No Turning Back: My Journey to a Radiant Smile

[APhobicQueen]

Why hello there!

It's been a while hasn't it?

2023 seems like so long ago. I'm not sure if anyone's wondered where I went or how I've been doing but well we're here again! Let's have a little catch-up chat shall we? And allow me to unload my fears here because oh boy, we're back at it again!

So I stopped posting in July of 2023, after my first cleaning treatment. My hygienist, D, is still the one I see to this day and she is an absolute angel. I was seeing her every 4 months, but it's now every 6! And yes, I still get absolutely anxious before appointments, but mostly settle in to the chair while we watch Netflix together lol It's become a routine that I'm maintaining so I'm very proud of myself!

Now for all of 2024, and the rest of 2023 that was all I did. Just cleanings. I do not have my partials yet nor have I done the impressions for them yet. I wanted to get the rest of my teeth taken care of before then with my fillings, etc.

I also need to bring up something else that happened in 2024 that does affect my oral health: I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia! Oh wow, yippie me If you don't know what fibro is, it's a chronic illness where there's widespread pain (among other symptoms) all over the body. Essentially your pain signals in your brain are a bit screwy. At least that's how it was described to me. There's no cure or treatment besides for symptoms and there's no known cause (though many suspect genetics play a role.) There does seem to be a link between emotional trauma and the prevalence of fibro however which makes me wonder if all those years ago when I was first given PTSD by the first dental practice I went to, if I was being set up for this. We'll never know I suppose...still. Let's get back to my teeth shall we? And keep this in mind for later.

So that brings us to this year: I was meant to go back in January and then February of this year but we had some horrible storms that meant I was stuck...D gets booked up solid (because everyone wants her! which makes sense) so I had to wait until July of this year to see her again.

Well, July rolls around and I'm super nervous because guess what? I have irritation on a new tooth! oh no, oh my. I can't remember if I last recapped my teeth for you all but here's the deal with what I was currently working with: on my lower left quadrant, I had this big 'ol cavity on my cuspid, I believe it's #27 on a chart. It was a deep cavity, wherein it covered the bottom of the tooth and it was basically a hole. I was cleaning it out with the end of my floss pick every night. Well, that was my big cavity issue, or so I thought, because as it turns out, tooth #28, my 1st premolar got a full cavity right next to it! On the side.

Now I had known I had a cavity on #28 for a while but right before my appointment it started to get irritated and developed the dreaded: discoloured spot. Oh when I saw that I was panicking. Full blown "omg what if it's bad? what if I need a root canal? what if it has to be extracted too?" you know the usual for a phobic patient with no sense of logic anymore

Needless to say I was spiralling. But I carried on, because it's not like my tooth was in pain all the time (it wasn't.) Nor was it even really in pain. Sometimes it was just a little bit like I was just super aware of the tooth, sometimes it felt a bit burning sensation but very light and I couldn't even be sure I wasn't make that up in my head.

Now also during this time, Canada did a really cool thing! We got a national dental care program Essentially if you make under a certain amount of money a year (I believe it might be 90k but I can't be 100% sure) you can apply for this program where the government will cover a lot of procedures for dental care. The coverage goes up to 100% based on income.

For me, I was 100% covered and approved within a few weeks! Hurrah! The government only covers one hour of a cleanings a year though which is a bit of a cop out, seeing as how the patients most in need of a dental care program probably have teeth issues that might lead to them needing more regular cleanings (like I did in the beginning.) But hey, it's better than nothing! All of my fillings are covered under the program which is huge.

So back to the story! I get to my dental practice in July and guess what guys? I did x-rays! Yep! Finally did them! That thing I was sooooo terrified of! I felt so bad for D though because as it turns out the bite wings I was so scared about? No problem! The one where they needed to go under my tongue a bit? A problem haha. My tongue essentially wouldn't relax with the spherical device in my mouth to hold it there and then her computer kept crashing. D kept telling me to relax but it wasn't working, so eventually she just took the x-ray film out of the sphere and held it on the backs of my front lower teeth herself which worked fine. Then she said she wanted me to know when she kept telling me to relax she wasn't getting mad at me at all, she was just trying to repeat it in hopes my brain would start to register it. But in the end we got there!

Then I met a new dentist. I'd never met him before but I guess I have a rotating crew of them who come in? Which you'd think make me nervous but not really? I mean I'd like to just have one singular dentist but it's not something that adds a ton to my anxiety or isn't anything I can't work with since the dental practice is as good as it is.

Now, he comes in, and he's incredibly gentle checking out my mouth. They call out numbers which when you don't know any numbers is always a bit nerve wracking. Then I hear him say "it's deep." Now. I will say this is something I wasn't too much of a fan of which is after he was done, it appeared like nothing was being said to me and I was the one who had to ask "how does it look?"

The dentist seemed hesitant to tell me, and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that because he didn't know me perhaps he was worried about my reaction to the news which was: 13 (originally thought to be twelve but no) cavities to be filled. 13. Whew, boy. Double digits.

I then shocked him when my first response was: "That could be worse."

He didn't know what to say! And after he left I told D, I'd had to have teeth extracted, if all they needed to do was fill in 13 of my teeth? That was fine. I mean scary as anything and terrifying to me, but fine! Please note that they did not once mention anything about root canals to me. This will be important later on. The dentist just said "we'll get them filled."

My cleaning then went off without a hitch (with D saying she's noticed a difference in my teeth for th better and said she definitely felt my gums were toughening up! Yay!) and they asked me to book in my first filling appointment which terrified me but I couldn't keep putting it off (like I had last year. Oops.)

I was initially booked in for August 6th for my first fillings but had a family emergency so it was rescheduled for August 20th, just two days ago. And that is where we're going to pick up the second part of this story and why I've come back to this forum after all this time. Like an old friend this place is still here for me and I can still write out all my feelings which is good because I need to but hey she's back everyone!

(part two will continue in a second in a separate post just for organisation's sake)

 

[APhobicQueen]

Okay part two! The filling appointment itself.

Now I had been making myself go absolutely bonkers for weeks worrying about my filling appointment because I had no idea which teeth they were doing (I assumed the worst ones, so the ones I talked about in my previous post) nor did I know how long I'd be there.

Remember I said fibro was important to this story? Yes so after my cleaning appointment, I had the worst jaw pain of my life. Ohmygod it was so intense and hurt so bad! It was basically a week of just solid pain and painkillers before my jaw was able to not feel absolutely wretched. This kind of jaw pain was caused by my fibro and it meant that opening my mouth for even a length of time of 45 minutes was a real problem. But not much I could do about that. Still the jaw pain sometimes had me mistaking it for tooth pain because I was so anxious about my teeth. Again, this is important I think to what happens later (well right now in present day time.)

So, I didn't know anything about what would be happening other than the basics of what happens during a filling. I also had a very huge fear that they'd go in there and tell me I did need a root canal after all. But my mum assured me that they'd had my x-rays and did an exam. If I needed a root canal, they would have said so and if it was truly needed, it would have showed up on my x-ray. Still. I was very anxious.

