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Annoying Dental Assistants- what to do????

I'm right there with you Shamrockerin. I have historically disliked dental assistants and cringed when they would ask me about school as a child as I knew it was not genuine.

Oh good, then it's not just me! I was kind of a sensitive kid, so I thought maybe it was just my own inability to take it as "just another part" of the whole experience. Even though I was very shy as a kid, I grew into my ability to find things in common with others and build conversation on them. I enjoy talking to other people, but it has to be a genuine conversation, not just chatter.

I think another member here was right on with saying that the assistant just becomes one more person to feel embarrassed in front of. My dentist unfortunately likes to acknowledge my nervousness and sometimes will mention something to the assistant about it and while I'm glad she's aware of it and wants to make the assistant aware of it (who I'm sure can see for her own eyes that I'm a freaked out mess) I just want to disappear right at that moment.

I know what you mean. The first time I met my current dentist, it was on the assistant's off day, and he was just stopping into the office to see another patient and meet me. So when I went back the next time, the assistant wasn't really aware of my fear, and he had to mention it to her. I felt so stupid and ridiculous at that moment. I am pretty sure the assistant is younger than I am, or we are about the same age, and I was acting like a child (not on purpose obviously).


The only thing I can suggest is maybe try to cut the chatting short with single word responses that she can't build a conversation off of. In other words, give her nothing to run with. Responses like "Fine" "Good" "Yes" "No" although us nervous type tend to stick to those canned responses anyway unless you are a nervous rambler!

This is pretty much what I do every time, not sure if it's just because I am so nervous or if because I am trying to cue her to stop talking. . .perhaps both simultaneously. She always asks how I am, and I always reply "I'm here", so it's up to her to interpret it.

I don't enjoy being rude to people and I certainly don't like being a terrible patient, in fact it just makes me feel worse about the whole problem. But just BEING there brings out all the worst parts of my personality: sarcasm, rudeness, being uncommunicative, stubbornness. . it's like Pandora's Box.:redface:
 
I can be sort of pissy when I'm really anxious, so I feel like I'd rather not have someone chat with me, because I will say rude things and maybe feel bad about them later.

I completely relate. See my other post regarding how a dental office is like opening my own personal Pandora's Box.
 
I can be sort of pissy when I'm really anxious, so I feel like I'd rather not have someone chat with me, because I will say rude things and maybe feel bad about them later. .

Oh I can relate to this. Off-topic from dentistry but a few years ago I went to a conversation with/book signing event with an author that I had worshipped for years. Queuing to meet him, I was incredibly nervous and desperate to think of something witty and endearing to catch his attention. We had to queue for ages, the venue was hot and I didn't want to take off my big winter coat because I had stupidly spilled tomato soup down my lovely white top that I had spent ages picking out for the occasion. Eventually the great man arrived and I soon got my turn to go up with my book to be signed.

"How are you today?" he asked.

Very flustered I replied "just glad to finally get to meet you, we've been queuing for so long".

Not the way I intended it to come out :redface:

"Well, I'm very busy" he muttered and looked about to cut me short and beckon the next person.

"No!" stammered (oh god, what was I thinking?) "I've just had a bad day, I spilled soup and now this is going wrong too"

:redface::redface::redface::redface::redface::redface:

"well nobody forced to you come" was his response.

I thought it better to scurry away and not try to explain myself any more. I didn't stay around for the reading/q&a session either and every time I think of the incident I cringe to the very depth of my being.

:redface::cry::redface::cry::redface::cry::redface::cry:
 
...."well nobody forced to you come" was his response...
i would say that the writer could have been nicer in his response. imagine if he were on a live talk-show, he wouldn't have replied that way. it doesn't cost much to be polite. it's basic courtesy. besides, these are his fans lining up so long. he should have the decency to at least make each meet a good one to remember by. seriously, i feel bad that you had that cold shoulder from him. he really should known better, being a celebrity on top of it. anyway, i hope you will not cringe so much from that bad memory. it's not worth it. he was rude. o_O
 
Oh I can relate to this. Off-topic from dentistry but a few years ago I went to a conversation with/book signing event with an author that I had worshipped for years. Queuing to meet him, I was incredibly nervous and desperate to think of something witty and endearing to catch his attention. We had to queue for ages, the venue was hot and I didn't want to take off my big winter coat because I had stupidly spilled tomato soup down my lovely white top that I had spent ages picking out for the occasion. Eventually the great man arrived and I soon got my turn to go up with my book to be signed.

