M
mistlechu
Junior member
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2019
- Messages
- 3
- Location
- Virginia
So, I apologize in advance if this gets off as rambling. I'm just frustrated and tired of dealing with this. Every single tooth in my mouth is rotten. Some are turning black, they have holes, I haven't been able to chew properly in years. I had to stop eating on one side of my mouth and have to sparingly chew on the other. The worst part is... I tried to get them fixed and almost overcame my phobia only to be sent spiraling back.
But I should expand on my situation first to properly explain ( there will be a tl;dr at the bottom because I know this will be long because I'm so frustrated and crying ): as a kid I grew up in an area where there was only really one or two dentists and orthodontists. The dentists weren't kid friendly at all but I was able to handle it. It was my orthodontist that started my phobia. You see I have a bad gag reflex. Extremely bad. Normally I could control it as a kid because I would be distracted by something else. So my orthodontist never really believed me or took it serious. Long story short: I felt myself starting to gag and gave him the 'warning' sign. Which was me raising my right hand and tapping his wrist since he told me that was his sign. He said I wouldn't gag and it was fine. Ended up gagging and caused his tool to slip. Causing an injury to my gum from his tool that left him hurrying to try and fix it while I wailed in pain.
To make matters worse we found out afterwards the thousands of dollars we spent were worthless. I didn't have an overbite. It turned out I had an underdeveloped lower jaw. They thought braces only could correct the crowding and help my teeth lose the overbite. While braces were needed the jaw needed the surgery as well and the braces they put on my top teeth weren't needed and the teeth that needed them -- the bottom ones -- never got anything on them because they were adamant it was an overbite. The surgery would have been simple but he made it out to be horrible. He told my mom they would 'viciously' break my jaw, wire it shut, and I wouldn't be able to talk or eat for months. ( This is what caused me to become more fearful as the process sounded terrifying and he said he 'didn't recommend' it ).
Long story short: We stopped going. We didn't have the money to afford dentistry, even with insurance, after spending thousands of dollars and years on something I didn't need. Plus the accident left me too scared and, when it was brought up, I'd panic.
Anyways, to spare some more time here, I was bullied during high school for my 'overbite' ( my underdeveloped jaw ) and my overall appearance. I fell into a sort of depressive state. I stopped caring about my teeth and smile. I stopped brushing, except for occasionally, because having to get myself ready for school just made me feel worse. I even stopped brushing my hair and wore it in ponytails to hide the matted look it began to form. I didn't care about how I looked.
I was 24 when I finally had enough. And, by that, I mean I was in such pain I didn't sleep for days and was crying my eyes out. I had since moved away from that town and was feeling more happier with myself as well. Aside for my teeth, of course, but moving away helped with the anxiety / depression from bullying. I tearfully found a dentist that specialized in 'dental anxiety' and he was great. He prescribed me anxiety medication, found me a great oral surgeon, and I had my wisdom teeth and four back teeth pulled. They cleaned my teeth also and the medication caused me to not gag. I finally felt like...yes, I'm doing it! I was crying tears of joy! He also told me the real process of getting my jaw fixed and he described it in a more gentle way that didn't sound as horrifying.
But, alas, all good things come to an end. That same dentist grew distant as they opened another location. And mistakes started to happen. During my one visit for x-rays the one lady yelled at me for gagging and I heard other patients complain about her as well. Then they began doing this run-around with me. They'd take an x-ray, say they'd call, then they'd never call back. For example: So we finally make a new appointment. We go in and by that point I'm in such pain I'm crying. They x-ray it and we schedule an appointment to get it looked at. Then the day beforehand we get a call saying the dentist is sick. Okay, that's understandable. They tell us they'll call and sign us up for a new date by next week. They never called back. So we called them again. Despite me being his first appointment the next day they completely forgot about me and didn't have me booked. So, despite my pain, I had to wait 4 more weeks. The day before that appointment we get a call telling us my insurance is off because I'm too old. Except, no, my insurance was still good for three more months and their paperwork was wrong. Mistakes happen. Okay. We correct it. But by the time it's corrected it's too late. My insurance is up and I have no more. Leaving me technically unable to go back because I can't afford any of my work without it. But I still go once more. The pain is so bad I was willing for them to just pull it. What do they do? X-ray it again and say 'we'll call you back' and never called back. Called them a few days later and they said they didn't have any appointments free but if any came up they'd let me know. Never heard from them again and gave up on them helping me. Basically I got more x-rays done than any work.