Now originally I'd meant to undergo laughing gas while I was getting my procedure done but it turns out laughing gas is a no no for me! One of the things that laughing gas can do is interfere with vitamin b12. This for most people isn't really an issue at all, but I'm on a b12 supplement to help with my fibro. Which means if the gas interfered with my b12, it would be a problem. So I had to cancel the gas which made me even more nervous! I then asked the secretary if I could get a prescription for an anti anxiety pill to help me feel comfortable but they don't do that at their practice. They then offered to put me under sedation but I said "nope!" because a) I didn't have the money to pay for the sedation and b) it's fillings. it's better that I'm awake and aware of them so I know there's nothing to be afraid of. Very brave of me.

The morning of my appointment dawns and I'm a nervous wreck (of course, this is not surprising.) But I manage to eat a little, go through my routine and then it's off to the dentist with me. Now I was a little comforted by the fact they'd booked me in at 11:15 am, so quarter past the hour because I thought if they thought the fillings they'd do today were going to take a long time, surely they'd book me in at the top of the hour. As it turns out I was only booked in for 45 minutes because that's the first thing I asked the dental assistant. But hold on I'm getting a bit ahead of myself!

I go into the building (by myself! a real feat) and I tell the receptionist I'm there, check in, and I tell her I'm just anxious when she asks how I am. She's very sweet and just tells me to take deep breaths and that I'd be fine

Something else relevant to this story later: the place next store was being gutted because the business had closed. Lots of noises from that happening.

Eventually an older woman comes out and calls my name. This is the dental assistant. I've never seen her before, but I go in and as per usual tell her I'm nervous and she says "Oh don't worry, you have no reason to be!" which I was really hoping was true. Now keep in mind, I'd never met her and I'd only met the dentist once so neither of them were aware of my phobias and trauma. I probably should have explained to them both about them but I didn't.

I did mention to her that this was my first filling appointment where I was awake, and she had the gas set up to which I said "Oh I'm not getting that." She seemed annoyed because she'd had it set up and I said "well they put a note in my file or were supposed to about that?" at this point my red flag was going off a bit with this one. She's definitely part of the dental assistants of old, the old school ones. Firm and stern. But I didn't really have a choice but to roll with it because she hadn't done anything too bad.

Except one thing. One teeny weenie little thing:

When I told her I'd had bad experiences with dentists in the past, which is why this was my first filling appointment while I was awake (keep in mind during my extractions years ago I'd had some restoration work done too) she said "well you're a big girl now."

Oh. Well. That was an alarm in my head. I was truly shocked. No matter how you look at it, saying that in response to someone telling you they've had bad experiences is just a no no. It completely invalidates their feelings and lacks any sense of compassion.

I resolved to keep my eye on her through the procedure and that if I felt she did anything more untoward I would tell the staff/request a different assistant.

At this point the dentist came in and he said "all right so what are we working on today?"

My face:

I was so confused! Keep in mind they hadn't even told me all of the cavities I'd had and where but apparently I was the one deciding what ones they'd be doing? I've racked it over in my brain to figure out why they'd do this because it screams unprofessional to me and the only thing I can think of is they wanted me to feel in control of the situation by letting them decide what they worked on. But I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't said #27 and #28 which to me, were the worst ones. What if I had said one that was relatively minor? Would they have steered me towards the worst ones?

Either way, I did say those two pesky ones and this is when we got to work, I was put back in the chair immediately, not given warning which I wasn't the biggest fan of but again neither of these people knew of my trauma. They put the numbing gel in and boy oh boy, that stuff really works! My tongue and that part of my mouth was numb and weird feeling (and wow can we invent a nice flavour for this stuff though? Like bubblegum or cotton candy?) and then they went to do the shots.

Edit: I forgot about the water! Before the numbing they blasted the area with ice cold water than asked if I had any sensitivity. I said yes, a little bit because I did feel the cold water that's for sure. But I do have some on/off sensitivity with my whole mouth so I wasn't concerned about that. It didn't hurt to me which was important.

Oh! I almost forgot. Before my appointment I made a playlist and they let me put in my earbuds and play it. I decided I wanted to be funny because that might help my mood so I used early 2000s "emo" music (the music I grew up with) with such hits as "I hate everything about you" and "numb" (I don't really hate anything about my dental practice but it was definitely funny!)

Now because I was so anxious it was hard to hear them over the music and the sounds but I tried my best. In any case, they then went in with the needle, I just closed my eyes but I had that problem with relaxing my tongue again and it wasn't working well. I could tell there was some frustration on both their parts but at that point I couldn't feel my tongue because of the numbing gel so I had no idea what it was doing in there. In any case, they did get the shots in, four of them! According to my parents this was 100% excessive and most likely done to make sure I was very numbed up lol.

So we waited a few minutes and like anyone, I really do hate the feeling of being numb, oh it's just so weird and funky and I don't like not being able to feel part of my mouth. But it is what it is. Then they went to work! Filling in the two cavities. Standard procedure with different drills, then applying the resin filling, then the blue light.

The biggest issue for me was holding my jaw open, oh I was in a lot of pain. My jaw was trembling and shaking having to keep it open! It hurt so badly. But the fillings didn't seem to take all that long, which was good! At one point they told me I had to keep my jaw open because the most important part was the blue light and my mouth needed to stay open and, yep, that wasn't fun for my jaw <- it truly felt like this at times

I kept accidentally trying to close my mouth too but they both seemed nice enough about it.

Anyway, remember those renovations I mentioned! Here it comes back again. In the the middle of my appointment I thought I heard something, but remember there was a drill and music playing in my ears.

Turns out I did hear something! A fire alarm. Blaring. That wouldn't stop. It turned out they'd done something next door that had set off the alarm but they couldn't turn it off so now in the middle of my filling I had a blaring fire alarm to contend with. This made it faaaaar harder to hear anything because the dentist was quite soft spoken (bless him for being that way. He clearly wanted the patients to feel very safe and not at all like they were being demanded or yelled at.)

But in any case! We had a laugh about it, and my appointment finished up. It was great! I was done with two fillings! Woohoo!

So, you may be thinking, where does the anxiety come from?

Ah well, you see, if you know anything about PTSD, and I'm sure maaaaany of us do, you'll probably know there's this thing called hyper vigilance. Essentially the brain and body maintain a sense of heightened threat levels in response to triggers. Now, I have various triggers but one of mine specifically is being told to keep an eye on something, or monitor something. This is a recipe for disaster when it comes to hyper vigilance. Because it means I'm constantly thinking about the thing. And you know what that means!

So at the end of the appointment, the dentist springs on me (keep in mind my earbuds are still in, the fire alarm is still blaring and I can barely hear this man) that I might need a root canal. I, of course, was taken aback and not really processing. A root canal? Why would I need one of those? They'd just filled my teeth? They didn't mention it before? What was happening.

