getting started...

[cyprus]

Hiya all,
I'm new to this forum and would like some advice as to how people initially got themselves to a dentist. I desperately need to go, both for health reasons and to up my self-esteem, but need to give my kick up the backside to arrange an appointment.
My fears are mainly worry re. pain (which I know is unfounded now) and embarrassment.
Any help would be appreciated. Have to say it's made me feel better just writing on here. I worry about my teeth daily and need to get out of this cycle when it's clear I'm the one causing the problem.
Thanks,
C.

 

[vict4ia]

Hi Cyprus and !

I know what you mean about feeling better after just posting on this forum. And, in fact, you should feel proud of yourself for being brave enough to seek support. That's a very important first step in this journey.

People here will give you different answers about what got them to go to the dentist for the first time. Like you, though, many of us suffered from embarrassment and fear. I was just like you. As I always tell people, though, dentists aren't paid to look at healthy mouths all day long. They've seen it all and your mouth won't be the worst that they've ever seen. In addition, it seems that there are many people who only go to the dentist when there is a problem so you certainly don't need to be embarrassed about not going to the dentist regularly.

The most important step is to find a dentist that you feel comfortable with. For many of us, that involved getting referrals from friends and family. Some of us had to rely on looking through the phone book or doing some research online. Once you find a dentist to contact, the next step is to make sure that this is the right dentist for you.

When I first contacted a dentist after 20 years of avoiding dentists, I did it via email. I wrote a message that detailed all of my fears and concerns and some of the reasons I was so terrified. It was a tough process (I cried the whole time) but once I pressed the "send" button I felt a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Many of us here used the "email first" approach.

The next step is a meeting with the dentist you choose. This can just be a "get to know you" visit where you can talk about your fears and such. If you're not ready for the dentist to look in your mouth, say so. The right dentist will be kind, compassionate, and will not push you further than you're ready to go. When I had my first visit in 20 years, I broke down and cried like a baby in front of the dentist (all she had asked me was, "How are you today?") Her reaction to my fear was amazing and I knew that she was someone I'd probably be able to trust.

As phobics, we tend to think that all dentists are evil. But, really, the good ones are in the business because they genuinely care and because they want to help you. And, there are plenty of really good dentists out there.

You can do this. Once you do, you'll feel so much better and you'll realize that the dentist can't do anything to you that hurts more than the torture you put yourself through on account of your teeth everyday.

We'll be here to support you.

 

[April]

Hi Cyprus

You have definately come to the right place, we are all dental phobics of different degrees but everyone supports you no matter how silly you feel or how many questions you ask.

Like you I knew, that after 30 plus years of avoiding it, I HAD to go to the dentist, I was getting worse and worse and in more and more pain, my fear was totally controlling my life and I needed to get off the 'cycle of fear'.

Have you got someone who could support you?

Like Vict4ia I choose the e-mail route, I wrote down everything and I mean everything. Dr. D then rang me and asked if I would like to pop in and see him for a chat. I went along, with my husband for support, and as promised all he did was talk to me - actually listened to me sob for most of it!

We, as phobics, can spot a 'nice' dentist a mile away and this one was extremely nice. He didn't embarrasse me, gave me choices and kept every single promise he made to me.

Take your time, find the 'nice' dentist and look forward.

Good Luck

 

[Snowball]

I found my dentist via a suggestion here - as my dentist specialises in phobic and nervous patients, but at the point I went, I was the first from here to try, so was still a little worried that she wouldn't be the right one for me... That was unfounded in the end.

I didn't go for 20 years and had only been once in 15 years before that.

Embarrassment was there but not for long, as my dentist said straight away I probably had the best mouth she'd see all day (And I had a wisdom tooth rotted down to the gumline, molar next to it nearly as bad and ended up needling lots of deep fillings). I'd felt so embarrassed for years and the thought of letting anyone see inside my mouth was mortifying - but when it came to it, she put me at my ease. Which any good dentist would - they don't have to be a specialist in patients like us. Even a dentist who doesn't spend all day looking at phobic patients will have seen everything before. I kept reminding myself something I read on here - that from their point of view your mouth is 'interesting'! If your teeth were already perfect, it would be boring! And think of the job satisfaction in a patient like us - that they can help us get our health back and basically give us our life back!

 

[sally50]

hi cyprus, welcome to the group. well i am in the exact same boat as you! i think about my priblem every single day, so ashamed of how my teeth have got and i dream of getting them fixed, im just as terrified as you and really am trying to find the courage. you will find threads on here that give you hope as you read through peoples journals, it makes you feel good as you say to yourself if they can do it then i can, we will find the courage when we are ready. may i ask where you are from?

 

[sally50]

and poodleoo, many congrats on overcoming your fear. so proud. you sound like you found the right dentist and that is what i am waiting for. i am from the north west and havnt really come across the right dentist for me yet.

 

[cyprus]

Many thanks for your messages of support. It means a lot that there are others out there in the same boat. I often wonder how many I pass on the tube or in work who are also suffering in silence. I don't think anyone who isn't can understand how we get this far. A friend of mine (who continually tells me to get my teeth fixed and is the only one ever to have told me she's noticed!) can't get why I wouldn't want to do it when it's so easy and something I have control over. I've tried to explain the reasons behind it but know she will never fully understand.
C.

 

[Mojo]

Hey Cyprus!

It took me almost 20 years of pain, discomfort, and embarrassment before I was strong enough to admit that if I didn't come to terms with my fear of dentists, I would never be comfortable with myself. It took time to find the right dentist but it was really worth it.

We scheduled a "meet-n-greet" and got to know each other. I explained my fears and concerns and he really understood. Everything is going great. In fact, I'm looking forward to my extractions!

Good Luck!

 

[NotAloneISee]

I didn't go for about eight years, but when I had two broken teeth, I knew that my health depended on it. Even still it took a year.

My motivation was taking control. I am one who feels better when I know as much as possible about something. So when I realized that I have a choice in who I see as dentist, I began to research what types of dentists there are and what I prefer.

I decided on what type I wanted, and then I began looking at the dentists in my area. When I chose the one I liked, I made an appointment.

As further motivation, I decided on rewards for each visit I accomplished. The first was the hardest. But I had promised myself a CD that I have wanted. And for each visit after I gave myself additional rewards. Now I need no rewards.

And I also had in the back of my mind that IF I did not like my first choice, then I had a second choice. To me this meant I was not locked into something I did not like. I still have this reassurance in case my dentist retires or loses my trust.

My first visit was simply xrays and a checkup. This gave me a chance to see if I liked my new dentist. I did.

For me the biggest reassurance was...I have a choice. The second was and is...I TRUST my dentist. This cannot be overemphasized. From what I read, this is the biggest reason people succeed in overcoming their phobia.


Mojo, I had to quote this....

In fact, I'm looking forward to my extractions!

This is too weird in a great way. I know how you feel though. While I did not look forward to the actual extractions, I knew that it would be okay because I looked forward to seeing my dentist...and I trusted her. A year ago, m fear was that I would have a heart attack...literally...during my first dentist visit.

 

[Mojo]

Hey NotAloneISee!

You're right! That is too weird! It's just that I have a lot of confidence in my dentist. I'm having all the extractions done on the same day, so that everything heals together.

Of course, I do have an ulterior motive. You see, the way I figure it, there is always a chance of having a bad experience. This way, if I do have a bad experience during the extractions, it will only be one, because I'll have no more teeth to extract.

To the OP:
I was motivated by the fact that I want to feel comfortable in public again. I want to smile, speak clearly, and eat normally. I knew there was only one way to accomplish this, so I'm doing it.

I wish you the best my friends!