I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

[mel1]

I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Hi all, my name is Melanie and I live in the UK. I'm almost 40 and have not been to the dentist for 15 years and I've reached a stage where I have to admit that I cannot carry on as I am anymore, my life is miserable because of the state of my teeth and I have to get them sorted, but it's knowing where to start really.

My teeth are awful. I have 7 that have broken down to the gumline, 2 noticeable teeth which are decayed and horrible (I never smile or laugh), I'm worried about my gums, my bottom front teeth need a professional clean, I doubt there's a tooth in my head that doesn't need a filling. I'm too scared to eat, the first thing I do each morning is check my teeth are still there, my teeth are on my mind all of the time. I have no confidence and my heart literally sinks if somebody tries to make conversation with me, I'm a recluse and miserable with it.

My biggest fear is that I'll find the courage to go to a dentist, he'll take one look in my mouth and refuse to take me on as a patient, that really worries me, if that happens I'm worried I'll just give up and never get anything done. I need to contact a dentist beforehand and ensure they know how bad things are so I can be certain that I won't be turned away. I was wondering, has anybody else written around to dentists and received any positive responses.

One big step I have made is I've confided in my husband and told him all about my teeth and my fears, he was very understanding. I did tell him about a private dentist who deals with nervous patients who I quite like the look of but he is expensive. My husband told me I need to go NHS really, and if I wanted to go to his dentist, he would come with me and be fully supportive and do all the talking. I should jump at this chance, but my husband has had a couple of bad experiences with his dentist, so I am a bit wary.

Anyway, just writing this has made me feel better, I've been reading up on this site and knowing I'm not alone is a big help. I'm teetering on the brink of getting things sorted and I just need to make that big step.

 

[carole]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Hi mel1 to the forum.

A lot of people email dentists and get positive responses back. You have not got the worse mouth a dentist has seen. They are there to get us back to a healthy state orally.

You have made a huge leap forward in wanting to go to see a dentist, you must go to a dentist you feel comfortable with and who you could trust to do the work you may need. It is usual for us to think things are much worse that they actually are.

If you did see a dentist that made you feel uncomfortable, you don't go back, you find another and another until you are happy.

You will be surprised at the changes in both dentistry and dentists, things are very different to when you last went.

Try emailing a few and see what comes back to you. I would give your husbands dentist a try and see how you get on, you don't have to go back if you don't want to. Explain how nervous you feel and that you think your mouth is in a state, they will not be put off. They like fixing things, if everyone had a perfect mouth, what would they have to do?

You will be amazed at just what you can sit through now and it can all be done pain free, even the injections depending on the dentists skill.

I wish you good luck let us know how you get on. please don't suffer any more you can do this.

 

[Kim]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Hello sweetie, and welcome also

That big step is the biggest that you will ever make, and once that has been done, each and every step thereafter will still be big, but will get smaller each time if that makes any sense?

You deserve the right to have a healthy mouth and to be free from worry. As Carole said, you need to go to a dentist you feel comfortable with and TRUST - if it means finding the money for it, there will be a way - it's just a case of figuring it out, and working with your hubby to find a happy and practical way to go forward.

Wishing you well and hoping that you manage to take that next step forward xx

 

[Finally_Conquered_My_Fear]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Hi Melanie.

My name's Steve, and until 3 weeks ago I was totally in your shoes.

(This is my first post, by the way, so apols if I break any etiquette/rules)

...I just felt compelled to reply.

Melanie, the first -- and most positive -- action you can take is to have a consultation. It took me 25+ years and a shed-load of constant pain for me to finally take this step.

It...was...brilliant.

Almost instant catharsis in fact. My big fear was embarrassment, my teeth were truly horrendous. I didn't smile in my wedding photos, when my daughter was born, subsequent holidays etc...indeed I haven't 'really' smiled for 20+ years.

Your post really struck a chord with me.

3 weeks ago, my normal abscess failed to burst. My crowns had slipped down to a point I could no longer close my mouth...let alone chew. I felt truly low, and threw in the towel.

After some research I found a dentist. He didn't poke around, or judge. He's so positive it's incredible. He didn't flinch, puke, or scold.

I was expecting a full mouth extraction....

instead, I've had deep perio treatment, 4 extractions and a temporary bridge fitted (front four top teeth) in the past 2 weeks. Privately, but only because the bank were prepared to loan me. Even so, I'll be paying my treatment off for the next 7 years.

As weird as it sounds, though, I feel better than ever. Confident. Happy. Above all, normal: like no-one's looking at my teeth anymore.

You can do this Mel. You *deserve* to.

