It's been over 20 years. I can't take no more.

[Retroglide]

Firstly, HELLO, as this is my first post.
I'm 42 years old and haven't visited the dentist since my late teens. The last time was when the dentist actually snapped an anaesthetic needle in my gum while performing a filling. This has led to me having such a fear of dentists. I cant even mention the word to my wife without feeling sick. As soon as someone mentions teeth in a discussion i completely evade the whole situation as that itself makes me feel extremely anxious. The thought of visiting a dentist or even driving past one has the same effect.
I have finally come to the conclusion that I need to get to the dentist as I have had enough of both the pain that I am in and also the look of my teeth. This weekend I actually ended up lancing an abscess myself due to the pain I was in. I know this was wrong and accept it was a stupid thing to do.
I have half a tooth missing in the front, a molar chipped in half missing down to the gum in the rear, another chipped tooth down to the nerve in one side and also a tooth protruding over a canine that never fell out when I was a child. All in all it's pretty depressing and has come to a head lately as my 4 year old son is asking questions with regards to why my front tooth is half missing and is also black.
I evade family photos as I can't smile and when I do smile or laugh I have to try and pull a strange face keeping my upper lip down over my front teeth. Every time I eat it's a case if or when my next tooth will chip or something else goes wrong. If I could go to sleep tonight and wake up with dentures in the morning then that would be a dream come true.

I know it's just the case of going to the dentist, but apart from being worried to death, I'm embarrassed, not even registered with a dentist and don't really know what the outcome is going to be apart from a lot of work needed doing

Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[brit]

Hi Retroglide
Welcome
The symptoms you describe are certainly consistent with Dental Phobia as described on this site as I am sure you are well aware, so look at this way, you are considered completely normal around here ...including the embarrassment factor.
A dentist gave you an unusually bad experience (how could you even snap those things?) and you reacted by 'taking cover' for 20 odd years. The only illogical thing about that, is not realising that that shouldn't have happened and that not all dentists are incompetent like that.

From your mention of 'being registered' with a dentist, I'm guessing you are in the UK and looking to go to an NHS dentist? Although this may be the cheapest route to dental health - it may not provide the optimal care for your situation. You mention dentures (which of course may not even be necessary) but in the private sector there is so much more dentists can do to restore their patient's self-esteem , such as saving teeth with restorative dentistry using fillings, crowns and bridges (in theory also an option on NHS - harder in England and Wales to find a competent dentist willing to do it in one go as the single fee they get no matter how much work involved is so low) and even implants (not available on NHS) which are almost as good as your own teeth. It is also possible privately to get implant-supported dentures which have many benefits over dentures.

Have a read around on the site to get a feel for just what can be done these days, how comfortable dentistry can be in the right hands, and then ask yourself if after years of not spending on dental visits, you now want to find out exactly what all your options are - you are still young after all.

You mention your child, are they not attending a dentist yet? Finding the right dentist, one who will welcome, competently help and not hurt you, is the main factor in having a successful outcome to your wonderful decision to take action
It is very important that this dentist you choose to visit, is not incompetent like the one who gave you your fear. You need to do research to stack the odds in your favour on this. All dentists were not the same 20 years ago and that is even more true to day, where technology and attitudes to patient comfort and wellbeing have moved on apace. Even if an NHS dentist is financially your only option, you should still try to see someone with a good reputation in the local community. You deserve to put yourself back in good hands

How to find a dentist for nervous patients

Discover how to find a dentist who is good with nervous, scared or phobic patients - and who to avoid!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Embarrassed? What dentists really think

Do you avoid the dentist because you're too embarrassed about the state of your teeth and what a dentist might say or think? You're not alone!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

 

[mghstl]

Your story mirrors mine very well (except I'm a girl and a BIT older than you!). And Brit is soooo right when she tells you to "read around" this website; you will find dozens of stories like yours and loads of people who want to lend you their support. And I'll bet you'll be surprised at what joy a good and compassionate dentist can bring to your overall life.
I still get "weird" about dental talk, photos, etc. Then I remind myself "hey, my teeth are OK now!". Lots of big smiles in my life now!
Let us know where in the world you are and what we can do to help you take the next step...you've already taken the first big one by posting here.
Best wishes!

 

[Retroglide]

Thank you both for the warm replies.
As mentioned it's been comforting to find people in the same or similar position as me and great to see how people have had their lives changed by overcoming their fears.
I have managed over the weekend to kind of explain my fears to my wife and she has offered to call her dentist today, who she has had no worries with, and explain to them my situation with perhaps the option of them recommending how best to get me to sit in the dentist chair.
I'm even getting butterflies in my stomach thinking of the wife making an appointment for me.
Still, I must take action

In reply to my 4 year old son, my wife did book an appointment for both me and him when his first dentist visit came around. I, naturally didn't make it in the end and as my son showed me, I missed out on getting a big sticker the same as the one the dentist had given him. He's great with his oral healthcare.

 

[April]

Hi Retroglide

You sound so much like me, in fact, so much like many of us on here ........ we are bunch of like minded phobics who are in the same position as you or who have been there - we ooze empathy

I too couldn't discuss teeth or anything dental, couldn't even watch adverts for toothpaste on the television. I even got to the stage where I had to take my daughter to school very early as one of the Mums was a dentist .... and I could smell her

Like you I reached the point where I really didn't have a choice, the pain was so bad. There wasn't anywhere in my mouth I could chew properly so had to have fairly soft food. I wasn't sleeping because of the pain and was living off a diet of extra strong painkillers - not good for the stomach!!

