very long story, but i need help

[mona86]

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[Pianimo]

Hi mona86.

I read your post and felt awful for you, but I didn't know whether to reply as I wasn't sure I could help. I'm sure others will be much better to give advice - I don't have any technical knowledge and I also don't know anything about dental costs in the US. However, I noticed you asked for support...that I can try to give! First off, . I'm so sorry you've had such a tough time. Please don't despair. If you really are feeling so bad as to think about harming yourself, then whatever happens about your dental needs can I suggest that you think about finding someone, preferably a qualified doctor/therapist, whom you can talk to about all this? You are definitely not alone in your struggle with dental fears (as just 5 minutes on this site will show you), but whilst you will receive lots of support and advice on here, you maybe would also really benefit from an extra level of help that only a professional can give you.

As to the matter in hand, I have to say WELL DONE to you for being so determined and brave, and deciding to do something about you teeth. Don't let yourself believe that's nothing - searching for a dentist, contacting them, coming on here, these are all real steps away from your current pain and distress, and towards the healthy teeth you want. You've already conquered some of your fear to do these things - there may be a lot more conquering to go, but you've started! That's huge!

I hope you get a email back soon, from a dentist who will be able to help you. I'm still on my own journey from fear --> healthy teeth - maybe a few steps ahead of you, but a way to go to the finish line. And I thnk you've already come a lot, lot further than me really, as I don't have any of the genuinely traumatic reasons you have for your fears. But, nonethless, a few weeks ago I was doing what you're doing now - searching online for dentists, emailing them because I was too scared to ring, half-hoping they wouldn't reply so I wouldn't have to go. And yesterday I had my first real treatment appointment, under IV sedation (which, by the way, I do recommend). I can't believe I did it, but I did! I'm by no means comparing our situations, but I just wanted to encourage you that it is possible.

Hope I've been able to help, even a little. Don't give up!

 

[brit]

Hi Mona86


Thank you for explaining your background so well. It is not surprising you have dental phobia after those neglectful experiences.
I was going to say, focus on the fact that a 'real modern dentist' as opposed to your Mom is going to be a much more acceptable experience but then I note you mentioned 'the hell' of your occasional real visit to a dentist and that relatives paid for you but the problem has still not been fixed.

Could you tell me more about what your issues with the real dentist were so we can suggest some solutions?

In a nutshell though the answer is to find the right dentist for you, one who will be kind, painless and competent and work with you at your pace. You may want sedation, you may not, but the first step is to find a dentist you intrinsically trust..and discuss options both for treatment and for the methods of receiving treatment.
You may want to be sedated for extractions but awake for simple restorative so you can overcome your fear longterm..it is your choice though and there is no rush to find a dentist...be very very fussy...you have to like them...

Have you asked friends or your medical doctor for recommendations at all? Sending emails is good too but don't be disappointed if you don't get the replies you want. Read more here on finding the right dentist:

How to find a dentist for nervous patients

Discover how to find a dentist who is good with nervous, scared or phobic patients - and who to avoid!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

What I can tell you is that modern dentistry with the right dentist, can be done comfortably, with you feeling in control, with just local anaesthetic but there are other options you could add such as laughing gas to make it easier to relax - finding a dentist who is a nice humane person is the first step. Once you have a dentist and a treatment plan you are happy with (you may want to try at least two) then you could get finance form CareCredit in the States probably.

Kudos to you for wanting to sort your dental situation out...I'm sure that with support from your soon to be many 'internet friends' you will get there.

 

[mona86]

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[brit]

Okay so on embarrassment: https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/embarrassment/

If its sensations even in the absence of pain/someone being unsympathetic, then sedation might be a good option especially to get fixed up in the first place:

Is dental sedation right for me?

What sedation options are available for dental treatment? Which is the right one for me? Find out about oral, inhalation, and IV sedation.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Or if you are uneasy with sedation, distraction might work i.e. find somewhere where you can watch a DVD on the ceiling while they are working:

Distraction

What distraction techniques can be used to make dental treatment easier if you are nervous? And how do you design a relaxing environment? Find out here!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/crying/ - you mentioned crying during.

Given how your Mom behaved 'loss of control' is probably also an issue for you:

Feeling Powerless (Loss of Control)

Feelings of helplessness and lack of control are very common when visiting the dentist. Find out how you and your dentist can put you in control.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Hope you get a positive email reply.
Maybe your friend's dentist is not the one for you but at least that eliminates one in the area. If you are sure your preference is to be unaware during treatment then it makes sense to do as you are doing and researching those with sedation modalities available.
Try googling for dentist reviews on offices/practices you are considering as well....this can replace 'word of mouth' referrals to some extent if you read between the lines. Try to avoid large dental chains. They tend to be cheaper but there's probably a reason for this.
Best wishes

 

[mona86]

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[Pianimo]

Hi mona86,

I'd just been wondering how you were getting on! So it's great to read your update. WELL DONE for getting the nerve to book the appointment - we all know how hard that is, so you should be proud of yourself.

