• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

    Register now to access all the features of the forum.

At my wits end :(

G

Gfan

Member
Joined
Oct 4, 2017
Messages
24
Hi everyone,
So I'm an almost 40 yo woman with absolutely awful teeth. To give you a bit of history when I was younger I had a very rough and rude dentist which really scared me from going. My parents tried and tried, but after a while they just kind of gave up on it, which I don't blame them for. Fast forward to my teens where I went through bouts of depression and bulimia. I didn't take care of my teeth as I should have and it definitely took it's toll. Besides a few emergency visits I haven't been to the dentist in probably ten years or more.
My teeth now are starting to put me back into that depression. I am so embarrassed. I have multiple crowns and bridges that are either broken or have decay or cavities underneath. This morning I woke up with one of my back crowns missing. I have searched my bed and can't find it, so I fear I swallowed it. All my other teeth have decay or cavities also. Some in the back are broken to the gum line. My front teeth have separated and I now have a very noticeable gap which hinders me from smiling. My gums are receding badly also.
Probably about a year ago I made the move of emailing a dental practice near me and explaining my fears and issues. They were very nice, but I still chickened out and never went in to be seen. My biggest fear is hearing the word dentures. I know many have them and love them, but I just can't get used to the idea. I think the thing that bothers me the most is having everyone know that I have them, and they definitely would. I haven't told anyone how bad my teeth really are even though i know they notice. I'm most afraid of my kids and fiancee knowing that I need dentures. I cant in no way afford implants as I'm a single mother of three teenagers. In all reality I'm not sure I can afford much dental work period over what my insurance would pay.
My life is just a living hell these days. I used to consider myself a pretty girl, but not anymore. I can't stand to look at myself. I know now that with the missing crown I need to get in as I lost it on the side I chew food on. My other side has broken teeth which makes that impossible. How do I overcome this embarrassment? I can't keep going like this. Some days I wish I weren't here at all. Thanks for reading. I really needed to get this off my chest.
 

Attachments

  • 20190319_104238.jpg
    20190319_104238.jpg
    271.8 KB · Views: 36
  • 20190319_104436.jpg
    20190319_104436.jpg
    441.1 KB · Views: 39
  • 20190319_104054.jpg
    20190319_104054.jpg
    737.5 KB · Views: 39
  • 20190319_104319.jpg
    20190319_104319.jpg
    327.3 KB · Views: 38
The first step is the hardest and your teeth in fact look whiter than mine. Take some deep breaths and I am sure you will be fine. If you tell your kids and fiancé I am sure they will be understanding
 
The first step is the hardest and your teeth in fact look whiter than mine. Take some deep breaths and I am sure you will be fine. If you tell your kids and fiancé I am sure they will be understanding
Thank you! The pictures make them look better than they actually are. I had a hard time getting pics of the really bad areas. I know I just need to take that first step. If only it were that easy ? I appreciate your support!
 
The pictures may make them look better, but that is what people see when you smile. The gap in the front isn't bad at all. I know how teeth can lead to bad self esteem. I had great teeth after braces as a teen, up until last year, when everything seemed to spiral, with one issue leading to another. I am embarrassed by my front tooth. I had an abscess on the top front, and the tooth is discolored, yellowish. The dentist also ground it down a little, so it wouldn't bump the bottom tooth, so it is shorter than the one next to it. It is super apparent to me, and all I see. My husband said it isn't that noticeable. I think we always see it as worse than it is.

You may not need dentures. They can do amazing things nowadays.
 
The pictures may make them look better, but that is what people see when you smile. The gap in the front isn't bad at all. I know how teeth can lead to bad self esteem. I had great teeth after braces as a teen, up until last year, when everything seemed to spiral, with one issue leading to another. I am embarrassed by my front tooth. I had an abscess on the top front, and the tooth is discolored, yellowish. The dentist also ground it down a little, so it wouldn't bump the bottom tooth, so it is shorter than the one next to it. It is super apparent to me, and all I see. My husband said it isn't that noticeable. I think we always see it as worse than it is.

You may not need dentures. They can do amazing things nowadays.
Thanks for your reply. I definitely know that I am my own worst critic. The last time I was at the dentist they said I was heading on the route to dentures, and that was at least 10 years ago. Things have gotten much worse which is why I don't hold out much hope for hearing something else :( I am trying hard to build up the courage to make this appointment so I'm grateful for finding this forum. I know I need to go especially with the missing crown, if only I could get past this nagging embarrassment!
 
Hi,

Sorry to read about your difficult situation.
The biggest problem with dental fear is avoiding going to the dentist. This avoidance can get so rooted and seems more difficult to change but the only way to overcome dentalfear is by coping with the fear, meaning going to the dentist and having some work done.
Dentures is hardly made these days. We dentists prefer bridges and implants. I think it is safe to assume that.
Finally, please allow me to share with you my website Treat your dental fear. In this website you can find short videos in which I talk about dental anxiety.
I would recommmend starting with a video about How to find a dentist who is good with fearful patients and also a video about Fear of being embarrassed during a dental appointment.

Hope it helps.
 
