Somebody please save me?:'(

[marc691]

Hi..
I'm 24 and I havent seen a dentist since I was 15. Last time I went, I tried to bite her finger off! I'm so.. scared, terrified, petrified.. there's no word to describe how I feel about dentists! Even just writing this and thinking about dentists makes me want to be sick and pass out. My mouth is literally rottening and I'm at the point where I really want to go to dentist, but I just cannot face it. I can't eat or sleep or have fun because all I think is the state of my mouth. My self-esteem and confidence is so low now and I just isolate myself from everything now. I can't talk about it, I've tried to talk to my partner about it, but it's so hard. He's got beautiful teeth and he always talks about his teeth and and appointments, and I feel like he thinks I just can't be bothered to go. I went with him once just to sit in the waiting room whilst he had a check-up and I had a panic attack bcause off the smell but he just thought I was being a moody cow for the sake off it.
I have a 2-year-old and I know I have to take him to dentist soon but just the thought makes me want to stop breathing. I don't want him to grow up fearing the dentist or looking like me.
Can please somebody help me? I can't live like this anymore. I live in East Yorkshire, if anyone knows a good dentist. Doubt I'll ever be able to make an appointment for myself..

 

[Nat]

Hi,  

well done on making the first step, coming here and talking about your fears is sometimes the hardest part but you have done that so should feel proud of yourself  

I can totally relate to where you are coming from, I was ashamed of my mouth and my self esteem went so low that I would sometimes avoid certain social events in case anyone would see my teeth. I never smiled, laughed and on the rare occasion that I did, I would totally cover my mouth.

My hubby didnt realise the full extent of my fear so I too felt like I had no one to talk to either, I would down play my fear to friends because they would say "well loads of people dislike going to the dentist so your not the only one" Well, I didnt DISLIKE the dentist, I was petrified but no one would understand, that was until I met the dentist I have now, he totally put me at ease, understood everything I was saying and helped me so much that I even sent him a thankyou card!! Imagine that, me, sending the person who put the fear of god into me a thankyou card! I can honestly say I am not a phobic anymore, scared and a bit apprehensive yes but not to the full extent as I was in Jan of this year. I have had some ups and downs along the way in finding the dentist I have now but I got there, with perserverance, determination and the support from my hubby and everyone here, I did it, and so can you, please try to talk more with your partner, he may think that you are only a little scared (like mine did!) it really makes all the difference when you can share these types of problems with your nearest and dearest then perhaps they can recommend their dentists?? I fear that I have passed this phobia over to my 9 year old and I wished I could have gotten the courage to have my treatment done while she was at an early age but unfortunately I didnt and now have to hope that she grows out of her dental fear! If you have any more questions or need advice, support or just want to have a rant, then feel free, someone will be here to answer your questions and basically be a shoulder to cry on OK  

 

[brit]

Hi
I just posted in your other more general thread...it might be best to keep the discussion here because if people bookmark it, they will be alerted to look everytime you post an update and therefore you are likely to get more support...it also helps if you can see the full background details at a glance when replying.

Having read this and the other thread as Nat said...I think it would help you to take your partner into your confidence and maybe get him to 'hold your hand' having previously explained the situation to his current dentist, provided he thinks they are kind and competent.

If this doesn't work out then you do research to find your own dentist (but still maybe take him along for moral support). You were very brave to go along with him to a check up but ...given that the atmosphere in some (but not all) waiting rooms can be cut with a knife...I think it's inevitable that you would have a bad reaction to being left sitting there...you may have fared better watching in the treatment room...seeing how relaxed he was (if he was that is ) and meeting the dentist.
NB This method is used with children where younger sibling watches older sibling have check up so they see it is no big deal.

But maybe before you even take him into your confidence....you need to browse in the Common Fears section and work out what exactly you are afraid of and then compile the list of what a dentist would have to do to make you feel comfortable. Some do many of these things naturally with all patients, some don't. There are solutions for all the fears once you find a willing and able dentist. You haven't given much detail as yet as to what your main fears/triggers/bad experiences are.

Holding your fear in and forcing yourself to go along such that a panic attack results...will not really help long-term....just as a problem shared is a problem halved...the same goes for fear of the dentist...if having shared the details of your fear..you get an unsympathetic response, you simply go elsewhere.

When you have found your perfect dentist, it stands to reason that they will also be a suitable dentist for your child but in the meantime your partner can take your child (3 is often the recommended age but it does vary).

You could also ask your GP for medication to relax you before visits (but tell dentist too) or they may know who in your area is particularly good with nervous patients.
Good luck

 

[marc691]

Thanks Brit=) I have tried to find my own dentist and it's proven to be about 10000000 times harder than I ever expected. There is no available NHS dentists here, I got a reply from my local PCT and they said dentists have no time to treat patients like me, I have to use dental access centres where they give me treatment and get rid of me as soon as pos. Being a phobic, I could nevereverneverever (get the point? ) do that. Someone gave me phone number to my local access centre and told me that the staff there is very nice and understanding but it's not that easy for me to walk in and tell them I've got extreme phobia and I'd like them to be gentle with me. So my search goes on!
My boyfriend seems to love the dentist. He goes regularly, he talks about hs appointments like it was the best thing that ever happened to him! And he talks about how he WANTS(!!!) his wisdom teeth taken out. That makes me feel like he's never going to understand my fear for dentists because he's so laidback about it. I wish I was more like him!
I will have a read through Common fears. Maybe it does give me a clue why I'm so scared since I never really had a bad experience, apart from in secondary school, but I was terrified well before that
Thanks again for your reply=)

 

[brit]

I'll keep this short as I just deleted my reply accidentally. Two more points occur to me:
1. NHS Dental Access Centres probably are very used to dealing with non-attenders/phobics but if they can only deal with the immediate problem tooth, they are not a perfect solution. How much they can do in a particular case may vary from area to area depending on the availability of NHS dentists. Posters on here who have used them have all had positive experiences so far.

