Thank you, both of you, for your posts. I swear the only place I'm able to find someone who understands is here on this forum. It makes me feel better about my own fears and anxiety. I mean obviously I'm not the only person who has ever felt this way. But unless you have someone to talk to who is experiencing the same thing, you start to feel very much alone.
I'll be honest and say that long about now I've pretty much decided that I'm not going through with this. I can't, I don't want to and I'm not ready for this. I'll still go to the consultation this week, just so I have that in reserve in case I change my mind. But I've reached my limit and I'm not doing this anymore. I'm done.
For the past week or so I've been experimenting with home remedies such as garlic, oil pulling, baking soda and salt water rinses and clove tea. I've managed to eliminate 95% of my pain this way. Any pain I feel now is minimal and doesn't last long, if I feel anything at all. I was able to cure a sinus infection with garlic a couple years ago, so if I keep trying I can hopefully cure the infection in my wisdom teeth.
I mean think about it. Why am I considering having them taken out? Because I'm in pain and they are infected. So if there is no pain or infection, then there is no reason to have them removed. Or at least that's the way I look at it.
The doctors basically told me that they can't give me anymore antibiotics anyway. They told me that last week, saying that I've had too many and they're worried about dangerous side effects if I keep taking them. They said the only way I can have more is if I go to the emergency room and have a CT scan to see if there's an abscess in there. And then they'll give me intravenous antibiotics, but the doctor added, "I don't know that they won't give you pills."
All of this just makes me more determined to do things on my own. Because that's how it is now. I'm pretty much on my own at this point. I can't have intravenous antibiotics, there's no guarantee that they'll give me pills, and I don't even know if my insurance will cover the cost of having a CT scan. So I'm done. I'm done with all of them.
And the doctor that I saw, he was trying to schedule an appointment with my dentist to have my wisdom teeth removed! He told me he would check to see how soon they could get me in for the procedure then immediately left the room. He came back and said they can see me on the 18th, and I'm like no, that is not happening. I explained about my anxiety and panic attacks, and all he did was tell me, over and over, that I have options.
I said no, I don't have options. I was specifically told by an oral surgeon during my second consultation that I need inhaled general anesthetic due to the fact that they can't calm me down for the procedure, because their strongest sedatives aren't enough and they can't even get anywhere near me because I go hysterical. At that point the doctor didn't seem to have anything more to say. He just kind of seemed at a loss for words, handed me a slip of paper and shoved me out the door.
So, as of right now I'm not planning on having the surgery. I'll go to the consultation, then it'll take four to six weeks for my insurance to approve the procedure. At that point, if I'm not near death from chronic infections, then I think I'll just tell them sorry, I've changed my mind, or that I'll have to reschedule or something when they give me an appointment date. Even if I am seriously sick at that point, I still don't think I'll be able to do it.
I have never been so terrified of something in my entire life. I honestly think that the only way I'll be able to do this is if I'm half unconscious on the day of my appointment and someone drags me there against my will and I'm too sick to fight them off.