Tired of being afraid

[scaredsw]

Hi everyone!

I’ve been coming to this website for a while but finally decided to make an account for some support. I’m a 26 year old female and I haven’t been to the dentist in about 6 years or so. When I last went I had a terrible experience at first (which is where I think this began). Basically a dentist told me I had to grow up (not kidding) and go see someone that could “knock me out” to do work. All because I was crying before him giving me the injection. I ended up finding a dentist that was caring and gentle and did all the work I needed but for some reason the fear intensified after and I never went back.

So here I am today absolutely petrified. I have panic attacks just looking up dentists. It’s 4am and I’ve been awake for an hour crying about this. My teeth aren’t in bad shape (I don’t think). Just could probably use a deep cleaning and get whatever issues fixed. I just can’t seem to overcome this fear and I’m beating myself up. Mind you I’m also a licensed social worker so the guilt that I can’t help myself is there too.

I’m looking into therapy for myself to maybe help with my severe fear. I want to get my teeth taken care of before I’m older and can’t reverse any damage. Right now I’m just not feeling like I’ll ever overcome this. Thanks for reading everyone and sorry if it was super long. Just needed to get this all out to people that understand.

 

[Animalhouse]

Hi everyone!

I’ve been coming to this website for a while but finally decided to make an account for some support. I’m a 26 year old female and I haven’t been to the dentist in about 6 years or so. When I last went I had a terrible experience at first (which is where I think this began). Basically a dentist told me I had to grow up (not kidding) and go see someone that could “knock me out” to do work. All because I was crying before him giving me the injection. I ended up finding a dentist that was caring and gentle and did all the work I needed but for some reason the fear intensified after and I never went back.

So here I am today absolutely petrified. I have panic attacks just looking up dentists. It’s 4am and I’ve been awake for an hour crying about this. My teeth aren’t in bad shape (I don’t think). Just could probably use a deep cleaning and get whatever issues fixed. I just can’t seem to overcome this fear and I’m beating myself up. Mind you I’m also a licensed social worker so the guilt that I can’t help myself is there too.

I’m looking into therapy for myself to maybe help with my severe fear. I want to get my teeth taken care of before I’m older and can’t reverse any damage. Right now I’m just not feeling like I’ll ever overcome this. Thanks for reading everyone and sorry if it was super long. Just needed to get this all out to people that understand.

Welcome to the forum and I hope the encouragement you receive here will help you to take the next step of taking care of your health. Your story sounds a lot like mine, except I am 30 now. I first went to the dentist when I chipped a molar 10 years ago and I got a large, poorly done filling by a very rude and insensitive dentist (and there were tears for me too). At that time, I wasn't even embarrassed about my mouth until I went there and received a verbal beating by the dentist. That was the last time I went until this March when I decided I had enough of all of the self loathing, googling teeth related things late at night while my husband was asleep, reading messages here, etc.

To be completely honest, it hasn't been easy. In fact, I feel like I am constantly riding on an emotional roller coaster and since March, I have been back to the same dentist for two sedation appointments plus many post op and consultation visits. I've lost count of the exact number of visits. Each time I go, the anxiety lessens. My dentist is sensitive, gentle, and truly cares about his patients and doesn't make any negative comments about how I ended up where I am today. He only focuses on the future, prioritizing the work that needs to be done and tries not to overload me with information and fear. I was actually there today and he was explaining to be step by step what would happen for a particular procedure to help me decide if I could do it today or if I would feel more comfortable with some sort of sedation.

Sorry I went on for a while, I just wanted to share my experience and that there are some excellent dentists out there who will be more than happy to help you get on the right track. I opted to have almost everything done at once under sedation to get it all over with, but it doesn't have to be that way. On my first visit, I didn't even get a cleaning, just an exam and xrays. Baby steps are more than okay. And while I am feeling slightly brave right now, it hasn't always been that way. After years of avoidance, I broke down to my husband and told him of all of my worries. He called the dentist for me to schedule my initial visit and he drove me there. He waited in the waiting room because I didn't want him to 'know' everything, but afterwards I ended up unloading it all on him anyway. It definitely helps to have someone you can talk to, even if it is this forum.

I hope you feel better soon and congratulations on taking the first step of sharing your feelings here.

 

[scaredsw]

Welcome to the forum and I hope the encouragement you receive here will help you to take the next step of taking care of your health. Your story sounds a lot like mine, except I am 30 now. I first went to the dentist when I chipped a molar 10 years ago and I got a large, poorly done filling by a very rude and insensitive dentist (and there were tears for me too). At that time, I wasn't even embarrassed about my mouth until I went there and received a verbal beating by the dentist. That was the last time I went until this March when I decided I had enough of all of the self loathing, googling teeth related things late at night while my husband was asleep, reading messages here, etc.