"How are you today?" he asked.

Very flustered I replied "just glad to finally get to meet you, we've been queuing for so long".

Not the way I intended it to come out :redface:

"Well, I'm very busy" he muttered and looked about to cut me short and beckon the next person.

"No!" stammered (oh god, what was I thinking?) "I've just had a bad day, I spilled soup and now this is going wrong too"

:redface::redface::redface::redface::redface::redface:

"well nobody forced to you come" was his response.

I thought it better to scurry away and not try to explain myself any more. I didn't stay around for the reading/q&a session either and every time I think of the incident I cringe to the very depth of my being.

:redface::cry::redface::cry::redface::cry::redface::cry:

Although I've never had an experience quite like this, I frequently attend author lectures and book signings. I have been fortunate enough to meet some wonderful and gracious authors who really seem to appreciate their fans. . .but then there have been a few that seem like the whole event is an inconvenience for them. I did have one incident when I met the YA author Rebecca Stead. Her book "When You Reach Me" was on the syllabus for one of my grad classes.

When i got up to her in line, she asked me how I liked the book. I replied: "Oh, I haven't read it yet, but I have to read it for class". I meant it to sound like I was glad that her book was required reading because I was looking forward to it. I guess it came out wrong though because she gave me a funny look and replied:

"Oh, well I'm glad you're being forced to read my book"

Kind of embarrassing, especially since the event was held at my university and all my classmates and professors were around.:redface:
 
Oh good, then it's not just me! I was kind of a sensitive kid, so I thought maybe it was just my own inability to take it as "just another part" of the whole experience. Even though I was very shy as a kid, I grew into my ability to find things in common with others and build conversation on them. I enjoy talking to other people, but it has to be a genuine conversation, not just chatter.

I was also a sensitive and shy child so perhaps my opinons are biased but I agree that chatter that is not meaningful is usually not helpful to me. It just adds to my processing demands when my mind is already in overdrive!

I know what you mean. The first time I met my current dentist, it was on the assistant's off day, and he was just stopping into the office to see another patient and meet me. So when I went back the next time, the assistant wasn't really aware of my fear, and he had to mention it to her. I felt so stupid and ridiculous at that moment. I am pretty sure the assistant is younger than I am, or we are about the same age, and I was acting like a child (not on purpose obviously).

There have a been a few times where I wish the assistant was not around. I remember on a couple occasions my dentist turning to the assistant and saying something like "she's a little shaky" or "her lips are quivering" to indirectly mention that I was nervous. Then there were the really horrifically embarrassing times where she turned to her assistant and said "she's never been like this before :confused:" when I had a moment of epic panic and more recently when she asked the assistant to retrieve a stress ball for me to hold because I was so nervous! :shame: I'm not sure which one was worse...they were both pretty low points for me.

This is pretty much what I do every time, not sure if it's just because I am so nervous or if because I am trying to cue her to stop talking. . .perhaps both simultaneously. She always asks how I am, and I always reply "I'm here", so it's up to her to interpret it.

I don't enjoy being rude to people and I certainly don't like being a terrible patient, in fact it just makes me feel worse about the whole problem. But just BEING there brings out all the worst parts of my personality: sarcasm, rudeness, being uncommunicative, stubbornness. . it's like Pandora's Box.:redface:

I used to be that way and things have come along since I have built a strong relationship with my dentist and now I think I'm quite pleasant...or pleasant-er?? :confused: I remember one appointment early on when my dentist asked me how I was doing and I said something to the effect of "Well it's my day off...and I'm spending it here...:(". In hindsight, that wasn't the nicest way to greet her. She was actually very nice about it though and just laughed and said that she was honored that I chose to spend it with her. I'm sure she must have some understanding that people will often dislike her simply by her choice of occupation. It comes with the territory...don't become a dentist if you don't have thick skin and feel the need to be liked by all.
 