2. The fact that your boyfriend going to the dentist does not mean he cannot help you overcome your fear.
It is perfectly possible to support and sympathise with someone's problem without having to share it yourself.
Also as everything can be looked at in at least two ways..it may be better for you that he enjoys going to the dentist....most phobics get fed the line 'well everyone hates going to the dentist' which causes the imagination to run wild as to why this may be. Someone saying they enjoy going, is challenging your perceptions and own experiences to date. Why not ask him what he likes about it so much?

When I was a teenager in the 1970s they used to sell toothpaste playing on everyone's fear of having check-ups and needing cavities...it wasn't spelt out but the subtext was 'fillings weren't fun'...when in fact with LA even back then they were painless but that's advertisers for you.

Good luck...he may well want to help you even if he doesn't fully understand.

 

[phuzzie_logic]

Hi Marc
I totally understand your fear at going to the dental access centre. I just wondered if it would help taking someone other than your boyfriend and just going and talking to the nurses on the desk?
I know the DAC isn't a long-term solution but it would mean that you would be out of pain before xmas. They don't just "get rid" they treat the immediate problem until its conclusion, ie if you need a filling with root canal then they will sort the whole problem and then if you have another problem after that you need to rebook again. What they don't do is routine treatments like scaling (unless that is the issue) and polishing.

C
xx

 

[marc691]

I'm starting to warm up towards the access centre.. I feel that if I take first step and go anywhere at all, it would be easier to go and register and go regularly. Whether it works like that in reality, don't know. But it would be a step somewhere forward

 

[brit]

If you're in pain at the moment, it might be worth giving it a try...if you don't like it, you can try Plan B (find own dentist). Do you feel able to go along just to see how the atmosphere feels and maybe make an appointment?

Don't know if you can stay there as a patient long-term but sorting your immediate problem may be more important...maybe they can point you in the right direction of phobic-friendly dentists, once any immediate problems have been sorted out.

It will certainly be the cheapest option available to you.

 

[marc691]

I don't feel able to do anything at the moment, but I am getting there! Feeling more and more positive towards it. Phuzzie actually offered to go with me just to see them, which was great news! I'm psyching myself up to it Think I could do it if someone was there to calm me down, or if she got me dead drunk before we went? *hint hint phuzzie*

 

[marc691]

The day has come finally! My appointment is in 2 hours!!! The weird thing is I'm not worried the slightest bit! I'm looking forward to it! I'm feeling a bit dizzy and feverish and feel like my throat has swollen up so I guess that's my phobia symptoms today. Maybe it hasn't quite hit me yet.. Well anyways, wish me luck and pray I won't eat the dentist or something. I'll let you know in my journal how it went today=)

 

[harper]

good luck

 

[Nat]

Hey Marc how did it go??

 

[marc691]

Bloody awful but i write the whole story in my journal.

 

[runt]

i totally understand how you feel....my hubby goes to the dentist like clock work every 6 months...aside from a few cavaties that were cought early and only required small fillings, his teeth are beautiful... he takes our son with him for his checkups and makes their cleaning appointments together...he often asks why i dont go and reminds me that our insurance covers 2 cleanings a year....imagine that....we have the coverage and i still dont go!!! every time the reminder card comes in the mail, i throw it away...i cant even look at it....but he always remembers the appointments with out it! i wish i could be like them and everyone else who has beautiful smiles and goes to the dentist without panic....i have become obsessd with my mouth and the state it is in and i am starting to investigate avenues to get me back in the dentist chair......i only hope i dont beat myself up too much over the neglect and what will have to be done to fix it.

 

[withquestion]

I havent read all of the first post, but when i read the first part, i remember having done the same thing. i had a hard time with the bite wings because my mouth is small, and the wings back then were big and hard. an assistant tried and tried and tried but to no avail, so she finally said, bite down as soon as i tell you to and i'll turn on the switch. the moment i felt something in there, i close my mouth. Her finger was still there and she was owing and saying that my finger thats my finger. after i was done finally of a couple that she was able to do, i started to have my teeth cleaned by a japanese lady. she was ok, not the best, but in the process, the assistant that helped me with the xray came in and told the dentist she had to go because she thinks she had gone in to labor. so yes...........i did the same thing too. i thought all along i was the only one.

I am trying to surrender and I am trying hard. so many people are so alike. i also have dental coverage and i have never used it. i am so bad that even when i see a ad on a tv commercial, i get antsy or i have to switch the channel.

later to all.

 

[marc691]

I only bit her because she was trying to force her fingers into my mouth because I wouldn't open my mouth for her

 

[marc691]

Got an appointment today. Not sure how to feel, feel a bit mixed. Anxious and nervous in case it wont go to my plan. I'm gonna make them talk to me before i let them anywhere near me.. we'll see=) But on the other hand I'm sort of fine.. just trying not to think about it. Have to set off in 2 hours. Wish me luck...=)