To be completely honest, it hasn't been easy. In fact, I feel like I am constantly riding on an emotional roller coaster and since March, I have been back to the same dentist for two sedation appointments plus many post op and consultation visits. I've lost count of the exact number of visits. Each time I go, the anxiety lessens. My dentist is sensitive, gentle, and truly cares about his patients and doesn't make any negative comments about how I ended up where I am today. He only focuses on the future, prioritizing the work that needs to be done and tries not to overload me with information and fear. I was actually there today and he was explaining to be step by step what would happen for a particular procedure to help me decide if I could do it today or if I would feel more comfortable with some sort of sedation.

Sorry I went on for a while, I just wanted to share my experience and that there are some excellent dentists out there who will be more than happy to help you get on the right track. I opted to have almost everything done at once under sedation to get it all over with, but it doesn't have to be that way. On my first visit, I didn't even get a cleaning, just an exam and xrays. Baby steps are more than okay. And while I am feeling slightly brave right now, it hasn't always been that way. After years of avoidance, I broke down to my husband and told him of all of my worries. He called the dentist for me to schedule my initial visit and he drove me there. He waited in the waiting room because I didn't want him to 'know' everything, but afterwards I ended up unloading it all on him anyway. It definitely helps to have someone you can talk to, even if it is this forum.

I hope you feel better soon and congratulations on taking the first step of sharing your feelings here.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I relate to everytbing you said. My boyfriend is so incredibly caring but he’s pushing me to schedule and it’s making overwhelmed. I had a pretty rough day at work, obsessively checking my teeth and hyperfocusing on them. I actually read through your posts and the tartar issue is similar to mine. I’m glad to see they removed it from your teeth with no issue because that scares me so much. The good news is that I’m taking steps towards my mental health and scheduled a therapy appointment for myself tomorrow. I hope I can get through this. It’s just been feeling a lot less likely lately than before.

 

[Animalhouse]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I relate to everytbing you said. My boyfriend is so incredibly caring but he’s pushing me to schedule and it’s making overwhelmed. I had a pretty rough day at work, obsessively checking my teeth and hyperfocusing on them. I actually read through your posts and the tartar issue is similar to mine. I’m glad to see they removed it from your teeth with no issue because that scares me so much. The good news is that I’m taking steps towards my mental health and scheduled a therapy appointment for myself tomorrow. I hope I can get through this. It’s just been feeling a lot less likely lately than before.

I'm glad that you were able to check out my other posts. The tartar issue really was a major source of fear for me, not only because of the ick factor but because I was fully convinced that it was actually bits of my teeth that were breaking off, which was not the case at all. I was so worried about my front bottom teeth because they had a ton of tartar on the front and back so I was certain they would just fall right out. I definitely recommend looking into sedation if that is something you are interested in. I opted for conscious non iv sedation for a 4.5 hour deep cleaning(pills and nitrous) and while I knew I was there, I really didn't care and the time absolutely flew by that whole morning. I didn't even have any pain after except for dry lips and my jaw was a little sore. Dentistry has come a long way even in the past few years. For me, it helps to list what my specific fears are and try to come up with solutions or other ways to think about it.

For example: I was afraid that the dentist and the assistants would be grossed out by me. So instead I thought "I'm paying them for a service and we aren't personal friends, so who cares?" Turns out no one cared about the state I was in, they just wanted me to feel better.

 

[soupy]

Hi everyone!

I’ve been coming to this website for a while but finally decided to make an account for some support. I’m a 26 year old female and I haven’t been to the dentist in about 6 years or so. When I last went I had a terrible experience at first (which is where I think this began). Basically a dentist told me I had to grow up (not kidding) and go see someone that could “knock me out” to do work. All because I was crying before him giving me the injection. I ended up finding a dentist that was caring and gentle and did all the work I needed but for some reason the fear intensified after and I never went back.

So here I am today absolutely petrified. I have panic attacks just looking up dentists. It’s 4am and I’ve been awake for an hour crying about this. My teeth aren’t in bad shape (I don’t think). Just could probably use a deep cleaning and get whatever issues fixed. I just can’t seem to overcome this fear and I’m beating myself up. Mind you I’m also a licensed social worker so the guilt that I can’t help myself is there too.

I’m looking into therapy for myself to maybe help with my severe fear. I want to get my teeth taken care of before I’m older and can’t reverse any damage. Right now I’m just not feeling like I’ll ever overcome this. Thanks for reading everyone and sorry if it was super long. Just needed to get this all out to people that understand.