Hi,

interesting thread, really. I can see your point, shamrockerin, but I'm in the other group of phobic : I couldn't manage without the chat and joking all the time. My doctor and her assistant are performing a two-person comedy all the time so I totally forget what would happen to me, they help a lot to minimize my fear. :) It works extremely well for me, I also told the assistant about this. She is nice, friendly, I like her very much - the very best of all the assistants I have ever met!

I don't really have any bad experiences with dental assistants,but I believe some people aren't fond of chit-chatting before dental treatment...
 
I also think I'm more like victorine. For me, the jokes and sarcasm help me to take my mind off of things. Though, I'm often nervous enough that the chit-chat with the assistant before the procedure can be too much for me to handle. In those cases, I try to turn the tables (if I can get any words to come out of my mouth) and will start asking the assistant questions. My professional training is as a therapist, so I realize that asking others questions may come more easily for me than for others, but when I can get enough words to come out to make this happen, I often find WAY more comfortable asking questions of others than talking about myself.

To each her/his own I guess :)
 
Perhaps I am a bit nervous because I know that next time I go, the receptionist and assistant are probably going to ask about the wedding (it was 3 days ago). They both knew that I was getting married, and I actually showed the receptionist a pic of my gown last time b/c she is so nice and always asks about it, and she actually seems to remember my answers.

My next appointment is for RCT, which I am already dreading and having nightmares about (that's why I am awake right now). Most people are nervous beforehand, but the bad experience in my past is really haunting me.

I'll be shocked if I can make myself walk through the door, though I have to b/c I already took the day off work for it, and I just hope that the assistant knows enough to not expect me to be all chatty. I hope she doesn't ask any wedding questions and she just lets me alone.
 
Congratulations on your marriage!!!!
I kind of did the same thing that kit kat did a couple of years ago. I was seeing my current dentist partner to get a minor filling done. It was a cold, windy spring day. The dentist greets me and I said, "Well, it's a good day to be at the dentist because I can't do much of anything else because of the weather". I think she kind of took offense to that because she countered with "Every day is a good day to be at your dentist". I kind of laughed, so did she and we didn't say anything more. :redface: :redface:
 
Congratulations on your marriage!!!!

Thank you!:)

It was a wonderful day, and I feel very lucky to have such a great husband.:love:

I forced myself to not think about all this stuff for a couple days, but then last night a bad dream (about RCT) woke me up.:(
 
Congratulations on getting married :yayy::fireworks:

If the staff ask about your wedding, that could be indicative of them remembering and showing an interest in you rather than the generic "how is school/work?" questions so you could absolutely look at this as a positive or perhaps even being able to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry but when I am this nervous I find it difficult to talk about anything, even something with such happy memories as my wedding" That would clue them in to how you are feeling and might provoke a change in how they speak to you in future?
 
Congratulations on getting married :yayy::fireworks:

If the staff ask about your wedding, that could be indicative of them remembering and showing an interest in you rather than the generic "how is school/work?" questions so you could absolutely look at this as a positive or perhaps even being able to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry but when I am this nervous I find it difficult to talk about anything, even something with such happy memories as my wedding" That would clue them in to how you are feeling and might provoke a change in how they speak to you in future?

Thank you, Gettingthere. I am imagining all sorts of scenarios for this horrible, upcoming appointment, and I feel like I am making alot of assumptions and jumping to conclusions before the damn thing has even begun. For all I know, none of this will happen.

