Much TLC needed as well as everything else!

[Carys]

Re: 3rd opinion appointment tomorrow, and soooooo scared AGAIN!

So, Kim, what was the outcome to this.....did the third opinion come up with anything useful ?

 

[brit]

Well done for going along Kimbo . I have merged your two support threads as I see I actually recommended DRHirst twice lol - once in march and then again recently. I am not on commission honestly but I hadn't realised you were the same poster!
Spill the beans when you feel like it. There's no pressure. Just make sure you make the right decision after considering all options rationally.

 

[Kim]

Hi everyone

I have been awake since 3am because of hubby snoring and am feeling creamy crackered now. Carys, I don't know fully what the treatment/outcome will be, but should know over the next couple of days, so as soon as I know, and have managed to get my head around all of it, I will let you all know.

And Brit, yes you did recommend Dr Hirst twice to me, and I remember looking at his website at the time, but can't for the life of me remember why I didn't go with your advice then. What I will say is that I got to meet Lincoln and Jean yesterday. I was in a terrible state before we went in, crying in the car etc, but pulled myself together to get through the door.

I couldn't speak to the lovely receptionist - sorry - and only waited a minute before Lincoln called me through. His chairside manner was impeccable, he has a calming tone of voice, explains everything in a way that you can take in, and gives you the option of not doing anything you dont want to or dont feel comfortable with.

I had x-rays (what seemed like loads and certainly more than the one from dentist 1 who then passed to dentist 2) plus some photos (yuk) of my mouth, so that he can get the best he can to look at what can be done to help. I will know what this is in the next few (anxious) days. He did say to me when I was sitting in the 'normal' chair, that I appeared a lot calmer than he had imagined I would be. I said it was all inside, and that I am good at hiding it (not good for me tho', especially when people 'perceive' you as being alright). I am learning to tell people when I am not now tho' and that isn't always easy.

So as soon as I know, I will be sure to let you all know, because some of you will be curious, and on a selfish note I am still going to need comfort and support from you caring people.

I cried loads yesterday, in the car on the way home, and at different times during the evening. I really do wish my husband and daughter could try to put themselves in my place, and see where I am coming from. I understand that if you don't have a phobia and dont get so scared so easily, then that is difficult, but it doesn't help when the phobic needs to feel reassurance.

My daughter has an operation coming up in the not too distant future on a rather delicate part of her anatomy. I went with her previously when she had to be examined by the Consultant, and as soon as she walked in the room and saw the trolley with instruments and gauze etc, had a panic attack and was crying and shaking like a baby. I did what any mother would and comforted her, because I truly felt her fear, and I know that my husband would have done the same had he been in the room, so I just want them to understand that although this is totally different in one way, it is so totally the same in another.

Also Brit

A really stupid question, but when you say you have merged my posts, does that mean everything is on one thread. I am still a novice with this site, and also a very tired one at that.

Again thank you so much for comments and support - just what I need right now!

Kim

 

[Kim]

Hi again Brit

I think I sort of get the merge thing now as just seen both of my thread's next to each other.

 

[brit]

Also Brit

A really stupid question, but when you say you have merged my posts, does that mean everything is on one thread. I am still a novice with this site, and also a very tired one at that.

Again thank you so much for comments and support - just what I need right now!

Kim

Yes you got it. Just the support ones though. Keep strong.

 

[Pianimo]

Hi Kim. It sounds like you did REALLY well yesterday! I hope that when you do find out exactly what treatment you need and what options you have, it's not as bad as you've feared.

A few other things...

I was in a terrible state before we went in, crying in the car etc, but pulled myself together to get through the door.

You don't get to just throw that in as an aside - that's a real triumph! Many people fall at that hurdle, and you didn't! You should feel really good about yourself for that...you probably don't, but that's why I'm trying to convince you or, failing that, feel it for you!

He did say to me when I was sitting in the 'normal' chair, that I appeared a lot calmer than he had imagined I would be. I said it was all inside, and that I am good at hiding it (not good for me tho', especially when people 'perceive' you as being alright). I am learning to tell people when I am not now tho' and that isn't always easy.

Oh, I hear you! I'm dreadful at this - one minute panicking that I might act out due to the phobia and embarrass myself, and the next panicking that, because I've hidden it, they won't realise/believe how terrified I am! Telling people what a state you are inside IS hard - and it sounds like you're already doing better than me at doing it!

I really do wish my husband and daughter could try to put themselves in my place, and see where I am coming from. I understand that if you don't have a phobia and dont get so scared so easily, then that is difficult, but it doesn't help when the phobic needs to feel reassurance.

My daughter has an operation coming up in the not too distant future on a rather delicate part of her anatomy. I went with her previously when she had to be examined by the Consultant, and as soon as she walked in the room and saw the trolley with instruments and gauze etc, had a panic attack and was crying and shaking like a baby. I did what any mother would and comforted her, because I truly felt her fear, and I know that my husband would have done the same had he been in the room, so I just want them to understand that although this is totally different in one way, it is so totally the same in another.