So here I sit now. Three years later with the same pain and my phobia back because I can't go back to the dentist who made me feel safe. I feel frustrated and want to cry as my teeth pulsate in my mouth. I've signed up for other insurance and have signed up for a dental school thing but there's weeks to months of waiting. I'm just so upset. I was doing so well and I feel like my trust was hurt. I blamed myself because I thought that, maybe, it's because there's too much problems with my mouth and my gagging was annoying. Ahh.
I haven't eaten properly in years, every day is pain medications, and I'm at the point now where I just want all my teeth gone and to have dentures. I've thought so long and hard about it, weighed the pros and cons, and I know what I want. But the problem is...my phobia is back and even though I'm trying my best to get back in I'm just scared it'll go untreated again and soon I'll be spending another 3 years in pain with teeth that ache daily. If a dentist that apparently specialized in dental anxiety could have employees that got upset with you, that got snappy, that caused this big run-around and phobia to return? How can I trust any new dentist? I feel bad because I'm 27 and my family has to help pay for this out of pocket as well. They're supportive and have all agreed to help. But I want to help also. Yet I can't get a job because of my teeth and how I'm judged for how they look. So I'm entirely reliant on them. I live at home with my parents, can't drive because smiling or being in a car with a stranger to see my teeth upsets me, and when I've tried to get a job I could see them judging my teeth as well. I didn't go to college because of them, I never got a job as a teenager because of them. I feel worthless because of my teeth and feel like my teenage years and my 20's have been wasted with me as a recluse hiding because of how they look and my pain.
Anyways...I'm sorry for how long this is. Nobody understands and I can't talk about it out loud because my mom has a dental phobia also. Though hers is because she's diabetic and has already lost some teeth and doesn't like to talk about it. So this is the first time I can just...let it all out. I'm tired of living in pain and feeling like my big accomplishment ( I got four teeth out! I went to an oral surgeon! I didn't gag during some appointments! ) was thrown aside into me being full of more anxiety and feeling like no one can help me as I'm hurting.
tl;dr. Was dealt a bad hand in the early years by having a few rude dentists, spent thousands of dollars and obtained an injury that was found pointless because the problem was an underdeveloped jaw and not an overbite, was bullied and stopped taking care of myself. Finally gained the courage and found a dentist I liked. Only to feel hurt, bullied, and feel like I was given the run-around by their constant mistakes. Phobia is now back and I'm in constant pain and full of anxiety again. Have to wait weeks or months for the applications I sent for insurance to come in or the dental schools to reach back out after filling out their online paperwork. Feel like I took a big step in overcoming my phobia and then got sucker-punched back into an even worse state.
But I should expand on my situation first to properly explain ( there will be a tl;dr at the bottom because I know this will be long because I'm so frustrated and crying ): as a kid I grew up in an area where there was only really one or two dentists and orthodontists. The dentists weren't kid friendly at all but I was able to handle it. It was my orthodontist that started my phobia. You see I have a bad gag reflex. Extremely bad. Normally I could control it as a kid because I would be distracted by something else. So my orthodontist never really believed me or took it serious. Long story short: I felt myself starting to gag and gave him the 'warning' sign. Which was me raising my right hand and tapping his wrist since he told me that was his sign. He said I wouldn't gag and it was fine. Ended up gagging and caused his tool to slip. Causing an injury to my gum from his tool that left him hurrying to try and fix it while I wailed in pain.
To make matters worse we found out afterwards the thousands of dollars we spent were worthless. I didn't have an overbite. It turned out I had an underdeveloped lower jaw. They thought braces only could correct the crowding and help my teeth lose the overbite. While braces were needed the jaw needed the surgery as well and the braces they put on my top teeth weren't needed and the teeth that needed them -- the bottom ones -- never got anything on them because they were adamant it was an overbite. The surgery would have been simple but he made it out to be horrible. He told my mom they would 'viciously' break my jaw, wire it shut, and I wouldn't be able to talk or eat for months. ( This is what caused me to become more fearful as the process sounded terrifying and he said he 'didn't recommend' it ).
Long story short: We stopped going. We didn't have the money to afford dentistry, even with insurance, after spending thousands of dollars and years on something I didn't need. Plus the accident left me too scared and, when it was brought up, I'd panic.
Anyways, to spare some more time here, I was bullied during high school for my 'overbite' ( my underdeveloped jaw ) and my overall appearance. I fell into a sort of depressive state. I stopped caring about my teeth and smile. I stopped brushing, except for occasionally, because having to get myself ready for school just made me feel worse. I even stopped brushing my hair and wore it in ponytails to hide the matted look it began to form. I didn't care about how I looked.
