cover your mouth you have a beaiutiful smile you should show it, I'm going to help you feel that beautiful again!! I loved her!! there are those out there!!

 

[Thephilsblogbar]

I am often worry everytime I go to dentist that she will tell me off. thankfully I have a fantastic dentist who does a no telling off, lectures etc, just helpful advice.

 

[Sevena]

Thanks, I know it seems like such a simple task to go to the dentist but I'll look up dentists and have a look through but I end up just panicking and sometimes crying over it which is stupid I know for going to someone that's meant to help me fix the problem. When I say I sleep in that doesn't mean I fancy a lie in, it means I sleep through all 50 alarms and wake up 5 minutes befpre I need to leave so that time consists of clothes and shoes. Just bought an alarm clock (really loud ones with bells on top) yesterday so should help. I'm really trying atm as I've just moved about a week ago out my parents house and trying to start afresh in terms of sorting out my routine and looking after myself better but I still keep slipping. I do at least once a day which is better than it used to be many days and if that is the case I'll sit there and brish my teeth excessively for 5 mins and just started forcing myself to stop rinsing my mouth cause I hate the taste of toothpaste so that's some improvement plus I always use mouthwash at night but then I look and stare at my teeth in the mirror it actually frightens me... but so does the dentist... like I just finished brishing and checking them before writing this and my body is literally shaking. All the new people I'm meeting with the move as well I'm afraid they'll find out. Just wish I could pluck up the courage to ask advice from my parents too but Im pretty sure I know how they'd react; disappointed and annoyed

Once a day is much better than no times a day! Of course it will take you some time to get settled after moving, don't put too much on yourself. Let yourself get settled and then you can build a routine gradually.

One piece of advice? Stop examining your teeth in the mirror. There really is no need to. It's just making you upset. There's nothing useful you can gain from it - only a dentist can diagnose issues, and they usually take an x-ray to do so properly.

Problems with Brushing Teeth and Toothpaste Phobia

Do you find brushing your teeth difficult? You may hate the taste of toothpaste, find it hard to motivate yourself, or experience gagging. Get tips here!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

This page has some tips for people who find brushing upsetting and who hate the taste of toothpaste. You're definitely not alone there! You can look for other kinds of toothpaste too, I know Lush used to have some strange ones, and there are some brands that have citrus and cinnamon flavoured toothpastes. Might be hard to find but it's worth looking around.

You're obviously going through a stressful time. Be kind to yourself. Remember that you're an adult now, you can go see a dentist and if the dentist is not kind and makes you uncomfortable, you're within your rights to say "This is making me more upset, so I think I'd be better off leaving" and then you can just walk out.