Dear Gfan,

I fully agree with all above. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or embarassed about. I realize that just telling you so won't magically get those feelings away, but every dentist working with nervous patients will know what depression, bulimia and bad childhood experiences can do to teeth. By the way, many of medical history forms at dental practices have depression in it as it serves as a risk factor when it comes to dental health. Dr.Daniel has a video about embarrassment on his page. If you like some further reading, take look at our article about embarrassment. Believe it or not, it is one of the most read pages of the common fears section which only shows how many people struggle with this.

I can grasp your worry about dentures, however for now it might be the best idea to just focus on next steps. First of all, getting dentures is usually not the first step in the chain of procedures that a new dentist would want to do as first. The usual first step would be an exam and then a cleaning. It would be a pitty if you would put off seeing a dentist out of fear of having to get dentures. If this point would ever come, you could still think about it.

The practice you had emailed one year ago - have you scheduled back then and had cancelled or had scheduled and haven't showed up or just never made an appointment?

If you decide to get in touch with a practice, honesty always works best. I can only encourage you to let them know about your worries and tell them about your feelings of embarassment. Any practice good with nervous patients should show empathy and support.

All the best wishes and keep us posted
 
hi gfan,

i was in a similar position a little over a year ago. i was 39 and had NEVER been to the dentist. my parents never took me as a kid; as an adult, i was fearful (mostly of gagging or vomiting) and then as my teeth got worse and more years passed, i was just mortified at the thought of admitting to a dentist that i'd never been in my LIFE. i had cavities that turned into painful abscesses and i STILL didn't go, and then some of my teeth became loose, and finally one of my bottom front teeth fell out and the one next to it was so loose it flopped as i talked or ate. i had always been embarrassed of my teeth, which were in way worse shape than yours, and i had the opposite problem of severe overcrowding (my top front teeth basically were on top of one another!), but having actual missing teeth in front did it for me and it still took me a month to actually call and make an appointment.

i totally felt the same way you did about dentures; i thought i'd be devastated, i'm too young, i'd never get used to them (physically or mentally). but about 6 months and a ton of appointments after that first one, i did end up with immediate partials (again, i was probably in way worse shape than you), and i think it was the best and most important thing i've ever done. besides the obvious getting rid of all the infection/pain in my mouth, i have cute, straight teeth for the first time in my life, it's fun to put on lipstick now and not have it "ruined" by the bad teeth i had. i did tell everyone at my job that i was gonna get dentures, and even knowing what to look for they had a hard time discerning which teeth were fake and which were still mine. and even if people know, i'd honestly rather have them see my dentures than the teeth i used to have. i of course don't love taking out my teeth and putting them in a cup like an"old lady", it's still way better than the pain, being embarrassed to smile, and most of all WORRYING constantly about my teeth, b/c i knew things weren't going to get better. making that first step was terrifying, but i also felt a sense of relief, b/c at least now it's someone else's (my dentist)'s problem for once!

good luck to you, i hope you find the strength and courage to make and go to that first appointment. everyone's rooting for you!
 
Gfan

I identify with so many parts of this... and I'm really glad you are on here, talking about it and geting ready, that in itself is really a huge step so give yourself alot of credit

"Probably about a year ago I made the move of emailing a dental practice near me and explaining my fears and issues. They were very nice, but I still chickened out and never went in to be seen. "

Just an encouraging story I meta gal recently who is a hygensit who was telling me about her practice caters to patients who have been out of dental care for decades sometimes due to fear and shame and their whole motto is no lectures, no blaming , no shame. . well. she was telling me the story of this woman she had made 6 appointments already and cancelled.. They were not mad but understood she was extremely scared. she called the 7th time and said she was in the parking lot. This hygenist told her "why don't I come to the parking lot and walk in with you and you don't have to do anything you are not comfortable with"... well she was shown alot of very compassionate care and felt comfortalbe very quickly so she has become a long term patient. this was just one of the stories she told. As I being a dental phobe was curiously digging her for more information.. But just to say there are those when we put out there we are anxious, we are stuck, we don't know how to come forward , some would really love to help in whatever way.

I also understand waking up to one less crown in your mouth and it is quite the feeling of panic. so I'm sorry you went through that..

I hope you can get in somewhere kind and caring .. Let us know how you are doing and if you find a good place. We are rooting for you! You are strong and brave!
 
Hi,

Sorry to read about your difficult situation.
The biggest problem with dental fear is avoiding going to the dentist. This avoidance can get so rooted and seems more difficult to change but the only way to overcome dentalfear is by coping with the fear, meaning going to the dentist and having some work done.
Dentures is hardly made these days. We dentists prefer bridges and implants. I think it is safe to assume that.
Finally, please allow me to share with you my website Treat your dental fear. In this website you can find short videos in which I talk about dental anxiety.
I would recommmend starting with a video about How to find a dentist who is good with fearful patients and also a video about Fear of being embarrassed during a dental appointment.

Hope it helps.
Thank you so much! I will check out your videos!
 
Thank you all for your replies! Sorry it took me so long, but I came down with a nasty virus ?? I'm still trying to work up that courage to make my appt, but I feel a bit more hopeful some days that I will! I had another piece of one of my bridges break off the other day so I know i need to do this before the whole thing falls off. Some days I feel like it's one thing after another ? thanks again everyone!
 
Back
Top