(For the record, my wife is an experienced dental nurse. I have NEVER let her look. For 15 years. Not even a glimpse. Too ashamed).

If you choose NHS, please find out whether the same dentist would perform the same treatment differently under private care. A lot of dentists work in a hybrid NHS/Private surgery, and may get pressured into providing less than optimum treatment for NHS patients. Not an indictment of the dentists, rather the pressure of the NHS system in the Uk)

Basically, get more than one opinion.

My very best wishes,
Steve

 

[Deejay]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Hello just wanted to say hi and tell you I was in a similar situation , 45 years old only option was NHS and apart from an emergency extraction, which was only a little uncomfy but the experience alone traumatised me, but a condition of getting treated as a non patient was to go on the NHS waiting list, (2 year wait) I had not been to the dentist in years and didn't have a dentist until August when I was accepted for NHS under the condition that I attended a pre registration check up (luckily) unfortunately I was in hospital and unable to attend but they said they would keep me on record for when I regained health and to make an appointment, a week prior to being able to make an appointment I started with pain in a dropped tooth which was looking dark inside so I knew it was a big hole, I sent a letter saying I needed an appointment after a week crunching painkillers, I couldn't bring myself to ring in person, anyway the next day to my horror they rang with an appointment I told the receptionist to make it known I was phobic and accepted the appointment I was in pieces I had to show someone my mouth I knew I had multiple cavities, one back tooth half broken to gum line, front bottom teeth with serious tartar and blackness around the base, one tooth dropping down lower than others and bad breath with bleeding gums I would have rather showed a stranger any! Other part off my body than show a dentist my teeth, but 2 days and 7 long fingernails chewed to the quick later and I was walking to the dentist...., they were really nice and said they would just look and wouldn't poke at all , even with fingers and would take notes, he kept to his word but kept having to tell me to open my mouth wider, I wasn't aware I was slowly closing it! Lol. They made some notes only 5 were noted as sound but he sent me over to the adjoining hospital for a panoramic X-ray and gave me a prescription for antibiotics and I went back a week later and we discussed the options, he never once made me feel disgusting or told me off and said he was going to help me make this year the one where I got my teeth sorted and my mouth healthy and everything would be a joint decision, I have extractions to come and he has referred me to NHS sedation clinic for that , and we are going to try to do the front teeth clean up as a team with him, as sedation clinic not set up for that, I am currently awaiting my assessment date, but the dentist has not once made me feel bad and only wants what is best for me and is working around my phobias and although I have to pay it is NHS top band at around £200 including sedation, please pluck up the courage and attend the first appointment which should be just a quick look see and maybe a chat and see how you get on, you will feel so much better for being strong enough to make it through that first one which is the worse mentally, see how you get on and come on and chat anytime, you are never alone there is someone you can talk to about any thing you may be worried about and people that have been through procedures and can advise you. Please keep in touch, good luck

 

[casmic]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Hello...I to had to find courage to take the first step having not been for 40years..it is so not easy making that first move.Like folk have advised here is to email etc.then phone calls ..to be honest using the phone I also find difficult.I shared my fears with my daughter and she phoned for he first appointment and Iwas also sent the NHS form so it kept the anxiety on a more even level.And then the first inspection my feelings were explained (although words didn't seem to flow through nerves) No judgement was made by the dentist or the nurse.I am now waiting for the final phase of the treatment but best of all a pain free mouth ....good luck...

 

[brit]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

My husband told me I need to go NHS really, and if I wanted to go to his dentist, he would come with me and be fully supportive and do all the talking. I should jump at this chance, but my husband has had a couple of bad experiences with his dentist, so I am a bit wary.

Does your husband always see the same dentist at this NHS practice? What were the bad experiences in a nutshell? It might be worth trying to see the most Senior dentist at this practice and taking your OH along for moral support unless this is the person causing the bad experiences.

Do you earn your own income? If so, you are in strong position to decide whether or not you can afford a private dentist of your choice, regardless of what your husband says. Does he really want you to carry on as you are in fear?

 

[mel1]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Thank you all for your replies, I feel more positive now than I have done in ages.

I have done lots of thinking today, but it's all been positive, moving forward kind of thinking.

Steve, reading your reply was wonderful, thank you so much for that. I read that you initially went for a consultation with a private dentist, and the dentist I have found offers free consultations, so I'm going to write to him, tell him that my mouth isn't a pretty sight and see what comes back.

Deejay, as you have done, I'm going to write to the NHS dentist (the one my husband sees because he has volunteered to come with me) and see about making an appointment with him and see what he says, it would be terrific if I could get the work done on the NHS, but I'm worried that he'll pull teeth that could be repaired.