I just am imagining that b/c they know I got married recently, then they are going to be extra chatty, like every woman I know is when she finds out about a wedding. (During the past year, I experienced this hundreds of times. I think any woman I met was more excited about my upcoming wedding than I, myself was). I am panicky and anxious before a filling, so before RCT I KNOW I will be flipping out, and ready to cry at the drop of a hat. I am already making myself sick with worry. If they try to chat or joke with me, I might just break down.:cry:
 
(During the past year, I experienced this hundreds of times. I think any woman I met was more excited about my upcoming wedding than I, myself was)

Ha! I remember that scenario well. Don't know about your wedding "style" but we went failry low key, kept within a budget and organised lots of things ourselves. Used to hate-but-almost-enjoy the look of sheetr excitement and giddiness make way to confusion and then disappointment when outlining our plans. One woman even said "I'm sorry". "For what?" I answered "the fact that the best day of my life is done in the way I want rather than at the whims of an overpaid wedding organiser?" It did seem at times that other people were more excited that me but you know though that these people are overly excited about the thought of a wedding whereas my utter excitement and joy at the thought of marriage to the love of my life pretty much dwarves all that.

I'm probably just as bad as the dental assistants, chattering about weddings to try to keep your mind off the appointment as I can sense how much you are freaking out.

I do believe it is good to be prepared and part of my own preparation involves running through potential conversations and my own responses in my head before an appointment. Even if I only manage to squeak out an approximation of what I intended, it still helps me feel in control so I think I understand where you are coming from.

Good luck - let us know how it goes!
 
Ha! I remember that scenario well. Don't know about your wedding "style" but we went failry low key, kept within a budget and organised lots of things ourselves. Used to hate-but-almost-enjoy the look of sheetr excitement and giddiness make way to confusion and then disappointment when outlining our plans. One woman even said "I'm sorry". "For what?" I answered "the fact that the best day of my life is done in the way I want rather than at the whims of an overpaid wedding organiser?" It did seem at times that other people were more excited that me but you know though that these people are overly excited about the thought of a wedding whereas my utter excitement and joy at the thought of marriage to the love of my life pretty much dwarves all that.

I think you get me, Gettingthere.:)

I have been with my now-husband for almost 10 years, so I was happy to be married to him. We went for a very casual, low-key ceremony and reception, which reflects our style and personalities. Every time someone (a woman) found out about my upcoming nuptials though, she would squeal and flip out and ask me about my dress, the flowers, etc, and I hated to have to tell them that none of those things interest me at all. I went shopping for my gown alone, and I had a family member do all the flowers because I couldn't make myself care enough about them to do it myself. We had a wonderful day, and I love being married to my best friend,:love: but I don't think it was the kind of wedding that most women picture.


In terms of all the other stuff, I don't necessarily 'try' to picture all the possible scenarios that could happen at a dental appointment, but they just seem to come to me. Sometimes I have bad dreams, and sometimes my mind just wanders and I end up stressing about what I envision happening.:(

It doesn't help me at all that the nitrous oxide and Valium cocktail has no effect on me. . .maybe if it did I wouldn't care quite as much about the dental assistant's chatter and bad jokes. I am not going to use nitrous oxide anymore because I am tired of paying for it and it doesn't do anything for me.

The RCT appointment is about 2 weeks away now and I cannot stop thinking about it and how horrible it's going to be.:cry:
 
The RCT appointment is about 2 weeks away now and I cannot stop thinking about it and how horrible it's going to be.:cry:

Speaking from my extensive personal experience of root canal treatments, if you have a competent dentist/endodontist an rct can actually be quite relaxing. There should be no pain and I would advise you to protect yourself from a repeat of your negative crown experience by promising yourself that if they cock up(which they won't) you will stop them and leave; and get it finished off somewhere more competent. You are in control. You don't have to stay put if you are not happy. Best wishes. 2 weeks is far too long to stress about it.

 
Thank you for your comment. Last time I had an RCT, it was painful, and knowing that this procedure should not be painful makes me really angry and resentful. Perhaps if I had not had those bad experiences (RCT/crown) when I was a teen, I would not have avoided dentistry for 12 years.

I have watched YouTube videos of root canals, and I have read about it many times. I know exactly what is supposed to happen. Usually, educating and preparing myself will take some of my worries about something away, but in this case it hasn't really worked. Instead, I just end up obsessing about it and imagining what will happen.