He then told me that on one of my two teeth, they'd have to do one if I monitored my teeth and found I was in a lot of pain. He said: "if there's pain keeping you up at night, call back because we'd need to do a root canal on one of the teeth." then he paused, thought about it and told me which one but I can't actually remember which, not ideal.

So. I went home. Booked my next appointment for September 10th, where once again I get to decide where they're working that day. If it's the same quadrant or a different one. Took painkillers that night because my jaw was in the worst pain of my life, pain like I couldn't open it at all to eat pain. I've been eating on one side of my mouth mostly, and soft foods giving the teeth and gums time to heal up and feel better. I haven't had anything hot or cold yet but I think today I should be okay to try it.

All in all the filling appointment was fine, as in the appointment itself! There's a couple of things that are a bit off putting: the taste of the local/numbing gel, the smell of the drill can be a bit weird, and the feeling of having to hold your jaw open for so long, but other than that it's really not that bad!

But, in a part three we'll get to what's really going on, the root of the problem you could could say...

 

[APhobicQueen]

Right part three! The present and the spiral of it all!

Ah yes, being told to monitor a tooth. How definitely not triggering that is! It was actually my dad who explained to me in the car on the way back why I might still need a root canal (because this wasn't explained to me in the office.) My dad, who has had the very same thing happen, said it's because they aren't sure they got all the decay out and if they didn't, then that would mean the decay has reached the nerves of my tooth, hence why I'd need one. Basically the cavity went deep deep. But they've tried the filling first, because they think there's a good enough chance that will work on its own.

Should be comforting, but you have to remember I had just been triggered six ways from Sunday with the "keep an eye on it."

And that's when it began. For the past two days, I have been obsessing over my teeth, thinking I feel pain, unsure if I really do or if I'm making it up in my head. Driving myself absolutely mad with it. Yesterday I was able to stave off the worst of it, by telling myself if I had to question whether what I felt was pain, then that wasn't what they were talking about when they told me to monitor for it.

My brother also tried to comfort me by sending me a text telling me that if the worst happened and I did need a root canal it really wasn't that bad. The only difference was that I'd be in the chair longer, at least on my end, it'd be similar to getting a filling just with different tools and a different way of doing things.

But in any case, yesterday was okay! I didn't really feel pain just some sensitivity. And with my fibro, I tend to take longer for sensitivity and irritation to wear off. And keep in mind I've been kind of touching the area quite a bit (even the bit of my jaw by it.) So I'm probably not helping.

It seemed like it would be fine. And it was until last night. Ah last night.

Yeah so last night, I realised was the first time I tried to floss (very gently) around my filling area. I do wonder if perhaps my gums are still just that sensitive that it irritated them. Or maybe it was because I was so anxious I went to google and looked up root canals right before bed, freaked myself right out and then started to feel pain in my tooth. And then the thoughts set in. Even as I fell asleep, I'd wake up to roll in over and I felt "pain" in the tooth (pain is in quotes because I don't actually know if it's actual pain or my imagination at this point. Also worth noting I was monitoring a different tooth to the one I had been all anxious about before and on the first day. Which might be a clue of how real that "pain" is.) and then I remembered what the dentist said and began to have a whole spiral into the deep dark abyss which is where you find me this morning and why I remembered I had this journal and this place of support to pour out all of my feelings.

Basically I am convinced there's pain in my tooth and I do need a root canal despite the fact that a) yesterday there wasn't really any pain b) there are some logical explanations for why the area might feel irritated today c) I just had my first taste of ice cold water my from my fridge and felt no pain d) I have been told root canal pain is not a "tee hee ha ha" kind of pain but some of the worst pain you've felt in your life. I'm definitely not feeling that e) my jaw is still sore so some of that soreness might be felt in other areas of my mouth/face. It's all connected you know? f) if they truly thought the filling was absolutely going to fail within a few days and wouldn't work, they'd have just told me straight up I needed a root canal I'm pretty sure g) I only started getting this worsening "pain" after I started getting extremely anxious.

It's unfortunate then that my brain isn't really processing logic right now like it should be and it just goes "no you're definitely going to have to go back for this like immediately. and it's going to be awful."

Well there you have it! I'm back and while I've taken multiple steps forward we do have a bit of a step backward. But that's okay! The journey is not linear. Hopefully my anxiety will calm soon and the "pain" disappears but I guess we'll just have to wait and see and hope for the best. I'm thinking maybe after a week, if I'm not in extreme pain or worsening pain, my anxiety might settle down because it would have been a whole week lol Writing in this journal and recapping my experiences definitely has helped. Sending all the best to everyone who's read about my return

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Just reading your story, You are so courageous, and explain the PTSD part really well ! I had to chuckle a little at the thought of being in the middle of dental treatment and the fire alarm going off.. that would definitely be an adventure. Sounds like everyone handled it calmly.. You are so right on the journey is not linear , it is really ups and downs.. Thanks for sharing, love your story!

 

[APhobicQueen]

@krlovesherkids777 Thank you so much! Your words are incredibly heart warming and so sweet to read!

The fire alarm going off was really funny actually. Originally I thought it was just my imagination, imagine my surprise that it wasn't! What a time!

 

[APhobicQueen]

Ah here we are with just a little update and it's good news!

Firstly, I did reach out in the "ask a dentist" thread on here just with a few questions and had my fears assuaged by the answers. I said in my question thread it still amazes me that even with our amazing technology dentists still have to rely on gut instinct and experience for some things! (but the long and short of it is that I should trust my dental practice more lol they wouldn't have done the filling if they truly believed I was going to be back in a couple days for a root canal.)

Now for the good news! I still get little zings, and I do still have a cold kind of feeling that comes and goes (but doesn't hurt at all) but! all in all the pain I was feeling from a few days ago is gone. I do believe all I've been feeling is just nerve irritation and my mouth adjusting to the fillings. I do have to remember that these cavities (especially the one on the front surface of #27) were my old friends for years. I lived with them for an incredibly long time and my mouth just got used to them (do you know how incredible it's been to watch as food and debris don't get stuck in a cavity between my teeth? That I can just floss between those bad boys and get the debris out? That I don't have to use the end of a floss pick to clean out a hole in my teeth? It's been like heaven!) Anyway, it's a big adjustment for my little mouth to handle!

But I most certainly don't need a root canal. There's not enough pain or sensitivity to temperatures and chewing either. Last night I even had my first step of eating food and not thinking about which side of my mouth I was eating on! That was amazing

Now I will say that my jaw is actually still sore (with my fibro it might take a week or even longer for it to feel better. Fibro will also increase my healing time with my mouth post filling too.) so I am having to mitigate that a bit. But the healing process is ongoing and going pretty well and that's most important.

