First dental appt in 12 years- panic, anxiety, fear, need to know what to expect

[kimber67]

First dental appt in 12 years- panic, anxiety, fear, need to know what to expect

Hi, this is my first time here. I need some advice. I am 45 years old. I have an 8 year old and 13 year old that I have taken to the dentist every 6 months since age 2. I have not taken care of myself - because of the anxiety I have about going to the dentist. I had trouble with overcrowding as a kid and had several teeth pulled - very painful. Then my parents divorced when I was 12 I didn't go back to the dentist until I could pay for it myself at age 24. At age 26 a dentist accused me of having bulimia -- which I did not -- but was quite rude and made me cry. I didn't understand why my teeth were so bad that he would accuse me of that. I quit going to the dentist. Went back at 32. Was told I had the teeth of 60 year old. No new cavities, but made me feel really bad about myself. Well, then I had 2 kids to take care of and just put off my dental care. Now I am 45. Noticing some black spots along my gum line. I have dental insurance, and I know it is time to go. I have an appt. on Monday. I am scared that I may be told I am going to lose some teeth. I don't want to cry or have an anxiety attack at the dentist. I have made appointments in the past and then canceled because I was too scared. I know the longer I wait the worse it will be. What can I expect? Will I likely lose some teeth. I have not idea what the options are. don't smoke. I brush everyday. I'm not a good flosser. My gums bleed when I brush. But I am a clean person. I workout everyday. I take care of my family -- I've just not taken care of my oral hygiene like I should and I am embarrassed and afraid what I will hear Monday. Please -- any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

 

[vicki]

Re: First dental appt in 12 years- panic, anxiety, fear, need to know what to expect

Hi and

First of all, well done for making the appointment . It's not easy when it's the last thing in the world that you want to do, but you've done it . Secondly, I know it's easier said than done, but there's no need to feel bad about what you should or shouldn't have done in the past. The point is, that you've decided to make an appointment and get things back on track now... and that's what matters.

I've had my fair share of dentists who have made me feel bad in the past, either because I was scared or because of the problems I have with acid reflux, a possible grinding habit and my eroding teeth. One or two even gave me lectures about it all being my fault because I drank too many fizzy drinks... except that I don't and I can't because it upsets my stomach, but they didn't care and instead preferred to pass judgment and dish out a lecture.

No decent dentist will make you feel bad about anything. You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do and if you don't feel totally comfortable with the first dentist that you meet, then you can shop around until you do find someone that you feel comfortable with and have confidence in.

I spend a lot of time worrying about what will happen if I have a panic attack or start shaking/crying during an appointment because I worry about making a fool of myself and also how the dentist will react. It's only recently that I began to realise that worrying about crying or having a panic attack actually makes it more likely to happen and just makes you feel worse. Although it feels like it at the time, if you do actually have a panic attack in the middle of an appointment, it's not the end of the world and the chances are, that the dentist has seen it before anyway. One thing I have found that actually does help, is if you tell the dentist upfront that you're scared and that you're worried about having a panic attack. Once it's out in the open, there's less pressure on you to keep a lid on things.

I'm in the middle of root canal treatment on several teeth at the moment and I've had quite a few long treatment appointments. My dentist recommended that I went to an endodontist for the root canals since one of them is a re-treatment of an existing root canal. When I went for the first treatment appointment, I was absolutely terrified and ended up having such a massive adrenaline rush that it completely wiped out the effects of the diazepam that my GP had prescribed for me. Fortunately the dentist was absolutely lovely and very patient about the whole thing and didn't make me feel bad about anything... even though I was sat in the chair, shaking like a leaf and ready burst into tears at any point. I think I've had about 11 or 12 appointments so far and I've been fairly terrified at most of them, but I no longer worry about what will happen if I have a panic attack because I know that it will be OK.

I can't tell you whether you'll need anything doing or not, but what I do know is that whatever treatment you might need, once you've made a start on getting things sorted out, you will start to feel better in yourself . I don't know whether you've seen it, but we have a page about what happens at a typical first appointment here:

What happens during a dental check-up?

Find out what your dentist may do during a dental check-up and why.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Hope this helps. Good luck and let us know how you get on .

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

Re: First dental appt in 12 years- panic, anxiety, fear, need to know what to expect

Hi kimber67,

You need to know that you're not a bad or dirty person just because your dental phobia and childhood trauma have kept you away from the dentist. In fact, your story is very common here on the forums, and I think avoiding the dentist is a pretty normal, rational response to what you've been through. We hear from lots of people who are the exact opposite of the stereotypes: they don't have bulimia, they aren't meth addicts, they aren't bad or filthy or irresponsible. Dental phobia happens to lots of people who are responsible parents, educated professionals, and upstanding citizens. Personally, I'm a pretty normal adult, grew up in a good household, have a home and a wife and pets, and work as a skilled professional. But my dental phobia led to me not brushing my teeth for decades and allowing most of my teeth to break and decay. I learned to hide it, and when I told my friends that I was having my mouth rebuilt last year, most of them were shocked that I had so many dental problems. They never knew (and most still don't) what a complete mess I was about my teeth.