I think some people just don't understand, so they can never empathise, but they should still be able to sympathise. When I told my best friend about my dental phobia, she said to me that she doesn't get it, and doesn't think she ever will, but she still cares and wants to support me. I think the key thing a non-phobic like your hubby needs to realise is that just because they can't get something, it doesn't mean it's not real. You are not exaggerating or overreacting. A phobia is irrational (although, some people's dental fear can be very rational, if it's based on prior mistreatment by a dentist!), but that DOES NOT mean it's all in your head. Your symptoms and reaction might be disproportionate to the situation, but they are just as real as if they were proportionate. It's like telling someone who is having a panic attack to 'snap out of it' - they can't! Their symptoms have a psychological cause rather than a physiological one, but they are JUST AS REAL as if they did! And, for the mostpart, you don't have any more control over them than you do with a physiological cause (in fact, it can be even harder to prevent/deal with them, since there's no medication or treatment, other than dealing with the fear/anxiety itself). In case you do discuss any of this with your hubby, it's worth noting that this is what a consultant neurologist told me (about certain severe (and very real!) anxiety symptoms I was experiencing), so it's not just a way of phobics or anxiety sufferers excusing their behaviour, it's medical fact.

My point is, your hubby may never understand why you react this way to all things dental. But I think he does need to understand, or at least accept that, even if the cause makes no sense to him (in fact, he as he sees it, there is no cause), the results he sees in you are 100% genuine nonetheless. A phobia is a recognised medical condition. I'm sure he wouldn't expect you to just get on with eating nuts if you had an allergy, or 'just keep going' if you had ME, or even 'just cheer up' if you had clinical depression. A phobic's reaction to their source of fear is involuntary - you can learn to overcome it, and many people do (through exposure, counselling, CBT etc); you can take medication to temporarily/partially overcome it (i.e. anti-anxiety meds, sedation). But you can't magically force your mind or body to react the way someone without this condition would - and it's neither fair nor realistic to expect that. I really hope he's able to grasp that somehow, or at least see that you need his total support right now, not support mixed with judgement or disbelief. It sounds like he's a great guy who really loves you: I think perhaps to his mind you're making yourself upset - if you 'snapped out of it' then you'd feel better, and he wants you to feel better - but he needs to see that that's just not how phobia works.

So as soon as I know, I will be sure to let you all know, because some of you will be curious, and on a selfish note I am still going to need comfort and support from you caring people....
...I cried loads yesterday, in the car on the way home, and at different times during the evening....
...Again thank you so much for comments and support - just what I need right now!

Nothing selfish about it! It could only ever be deemed selfish at all if you were unwilling ever to give support back to people, and you've already more than shown that's not the case. Even then, it's sometimes weeks/months down the line before people start giving back, and you're already doing it, and actually I'm sure most of us are quite happy to help someone who needs it, whether they go on to support others or not! So, please don't ever feel you're burdening or expecting too much of us - it's what we're here for! We WANT you to come to us for support, because we WANT to support you. And on that note, have some more ! Hope you're able to catch up on some sleep, and feel a little better soon.

 

[Carys]

I look forward to hearing all about it, when you have an 'outcome' based on your examination and xrays. At least you know that you have gone down all avenues before making a decision, so it will be an informed and realistic one. I'm sorry that those closest to you are not 'getting it', it is really hard to understand phobic behaviour if you don't suffer from it, but you are quite right, even if they don't 'get it' they can be less harsh and try and show more sympathy (even if empathy is impossible). Take Care

 

[bisja]

so glad you got through everything and I'm sure that Dr Hirst will beable to help you through your fears he just seems like a compassionate person to me you very lucky lady. If I could steal him away I would

 

[Kim]

OMG! How do I even begin to say thank you (again) for all your support and hugs. And Pianimo - well, I read all of your thread through tears - (now please don't tell me you are surprised about the tears bit). You have such a way of putting things and explaining things. To be honest, I have gone through all of these years with not a day going by thinking about one or more things to do with my teeth/mouth. It hasn't been all time consuming like it is now, because although I knew in my heart of hearts that things weren't good, I wasn't having to see a dentist to face everything, as although I have always hated my teeth, I wasn't in any pain with them, so that was fine.

I am still not in any pain, even with the broken crown (although the lonely tooth on one side did give me a bit of 'gip' last week to the extent that I had to take painkillers).

However, since the crown broke, I was thrown into a situation where I knew I had no other alternative than to deal with it, hence the start of my nightmare for me. And when I saw dentist 1 and went into this massive panic attack, it really did bring it home as to how bad a problem I actually have with the whole dental phobia thing, and that scares the life out of me.

When I went to see Dr Hirst on Friday, I had to go to work in the morning, and because of timing's wasn't able to take a Diazepam, so just had to keep telling myself that he would be different to the other's from having spoken to him on the phone, and from reading reviews etc, so although I was still in a state, I wasn't in the same state as I had been the first time, which must mean some sort of improvement hey?