I did get a phone call last night actually-one that I missed but left a message for, where they wanted me to come in today for more fillings (actually it was worded "to get started on some of your fillings" which is weird because I've already had two. I hope they updated my treatment plan to reflect that lol) but I declined because it felt too last minute, and because my jaw is still sore, I really don't want to put it through something else so soon.

Either way, we're "off to the races" as my mum would say. Things are looking up and looking good

 

[APhobicQueen]

And it's now been exactly one week since my filling appointment!

You'd think I'd be feeling good and having a good time, and while I'm not having the worst time (not having to pick out debris and food from a deep cavity is really nice), I'm not exactly having an easy time of it.

The situation so far is that I'm nearly positive I don't need a root canal. I don't feel that the pain and discomfort I'm feeling is consistent enough for it to be pain associated with needing one, though I could be wrong because a week later and we are still experiencing discomfort!

Now in most people this would be cause to go back to their dentist, because surely you shouldn't still have any form of pain after a week? Ah, but we have to remember that pesky illness I have: fibromyalgia (herein I will just call it fibro, because it's easier.) As I explained before, the pain signals in my brain are not operating normally. Essentially it's like the pain receptors are a light switch that is always flipped to "on." It's never off. So if I'm experiencing any actual pain and discomfort? It gets magnified. And boy have I been under the magnifying glass!

I thought on Monday I was going to end up phoning the dentist because it felt like my pain was very severe (after I had done my initial post, guess what happened? I was starting to think I had jinxed myself lol) but I wasn't having any sort of reaction to hot or cold stimulants, and I was able to sleep just fine. I wasn't taking a bunch of painkillers either. So I thought, okay let's wait. The next day, a bit of an ache but not anywhere with my teeth, just in my jaw. Which isn't that uncommon for me. Jaw pain and fibro are old friends.

This morning, same thing, just some jaw aching, and a couple of zings in around my teeth. Right up until I tried eating some food. Today I thought I'd have an egg salad sandwich, but the bread I was using which is gluten free has this pesky trait where sometimes when it thaws it gets hard. This happened to the bread I was using but I didn't want to waste it so I thought I could just chew on the opposite side of my mouth and be fine. Well as it turns out, that was a silly thought on my part! Because oh boy, do I have some pain again. However! It's definitely not as bad as it was. It's more ache-y, than a full on sharp pain like what I was experiencing. And I've noticed it definitely seems less of a full on tooth pain and more just that my jaw is really hurting and we're having some transference.

It took about a week after my cleaning appointment before my jaw no longer fully hurt, so I imagine with fillings being done, it's just going to take longer. And the option is there for me to contact the dentist even though I really, really don't want to, if I really do feel it should get checked out. But I've seen a few articles that have said it can take as long as two weeks and again, I'm pretty sure this seems to be more in the realm of jaw pain/tmj (tmj is heavily associated with fibro) than anything else.

So my plan for right now is to try to stick to fairly soft food, and hey we're under a cold spell currently so perfect time for soup! But stick to soft food and monitor my discomfort and if it gets to a point where I feel it could use a check, I'll call. But for now I'm going to rest up, maybe take a nap and not stress

 

[APhobicQueen]

And with that we have another filling in the books!

Now, I don't want to say I had a feeling this one wouldn't go as smoothly, but I definitely had a feeling and I was (sort of) correct. Let's break it down shall we?

A few things one should know about PTSD: 1) us PTSD patients can develop superstitions regarding situations in the sense that if something continually happens or we do something that continually feels like it makes something go well, we can obsessively want to do it. If we don't, it feels like things will go badly. And 2) we will always find something to worry over. No matter what.

Keeping that in mind, let's talk about the first one! Superstition. Remember how I've said in the past that I've always had to rebook every appointment I've had at least once? Well this marks one of the first, if not the first time, I didn't rebook at all. Kept my appointment and everything! Nothing earth shattering happening.

And I do think that did play a role going in because my routine was clearly interrupted. The norm was not the norm anymore.

My appointment was in the afternoon at 2:30 pm which wasn't great because it meant I spent most of the day a bit anxious, and it also meant that if I was going to eat dinner, it would be very delayed because of waiting for my freezing to wear off.

But off I went to go put on my big girl panties and get it done.

Now, I was hoping we'd do two fillings today total so I'd get my grand total of fillings needing to be done down to 9 but it looks like we only did 1 filling (multi surface but still) which is a shame because that means I'm still in the double digits (it feels like I'm never going to be done.)

Anyway! When I got there, I checked in and waited (it was pretty busy) and about six to seven minutes after my appointment start time, I was called back. Same assistant as last time, but definitely a bit more amicable. I said I was well (I didn't say I was nervous because I wasn't too bad at that point) and she remarked I was by myself this time, to which I said my dad was out in the car and didn't want to come in lol

Anyway, we got in, I put on 80s music this time to listen to and I waited for the dentist. I signed the waiver as well with no teeth numbers marked down because once again it was up to me to decide which teeth to do which I still don't agree with. Especially when I don't even know which teeth actually need fillings and which are okay.

Nevertheless, I did find out that apparently my bottom left quadrant (the one I got the two fillings on last time and where I decided to keep them working this time) is my problem child quadrant because apparently it has a lot of cavities. Oops. So I told them to go ahead and work down there and they did.

The first problem seemed to arise when they put the numbing gel in the area. I didn't feel like I was getting fully numbed from the gel like I did last time, but since it wasn't the local I just rolled with it. But my, the first shot to numb me? Hurt so bad! I was in so much pain when they did the shot I don't know that I can describe how much it actually hurt (I hope this doesn't freak anyone out who is planning on getting fillings, but I do feel I need to be truthful here.) I will say, I don't think it should have hurt that much so I wonder if the dentist isn't as good at putting local in areas as some others are. But in any case.

They then did another one and told me to tell them when I felt numbed, and to make sure I was opening and closing my mouth and massaging my jaw (last time they had massaged it for me but I was fine to do it myself this time.) So I waited. And waited. Annnnd waited some more. But I wasn't really feeling anything too different. A little tingling. A little numb but still pretty awake in that area. They asked though if I felt any tingling on my lips and I said yes, so they said, okay and put me down to get to work. Technically I had felt the tingling and I figured it would get fully numbed out within the next few seconds so I wasn't too worried.

Spoiler alert: it did not, in fact, get fully numbed up in the next few seconds. Or minutes. Or actually at all.

As they started the drilling, I noticed I was definitely feeling it. More than I was before. I put a hand up, and they stopped right away. The first question was: "did you feel that?" and I said "yes" and they said "right let's give you another few minutes to see if the numbness starts to take effect then." They reminded me to open and close my mouth a bunch, etc, etc. So as I was doing that, they started talking over me. I will say, I wasn't a fan of them discussing the dentist's recent vacation over me as I was trying to numb myself because I felt very excluded in that moment. Obviously I couldn't really talk but I think it still would have been nice to find a way to include me, the way D does when we're doing my cleanings.This just made me feel very small and childlike. Especially since they were talking with me lying down between them.

