Hi Odette and Swansong:
Please do not beat yourself up or be embarrassed about having fear. Everyone has fear about something. This is why interrogation works. I studied some "information extraction" techniques during my graduate days, trust me everyone has internal fear that can be exploited. I do not advocate these techniques but they do work, very scary stuff. I am not talking about using psycho-active drugs just "techniques."
It is not weakness to be afraid. Only a fool has no fear or admits to having none.
Your feelings are real and have an impact on your life. Making yourself feel worthless does not help you or solve the situation. You cannot fix what you do not acknowledge.
I have worked with anxiety and phobias for over 20 years. I have seen stuff that is incredible in terms of anxiety and fear. I have seen people so afraid that 120mg of Demerol would not put them out. This much Demerol will allow you to slip the average person under most doors.
You do not just "get over " or tough it through this stuff as there is a biological connection. Odette, PTSD messes with brain chemistry and responses become biological as well as psychological. After all, you would not tell a diabetic to "just get over it."
This can be worked through but it takes time, compassion and care. This starts with you. Do not keep shooting yourself in the foot. Kindness and compassion are the height of strength. Breaking down self-esteem and self-confidence do not help. Your fear and feelings are real, they are not a fantasy.
Your friends have a very narrow focus that does not work. You cannot bully yourself or anyone into change. My first question to them would be; "You received your PhD in Psychology and Neuro-Psychology from where?"
If you do not have training in this area then it is possible that you do not know what you are talking about and there are better methods than the ones you are using.
People fear any type of apparent weakness or anxiety because it reminds them of their own fears that they have never dealt with. They run from it like the plague because they cannot deal with it in themselves.
Living in a state of emotional turmoil and frustration is very hard on your body. It causes hosts of physical problems and does not work. If you want to keep getting what you are getting, keep doing what you are doing. I am willing to do what ever I can to help. After thousands of patients I have a bit of insight.
Swansong:
I am saddened that your husband is not as supportive as he could be. Again, frustration does not help. I am glad you are talking to people that have the capacity to understand. This is the first step to help and healing. Running from these problems does not solve anything. It gives the fear more power and where ever you go you will take the problem with you. Whether you are in the UK or here, you are still you.
I do not do marriage counseling but I do know open, honest and compassionate communication solves many things. Probably, part of your husbands frustration and anger is he does no know how to help you. If we say someone has embarrassed us what we are saying is I am uncomfortable with this problem and do not know what to do.
I have had people fall apart in public. My first reaction is empathy for them and I do not care what anyone else thinks. As far as not remembering what you said or did at the dentists office. This is common with high anxiety. It is called Cortical Inhibition. Higher brain functions and memory get shut off and you draw a blank. All responses are emotional and bypass the normal thinking process. If you are taking psycho-active medications, this can contribute to the problem. Bottom line, you did not harm anyone or cause any lasting damage. These things are part of the life experience. Fear is the most powerful of human emotions. When you are in a high fear state anything is possible.
Again, the same advice, be kind to yourself. If you want to chat again, please let me know.
I hope both of your find the peace and freedom from emotional torment you seek. It is there, peace with yourself is peace with the world around you.
Thanks for reading.
Blessings
