a setback?

[lovesummer]

Not sure where to start but here goes........

I have been scared of the dentist since a child after bad experience and I therefore haven't visited a dentist for nearly 20 years. I have a story similar to many of the others here and I hide my teeth, am very ashamed etc

Well last week while eating my muesli another tooth chipped and I finally had enough so I called a dentist and made an appointment. This is a dentist that has an excellent reputation for dealing with phobics so she's very busy and I couldn't get to see her for few weeks. I managed to settle myself with this and then this morning I had a call from the Dentist office to re-schedule as she wouldn't be available the week of my appointment. Well with my work commitments etc this means I won't get to see her for about a month.

Well my logical side is saying I waited twenty years so one more month is not the end of the word but I'm also freaking out a bit...is it a sign, what if I lose my focus, I feel so strong at the moment but what if I go back to being so scared that I can't make the move

sorry just need to vent a bit, I haven't said anything to anyone about this appointment as I didn't want to feel any additional pressure.....

 

[1iora]

It's annoying when that kind of thing happens, especially when you're trying your best to be diligent and take care of a problem. That's one of my biggest pet peeves, when you're really trying to do something right and then it gets messed up. I think they should have tried to offer you an earlier appointment instead, just as a matter of courtesy.

But if you think this doctor is going to be good (I'm a big fan of picking based on reputation too) then stick with it. Call and ask them if they can please call you if they have any cancellations that fit your schedule, explain that you're nervous and it'll be easier for you to do it sooner rather than later. Sometimes offices will squeeze people in as 'emergencies' for stuff like that just of their own volition - doesn't have to be a real emergency, can even be because the dental insurance is about to expire.

 

[toucan]

Your story echoes mine. 20 years, and then a front tooth snapped off. I couldn't hide any longer.
I purposefully chose an appointment in 3 weeks time. It was so traumatic for me to contact a dentist and make the appt, that I felt i needed to breathe inbetween. The first two weeks of waiting were fine, I was filled with the euphoria of having a dentist! As with most people on here, the next week was filled with dread at my first appt.

It is difficult to tell you how to deal with this dread. Except that the proof of the pudding is in the eating. Your dentist sounds very promising. The first appt should be a chat, a look (if you agree), and x-rays (if you feel you can cope with them on that day). Once these things are achieved, you are on your way. It is life changing in a wonderful way, the relief from being scared of the state of your teeth on a day to day basis is immense.

Could you ask to be notified of cancellations, which could bring your appointment forward?
If not, then stay on here for encouragement, try to project forward to what the outcome will be and we look forward to hearing your progress. You are not alone..........

 

[lovesummer]

Hi

thank you for answering me, feel such a silly billy and as I said logically there isn't a rush it's just mad really but.....well you know how it is with this phobia thing, one simple thing can feel like such a knock
back

I did ask about earlier appointments etc but not really possible, so I will just have to hold on and see how it goes. Like you Toucan I feel so great at the moment as I can't really believe I finally picked up the phone and did something that the day before would have been unimaginable but I really don't want to lose my momentum and then all these silly thoughts slip in.... like is it a sign and maybe I shouldn't be using to this dentist but I know this really is just nonsense and just my fear playing tricks on me......

I'm going away for a couple of weeks anyway so will just enjoy my break, keeping breathing deeply and hope that I can face the fear and be done with the thing that has held me back for so long

thank you again, it's so good to be able to share

 

[toucan]

I understand the momentum thing. It's almost as if you feel your dream will disappear. BUT, the appointment is made. The appointment belongs to you and you alone. It is your appointment! Your name is in the book. It is day one of you saying "I'm having my teeth done". (My mantra to calm me when I get stressy about it all.) You can borrow it if you like.
Twenty years versus four weeks, it won't be long.

Mind you, you are speaking to a woman who will start getting about a first visit to a hygienist soon, even though all my dental work is done. Logic brain knows it will be fine. Just need to get through to emotional brain.

Receptionist looked at me as if I was nuts when I said I was dreading it. We get on well. She said I shouldn't have a problem with all the work I've had done. Just the unknown again isn't it. Still after the first one, I will know won't I?
Can I just say I love the frantic smiley!

xx

 

[lovesummer]

Thank you Toucan....

you are absolutely right I will try our mantra, I'm already doing loads of yoga postures that promote bravery so hey ho!

I'm just going to hold on I think I've found the tight dentist and this is just one of those things so it' just one of those things.

Thank you for your replies and reading your story has been a real inspiration. It sounds soo much like my story when my tooth chipped or more like broke the other day and I made the appointment my husband knew something was up but didn't push. I haven't told him about the appt yet as I know he so wants me to face the fear and I just feel that I don't want pressure as yet....

thank you, I love frantic smiley too

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

That sounds very nerve-wracking! I think everyone here can relate to how much effort it takes to work up the courage to face the dentist, and then to find out you have to wait even longer!

I wonder if you have a trusted friend or coworker with whom you can share your dark secret in confidence. Maybe not the whole story, but just enough to say, "I've been avoiding the dentist for a long time and I made a resolution this year to fix my teeth up. But right now I'm just dreading the first appointment, and want to get it over with!" After I started going back, I went from trying to hide my teeth from everyone, to wanting to talk to everyone about my progress! What I found out was that no one was really looking at my teeth (all of my friends said, "Oh, was there something wrong with your teeth?"), and no one much wanted to talk about the dentist. Also, most people, instead of shaming or judging me, empathized with me. They said things like "I hate going to the dentist!" or "I have some work I've been putting off too." I don't think most people realize how much worse it is for phobics, but also I've never had anyone act like I was a monster for not taking care of my teeth. I think everyone's hiding a little dental phobia.