After a few minutes I said I felt more tingling in my lips and they got back to work. Unfortunately, I still wasn't fully numb and I really felt the cold sensation and drilling. So they decided to give me a third shot. I thought for sure that would work as last time I had had four shots and was completely numbed.

Well, I was better than I was, but it didn't do much. When they started drilling again with the bumpy drill, oh boy did I feel that. I was squeezing my eyes shut tight enough that I was squeezing tears into them and I was tensed. But at this point they were drilling and I thought "well they can't really stop." They did check in and I said I was feeling it still and they said "we're almost done." So I did just grit my teeth (metaphorically) and wait it out.

Looking back, I can see that this was not okay. Telling me they're almost done and just expecting me to deal with pain is certainly not a good practice. Especially when I have a heightened pain response due to my fibro (which they still don't know I have because they haven't asked about any medical conditions I have.) I understand that it would seem silly to give me a shot when I only had a few more minutes left, but at the same time, I can't help but feel worried with the level of care I wasn't receiving. At last check, the golden rule of dentistry is that if a patient feels pain you stop. And while they did do that, they also asked me to deal with the pain instead of trying to find a solution. It simply felt a bit uncaring for a dental practice that has been so, so good.

Moving on.

They then put in the composite fillings, and at one point I had so many items in my little mouth I wondered how I was able to do it. Fingers, a mirror, the blue light, another cloth or some such, and another instrument of some kid! So many things! That part wasn't so bad though. I just kind of rolled with it.

After that, I was done! It was, I don't think, that long, it just felt longer because I really didn't want to be there (but who does lol)

And then we get to the after.

When I left the dentist, I discovered that my cheek and my temple were numbed! And my lips. But it felt like the inside of my mouth particularly my tongue were very much not numbed at all. Which was the opposite of last time.

Remember point number two? Yeah I had a bit of a panic but luckily, it seems all the numbing has come out now so I'm no longer spiralling into a hole of "omg what if I have an ultra rare nerve problem?"

Unfortunately for me it does appear that my jaw is a delicate flower and has definitely ended up bruised again! And I'm getting zings of sharp pain in my jaw (just my jaw, not my tooth!) so looks like I'll have to deal with that for a few weeks again. To be honest, I'm thinking I might just go ahead and rebook my appointment which is meant for October 3rd. I think my jaw might need a longer break and I think perhaps I need to make a decision regarding if I should request a new dentist or not. I'm in control here. I'm perfectly within my rights to request a new dentist.

I have to say the jaw pain is more painful than I think it was last time, it feels very, very painful this time around. I can't even sleep on my left side (where they were doing the work.) It feels like a thousand sharp needles stabbing me, and even goes up to my ear. This isn't all the time but in waves and batches. And it definitely is the kind of pain that gets triggered by any sort of pressure on my jaw or anything like that too.

In other words, it really, really sucks.

There is a part of me that wants to worry about it, but a bigger part of me (for now) is like "nope! this is standard [for you]" I can immediately tell my jaw is bruised, and when I got that really bad pain when the needle went in, I knew it was going to bruise immediately. We're not even 24 hours in yet, it makes sense things would be hurting. Maybe not this intensely but as always, I have to remember that I have a heightened pain response that means I feel pain more acutely. Unfortunate but true.

I am also fairly certain the fact the local spread to other nerves it shouldn't have (the ones that travel to my temple and cheek) probably has something to do with the pain as well.

Anyway, I'm hoping when I wake up tomorrow I'll start to feel a bit better. If not a lot better. But we'll have to wait and see, healing takes time as we know! And one of the most important things for me to do right now is not to panic which will just tense up my jaw and lead to it hurting worse. As much as I want to do what I mentioned at the very beginning of my post and find something to worry over, I know I have to be brave now and not do that because it won't lead anywhere good.

P.S. ever tried to yawn with a very sore jaw? I don't recommend it

P.P.S. also don't try to eat some mini cookies you think are soft as a treat only to discover they aren't soft at all.

P.P.S. The funniest moment of the procedure was when I accidentally laughed while they were squirting water in my mouth and it went through my nose. I nearly choked myself because I felt a need to laugh. Ah, good times.

Anyway, that's all for me! Signing off to try to rest (and drink some more because the dry mouth after local is no joke) and hopefully feel better in the morning!

(Footnote: I had completely forgotten to tell anyone about the filling! It was on my first molar. It looks pretty nice! Though a bit out of place since the other molar next to it has cavities and also divots and other things. Whereas this is all smooth and divot-less and kind of has the shape of a sugar cube really which is particularly funny to look at. But yes, the filling looks good!)

 

[krlovesherkids777]

APhobicQueen. Wow. What a day, seems like ups and downs and growth. What I really loved reading was " I'm in control here. I'm perfectly within my rights to request a new dentist." It's really fine line between those moments of trauma mode and I should say something, I wish I could but maybe frozen not know how to , to , nope I'm in control and going to turn this around because this is not cool at all.
Totally agree, they shouldn't just let you deal with "Only a few moments of pain" how would they like it? I once heard a radio show on dental anxiety the guy said the dentist told him "your a big guy you can take the pain without the anesthetic... and he told him "how about not.. how about I pop you one and if you're still standing you can do that? lol but not.. like just don't think that's acceptable at all. So sorry they had that attitude.

I hope your jaw feels better and you can eat your cookies soon!! You are conquering this!

 

[Vaidile]

@APhobicQueen, I have to say I didn't quite like your dentist based on your previous posts, and this latest one solidified the feeling. He doesn't seem to be the best communicator which could be tolerable if the rest is good, but this thing where he kept going when you were in pain? Not ok on any level! I think your urge to request a new one is very reasonable.

I'm so sorry the numbing failed even though the shot was very painful. From what I gather, the lower molars can be pesky to numb sometimes. I had the same shot last time (without numbing cream) and while definitely uncomfortable and a bit painful, it really wasn't awful, so it doesn't need to be like what you experienced. It sounds like he might have missed the nerve, but he should have tried other things to get you numb, not just expected you to tough it out! I've had dentists reply "I'm almost done" to my complaints in the past and it's one of the things I'll no longer tolerate, especially because they are never truly "almost done" when they say that. At my last filling, getting the decay cleaned took a long time and I started to get a tiny bit of sensitivity at the very end. When I indicated this to my dentist, she was surprised I was already getting back feeling and said "I'd better hurry up and get it filled!" Thus, she did not give me any more shots (I've had 2 by that point and was numbed very well for all the painful stuff), but the drilling was already done and the rest didn't hurt at all. I know if I indicated again that I was in pain, she would have done something about it.

I hope you feel better soon! Definitely give your jaw some time to recover, especially as you have chronic pain issues. Mine was a bit sore for a couple days after the nerve block, but now a week has passed and it feels completely fine. I hope that's the way for you, too!