Hi there,

very well done in first place for making a post, i think it's a very good sign. When I joined a forum called 'beyond fear' about 15 years ago, I was in the same boat as you are now, and I felt that joining a group really was a major first step that showed i was really trying to master the scared side of me that was preventing me from making that call, or going through the dentists door. Coming on here, talking to sympathetic friends, going over my fears one but one, and examining my emotional reactions to each fear, and then looking logically at each fear, I've found to be very helpful. I've also read many self help books that have given me some good techniques over the years for handling myself, more recently to keep myself on track as i approach some big dental work, i've been reading 'The Chimp Paradox' by Steve Peters, a free kindle sample is available on amazon i believe. The book is very funny as well as being very helpful.

What you're feeling is totally understandable given your experiences with a very unsympathetic dentist. They aren't all like that gladly, and you will find someone that will give you the time and patience you need. When you do find someone, going in to just to look around, or have a chat could be a good starting point for you, then you could go again and maybe this time the dentist could just have a look around your mouth but not touch, or take some pictures. All done one step at a time, in bite sized chunks at your own pace, might be a plan that works for you.

I can understand that it is scarey and can cause panic attacks just looking for someone to start with, i am going thru that process again now, right in the middle of treatment, but don't see it that you are committing to something, just see it that you are looking in to it, and remember that you are in control of this process - you may find someone that just jumps out at you as being the person for you, and surprise yourself that you can make that call. You could offer to pay for a telephone consult before you go in, to see if they sound like your kind of person.

Well done again for the post, and for getting on the first step of the ladder My partner always says to me 'Be kind to yourself, cut yourself some slack, and remember you are in charge'.

 

[scaredsw]

Hi there,

very well done in first place for making a post, i think it's a very good sign. When I joined a forum called 'beyond fear' about 15 years ago, I was in the same boat as you are now, and I felt that joining a group really was a major first step that showed i was really trying to master the scared side of me that was preventing me from making that call, or going through the dentists door. Coming on here, talking to sympathetic friends, going over my fears one but one, and examining my emotional reactions to each fear, and then looking logically at each fear, I've found to be very helpful. I've also read many self help books that have given me some good techniques over the years for handling myself, more recently to keep myself on track as i approach some big dental work, i've been reading 'The Chimp Paradox' by Steve Peters, a free kindle sample is available on amazon i believe. The book is very funny as well as being very helpful.

What you're feeling is totally understandable given your experiences with a very unsympathetic dentist. They aren't all like that gladly, and you will find someone that will give you the time and patience you need. When you do find someone, going in to just to look around, or have a chat could be a good starting point for you, then you could go again and maybe this time the dentist could just have a look around your mouth but not touch, or take some pictures. All done one step at a time, in bite sized chunks at your own pace, might be a plan that works for you.

I can understand that it is scarey and can cause panic attacks just looking for someone to start with, i am going thru that process again now, right in the middle of treatment, but don't see it that you are committing to something, just see it that you are looking in to it, and remember that you are in control of this process - you may find someone that just jumps out at you as being the person for you, and surprise yourself that you can make that call. You could offer to pay for a telephone consult before you go in, to see if they sound like your kind of person.

Well done again for the post, and for getting on the first step of the ladder My partner always says to me 'Be kind to yourself, cut yourself some slack, and remember you are in charge'.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope to work through this because I can’t keep living how I am!!

 

[soupy]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope to work through this because I can’t keep living how I am!!

You'll get there scaredsw just take it a step at a time, it's hard, but when i feel bogged down by it all, i try not think about all my concerns at once, I try to think about things one at a time. I also only really speak to my most understanding friends or family about my worries, as many people don't understand and say daft things, or try tough love on me which doesn't help me at all, so now, I only speak to those that i feel truly understand my situation. These forums are superb for that.

When I reach a crunch point in dental thinking, I often do this kind of chaotic thing in my head, where everything floods in at once "I am worried about how the dentist will treat me? Will i even feel able to go to the dentist? Could i even get work done? What will happen to my teeth if i dont go?" ....i let myself sound off for a while, then go, ok, breath soupy, lets look at this one by one - how will the dentist treat me? ok, well i could pay for an appointment, go in, just talk, see if i like them. ok next worry soupy - Can i even get to the dentists if i do get an appointment ? - i think i could go if i had someone with me, i will ask X or Y if they can come, they are always good at supporting me. What next soupy - Could i ever get work done? I will cross that bridge when I come to it, i might not need anything done right now, and if I do, I have found dentist that is really nice, and i can ask him to talk me through stuff, and tell me what my options are.

Breaking stuff down and looking at things logically after my initial emotional fear cycle, is what I tend to do, otherwise i really tire myself out with the worry. I usually have to go thru this emotional then logical cycle over and over again until i will start to accept a path. It's hard, especially at night if things are keeping you awake, but i do 'deep breathing techniques', and try to look at things bite by bite. I find Yoga and pilates have helped trained my mind to focus better, i know some folks find tai chi good for that. Maybe you can find something that helps you like that, because when i learnt to direct my focus, i felt much more able to tackle things.

Keep going, you can do it.