Embarrassed and Ashamed

[Ashamed]

I am Embarrassed and Ashamed of how bad my teeth are I have a few left and have a few that are down to the gum I know they will all need to be pulled and dentures I am ok knowing that but my fear won't allow me to make or keep an appointment! I don't talk to anyone about it I am too ashamed. What do I do?

 

[lillyh]

hello Ashamed,
When I met my husband he had 6 whole good teeth.. the rest were black and rotted down to the gum line..I remember many nights we'd be up all night with him pacing with a horrible toothache...One night, I was feeling so helpless that I couldn't help him feel better that I said that is it! You are going to go and get your teeth fixed..He had already had two extracted in emergency visits...So I made him an appointment to have his teeth looked at..My husband had never had an xray or cleaning in his life. And never brushed his teeth ever! He started out having a couple teeth extracted at a time and we paid as we went..(the dentist took payments) eventually the dentist pulled 4 and 5 and 6 at a time and my husband got dentures...He has a full denture on top and a partial hooked to his last remaining 6 good teeth...He is very hapy and feels healthier without all the infection and absesses he endured..And I feel better that I don't have to feel helpless anymore and no nights walking the floor with him....His dentist NEVER made him feel ashamed or embarrassed about the state of his teeth and the neglect the teeth endured...The dentist only wanted my husband to feel better and back to a healthy state...Please find a good dentist and start from there..Ask friends and family for referrals to local dentists...

 

[Ashamed]

Thank You,
this is my first step to attempt the courage, I am single my teeth prevent me from going out or meeting people my kids are grown and there is no one I feel comfortable to talk to about it, I've watched myself talk in the mirror and see that others can see my problem and I'd die if they ever said anything. I guess if I had someone to put their foot down and make me go and hold my hand like a baby I would have to go, but for me to take steps past this I can't see myself doing, this is the first time I've ever talked about this to anyone, I just looked up fears today and felt a lil safe since this is a support thing for others like me I just don't think I have what it takes to go beyond this

 

[lillyh]

you will be surprised at how courageous you really can be..I myself have only 14 teeth left..I have 8 on top and 6 on the bottom..I had a dentist appointment on Wednesday and told my dentist I thought I had another infection and that he probably thought I was crazy or didn't take care of my teeth..He said he doesn't judge and only listens..What you could do is just call or email a dentist that you think seems nice and just go talk to him/her//Maybe you would prefer a woman dentist? Are you close to any of your children? Could one of them go with you and be there for you? My mom always goes with me to my appointments..I couldn't do it with out her there...My two daughters went with me to the oral surgeon and drove me home..Maybe a friend could go with you? I know how terrifying it is to make that first huge step and actually go to the dentist..But think of all the possibilities when your teeth are getting fixed and your confidence comes back...You can look at yourself in the mirror and smile back at yourself...For me it has been baby steps!!

 

[Ashamed]

Yes I am close with my kids and I know they would go with me and would be Proud of me for going I'm sure they see how bad it is they just don't say anything, but I don't think I could bring myself to talking to them about it. I like your idea about the messaging a dentist and I haven't thought far enough ahead about if I'd prefer a male or female dentist, I just can't see myself going thru with it. I was trying to look up dentists, do you know anything about aspen dental? I can look things up online it's private but actually going is a whole different story. I've read things on here and see I'm not alone I'm exactly like a lot of posts on here I just don't know that I can take the next step and I don't know how others have if they are single and alone

 

[lillyh]

I've heard of Aspen dental ..I've heard both bad and good reviews...They are like a chain dentist..I found my dentist by looking up dentists who have had experience with facial pain. (atypical odontalgia) I found one who sounded good so I emailed him and explained in detail how I feel about going to the dentist, how I'm nervous and sometimes terrified and how I have nerve damage/facial pain and needed someone knowledgable with lots of patience! Well he called me almost as soon as I emailed him..We talked for a long time and he made me feel comfortable and I just had a good feeling about him..So he asked if I wanted to come in and talk and see the office..I did..I felt at ease around him and I like his dental assistants too...So he is now my dentist...his specialty is helping special needs children which to me speaks volumes about his character.....Maybe have your children help you research dentists..maybe they know of a good one...Your children will love you no matter what your teeth are like..maybe they are waiting for you to say something....Just explain to them what you have explained here...They are family and most likely would love to help you with your teeth...Families are wonderful.....