 

[APhobicQueen]

@krlovesherkids777 Thank you kr! (if I can call you that ) it was definitely an up and down day for sure. On one hand, yay a molar has been filled and looks good and isn't bothering me at all! On the other, the jaw pain and just feeling like I wasn't being listened to was not so good. But 100% it was really interesting to, at first, think this was all normal and fine and then reflect back and realise that no, it actually wasn't. Even one minute of pain is too long for the dental chair.

Thank you for the well wishes! Jaw is less sore today but I won't be eating anything hard for a little bit. Good thing I'm having soup for dinner tonight lol!

@Vaidile Mm, thank you for validating my feelings I know there's a part of me that definitely falls into the trap of "oh I'm just being dramatic. It wasn't that bad" and I definitely don't want to stay there.

Mmm, I've read that too about lower molars! I had forgot totally in the moment that the lower molars are just the hardest to numb. I did find it interesting that on my front bicuspid from before they used four shots, but for a molar, which is traditionally hard to freeze, they only initially did two. Seems like a bit of a disparity. I wonder if he might have! I also wonder if the fact they were running behind and I was only booked in for 45 minutes meant he felt he had to hurry along. Less waiting for numbing to take effect, more pressure to just inject me and get that filling done.

Haha, your dentist made me laugh! She sounds like a gem.

I will! I'm realising I might need to go a little longer between appointments because of the chronic pain. I was sort of trying to toughen it out and get my teeth filled asap, but I might have to get used to the idea that my fillings will have to be spaced out just to give my jaw full time to recover. And thank you! Here's hoping after a week, it'll be fine again

As for if I'll request a different dentist, for now I'm unsure. I think I'll definitely wait on it a bit and see how I feel. It's a bit of a weird situation because I'm used to having a full on traumatising experience and this wasn't that, but it wasn't the level of care I expected either. Either way, I'm going to rest on it a bit and see where I go when I feel a little better and have had some processing days

 

[krlovesherkids777]

APhobicqueen, yeah, not feeling listened to during dental treatment is a total turn off and doesn't make you feel good at all.. I had a consult and exam with a dentist a while back and he didn't listen to anything, It was like a canned speech and fast . I was thinking if this is just an exam, think of treatment.. did NOT use him..It is SO important they listen to patients, especially if there is any twinge of pain going on! Yes you can totally call me KR

 

[APhobicQueen]

@krlovesherkids777 Yeah definitely a turn off! There's also the fact I have a chronic illness and I never got the chance to tell them what it was because they didn't ask. And it does affect my teeth/mouth! Absolutely something a dentist should take the time to know.

Even though I was booked in for a new filling, I was also surprised they didn't ask a quick "oh how that's tooth doing" about the tooth that they thought might need a root canal too. Obviously, I understand they figured I'd just call if I was in pain, but, and this could just be me, knowing I'm phobic, I'd follow up a little bit because we all know how bad phobic patients are at calling the dentist for issues

I agree! If they just do a rehearsed speech in consult, imagine what they'd be like in treatment? Honestly, I wish I could go back to my original dentist (the one who did the extractions and first restorations.) The first thing she asked me when I said I was phobic was "okay what are your triggers so we can avoid them?"

Unfortunately, I think she's very busy because she owns the practice lol. But still! I might request a new dentist, just one I can hopefully feel more comfortable with. Honestly and frankly speaking, I'd also prefer a woman to a man. Which is no insult to male dentists, but I think, as a woman myself, with severe phobia, it makes sense a female dentist would make me feel more comfortable. But in any case, we'll have to see I'm queuing up another journal entry today because I'm currently on a side quest so to speak haha.

Thank you KR, will call you that from now on!

 

[APhobicQueen]

Speaking of side quests (as I did in my above reply to KR) well it looks as though we're back again! With...that pesky pain around the area of my mouth that had those deep cavities. Which is causing me to spiral a bit even though, well, I don't actually know that it's root canal pain. Or I should say "I need a root canal" pain.

Having a chronic illness that involves chronic pain is very complex when it comes to the mouth I've realised. Most of the time, for anyone without chronic pain, the way the mouth operates would be something like this:

pain/discomfort felt in mouth -> take painkillers; perhaps wait a few days to see if it improves or gets worse -> if it gets worse call dentist and book appointment

(with the additive that it's probably fairly simple to pinpoint where the pain is coming from, etc, etc)

When you have chronic illness it's more like this:

pain/discomfort felt in mouth -> take painkillers when pain doesn't go away (because you tried to wait it out) -> spend an ungodly amount of time trying to work out if you actually need to call the dentist or if it's just your chronic illness flaring up -> try to pinpoint pain/discomfort and find you're unable to or it feels like it's coming from a weird spot -> get anxious about everything and wish you had a time machine to go back in time and gently tell your past self to for the love of god take care of your teeth

Basically, chronic pain means second guessing!

Now, I know google is the last place a girl should look online for answers but I made the mistake of doing it this morning which has sent me into a bad spiral. Let me explain.

The other day, the day before yesterday, so on the 14th, I was carrying on with my usual business, not doing anything too fancy, drinking some tea. The tea was pretty hot. And when I drank it, it was way too hot. This set off a bit of pain by those areas of my teeth that had the deep cavities. I was like "oh that's not good." But I figured it would you know, go away? But it didn't really. There was this sort of dull ache in the area that lasted. And lasted. And lasted. And I tried to pinpoint it because it felt like it wasn't coming from the teeth but the gum/even the inner lip by those teeth (yes that's right it legit at one point felt like the inner lip.) During this time I was able to eat and drink just fine with no issues, including more hot (but not too hot) tea. I ate food on that side of my mouth, I did my usual oral care routine.

And now we shoot to today. This morning I woke up rather early (6:30 am which is early for me) because I was in what felt like a lot of pain. But. It wasn't from the teeth? It felt like it was from my chin area/the bottom of my jaw. Which. Was odd. Except maybe not so odd because there was something that could explain that area feeling that way: my chronic pain.

This is where you, reader, find me this morning. Almost certain the pain I'm feeling is jaw related, and certainly feeling that it seems to dissipate into something less painful when I'm distracted and not thinking about it.

But I am thinking about it. Because I went onto google and, listen, I might be repeating myself here but worth it: I've always been under the impression that pain that was an indicator you needed a root canal was pretty constant. As in, it didn't leave for weeks at a time and then come back. Well apparently I have been misinformed because according to Google, root canal pain can leave for months at a time and then come back? What? No one told me this! This is breaking the rules!

(For the record that was a joke. I am perfectly aware of how "reliable" Google is with these kinds of things lol)

Now. Remember what I said about pinpointing pain? Like I said, it doesn't actually feel like it's coming from the tooth itself but from another area of my mouth/jaw. There's this sharp pinpoint of an area that definitely feels like it's from my jaw and seems to be particularly sore when I breathe in at certain times. Which you might think is cause for concern, but I've actually experienced similar pain before in my mouth due to my chronic illness.