Brit, my husband's NHS dentist numbed my husband's mouth to give him a filling on his last appointment and when hubby got home and looked in the mirror he'd also pulled a tooth out which my husband hadn't expected. Hubby had been told that that tooth would need a crown at a later date but the dentist forgot that and just pulled it without consulting my hubby first. It didn't really upset my husband, but I'd have been livid if it had happened to me. Also, my husband has complained in the past that his dentist is heavy handed and quite clumsy, that's why I'm not sure he's the dentist for me.

I do work but I've been looking for something else that I could do as well which will boost my income and help me pay for the treatment I need, otherwise I may look at a loan.
Thank you all of you, I will keep updating

 

[Finally_Conquered_My_Fear]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Please do, Mel.

I only found this forum after I'd started my treatment. D'oh!

In a way, I feel kinda proud that I 'fessed up to my fears, but in all honesty I had no choice...the pain/discomfort was too much to bear. I know you know what that feels like.

Mel -- get a consultation, free or otherwise. They won't mock, or make you feel bad. They'll want to help.

I wrote the book on 'not a pretty sight', so we'll compare before and after photos when we're both finished, deal?

Best wishes,
Steve

 

[mel1]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Steve, you have yourself a deal, and thank you, I really need this, it will keep me going. Here's to the day we can compare our healthy smiles!

I do know how it feels to be in agony because of my teeth, it's awful and frightening. It's the constant worrying that drags me down and I'm fed up with it, I've had enough. I think that once I get through that dreaded day when I go for my first appointment, I will also feel proud of myself.

I have written my letters and applied for a couple of jobs.....fingers crossed I get one because I've got a good feeling about this private dentist I've found.

Best wishes, please keep in touch.
Melanie

 

[carole]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Good luck with that first appointment, you can do this. It usually works out when we have a good feeling about a dentist, go with it.

 

[__Steve__]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Way to go, Melanie!!

I couldn't figure out how to change my username, so I created a new one.

But I'm the same Steve as earlier in the conversation, lol.

I think we ought to start a journal here -- not only to offload our own emotions (writing/talking about them is beneficial), but also to help others in the same boat.

Im so glad you've got a good feeling about your prospective dentist, and yes! Let's show our 'was nasty/now nice' pictures when we're ready!!!!

Best wishes,
Steve

 

[mel1]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Steve, I think that writing a journal is a fabulous idea.

 

[mel1]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Hey all,

Well, when I last wrote, I'd written letters to private and nhs dentists to tell them the situation I'm in. Well, the dentist I had a good feeling about, he's the one. He says I'm not alone and he won't judge me. I'm still trying to work out how I'm going to afford it, of course I can't start the dental work until I can pay for it so I'm still stuck with my horrid teeth at the moment, still not smiling

I'm looking for a part-time job that fits around my existing job and I'll use the money I earn specifically for the dental treatment, I thought it would be easy to get a little job and I'm not fussy, I'll do anything to earn the money but there's nothing going, it's crazy really.

I'm feeling a little deflated, well a lot actually. I'll be okay, but I wanted to update because once I get the money and start making appointments I think I'll be so frightened I'll need you guys on this forum more than anything.

Steve, I hope you get to read this because I want you to know I'm reading your journal and I hope that your dental treatment is going well.

 

[__Steve__]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Steve, I hope you get to read this because I want you to know I'm reading your journal and I hope that your dental treatment is going well.

I'm here, Mel.

You've come SO far.

You've found Dr. Right?

Did he give you a full cost/breakdown?

Best,
Steve

 

[Deejay]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Hi thank you for the update,
So glad you have found a dentist that you feel is right for you, I hope you managed to find a little job to help fund your dental work A New Smile what a wonderful item on your shopping list what a great item to save for I wish you all the very best,
And of course always here to help you along the way.
D.J

 

[mel1]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Thank you Steve and Deejay. Your replies mean a lot to me.

My appointment was just an initial consultation, he didn't take a look this time, that happens at the next appointment (which I've not made yet). I do have to pay for that appointment, I can afford to pay for that, but I don't see the point until I know I can afford to have the work done.

I feel better today, I was just going through a blip.

Thanks again.

 

[__Steve__]

Re: I need to find the courage to get my teeth sorted so I can start smiling again.

Mel,

Speaking from experience...it's better to find out what needs to be done -- and the cost -- than to ignore it altogether.

Please get the next appointment arranged if you can.

For the time being, the most important thing is getting a diagnosis and a plan.

You/we can help figure out the details later, OK?

Best wishes,
Steve