Embarrassment and Fear About Extraction

[Anotherword]

I've had bad teeth since my teens and I'm now 53. At age 18 I had crowns put on my front top 6 teeth, and they were fine for a long time. But, one of the two front has come off four or five times... I always get it stuck back on, but this time there's nothing left to stick it to. So, I desperately searched for a dentist to help me -- because although I'm scared, I'm even more scared of missing a front tooth! Went in a couple days ago. They are going to do an implant. Also going to extract/implant one of my back teeth. I'm fine with this. I can afford it now. Not easily, but I can. Although there are so many items on my treatment plan it takes up 3 pages. I'm not sure if I put it off because I'm scared of the dentist of scared of paying the huge dental bill. Both, really.

Two problems, now. First off, I really am scared of extractions. I can handle fillings and even root canals (with difficulty) but extractions freak me out. Last time I had one, I literally thought I was going to die. It hurt so bad. I had an abscess, it was a back molar, and despite having all the novocaine they could give me, it hurt as bad as childbirth, I swear. Now I'm getting the one next to that one extracted. It's abscessed too, with a gum boil. AND the front one, which is now just a little nub -- how are they going to pull that out?

I can't express how mortified I am by missing a front tooth. My husband is being very nice about it but I look in the mirror and cry. I'm so ugly, I just want to hide in a cave. I can't go to work -- I can wear a mask, of course, but I can't even talk right. I own a business (just me, no employees) and it's going to stay closed for two weeks because I can't face the public. (Shop is in an affluent area and people here are kind of snobby!) I do other work that doesn't require public contact, but my husband isn't happy with the way I'm taking it. He thinks I should just continue as normal. No, no, no, no, no. I am HIDEOUS. I haven't even told my grown children and I'm trying to hide it from them. I don't even want to talk on the phone. I am so ashamed and embarrassed, I want to defend myself by saying, I'm a normal person, I have a college degree, I own two businesses, I'm not crazy or on drugs or mentally deficient! But I look that way now!

This dentist doesn't do nitrous oxide, which has helped me tremendously in the past. They do sedation, but I'd have to wait like a month for the specialist to do that, and I can't do that because I am missing a front tooth! They couldn't put the crown back on and I have to wait for the "flipper" till I get the extraction. My fear of the pain has been overruled by my embarrassment, somewhat, but in the back of my mind I am still thinking I might die from this. But if the alternative is missing a front tooth, dying doesn't seem so bad. I mean, people don't really die from pain, do they? Unless I have a heart attack or stroke or something?

Sorry for writing a novel here... I'm in a very bad place right now.

 

[Scaredbutready]

Please, please do not feel this way about yourself. And trust me, I understand. I just joined to respond to you after lurking for a good month. I hadnt been to the dentist in 20 years because of a paralyzing fear stemming from childhood. You’ve already taken the right steps, you’re going to have it fixed and you walked through that door already. I too, am a business owner and I understand the shame and Feeling like your whole worth is based on your teeth. You will be fine, you’re a beautiful person regardless of what your teeth are like. Hang in there. One thing at a time. You will not die and from reading previous posts dentists have stated that having a nub is actually easier to extract than a whole tooth. I have two extractions on Monday, one with an abcess so I’m understanding all you’re dealing with. ?

 

[katebirch1]

perhaps you can go to another cosmetic dentist who can make you something temporary to fill the gap? in how long will you have the extraction? I am sorry this is happening to you. Especially front uppers its the worst. I am a 48 yr old woman and I had severe perio disease 15 yrs ago and ended up having terrible disfiguring surgeries to try to heal it---- then I was ok for many years but recently had a series of bad events ( splint broke, had horrible invisalign) and now my front four are actually loose- so much bone loss-- and I cant talk eat smile kiss etc. I am also educated, smart etc- and look horrible but mostly scared of losing them etc- am going to a top perio to try to get help but cant get in for two more months. anyway I know how you feel to some degree- front teeth stuff is horrible. Try to find your inner goddess anyway and just stand up tall and proud and do not be ashamed. its not your fault. things happen. to all of us. teeth stuff esp front is awful. some dentists will get you in to help w a front tooth though to give you something temporary? call around and ask. read books about traume healing. I am doing that just ordered one by jordan peterson, for me I am in actual pain since my invisalign and more bone loss and the ortho trimmed my front teeth its all a big mess. I can relate to how you feel. dont be ashamed! be proud of yourself for handling it and love yourself

 

[katebirch1]

are you afraid of the pain of the extraction of the front tooth? few thoughts: first, maybe save the other extraction for another time and just deal with the front. Two, one thing I learned with ALL my tons of dental trauma is that there is always another better dentist who is kind. Call around, visit a few. find one who does the nitrous. find one who can help you sooner- take it all one step at a time but put yourself first, dont let them bully you

 

[katebirch1]

sorry, one more thing----- I am waiting to go to an amazing perio in nyc and he seems to be able to fix absecces without extracting the teeth-- maybe you can get the absecc fixed and not extract the back tooth

 

[Anotherword]

Good news, though. I ordered this kit called "Temptooth" from Amazon and it came this evening. It's got these little plastic beads you warm up and mold to look like a tooth. It's not that realistic, but looks OK from a distance and I can mostly talk normal with it in. Anyway it sure beats having a gaping hole. I might get through the next two weeks. Actually I might be able to reschedule and wait longer so I can have sedation.

 

[Anotherword]

are you afraid of the pain of the extraction of the front tooth? few thoughts: first, maybe save the other extraction for another time and just deal with the front. Two, one thing I learned with ALL my tons of dental trauma is that there is always another better dentist who is kind. Call around, visit a few. find one who does the nitrous. find one who can help you sooner- take it all one step at a time but put yourself first, dont let them bully you

They made me pay the whole thing up front. $10K! Sounds bad, but I went along with it because I have got to get this stuff done (includes treatment of early periodontal disease, cleaning, a couple more crowns, and a few other fillings) and since I've already paid, I know I'll go in and do it.

Yeah, it's the extractions that scare me. I can deal with everything else. Well, you know, not happily... but I know I can cope. You're right, I'd rather not do both at the same time unless I can be sedated.

They were very nice. I'm sure they'll try to make it as easy on me as possible. I've been looking around for a while and it surprises me how few dentists use nitrous these days. When I was in my teens-20s I got it all the time.