Even if the RCT appointment goes ok, my worrying will not end anytime soon b/c I am sure the dentist is going to want to put a crown on it, which is another whole stressful thing.


I feel like this is never going to end and there is no way out.:cry:
 
You can always count on me for a weird rant. . .

Does anyone else get this? I think even more than needles and drills and sitting in The Chair, I really hate the stupid comments that come from the dental assistant.

I think these people must take a course in how to be annoyingly enthusiastic and cheerful. Of course, I would never want one of them to be outwardly mean or nasty, but they must know that when a patient is about to undergo a procedure, that perhaps his/her mind is not in the best place to laugh at stupid jokes.

After one of the appointments for fillings, I stupidly asked the doctor if there was an end in sight, and he replied “Well, you have alot of work to be done.” It was very blunt, but at least he was honest and straightforward with me. Then, the assistant said “So it depends how far you can see!” and kind of giggled.

And last time I had an appointment, the assistant led me to one of the rooms that faces the street. The room has a window, so she said “I thought I’d give you some scenery to look at today!” in a way-too-chipper tone. First of all, I cannot actually see out the window when The Chair is reclined, so it doesn’t matter if there is a window there or not. Second, looking out to Interstate Route 1 in Hampton, NH can’t really be considered ‘scenery’.

I know, or at least I hope, that she probably isn’t saying things like that to irritate me, but she knows by now that I am an extremely phobic patient, and it feels like she is making light of my fear. It’s hard enough to force myself to keep going back for treatment, but listening to stupid jokes (that feel like they’re at my own expense) doesn’t make it any easier.

Perhaps it is not all her fault- when I was growing up, it seemed like every time I went to the dentist, it was a different assistant/hygienist. I don’t remember ever getting the same one twice. And they would always say things like “So how is school going?” Since they obviously didn’t know me, wouldn’t even know my name if it wasn’t in my file, it always felt very generic and disingenuous. So perhaps these earlier experiences tainted my view of all dental assistants/hygienists.

Does anyone know what I mean? Do you have any suggestions for how to deal with this? I know that it is probably because of my intense fear that I am so hyper-sensitive and defensive when I am there, but whatever the reason, I need to figure out a way to deal with this issue.


I find this kind of upsetting in a way, she's probably just trying to be friendly and comfort you in her own way. It's really hard being a dental assistant (I am one myself) you always want to reach out to people and assure them that it's okay but a lot of the time you get looked at like a piece of dirt. Most days I will greet patients ask them how they are and take them through and they will just glare at me and grunt then practically throw their belongings at me like some kind of pack horse and as soon as they see the dentist they go wild with the oh hi how are you so good to see you etc so it really does put you down when people behave that way. Remember she's only trying to comfort you in her own way and she probably deals with a tonne of rubbish from people!! :)
 
Hi :welcome:to the forum.

It is a shame that you are treated so rudely by some of the patients that attend the dentist practice where you work. I think everyone including the receptionist should be treated properly. It is very rude and bad manners to treat you in this way.

It must be very disheartening for you that you are so pleasant and are treated in this manner. I think it speaks volume's about these people. Good on you for being so nice, I hope you carry on because there will be people that appreciate your kindness. Stay as you are and although I am not a patient at your practice I would like to Thank you for your patients, I am sure you make a big difference to a lot of them. Don't let the few spoil things for the many.

All the best to you :respect::respect::respect::butterfly:
 
Well, my dentist has you pick a movie for extended "The Chair" visits. This really helps me.

I'm sorry to say I've had very few non- annoying assistants and hygienists. I'm not sure the profession values their contribution enough ( Hygiene really needs to be more scientific / less flaky transient pin head based - but I digress - sorry - decades of contradictory hygiene instructions make me tune them out). Hygiene directions seem to change w each hygienist further undermining credibility - adding to my annoyance factor.

Just do the job, take my money and save the bizarre small talk for your next speed date. The good hygienists seem to move on / get burned out. ?

You are Not Alone!!!!!
 
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