Anyway, I think a lot of us go through the waiting all by ourselves, and it's a lot to carry around. If you have someone who's a good listener, it might help to enlist them in waiting with you. Maybe even your husband, if you tell him, "I've made an appointment and I'm proud of myself but I'm also really nervous about it, can you just help distract me in the meantime?" Make a game of it. Count days up from when you made the brave phone call, instead of down to d-day, and give yourself a little reward for every five days. Tell yourself, "this is the last Friday in August with bad teeth!" Etc.

I think you'll find the first appointment will be much easier than your anxiety tells you it will. You've picked a compassionate dentist, so there won't be any shaming or lecturing. (And I can echo another thread going on today: I think female dentists are a more compassionate group, generally.) There won't be any poking or prodding either-- dentists who know you are phobic are really careful about not touching, especially on the first visit. You'll probably get some x-rays if you can handle it, and then you can have a quiet, professional talk about what your options are, and what needs to be done. And then... you'll have a dentist!! The work itself is uncomfortable but rarely painful (and even then only a little), but I swear it's that stupid first appointment and all the shame and anxiety that go along with it... once you're past it you'll be amazed at how simple it all went.

You're making a huge, brave step by scheduling an appointment and by coming to this forum to gather support. GREAT JOB!!! It won't be long before you're making good progress on reversing 20 years of bad habits and on your way to a great smile. In the meantime, be PROUD of yourself for stepping up and taking care of yourself.

 

[Kim]

I think it is the fact that you have built up so much courage to take that very first, very difficult step, and you have begun the process of getting psyched up for it, and then wham, the cloth is pulled from beneath you, and you are right back to square one...... well..... sort of - you are further on because you have still got an appointment albeit a slightly delayed one, but you can enjoy your holiday, which will fly by, and then you will be back and heading for your appointment, and having to get your head together on that one

You will be fine I am sure. I sooooo totally get where you are coming from with not mentioning your appointment to your hubby. I don't say anything much to mine anymore until right near the time, but for different reasons to you. My hubby just thinks I should get on with things as he sooooo totally doesn't understand the whole phobic thing, so I come on here instead and 'talk' to the people who do

Good luck.

Kim

 

[lovesummer]

Thank you so much Steve and Kim

you do not know how much these posts have helped I do feel better....it just felt like a blow today but with all the support here and a day just really going through all my emotions I still feel like I can do this....

I really don't want to say anything to anyone as I will feel a pressure which I know sounds silly but I just think if I get bad news or feel that I have too much ahead of me I need to process this all on my own before sharing with loved ones. My husband is brilliant and very supportive but doesn't really get it. I think this is especially difficult for him because in every area I am the one to be healthy and looking after myself so this goes against the grain in some ways. Also, he doesn't have any dental fear at all, goes for 6 monthly check-ups and cleans without fail and even opted for voluntary tooth whitening so..... I'm very lucky and have also worked hard to ensure my kids have the same attitude to dentists and they both have very healthy mouths, no fillings even though they're both in their twenties so that's all positive.

Thanks again guys, following this mornings phone call I really was at a low but am moving onwards and upwards and in some weird way looking forward to September, as you say Steve my last August with bad teeth and all these continual anxieties....

 

[Mikey Boy]

Congrats on making that call you are very brave I hate waiting for an appointment it gets my nerves so bad and then I cant control it I hope this next month goes by fast for you

 

[lovesummer]

I just thought I'd update everyone a little bit.....sorry it's a long post

Well I went to my initial appointment it was rescheduled as it was a Bank Holiday in the UK so had been booked by mistake, so no sign from above!

Things were nowhere near as bad as I imagined and my first appointment was good. It's so strange but for years I thought I’d never be able to do it without being knocked out or very high levels of sedation...but I did it! I didn't tell anyone not even my husband but I booked us a nice weekend by the sea so I had something to think about. I watched a film the night before and slept well which completely amazed me. I got the train to the appointment and felt anxious but not completely overwhelmed.

Then the appointment....the Dentist is amazing and I didn't have to wait long in the waiting room which was probably the worst bit. Then she called me in and was lovely I explained how silly I felt and embarrassed about what I'd done to my mouth and she was very calm and caring and just said let's have a look. She looked and took x-rays and the news was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. She printed out a treatment plan that I thought include a whole range of drastic measure and would cost a fortune, inc implants and re-mortgage etc. But lo and behold my plan really consisted of some deep cleaning, fillings and a few extractions and would be just over £1000...which I know is quite a sum but really so much better than I thought things would be.

So here I am going to the Dentists regularly...I go whenever she has an appointment on the day I don't have to go into work...she seems very busy, which is understandable as she is so fab but means I probably go every three weeks etc. I'm nearly at the end of the fillings after having four of those and some deep cleaning and I can honestly say it's been fine I haven't felt a thing. I still get a little anxious before each appt but again not beside myself and always think "oh...maybe today will be tricky," but no all good. I probably will be a bit anxious before extractions but it’ s so strange I just think I can do it and I don't feel overly stressed by it. I've tried to work out what's changed I used to dream of being like other people who will say, "oh by the way I've got a Dentists appointment on Saturday," and now I do take great pleasure in saying nonchalantly, "sorry can't do lunch I have to go to the Dentist," and nobody blinks an eye!

Anyway, to try and make this post helpful for others I've tried to identify what's changed and the only thing was I had enough when that tooth chipped and also the total trust I have in my Dentist. She has just made the whole thing happen and I totally trust her so even if I did feel pain or discomfort, which I haven't I think we'd deal with it. Just want to say good luck to everyone here and thanks for all your post and support it really does help.