But. Of course, I can't help but still be anxious. Never mind that I was absolutely fine eating and drinking yesterday. Never mind that I was flossing between my teeth last night and felt no pain when I was getting right down to that gum line. Never mind that I tapped my finger/nail against those two teeth and felt no pain at all. No, of course we have to be anxious. Because truthfully deep down I am sure I do not need a root canal. But there's a part of me that's worried I'm just in complete denial because I'm terrified of needing one (even though they're so routine and not that much different than having a filling done I've been assured.)

And sure, one could say: "why don't you just book an appointment to be on the safe side? then you'll know for sure?" but the thing is I have so many medical appointments for the rest of September, and I just got done with a very unpleasant filling experience that the thought of going back to the dentist is just exhausting.

Edit: Ah okay well I've found the cause of my pain! It's not root canal pain that I can tell, nope, but gum pain! I went to go brush my teeth this morning (twice a day, every day for two minutes at a time of course!) and, I also had a family member just look at the area and see if they saw anything (because I'm anxious I'm worried I wouldn't be objective) and what do you know! The veins in that area? Bright, ruby red! Instead of the normal slightly darker than my actual pink gums shade.

Now, having just a quick look up this could definitely be caused by my fibro which is known for causing vitamin deficiencies which can cause these things. Also hormonal changes can produce similar circumstances and that is definitely something I've had in the past with my health. Hormones changing has led to my mouth sensitivity before, granted not this severe or pinpointed but. Sore enough I was taking painkillers.

So, with that in mind, I will be heading this week to an appointment with one of my specialists who does specialise in hormones. I might ask them about it. Maybe see if we can get some vitamins tested to see if that might be contributing! Or if this is just something I'll have to live with as my chronic pain flares and ebbs. Maybe that area will just be a bit of a hotspot, the way the bottoms of my feet or my knees are. But, the good news is, the gums themselves look pretty good. It's just the veins. Which makes me feel better.

Obviously if this persists, I'll also contact my dentist and see what they say about it. But I'm feeling better knowing that it's definitely not my teeth that are the issue, and it's not that my gums themselves are suddenly in trouble. The mouth pain is just a symptom of another illness. Granted still not great! But, better than me spiralling into "omg I need a root canal" or "omg bad horrible things are happening to me."

Well, time to take some painkillers and try to relax for the rest of the day!

 

[krlovesherkids777]

APhobicQueen, Sure hope you are getting some bit of pain relief and rest. You have definately had your fair share of pain. Fibro... that is rough, and so get wondering and thinking a root canal is imminent. Because sometimes it just feels overwhelming the pain. and oh Dr Google.. oh I used to be Soooo bad.. I'd look up videos days before procedure, one time I called the clinic to cancel the day of because I convinced myself due to videos I'd lose teeth due to root scaling.. I was petrified. Only to call and have them convince me to come in and it couldn't have gone better and didn't lose any teeth .. My angel dentist used to say in this fun way like "Kelly, Dr Google doesn't see your teeth or know your background or what is going on, I can. So don't rely too heavily on him and don't let him scare you too much"... I keep that in my head. though it surely is tempting. and helpful to a degree. He did absolutely make sense. and I only accepted that from him because I came to really trust him.

You are doing so amazing with all of this one day at a time and are an inspiration to many going through it too.. Hope you know that. and hope you get some relief!

 

[APhobicQueen]

@krlovesherkids777 I'm trying to! Yesterday was a very bad pain day, but today is better. I'm still feeling a bit achey, so I'm slowly coming around to the idea that I think I may have to go back to the dentist and just ask them straight out: can you explain this pain? because it's very confusing and I'd like to know lol Again I really do wonder if it could be just fibro pain or maybe the dentist (knowing how my second appointment went) poked at something he shouldn't have in that first appointment and now it's a bit of a hotspot for a flare. But either way, it'd probably be wise for me to have it checked out just to be on the safe side! And if I do need a root canal...well at least I'll know then!

Your dentist is so correct! Google only takes into account regular people with regular teeth, not us phobic patients and definitely no one with chronic conditions! I'll have to remember that!

Aw thank you so much! Any time I get really scared to do something I just think about the people reading my journal and how if I can do it and show them it's not so bad, it can help someone. So I need to be brave it gives me a lot of joy to know it's inspiring!

 

[APhobicQueen]

Ah here we are again! My next filling appointment is in the books I try to do a month between fillings because of that very pesky jaw pain, and also I seem to have developed a habit of rebooking my appointment at least once, and then going through with the second one. Not sure why that seems to be a source of comfort (I suspect it's the control it gives me) but if it works, it works!

I had quite the adventure today, let me tell you! I got not one, not two, but three fillings done all in one go and my upper right quadrant is complete now! No more fillings to be done there. Which is great!

I should insert here that I opted not to change my dentist and assistant. I mainly felt like I could give them another chance and I think I felt nervous about the idea of a new dentist, because what if they weren't as good, etc, etc. So I decided to just stick with it and see what happened.

Anyway, let's get to what happened! Today I wasn't as nervous as I was last time (I opted for a 9:30 am appointment, the earlier the better for me. It helps to just get it over with, before I can really start spiralling.) so I think that definitely helped. I went in and as per usual struck up a conversation with the assistant (I like to tell her what decade of music I'm listening to for the session: today was early 2000s music!) She seemed nicer today and I do wonder if perhaps it just takes her a while to warm up to people? Or maybe she's not used to being engaged in conversation the way I do? After all so many people are terrified of dentists and dental assistants, it makes sense most wouldn't want to talk. But she felt more open to it which was good for me.

The first thing she asked was if I had any discomfort because if I did, that's where they'd work. I said nope, I was fine! (Sidenote: I didn't update here but my jaw pain did leave! And everything was fine. It just takes me longer because of my chronic pain that's all.) Anyway, it was dentist's choice then. He decided where he thought he should work and I guess the upper right quadrant seemed like the place he decided was best.

I put on my music and sunglasses and we got to work. Good news about today: the numbing worked! The first shot was quite painful but I squeezed my eyes shut and bared it. Second shot I didn't even feel Bad news about today: according to my mum I look a bit like a Picasso painting lol! Even my nose is numb and it's such a weird feeling, my brain cannot make heads or tails of it because I can't even flare my nostril out when I take a deep breath! But it's fine, it'll eventually wear off. As of this writing I'm starting to feel the soreness so I'd say, the freezing is starting to come out.

Anyway, frozen up as I was, they didn't wait and immediately got in there with the drill, the suction and the mirror. Now I will say, upper mouth is definitely not a friend to those of us with high gag reflexes, because oftentimes they are sitting things not only on your tongue, but touching the roof of your mouth. However, I can state that breathing through your nose actually does help, far more than I thought it would. They kept telling me to do that.

