Scared, ashamed and full of regret!

[MissH]

Hi Everyone,

I'm 25 and have neglected my teeth ever since my mum stopped accompanying me to the bathroom. I do brush them twice daily etc however I think there's already too much damage.

I am missing 3 teeth, have cracks in at least 5 and I'm also in absolute agony with an abscess.

Due to the abscess and my increasing loss of confidence (i cover my mouth constantly) I am now on the verge of going and getting them sorted once and for all.

My biggest 3 fears are:

Tartar - I have an unbelievable amount of tartar on my lower teeth. The teeth themselves look ok however are coated in it (sorry this is gross). Has anyone had similar and details of how it was removed? Did the teeth just fall out after?
TMJ - I self diagnosed myself with this two years ago, my jaw seems to have settled in a new place.
Dentist! - I'm not going to lie, they scare me. I was called unattractive by one at 11 due to not wanting braces and then after joining an NHS dentist was told 'id never have agreed to see you if I knew they were like this'. The charting also upsets me, hearing about all my teeth listed one by one.

Any advice will be gratefully received.

H xx

 

[sajero2]

I can't help you with the tartar or TMJ, but I will tell you this: I am 31, and in late June I finally had to go to the dentist after not seeing one since I was 19 or 20 due to fear. I had to go because a tooth got infected and caused me excrutiating pain for an entire weekend.

After I got that emergency fixed (root canal and crown), I found out I needed another root canal/crown, a cavity filled, and my wisdom teeth out. Honestly, I was surprised that was all that was wrong since I'd not seen a dentist for so many years! But it was very, very overwhelming knowing I had to get all that done (and oral surgery on top of it for the wisdom teeth).

I am now 2 appointments away from having all of this completed and let me tell you, I feel so much RELIEF. Believe me, you will feel so much better by going and getting a plan and getting this all taken care of. I took it step by step and I just need the temporary crown prep next week and then the final crown and cavity filled two weeks after that and I'm all caught up. And now I can start going to the dentist every 6 months again like I should have been doing!!

I feel really good about getting my dental health in order and you will too! You can do it! They have seen it all; don't be embarassed. Be proud of yourself for taking care of your health! Good luck!!

 

[Thunderbird]

In my 2 cents, I think adults are fucking stupid to tell any young girl that they are ugly. I wish you all the success to shake off that insult. As an adult, you can see how stupid he was to say that

Don't let the stigma of "ugliness" keep you from having a healthy smile. See, I didn't say "pretty smile" cuz a "healthy smile in itself is key! And "prettiness" often stem from heathy teeth.

 

[CrazyCrafter]

I'm 21 and will be making my first dental appointment in a few years and I'm terrified and embarrassed. But I just keep reminding myself that dentists are professionals and how much I will feel about myself.

 

[coolin]

I hated the charting thing too - I felt it was like a walk of shame around my teeth. And I absolutely could not bear the thought of opening my mouth in front of a dentist - it felt like the feeling you get when you look over a precipice and your stomach flips at the thought of falling. No way could I do that. However I was forced into going in similar circumstances to you by an abscess that was making half my face swell up. I have thread about it - it might help you to read some of it.

As for your tartar - your dentist will send you off to the hygienist who will clean it all away for you - I doubt your teeth will fall out afterwards

You just need to choose your dentist wisely. Some people start by emailing a few and see what responces you get - make sure to tell them your fears and your current problems. When - or if - they reply you can judge them by how they respond to you.

Good luck
Coolin

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

Hi MissH,

Let's start with a big virtual hug to let you know what you're a good person and you deserve to be treated with love and respect, no matter what your teeth look like:

Okay, that was a couple of hugs.

Here's the truth, from one more person who's been there and gotten through: it's never too late to get your teeth fixed, and there's never "too much damage." Every mouth is different, but there are so many options available to fix up even the worst teeth. I've had teeth that were cracked and worn and even teeth that were completely broken to the gumline, that have been restored and built back up and now look and feel great. For teeth that are already lost or can't be repaired, there are bridges and partials and implants available.

