C
colorfulmess
Junior member
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2020
- Messages
- 3
- Location
- Charleston, SC
I'm 30 and haven't been to a dentist since I was 15. I was given laughing gas for a filling and had a panic attack that almost resembled a seizure. I remember watching my legs kick and feeling like I couldn't control my body. The dentist kicked me out and told me to come back when I was done being a baby. I haven't been back since.
In 2016, I broke the tooth that never got filled. Since then I've been using this temporary filling stuff you can get at the grocery store. I plug the hole with it so my cheek and tongue don't get irritated. A few weeks ago, a tooth on the other side of my mouth chipped. This hole isn't as large, so I think this tooth could be saved if I can just get myself in to see someone. The tooth that is more severely broken is starting to turn gray.
I'm terrified of two things. First, that any procedure will wipe out the entirety of my savings (about 20K). I've lived in poverty my entire adult life (even finding myself homeless 4 different times) until my grandpa died and left me that money in his will. It's the first time I've ever had any kind of safety net and I don't want to lose it all, especially with covid putting my tourism-related job at risk. I'm uninsured and do not qualify for Care Credit, so any payments would have to come out of that savings.
Second, I'm afraid they will have to pull multiple teeth and I'll have gaping holes in my mouth that everyone will notice. I already think I'm an ugly person and I feel like if I have gaps in my mouth then surely no one will ever love me. I was bullied all through school for having crooked teeth (before braces) so I already hate what I see in the mirror. I'm chronically single as it is and I'm sure my appearance is partially to blame.
I guess there's a third thing. I have an anxiety disorder and a literal phobia of talking on the phone. That makes it very hard to schedule an appointment, unless I could find a provider that allows online booking.
I know the danger of letting an infection spread, but if it killed me, would that be so bad? Sometimes I think I'd literally rather be dead than have an empty space in my mouth and I feel bad for saying it, but that's my number one lifelong fear.
In 2016, I broke the tooth that never got filled. Since then I've been using this temporary filling stuff you can get at the grocery store. I plug the hole with it so my cheek and tongue don't get irritated. A few weeks ago, a tooth on the other side of my mouth chipped. This hole isn't as large, so I think this tooth could be saved if I can just get myself in to see someone. The tooth that is more severely broken is starting to turn gray.
I'm terrified of two things. First, that any procedure will wipe out the entirety of my savings (about 20K). I've lived in poverty my entire adult life (even finding myself homeless 4 different times) until my grandpa died and left me that money in his will. It's the first time I've ever had any kind of safety net and I don't want to lose it all, especially with covid putting my tourism-related job at risk. I'm uninsured and do not qualify for Care Credit, so any payments would have to come out of that savings.
Second, I'm afraid they will have to pull multiple teeth and I'll have gaping holes in my mouth that everyone will notice. I already think I'm an ugly person and I feel like if I have gaps in my mouth then surely no one will ever love me. I was bullied all through school for having crooked teeth (before braces) so I already hate what I see in the mirror. I'm chronically single as it is and I'm sure my appearance is partially to blame.
I guess there's a third thing. I have an anxiety disorder and a literal phobia of talking on the phone. That makes it very hard to schedule an appointment, unless I could find a provider that allows online booking.
I know the danger of letting an infection spread, but if it killed me, would that be so bad? Sometimes I think I'd literally rather be dead than have an empty space in my mouth and I feel bad for saying it, but that's my number one lifelong fear.