I was 24 when I finally had enough. And, by that, I mean I was in such pain I didn't sleep for days and was crying my eyes out. I had since moved away from that town and was feeling more happier with myself as well. Aside for my teeth, of course, but moving away helped with the anxiety / depression from bullying. I tearfully found a dentist that specialized in 'dental anxiety' and he was great. He prescribed me anxiety medication, found me a great oral surgeon, and I had my wisdom teeth and four back teeth pulled. They cleaned my teeth also and the medication caused me to not gag. I finally felt like...yes, I'm doing it! I was crying tears of joy! He also told me the real process of getting my jaw fixed and he described it in a more gentle way that didn't sound as horrifying.
But, alas, all good things come to an end. That same dentist grew distant as they opened another location. And mistakes started to happen. During my one visit for x-rays the one lady yelled at me for gagging and I heard other patients complain about her as well. Then they began doing this run-around with me. They'd take an x-ray, say they'd call, then they'd never call back. For example: So we finally make a new appointment. We go in and by that point I'm in such pain I'm crying. They x-ray it and we schedule an appointment to get it looked at. Then the day beforehand we get a call saying the dentist is sick. Okay, that's understandable. They tell us they'll call and sign us up for a new date by next week. They never called back. So we called them again. Despite me being his first appointment the next day they completely forgot about me and didn't have me booked. So, despite my pain, I had to wait 4 more weeks. The day before that appointment we get a call telling us my insurance is off because I'm too old. Except, no, my insurance was still good for three more months and their paperwork was wrong. Mistakes happen. Okay. We correct it. But by the time it's corrected it's too late. My insurance is up and I have no more. Leaving me technically unable to go back because I can't afford any of my work without it. But I still go once more. The pain is so bad I was willing for them to just pull it. What do they do? X-ray it again and say 'we'll call you back' and never called back. Called them a few days later and they said they didn't have any appointments free but if any came up they'd let me know. Never heard from them again and gave up on them helping me. Basically I got more x-rays done than any work.
So here I sit now. Three years later with the same pain and my phobia back because I can't go back to the dentist who made me feel safe. I feel frustrated and want to cry as my teeth pulsate in my mouth. I've signed up for other insurance and have signed up for a dental school thing but there's weeks to months of waiting. I'm just so upset. I was doing so well and I feel like my trust was hurt. I blamed myself because I thought that, maybe, it's because there's too much problems with my mouth and my gagging was annoying. Ahh.
I haven't eaten properly in years, every day is pain medications, and I'm at the point now where I just want all my teeth gone and to have dentures. I've thought so long and hard about it, weighed the pros and cons, and I know what I want. But the problem is...my phobia is back and even though I'm trying my best to get back in I'm just scared it'll go untreated again and soon I'll be spending another 3 years in pain with teeth that ache daily. If a dentist that apparently specialized in dental anxiety could have employees that got upset with you, that got snappy, that caused this big run-around and phobia to return? How can I trust any new dentist? I feel bad because I'm 27 and my family has to help pay for this out of pocket as well. They're supportive and have all agreed to help. But I want to help also. Yet I can't get a job because of my teeth and how I'm judged for how they look. So I'm entirely reliant on them. I live at home with my parents, can't drive because smiling or being in a car with a stranger to see my teeth upsets me, and when I've tried to get a job I could see them judging my teeth as well. I didn't go to college because of them, I never got a job as a teenager because of them. I feel worthless because of my teeth and feel like my teenage years and my 20's have been wasted with me as a recluse hiding because of how they look and my pain.
Anyways...I'm sorry for how long this is. Nobody understands and I can't talk about it out loud because my mom has a dental phobia also. Though hers is because she's diabetic and has already lost some teeth and doesn't like to talk about it. So this is the first time I can just...let it all out. I'm tired of living in pain and feeling like my big accomplishment ( I got four teeth out! I went to an oral surgeon! I didn't gag during some appointments! ) was thrown aside into me being full of more anxiety and feeling like no one can help me as I'm hurting.
tl;dr. Was dealt a bad hand in the early years by having a few rude dentists, spent thousands of dollars and obtained an injury that was found pointless because the problem was an underdeveloped jaw and not an overbite, was bullied and stopped taking care of myself. Finally gained the courage and found a dentist I liked. Only to feel hurt, bullied, and feel like I was given the run-around by their constant mistakes. Phobia is now back and I'm in constant pain and full of anxiety again. Have to wait weeks or months for the applications I sent for insurance to come in or the dental schools to reach back out after filling out their online paperwork. Feel like I took a big step in overcoming my phobia and then got sucker-punched back into an even worse state.