You have been treated absolutely horribly by dentists before, so it's no wonder you're afraid and ashamed. Most of us phobics live in horrible fear of having a dentist say something like, "I'd never have agreed to see you if I knew they were like this." That's HORRIBLE and completely wrong and has nothing to do with you. When I met my dentist last year, I had big gaping holes and broken teeth and jagged bits and black spots and the whole bit. I was horrified to let her look. But when she did she acted like it was no big deal, and just said, "Let's get some x-rays and we'll see what we need to do." She actually smiled, like she enjoyed looking at nasty teeth. Good dentists are like this: they get into the field so they can help people get and stay healthy. A dentist who doesn't like patients with dental problems is like a car mechanic that doesn't like broken cars. Bad teeth is what dentists do! So the dentists you saw who were mean to you were just mean people.

I can second sajero2's thoughts and experience. Once you find a compassionate dentist who is kind and treats you with respect and helps you feel in control, it's a huge sense of relief. Not only will you be out of physical pain (usually an abscess can be treated completely painlessly in an hour or two), but being treated like a human and knowing that you're in the care of a healing professional feels like having a guardian angel. I can't speak to how much work you'll need done, but just going from "I'm a wreck and there's no hope" to being told, "you're ok and you need X procedures" is a great feeling.

Lastly, I'll tell you that your story is SO common on the forums here, and very very common everywhere. Any dentist who has been practicing for any length of time has seen mouths much MUCH worse than yours. Nothing you described is shocking or disturbing to me at all, not even a tiny bit. Your teeth can be fixed up, with very little pain, and you can get back to a healthy mouth that lets you smile and eat without pain. It's totally not too late. And, you're a good person who deserves respect and compassion from your dentist.

Definitely go find yourself a gentle and compassionate dentist, and get that abscess taken care of. You'll feel sooo much better almost immediately. The rest you can work on at whatever pace you choose. (Oh, that self-diagnosed TMJ? Maybe, but having cracked and broken teeth makes you contort you jaw and shift your bit in lots of uncomfortable ways. As I started fixing my teeth up, my bite returned to normal and my jaw felt much better.)

Strength and courage to you.

 

[MissH]

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for not replying sooner. I now have a new phone therefore back online.

Thank you so much for your messages. It's so resssuring to know that I am not the only person out there feeling like this. No one I know is like myself therefore it's hard to get family and friends to understand...

My toothache went away but has now returned. Ive found a dental practice that will see me however they aren't accepting new patients until October! I think I may have to get treatment before though.

I'll keep you all posted.

H xx (finally feeling positive)

 

[iMac]

I agree

I hope all is well for you!
At least your braver than me.

 

[MissH]

Re: I agree

I hope all is well for you!
At least your braver than me.

I won't class myself as being brave until I have left my first appointment as by the time it comes to it I will try and get out of it!! My boyfriends going to try and support me though. He didnt realise how bad they were....

Xx

 

[Haly]

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for not replying sooner. I now have a new phone therefore back online.

Thank you so much for your messages. It's so resssuring to know that I am not the only person out there feeling like this. No one I know is like myself therefore it's hard to get family and friends to understand...

My toothache went away but has now returned. Ive found a dental practice that will see me however they aren't accepting new patients until October! I think I may have to get treatment before though.

I'll keep you all posted.

H xx (finally feeling positive)

MissH, you are not alone.. I truly understand where you coming from.. and yes it is hard to get others to understand our fears.. is not easy, but continue to look for an understanding dentist who can take care of your dental needs.. if you think you cant wait till October. although if you have a toothache can they see you ?..

I do wish you find the dentist. lots of luck

 

[Davee]

I can attest that I had one relative who did not brush their teeth for over 20 years because of psych issues. Her teeth were coated in tarter, I mean it looked like she had bread and Cheetos in her teeth all the time. The dentist (bless his heart) was able to clean them with a deep cleaning. She is over 75 and she has all but four of her teeth. So it can be done.

 

[Haly]

I can attest that I had one relative who did not brush their teeth for over 20 years because of psych issues. Her teeth were coated in tarter, I mean it looked like she had bread and Cheetos in her teeth all the time. The dentist (bless his heart) was able to clean them with a deep cleaning. She is over 75 and she has all but four of her teeth. So it can be done.

I also agree it can be done, dentist told me it can be. I though I also had the worst teeth ever.. my higenist said nop, there are worst, and you are in good hands.. she told me.. which made me feel lil bit of relief. now I also have tarter and I do brush but there was time when cause of depression and lots of other related things I would skipped a day or so.. also not brushing 2 or 3 times a day.. which I do now.. but is not much of difference since I need the deep cleaning... cant wait to have it all done and over with and just continue to do my follow ups every 3-4 months I think is how they do it. for periondotitis.