 

[Ashamed]

Thanks you make it sound so easy lol I believe you and Thanks for you ideas I know it's just that easy and it's me that is holding myself back and probably making more out of it and fearing more than I should but its hard to get past that. I also have the fear of embarrassment seeing people when I'm going thru the stages wish I could just use vacation time and have it all done during that time

 

[lillyh]

If you chose to and had the money you can find a dentist who offers I.V.Sedation and you could get a lot of work done at once so you wouldn't have to take so much time off from work..I've had I.V. sedation twice...It is wonderful...I had 4 teeth removed the first time and 5 the next time...Maybe that is an option..Doing it that way, I wasn't scared at all...I went to sleep and woke up with all my hurting teeth out..I didn't have time to be scared..I know all the oral surgeons have seen teeth worse than mine!!! so definitely no embarrassment there..

 

[Ashamed]

Thanks,
being knocked out would be Great but there is still the issue of my feet walking me into the DDS I have got braver and have emailed a few dentists in my area and explained my situation and my fears so I will see what they say, but its still a safe online thing I still don't know how I will work up the courage to make and Keep an appointment, I get sick to my stomach just thinking about it

 

[lillyh]

I still do get sick to my stomach when it is the day /night before my appointment and of course the day of..I just keep telling myself that I do not want anymore infections which can make me sick and affect the rest of my organs...I have a family I love and two weddings coming up that I want to look good for and feel good for..So I use those as motivators..I got my two teeth filled before my son's college graduation because I didn't want to go two hours away on a weekend and be in pain while everyone else was enjoying themselves...So I was brave and went..I'm glad I did..My fear of my current dentist isn't so bad...You just have to look deep inside I guess and find something that will overcome alittle of your anxiety and fear and just do it..If I didn't have family I never would have went....I know that is bad thinking but that was how I felt...Also thinking It will all be over in an hour and I will be home having a cup of coffee/tea and cuddled on the couch watching my favorite tv show...It works....CONGRATS on emailing some dentist...You will know in your heart which one is right for you just by what he says!

 

[Deejay]

Hello,
I just wanted to say forget about being embarrassed they have seen all sorts of states if teeth, I think getting dental treatment when you are phobic or scared is like a set of scales eventually you get to a point where something will tip the balance, whether it is pain, the fear of losing teeth of their own accord or something else It doesn't stop the fear but I tell you the relief once you have found the right dentist been to that appointment and you have a treatment plan is amazing! I believe you will do it when them scales tip far enough, Good Luck
D.J

 

[Ashamed]

I think I know it probably won't be as bad as I am thinking it will be and when it's done I will be so glad I did it. That being said I still don't know how I will be able to do wish I had someone that would just set it all up and drag me there kicking and screaming lol I've put it in God's hands and its got me here and with your help emailing Dentists. Not to long ago I was willing and accepting what it could do to my health and was facing I was gonna die from it before I would even think about going to get it fixed. I have an uncle that almost died from his teeth he got a blood infection was in the hospital for 5 months lost an eye spleen and other things. I was facing that happening to me before I would get help. Sounds dumb and sad but that's how ashamed I am of it

 

[debb]

You are.in the exact same position I was in a couple of weeks ago!..I experienced the same exact things! I got fed up with people smiling at me, teeth showing and I couldn't do the same. I bit the bullet and now getting my work done. So far I haven't gotten any extractions done yet because they're treating my periodontal treatments and as afraid as I was with the numbing cream they used I felt nothing! Dental work is nothing like it used to be with the new technology and I'm looking forward to my journey to my new smile, even though I still have fears I'm going to do one step at a time.. Good luck with your decision. This website is very helpful

 

[debb]

After re reading my post noticed I forgot to say that my dentist and hygienist acted as if they see our problem every day of the week so do not be embarrassed

 

[Ashamed]

I have emailed some dentists in my area, 2 responded 1 by calling (of course I let it go to voicemail) and 1 by email both saying to call and set up an appointment and neither saying anything about the embarrassment and fear that I expressed in the message I sent to them. I guess I was hoping to hear some sort of reassurance from them that I have nothing to fear they see it all the time so I am still in limbo and trying to work up the courage. I guess I'm just wishing it could be over without having to start the process

 

[anke]

I have emailed some dentists in my area, 2 responded 1 by calling (of course I let it go to voicemail) and 1 by email both saying to call and set up an appointment and neither saying anything about the embarrassment and fear that I expressed in the message I sent to them. I guess I was hoping to hear some sort of reassurance from them that I have nothing to fear they see it all the time so I am still in limbo and trying to work up the courage. I guess I'm just wishing it could be over without having to start the process

Maybe you can go in person to set up the appointment, asking to talk to the dentist once they're free to let them know the seriousness of your anxiety. You'll be able to see if they're very warm or will treat you as a set of teeth. It can also help to check out review websites like yelp, you can see other people's opinion of where you're thinking of setting up an appointment.