I did apologise a lot during this session because I felt bad...I couldn't really open my mouth very wide at all and my tongue was very much not pleased with so much in my mouth But they never got angry or exasperated with me. They just treated it as something they needed to work around. At one point, I did actually use my hand and shove them out of my mouth on instinct because I felt the gag instinct rise up. I tried to tell them I needed them out of my mouth but they weren't moving fast enough. I apologised and told them I had a very high gag reflex and they said it was okay, just breathe through my nose and they'd try to work around my tongue/not touch it the rest of the session!

So the upper right quadrant wasn't exactly a fun one to do. They used a lot of pressure and force, and the bumpy drill actually made my neck and head hurt (honestly, chronic pain and dental fillings are really not a fun time!) They definitely used stronger local on me this time, as it's been three hours since my appointment finished and I'm still numbed up. They only did two shots. As another note: does anyone else get nervous the longer time goes on and the longer they stay numbed? Like you can't help but think: what if this doesn't wear off at all I know it will but, still funny!

So they did the first two teeth, (one of which they used the clamp and I can safely say I hate that thing so much. Ugggh, get it away from me lol) and at one point I got really nervous because the assistant said something like "ohmygod" and he just nodded to her? And I thought "oh no, do I have a super bad cavity I've never been able to see that is like the Worst Thing in the world?" then she went and called for another assistant to get the bite block. This made me even more nervous because I didn't know what was going on.

I think this is the crux of the issue here. They're not bad per say, and they're better than any other dentist/dental assistant I've had, etc, etc. But! There are little things that do get put in the "unpleasant" column. It is unprofessional to say "ohmygod" while looking in a patient's mouth especially one that is phobic and used to have a history of not taking care of their teeth due to trauma.

That being said, I now think she may have said "ohmygod" because of where the cavity was.

After the dentist finished the first two, I think he went off to do something because he left the room (not sure what he needed to do) and the assistant said we were doing one more filling and we'd use a bite block because "there's no way your mouth is going to open wide enough for that." She didn't say that in a mean way, just a practical one. As she pointed out "you don't open your mouth very wide" and I said "yeah with the pain and my gag reflex it's hard" and she said "yes you're worried about gagging."

The funny part about it is that it's less gagging and more the pain of my jaw being open all the way! And of course the vulnerability of such a thing. But hey, they worked around it so I consider myself lucky. They kept telling me to open my mouth wider and I tried my hardest.

Now, this was the part where I tried to get out of the third filling You see, they had turned the light off (the bright one) when the dentist left the room, so I assumed we were done. When they told me they were doing a third filling I said "any chance we can do it another time?" and the assistant said no because I was already numbed up and that a different day "wouldn't make a difference in how it felt." She also said that if I got this done now, it would be over and done with, and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. She said this would finish up this quadrant and then I'd be down to just seven fillings. Apparently I still have three on a bottom quadrant, though I'm unsure where the other four are.

Anyway, I knew she was right. There was no point putting it off, and though I was shaking like a leaf (which embarrassed me) when the dentist came back I let them get to work.

This filling was, what she called, the toughest one they'd do. Because it was for the very last molar in my upper right quadrant and it was for the chewing surface but also the back of the tooth. So pretty much as hidden and tucked away as you can possibly be. I understood why they needed the bite block after that lol.

When they put the block in, it was uncomfortable, I won't lie. I hated having my mouth forced open, and I was using all of my jaw power to bite down on that block hard which did help a bit with stress but certainly did not help with my jaw pain! Because my jaw was forced open it was really bad. A few times in between steps, I dislodged the bite block in order to just have a moment to close my mouth a little. But onwards we pressed! And at length, eventually, it was done.

I was able to go home and I've got my next appointment for November 28th at 9 am.

I'm now relaxing in bed with some old tv shows on having had a shower. I'm very hungry but I don't trust eating right now while I'm still numbed up a lot and while my jaw hurts so much. I want to be very clear about the pain I'm feeling (because I would rate the pain on the side of my mouth with fillings at about a 9/10) that this is not standard! This is literally just because of my fibro It makes my pain receptors always switched to on, so when I experience actual pain it is obviously registering as more painful than it would be for someone without fibro. Taking some over the counter medication will help and soothe it, and over the coming weeks the pain should dissipate into nothing and my mouth will get used to having some filled in teeth! (I worry people will read this and get spooked so I have to make this clear.)

Anyway, I'm very tired so I feel any reflection is going to be poorly done but I'm proud of myself! I'm absolutely getting myself a treat for this today because what a big thing I accomplished! 3 fillings including the hardest one to get at! We're now down to only 7 left! Almost the home stretch now

 

[anonfemale]

@APhobicQueen Hi. I have just been reading some of your posts. You have been going through the same things as me. Three weeks ago, the dentist that I see told me that there was an infection in the gum near one of my lower molars. I had a lot of pain so she prescribed antibiotics that I took for a week. After that the pain went away and hasnt come back since but last Thursday, I noticed some swelling on my gum and a piece of the tooth next to the one that was infected broke. I went to an emergency appointment last Saturday and the dentist said that I have an abscess and infection and that now I need the two teeth taking out and not just the one tooth. She removed the broken piece of my tooth with pliers and put a temporary filling on the part of my tooth that is broken but the filling fell out yesterday. Then I had to see another dentist again today. She didnt want to put a filling on but we discussed all the questions that me and my mum had. My mum always goes with me to my appointments. I have autism and anxiety and my mum is my carer. The dentist refered me to hospital to have the first tooth and bow the second tooth extracted with sedation. She said there is a waiting list and she said that she can take extract my teeth sooner if the waiting list is too long and that I can have a denture first when my mouth has healed and then she can put an implant in after that and she said they do a payment plan.


I also need to have my next routine check up and a cleaning and a filling done in two weeks time. She said she will make a separate appointment for the extraction. I havent had any fillings or extractions since I was in my 20's and I am 41 years old now so I have been feeling anxious about all of this happening now but i feel better after discussing everything with the dentist today. I just hope i will be able to get through the procedures and that i will recover well.


I just want you to know that you have my support and i understand what you are going through. It always helps talking to people here.

 

[APhobicQueen]

@anonfemale Thank you for the support! It does help to have this journal on here I feel much better knowing I can come here and ramble about my thoughts and feelings to like minded people.

Ah, I send you my deepest well wishes! That is a lot that you're dealing with. I'm sure you'll be able to recover well and your extractions will go well! I'm glad you feel better after discussing things with your dentist, definitely a mark of a good one I think Honestly the hardest part when you're getting extractions done under sedation is the waiting period beforehand. I hate waiting lol

But I have no doubt things will go well, and again good luck from me and thank you again for the support! It means a lot

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Aphobicqueen.. Wow.. that was quite the appointment you got through, and very gracefully.. I will say I m not sure what I had done had an assistant told me that the OhmyGod, would have panicked me a bit. they should really learn more calming words and empathethic, I think Alot of times they don't think about what they are saying and how it affects us especially as anxious patients. I don't blame you a bit for being tired. I know I'd want a long nap and some chocolate mousse after that. I really hope you give yourself huge huge credit.!