Anyway, yesterday I had a pretty reasonable day, yes, I did get upset in the morning when I was talking to my hubby about things to come, but was ok mostly and we went out for a drive, got a few bits and pieces for dinner last night, and went to our localish country pub. We were having a chat, and something was said (not horrible), but I started to get really teary again!! As luck had it there weren't too many people nearby us (I chose the table so no-one would see my 'gappy' mouth! I managed to pull myself together - thank god - and regained my composure.

I am now at the stage where I am still really utterly petrified of whats to come, but just need to know what the treatment plan is and when it can get started, so it can get finished if that makes any sense?

And Pianimo, I don't know how you do those speech bubble thingy's but the following that you said:

Nothing selfish about it! It could only ever be deemed selfish at all if you were unwilling ever to give support back to people, and you've already more than shown that's not the case. Even then, it's sometimes weeks/months down the line before people start giving back, and you're already doing it, and actually I'm sure most of us are quite happy to help someone who needs it, whether they go on to support others or not! So, please don't ever feel you're burdening or expecting too much of us - it's what we're here for! We WANT you to come to us for support, because we WANT to support you. And on that note, have some more !

If you knew me you would know that I am probably one of the least selfish or vain people that you would ever meet, I always like to treat people the way I would want to be treated, and if I felt I could help just one person in the teeniest weeniest of ways, then I would, as it gives me just so much pleasure, so thank you for saying that, it really is very kind of you.

I have woken today feeling really down. I think yesterday was a better day for me because Friday was over with and I didn't have to face anything. Today tho' is a day nearer to hearing something, and in a funny way I wish I knew now, but in an unfunny way if I don't know, I don't have to deal with it

I will away for now, will let you know when I can what is going on, thank you all again for everything, and in particular Bisja, as you have so much to deal with yourself at the moment, yet you can still find the strength to come on here to catch up. And I am a very lucky lady in taking advice and getting the 3rd opinion and meeting with Dr Hirst, and I don't think you would steal him away - I think you would do what I would - and share

Take care.

Kim

 

[Pippa]

I hope you get to hear the plan very soon so that you can get yourself " in gear" so to speak ,for the treatments to come.
Although dental treatment isnt nice and is sometimes uncomfortable,I found nothing was worse than the first visit to my new dentist when I had to tell all and open my mouth !

Once he had seen the ruins for himself, all went well !
Hope it will be easier for you than you think.

 

[Kim]

We are both working together to get the best outcome, I will possibly know something tonight, as to how things could possibly proceed and so dont want to put on here what could/would/should happen until have sorted it out with my trusted dentist. In my own head I feel I have come to a decision - will post properly when things are more settled xx

 

[Kim]

BIG day for me today!

BIG for me in the fact that I have to go back to the dentist, not for treatment, but to sign all the paperwork giving my consent to treatment, get my blood pressure checked and my veins etc, and then I would imagine that I will need to make the appointment to get my treatment started (I don't know why I am imagining it, as I know). Tummy all tied up in knots, hands all clammy and legs doing their own little dance, oh dear, here we go again. All this is happening, and I am trying to do the slow breathing stuff - good job I am a woman and can multi-task that's all I can say!

Any last minute support (yes I know it is only paperwork) and hugs to get me through this irrational head morning would be lovely.

Kim

 

[Carys]

Re: BIG day for me today!

Heeelllooooooooo

Isn't it just horrible what stress and anxiety do to you physically ! This is a major major step for you Kim, even though it is 'only paperwork' it is showing commitment to your treatment and a sign that you will get the work done....hence why you feel so jittery about it. All the very best for today, take with you the thought that everybody here will be waiting to hear how you got on and crossing their fingers.

 

[Kim]

Re: BIG day for me today!

Thanks for that Cary's - my legs have turned to jelly! I have been practicing my signature, and no two are the same - so I hope they will be acceptable - goodness only knows what they will be like by the time I get there. Will let you know how I go.

Kim

 

[Aldridge]

Re: BIG day for me today!

Good luck, Kimbo! Having to go into a dental surgery to do ANYTHING, even paperwork, scares the bejesus out of me, so I sympathise! Plus, as Carys so wisely says, it shows you are committing yourself to a treatment plan, so it is a big step. Thinking of you.

 

[Kim]

Re: BIG day for me today!

Thank you for that Aldridge - need all the support I can - my stress levels are going through the roof right now, but I am going to do this and remain committed, even tho' I am petrified

 

[Beamish]

Re: BIG day for me today!

Good luck for today! It is scary but imagine how it will feel once it is all complete!

Beamish

 

[minerva227]

Re: BIG day for me today!

You can do it!! You're taking control of your life and your health in the face of fear. That's really brave and admirable!! Soon, this will all be behind you, and you can look back on what an amazing thing you did. Each of these steps is big and important. You're doing great!

 

[Pippa]

Re: BIG day for me today!

Your jelly legs will cope ! I know how you feel, I had all those symptoms before I went to the dentist . It is such a relief when we find we can cope after all
Good luck and let us know how it went.

 

[Kim]

Re: BIG day for me today!

Don't know how to join things up but will post on my other thread