terrified of upcoming dental work

[rtuesday]

Some background for my anxiety: I had one dentist I saw as a child and then for a few years as a teenager/young adult. She was AMAZING. When I was in middle school, my family switched to a dentist who was a relative of a friend and made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE (and gave me a mouth full of amalgam, what nightmare). I was relieved when we switched back. And then, when I actually felt good about going to the dentist (I actually had a couple visits where I DIDN'T have any cavities, which was new and exciting for me!), my dad decided to switch our family over to a different dentist because they were "cheaper." And that was basically the worst thing to ever happen to me. Not only was my anxiety ramped up to 100, the actual dental work I received there was awful. Almost every filling I received there broke and had to be redone. (The dentist joked at one point and said "Have you been eating rocks?" I didn't think it was very funny as a self-conscious 19 year old girl in pain, for the record.) Even when they didn't need to be redone, I'd have to go in and get them readjusted because they didn't align it to my bite properly. One filling broke for the SECOND TIME, after I was off my parents' insurance, and I walked around in excruciating pain for over a year (taking the max dosage of ibuprofen and excedrin together every single day for at least a year) before I finally got the courage to go in for an appointment. At that point, my options were either getting a root canal or an extraction. With no insurance, I didn't really have any other choice but the latter.


So I'm scared of A: having work done and then IMMEDIATELY having to go back and get it redone in an endless cycle, and B: having another extraction. The last one really fucked me up because the tooth could have been saved, but I didn't have any other choice.


I moved to a new city and only got a job with actual benefits less than a year ago. Then it was a matter of finding a dentist I felt like I could trust. I finally did via a friend. He won me over by actually calling me back in the middle of his vacation when I left a phone message terrified about my mouth bleeding, then called back a few days later to make sure I was okay. So, a couple days ago, when I was finally able to go in for a cleaning, surprise: after four years of not being able to afford a dentist visit, I need two root canals, a crown, and an unspecified number of fillings (but definitely several). I'm terrified. I spent the entire day after the early morning appointment in tears. I've went in to dentist offices and had to get a lot of work done, and even had a root canal/crown done before, but it's never been this bad. And the hygienist (the dentist wasn't in that day) was very blunt about "yeah your insurance isn't going to cover all this." I feel like she *tried* to be nice because I was in tears (there was also a lot of "it's okay, you're here now, that's all that matters" too, to be fair), but it wasn't enough to make me not feel like an anxious disaster.


I don't feel like any of my friends really get HOW MUCH going to the dentist terrifies me, both from an emotional and financial standpoint. And I know everyone talks about how it's never too late, but I feel like even though I've spent the last several years trying to take good care of my teeth because I didn't have insurance, it still wasn't enough and now it's too late for anything to matter.

 

[Enarete]

Hi and welcome on the forum rtuesday,

sorry to read about your past and what a bad luck you had with your parent's choices on dentists and also sorry for the tooth that had to go as a result of that. Not being able to really choose due to costs is one of the saddest outcomes and I understand your grief about this as well as your fear of future costs. Glad to hear that you have a job with some benefits and are ready to find a way to sort your issues.

You mentioned that you had work done in your past but the anxiety never was so bad. This makes a lot of sense as the overall dental fear gets worse with every negative dental experience. Please do not feel upset about tears or feeling out of control during your dental visits. This is very common and the initial appointments with a new practice are usually the most draining ones. It sounds like your dentist is a nice guy and I promise you that you will hardly ever have such a level of anxiety again once you get through the first few visits. The way out of dental fear is the same like the way in - with every good experience the overall fear gets less on the overall scale.

It is very easy to feel alone when dealing with dental fear as the most people who are scared do not talk about it much and the people who do not struggle with anxiety have a really hard time to understand how terrible it feels. That's why this forum is such a blessing and a great support. So please, forgive your friends for not understanding what you are going through right now and also be kind to yourself. Just give yourself the time and space to cry, to be terrified and to feel desperate as it belongs to the process. We all have gone through this and I promise you that this will settle once you are far enough on your journey.

If I can give you an advice it would be: talk to your dental team openly about your fears and all the things that worry you. Tell them about your past experiences. It's all about building a good relationship with your dental team, gaining confidence and finding out how to work together in the best way. Knowing your fears, worries and preferences allows your dentist/hygienist/nurse to take care of you well and make sure that your treatment will be as comfortable as possible. Every patient is different and what works for one might not work for another so making things worse while just trying to be funny/kind/put someone at ease can happen very quickly. Needless to say that it's not only frustrating for you but also for the provider. So everything that makes them know you better is good.

All the best wishes and let us know your thoughts

 

[krlovesherkids777]

"If I can give you an advice it would be: talk to your dental team openly about your fears and all the things that worry you. Tell them about your past experiences. It's all about building a good relationship with your dental team, gaining confidence and finding out how to work together in the best way. Knowing your fears, worries and preferences allows your dentist/hygienist/nurse to take care of you well and make sure that your treatment will be as comfortable as possible. Every patient is different and what works for one might not work for another so making things worse while just trying to be funny/kind/put someone at ease can happen very quickly. Needless to say that it's not only frustrating for you but also for the provider. So everything that makes them know you better is good."

Amazing advice for anyone Enarete, and definately something I have found to be so true with my current dentist, this is perfectly said!! Thank you!