Can I ask the dentist not to tell me what he's doing?

[ripply]

My dentist knows I'm terrified and has been really patient with me but I find it hard when he describes what he's about to do all the time during my appointments. I know he does this thinking it will reassure me, and is being professional but it doesn't help. It just sets off my anxiety and I feel myself getting more and more in a panic. I wish he'd just do it.

At my last appointment which was an extraction, he kept describing everything he was about to do which just set me off, despite his reassurances that it wouldn't hurt. Things like letting me see the needle and saying it'll be just a pinch. It would have been easier on both me and him if he had just done it without telling me. Also warning me every time he had to use the drill and talking about the stitches as he was doing it etc.

Obviously, I don't mean that I want him to do treatments without permission, but once it's been agreed, I'd rather not hear all the details throughout. I'd like to ask him not to tell me everything but I'm wondering if this is something they have to do by law?

 

[FearfulInMA]

Yes! I have asked this and my dentist has accommodated this request without any issue. He talks about anything else, makes jokes, talks about music, whatever... Just not about what he's doing. I've been going to the same dentist for 8 years and this has worked just fine.

 

[carole]

It is very hard for the dentists to know what best to do, some like myself don't like surprises and I don't want details but I need to know what is happening. It will help your dentist enormously if you ask him not to give you a running commentary tell him that although you like the sound of his voice it un-nerves you when you know what is coming.

I think he will be pleased as I think he thinks he is helping you by telling you. They are people doing a difficult job trying to please so many people and it really helps if we let them know.

You go for it, if you feel you can't tell him put it in writing and either post it before your appointment or hand it to him when you go.

Good luck let us know how you get on

 

[ripply]

I think I'd be able to speak to him about it. I've just been worrying that he'd find it a strange request, but it would really make things easier. I know he definitely means well and it must be helpful for other people but no matter what he says or how gently he explains it, all I hear is 'Brace yourself, this is going to hurt!'

Once I'm in a panic there's really no stopping it. It's so hard to calm down and I've often ended up getting out of the chair and leaving which meant having to reschedule. I'm meant to go back soon for a check up after my extraction so I'll try to talk to him about it then.

 

[FearfulInMA]

I'm very much the same. When I started going to my dentist I told him I'd really rather not know what's going on - I don't need a play-by-play. He never thought this was weird and has always respected that. Like Carole said, everyone is different and I think thy really appreciate when we phobic patients can tell us what is helpful for us and what is not. I've come a long way in the 8 years since I started back getting regular dental care. When, less than a year ago, I needed a crown replaced for the first time, I was worried that it would be awful (it wasn't) and I asked him to explain what was going to happen. I still didn't want a play-by-play as it was happening, but I did want an explanation beforehand (which I also usually don't want). He was actually a little shocked because he knows that I usually don't want to know ... I'm sure it's more interesting/fun for them to not have to talk about dental stuff too...

 

[Dr David Lee]

Hi ripply,

It is your dentist's responsibility to inform you of the treatment and any relevant information regarding the treatment he/she will perform. However, the step-by-step process, you do not have to know if you don't want to.

Everyone has their own preference and I think that if tell your dentist honestly that it would make you less anxious if you didn't hear the details, the dentist would not be offended at all. There are also patients that actually feel better when they know what is being done in their mouth, but not everyone is the same. Once the dentist knows your preference, I am sure he/she can tailor to you