Having not been to the dentist for over 30 years I came to realise that dentistry has come a long, long way. Also, we are going as adults and are in charge of our treatment. With you wife as support you be do great. I had the support of my husband who, even if he couldn't understand all of my fears, was brilliant and I knew I could rely on him to speak for me if necessary.

I wish I could bottle the feeling and send it to you, the feeling of overwhelming relief, of being able to live my life pain free with a smile on my face ......... it's amazing

 

[biffo1963]

I have managed over the weekend to kind of explain my fears to my wife and she has offered to call her dentist today, who she has had no worries with, and explain to them my situation with perhaps the option of them recommending how best to get me to sit in the dentist chair.

That's exactly how I eventually made it back to the dentist after 25 years of ignoring the problem - I got my wife to make me an appointment with her (NHS) dentist. And what a good idea that turned out to be; I needed a lot of work (there's a surprise !) and luckily this guy was well up to the task, as well as being a decent bloke.

As for lancing your own abscess - well, in extremis that's what you do. I've been there myself; as you say, you shouldn't really do that, but it doesn't sound as though you did yourself any harm in the end.


John

 

[brit]

Wow Retroglide
What fast progress. Very pleased your wife can recommend a dentist for you. Get her to be your advocate throughout the process. If in UK, you have a right to a support person present.

If you find yourself unable to cope with treatment awake with local anaesthetic, you can always explore sedation options. It is better though to find a dentist you can work with, as it is easier to keep up regular attendance, once you have established a relationship of trust.
Best wishes with everything

 

[Retroglide]

Well, by 8.45am this morning my wife had called to say she had booked an appointment for me with a dentist that specialises in nervous patients. Appointment booked for 5th July. After she told me this via hands free on the car phone i had already started to panic about walking into the dentist and missed my junction on the motorway resulting in a 15 mile drive to the next junction to turn around.

@brit if I had my way I would have forced my self to go ASAP with my current state of mind as there is less time to pull out of going if that makes sense. A special forces team bursting into my bedroom late at night pinning me to the bed while the nice dentist started an examination actually sounds like the best possible scenario for me.

Reading through this forum has been a great comfort and help as I didn't realise so many people have the same issues.

 

[aintreallyme]

Hi Retroglide,
Just wanted to say congratulations on making the appointment. Getting to that stage took me almost 3 years after my initial DFC post, so you are on the fast track to success!
I had similar problems, including a permanent canine overlapping the primary. And, like you, it was the kids in my family who started pointing out my missing tooth and asking about it. I felt so embarrassed, I started avoiding everybody, but I still couldn't imagine going to a dentist. But six months ago, after posting pictures here and getting some feedback and reassurance from the dentists and other DFC members, I somehow managed to make an appointment. Six months later, those canines that were ruining my life are gone, and most of my other dental work is done! If I could do it, anybody can!! Good luck, we're rooting for you!!
-aintreallyme

 

[Pianimo]

Hi Retroglide,

First off, I'm really sorry, because I know this wasn't your main intention, but this description just cracked me up:

A special forces team bursting into my bedroom late at night pinning me to the bed while the nice dentist started an examination actually sounds like the best possible scenario for me.

(I can just imagine the dental practice advertising this as a service for severe phobics, complete with in-action photo: "Don't want to come to us? Don't worry, we'll come to you...when you least expect it!" Perhaps not.)

Anyway, as others have said, well done for getting that first appointment booked! Now, try not to think about it until the day arrives (impossible, I know, but I'll say it anyway!). Keep reading and posting on the forum - as you've dicovered, you are definitely not alone! Even if we don't all share your exact experience, we do understand your fear. You'll find so many people who've been through that waiting-for-the-first-appointment-and-both-want-to-go-and-racking-my-brains-to-think-of-an-excuse-to-cancel stage, and once you have a treatment plan, I'm sure there will be people who can relate specifically to that too (seems like there already are).

You can do it!

 

[Retroglide]

Hi Retroglide,
Just wanted to say congratulations on making the appointment. Getting to that stage took me almost 3 years after my initial DFC post, so you are on the fast track to success!
I had similar problems, including a permanent canine overlapping the primary. And, like you, it was the kids in my family who started pointing out my missing tooth and asking about it. I felt so embarrassed, I started avoiding everybody, but I still couldn't imagine going to a dentist. But six months ago, after posting pictures here and getting some feedback and reassurance from the dentists and other DFC members, I somehow managed to make an appointment. Six months later, those canines that were ruining my life are gone, and most of my other dental work is done! If I could do it, anybody can!! Good luck, we're rooting for you!!
-aintreallyme

Congrats with your story. It must be great to be near to or at the point of closure with regards to your fears. Hopefully I'll be in the same situation sooner rather than later.

Regards

 

[Didn't see it coming]

Just wanted to add the same as everyone else...yep, going through it all too!
Just don't feel embarrassed at all...they don't give a damn about what you like these days...
Wish I'd known that sooner too!
Also well done on your appointment - my other half makes ALL of mine for me!
I haven't spoken to anyone but the dentist