I know it must seem like you haven't had time to prepare yourself for it, with it being so soon, but honestly, the waiting and worrying is often the worst bit, so think of it as having saved yourself two weeks of stressing out!

As for worrying about showing the dentist your teeth, you only have to spend 5 minutes on here to see that sooo many people - both older and your age - have been in the same position as you, embarassed and worried the dentist will be shocked/annoyed when they see. And your dentist will have seen masses of mouths, right across the health spectrum, and yours won't seem unusal to them. Anyway, a good dentist will never be looking around you mouth seeing reasons to judge (e.g. that looks awful, she hasn't cared for that properly), but rather they'll be seeing all the ways in which they can do their job to help you (I can make that better, stop that hurting, make that look nicer etc). Besides, think about it - if people only ever went to the dentist with perfectly healthy mouths, they'd pretty much be out of a job!

If you didn't explain you were nervous when you booked the appointment, do tell them when you get there. I mean, they may well be able to tell, but the more they understand, the more they can help - and a good dentist will ALWAYS want to help you, with your fears and worries as much as your teeth.

Really hope it goes well for you today.

 

[lastchance]

Good luck and well done for getting this far! I think getting an appointment so soon may well be a blessing in disguise, act while your all geared up for it.
I am the same age as you (24 this year) and in a very similar position, so I sympathize with you completely. I have another 4 weeks to wait for my first consultation, some days I feel fine and don't think about it but other days I feel like a zombie and every other thought I have is dentist related.
Hope it goes/went well!

 

[mona86]

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[scared2bthere]

Hi Mona,
I'm so glad you went to your visit today. I've been getting my dental work done bit by bit and have to go next week for another extraction. I have a great fear of going to the Dentist too. I think once you start getting the work done, if it's a kind and understanding Dentist, you will start gaining confidence. The biggest thing is to find a Dentist you trust. I wanted to tell you that aside from the money aspect and taking a little bit longer in some cases, the surgical extraction isn't worse than a regular one. In some cases it feels easier to have done as the patient imho.

I haven't been to a Dentist in a bit over a year again besides an x ray so I'm scared again but when I was going and getting work done last, I took a small stuffed animal with me just to hold so I could keep my hands on my lap and something to hold and feel as a distraction, like a ty size and I kept my eyes closed when he had out any tools of the trade. I repeated to myself, I am safe, I am ok, he is almost done.

Did you and the Dentist discuss any cosmetics like partials, bridges, implants or anything like that?

 

[mona86]

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[fromyesterday]

Hi Mona!

Going was a huge step! I sometimes think that's the hardest part after not going to the dentist for awhile.

I had to have oral surgery and they cut into my gums and honestly with valium and gas I felt loopy and didn't care that that's what they were doing. There are a few threads here about IV sedation you might want to look at; it seems it has helped a lot of people.

 

[Teresa M]

Wow, I am SO impressed that you actually got yourself to the dentist!! Well done, that was a HUGE step for you and even though you were shaking the whole time you got through it. Congratulations.

I really hope your dentist is a kind and sympathetic one who will support you and help you feel SAFE while he/she is working on your teeth. I'm sure you explained to him/her about your dental phobia and the reasons for it - if not, you really must do so. If he/she isn't experienced in dealing with phobic/highly anxious patients, maybe he/she could refer you to someone who is.

You have every right to feel safe and supported in the dentist's chair, and your feelings and fears should be UNDERSTOOD and RESPECTED by your dentist. If your dentist doesn't respect your feelings you really should find someone else. I have a wonderful (female) dentist who never makes me feel stupid for being anxious. She explains exactly what she is going to do before she does it, and always stops and gives me a break if it's all getting too much. She checks with me all the time to see if I'm okay or want to take a pause, and NEVER gets impatient or annoyed with me. You need a dentist who will do the same for you.

You might want to contact your state dental association and ask for a referral to a dentist who specialises in dental phobia.

Relaxation, meditation and deep breathing techniques can also be a big help. It's really worth learning how to do this.

Good luck, you have taken that huge first step and it's really important that you continue to build on that initial success. Don't give up - you creally an overcome this with the right help, despite the unbelievable cruelty and trauma you have experienced.

 

[DShep228]

You know Mona, your description of the condition of your teeth sounds almost exactly like how mine were last year. Every tooth in my upper arch except 3 was broken down to the gumline, chipped or cracked to some extent - including both of my canines. I did a very good job of wrecking my teeth over the course of the past 20 years so I know exactly how you feel and what your fears are. Hiding your teeth, I did that for years too.
Like you, money was a huge obsticle for me. Quite simply, I didn't have the $8000 that it was going to take to put my mouth back together. You may be in a similar situation.
I urge you to look into something called "Care Credit" it' like a credit card that you can use to finance your dental work. If your dentist accepts it, they can apply for you right in the dental office and you'll know right away if you qualify and how much your credit line is.
This was the ONLY way I could have gotten my dental work done. Give it a try.

 

[mona86]

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