So, welcome to the club. The good news is, it's never too late to start restoring your smile. However terrible you think your teeth are, it is possible to fix them up, and most of the work is completely or nearly painless. The other good news is, dentists have started learning compassion and empathy, and most of them work really hard at not judging or lecturing or shaming. I can tell you that when I went back to the dentist for the first time in decades last year, my mouth was a mess of jagged, cracked teeth, big visible holes, stubs of teeth worn to the gumline, you name it. My dentist was completely friendly, didn't seem the least bit disgusted or angry, and she never asked me what had happened or why I'd let my teeth get so bad. She just very professionally looked at each of my teeth and x-rays, talked calmly with me about what she recommended for each, and told me she'd be happy to help me get back to a healthy mouth. It's been a year now and my teeth are all beautiful again, and because they aren't all sore and bloody, I've been able to start brushing and flossing daily, so now even my gums are light pink and I'm so much happier. So, there is a way through, and you can get there too.

The painful truth about dental phobia is that it's cyclical: if you're afraid to go to the dentist, you avoid going, and the more you avoid going, the worse your teeth feel, and that makes you more afraid, and you avoid the dentist longer, and it progresses. Brushing, flossing, and even chewing can become painful, which makes it even harder to keep from getting worse. On top of this, your story is so familiar (to me and to LOTS of people on the forum here), in that you had a bad experience and didn't have good parental guidance at a young age-- no one helped you through the painful dental work you had, and then no one helped you take good care of your teeth as a teenager; I think it's pretty normal to expect that a 12-year-old, left to her own devices, would choose just not to go to the dentist. I did the same thing for many years as a young adult, and also went through some difficult and embarrassing dental work in my twenties. It's sad how easy it is to be crushed by a few unkind words from someone who's supposed to be a healer, but that fear of having a dentist shame you is a powerful thing. Again, there are lots of good, compassionate dentists out there now who won't lecture or scold. That sort of behavior is unacceptable.

So, here you are today. I know that it feels like you've gotten yourself stuck in a deep deep hole, with no way out, and you feel like a terrible person. Been there, done that. It's scary as hell, but with the right dentist, you WILL be able to conquer this thing and get yourself back on the right track. It's not an easy journey, but it's nowhere near as terrible as your racing mind tells you it will be.

I don't know the extent of your decay, but almost everyone is surprised at how much better the prognosis is compared to their fears. We all go in thinking we're going to lose all our teeth, but most of the time, your teeth can be saved, your gums can be restored. I had two teeth that were just barely stubs, worn to the gumline and broken with jagged points hurting my gums-- today these have been saved and crowned, and look and feel just like normal teeth. So don't assume that any or all of your teeth are "goners". Teeth are like icebergs: the biggest part is below the gumline, and if that's healthy, even terrible damage can often be corrected. Gums usually bounce back and stop bleeding after a good cleaning (sometimes what they call a deep cleaning) and proper care. From what you've described it doesn't sound anything near a hopeless case.

(If you do lose some teeth, that's not the end of the world, either. There are lots of options to replace or cover up the missing tooth so you won't look all weird.)

What to expect? You should expect your dentist to be friendly and patient. If your dentist is rude or mean, or makes fun of or lectures you about your teeth, you should find a different dentist. Seriously. Whatever you've done or not done in the past, you are now doing a brave and responsible thing, and you deserve to be treated with dignity. I'd recommend letting the dentist know you're afraid, and if you can identify what you're afraid of, that will help too. (For some people it's needles, others the fear of the diagnosis, most of us the drill, etc.) A good dentist and staff will treat you extra carefully if you let them know how bad your anxiety is. You might cry or shake a little-- that's ok, and that's normal. I cried during my first couple of visits, and I'm a big guy. A kind dentist will be used to this and help you through it. If you want to bring a teddy bear or some other comfort object to hug, that's pretty normal and helpful too. You're allowed to be a little bit of a baby in the chair-- no one but you and your dentist have to know.

Procedurally, check vicki's link about the dental exam. But in brief, they usually will want to take some xrays, and the dentist will want you to open your mouth so he can look around visually. He will usually use an explorer (a pick, to you and me), to *gently* look around. He will NOT poke any cavities or touch anything that looks sensitive. And then, he'll go over the xrays and tell you what procedures should be done, and you can talk about any questions you have, concerns, options, etc. And that's it. Just a little looking, and talking. It's entirely up to you whether you choose to schedule another appointment, which things you want done, etc. If the dentist isn't kind and gentle and doesn't earn your trust a little, it's completely ok to just thank him, leave the appointment, and not come back. No one will pester you or be angry. (If the receptionist asks if you want to schedule your next appointment, just say "No thanks, I'll call later and do that.")

Lastly, try reading some of the journals and success stories here. They're full of stories that will make you feel less alone, and encourage you.

Try to stay away from random Google searches and videos-- they'll just scare you. The stories on this forum are real and first-hand but generally pretty safe to read because we're all phobic too-- even those of us who've gotten through.

Good for you for getting an appointment and deciding to start back on your dental journey. Go as slow as you like, take as many re-tries as you need, and give yourself lots of space. Sometimes it takes many cancelled appointments before you find the courage to proceed; that's okay. And by the way, good for you for helping your children take care of their teeth. That has to be hard taking them to the dentist when it's so frightening for you to be there.

I think you're a wonderful, brave, responsible person who just had some bad circumstances around your teeth that set you back in that one little area of your life. I'm proud of you for getting started, and please feel free to post or PM here if you have any questions or just need to talk through it some more. We've helped a lot of people get through the fear, and you'll get through yours, too.

Take care!