Thanks, zombiegroupie! It is really nice to not be in pain at last. I seem to alternate between feeling really accomplished and feeling like I rather hate teeth and wanting to throw a tantrum.
So, update! My dentist is awesome and he is WONDERFUL with my anxiety. He listens to me and I feel more in control than I ever have at the dentist before. I also know he knows what he's doing because all the work I've had done as been top notch. That being said, commuincation is lacking somewhere. I don't know if I'm not asking questions enough or he's not being detailed enough for me. I just know the surprises are getting a little much. When I had the initial x-rays, we talked it over. The point was, I only wanted this done now if there was enough time before our trip to complete it. We told him when it was and he agreed I'd be ok to go. I guess he meant well enough to travel after surgery but we thought I'd be done done. He did say that normally it took 2 weeks to get dentures made but he didn't like the idea of me going without teeth for that long so he was going to put a rush on it. So I spent the week after surgery feeling accomplished and relaxing and healing. I refused to allow myself to think of the dentist or my dentures except for the exciting bits. I began to get a little anxious as I began to heal. Tried finding out what was involved in getting used to dentures and got confused because EVERYBODY getting them seemed to have to do several appointments BEFORE the final dentures were in. At this point I would really, really like to thank Miss P again for her help because without her I would have gone into panic attacks when new things happened. Her step by step to the process and tips meant when the dentist said stuff I wasn't expecting I at least knew what he was talking about and what to expect with it.
Anyway, I spent the second week getting more anxious and had finally talked myself down on the weekend, with the logic the weekend(a long holiday weekend) was a dentist free and safe time because they'd be closed. Nope. Monday we sleep in and are just getting breakfast when the office calls. My metal frames are in. We deicide since the trip is coming up let's go and get it over with. I'm now in full blown anxiety. I spent 20 minutes brushing and rinsing to make sure my sockets were free of food because I was terrified he'd look and want to flush them out. I was terrified they'd gag me or not fit and another impression would have to be taken. I spent the car ride in agony. I started feeling worse when I got in and was back in the office with the smell and my nerves. The wait wasn't very long at all which was nice. I force myself to sit in the chair. They put a bib on me(which seems to terrify me everytime they do it, it's like without it I feel like there not going to be in my mouth much) Well then the hygienist brings out my metal frames on the plaster cast of my mouth. My first thought is a thanks I was asleep when they took the plaster cast. The second was how tiny the frames look! I was picturing horrible big things that would take over my whole mouth! Well she snaps them in after checking my gums and looking at a spot on my gums that was a little sore and sticking out a little(between where my two front teeth were) and deciding it wasn't a piece of bone. Then she is all happy because they fit well but tells me to sit with them in while she gets the dentist. He comes in and asks how I'm doing, Asks if I'm keeping up on my oral hygiene(I have, I'm super paranoid about it now) and commences poking at the frames and looking in my mouth with the little mirror. He is very happy with the way it fits and I think it feels weird but not at all how uncomfortable I expected it to feel. I didn't feel gaggy until he made me lay down and I think that might have been nerves. At any rate, because I felt gaggy I asked Alicia and she asked them if I could try taking them out. It wasn't hard at all and a LOT easier than having them do it. Well, then the hygienist comes out with a little tooth chart and tells Alicia to get over there and help pick out the right shade. That was actually fun and I had no anxiety by this point. I didn't even mind looking in the mirror to compare shades! Well they tell me my frames are going in and coming back with wax on them and they'll call us when they're in. The hygienist even makes it a point to say she understands we need my dentures by our trio because "You've got to look fabulous!" I really feel like Katniss getting made over for the arena only backwards. I've been in the arena and am getting made over for going back to my life! I guess that makes that hygienist Effie Trinket and Alicia Haymitch while my dentist is Cinna I guess. I'm good with that. Yeah, I'm tired. This is what happens.
Anyway, I go back to living with the shadow of the Next Appointment over me but getting more and more excited over having my new smile. Then life other than dentist hits the fan, a lot of emotional stuff to work through, school, finalizing plans for our trip, a load of anxiety and panic attacks and nightmares, which may or may not be the cause of me having stomach problems and throat tickles, sensory issues acting up, and a broken garbage disposal. Then yesterday the office calls and says my wax partials are in. I get an appointment for 7 this morning. Cue half an hour of anxiety and pacing. I finally decide i'm going to attempt to sit on my feelings of anxiety and bury myself in algebra and Power Rangers. Alicia and I run errands, run into minor for us trouble on the road involving an injured dog, get home, eat, play Suikoden on the Playstation and go to bed. I lay there for 20 minutes trying not to anxious and having a panic attack. Finally calm down enough to sleep. Wake up before the alarm and can do no more than doze. We're up and dressed and out the door by 6:30. We're early and get to watch them setting up, but my anxiety goes up even higher because I don't know the hygienists. My gag reflex is horrible in the morning as it is and my stomach is churning. I can't imagine having ANYTHING in my mouth at this point.
I get called back. In the chair with strange new hygienist. Bib on. Cue even more anxiety. She comes over and tells me we're trying on the wax partials. She starts with the top(not my preferance it turns out) and it takes a minute. I think that's patially because my upper lip took a minute to realize there were teeth to let in and not just a metal piece! Then I get anxious because she's pushing on them to make sure they're tight and it hurts my gums. I jump and she asks if I'm still a little tender(which I am) She leaves them alone and starts trying to put in the lowers. This takes longer. They don't seem to be taking and she keeps pushing down hard on the spot that seems to holding it up and that hurts too. Of course i'm trying to work through my freeze response to tell her and freezing even more because the more anxious I am the more I tend to shut down. Finally she announces it doesn't fit right and says I might need another impression. I almost have a panic attack right there and want to cry. I also don't understand because they fit fine with the metal frames. She leaves me and goes to get the dentist and my lowers pop out the minute I move. That's not a good sensory feeling so I snatch them out of my mouth as fast as I can. I sit there holding it and feeling rising panic. Alicia asks if she can see me smile with the new uppers and I shake my head, too panicked to talk. The dentist comes in. Finds out from the hygienist what's going on and gives the look he gives when he thinks there is a simpler solution(he gave it before when they were flapping about a tooth placement on my metal frames at that fitting and simply asked me point blank if I wanted to have another impression done to fix it, I said no, he said sure, it wasn't a big enough deal to put me through it and told them to just go put the order in, THIS is why I like him) So he comes over and i'm looking at him with huge, pitiful, puppy dog eyes. He asks if the uppers are in and I nod. He asks if he can look at them and how they are. I start talking to tell him he can and they feel fine at this point and promptly feel a tiny bit better because talking is easier with them in than without them. The lisp is still there but less and the plate part that bothered me when it was just a frame no longer sticks to my tongue as though my mouth is dry. I even stop producing the insane amounts of saliva I've been producing since last night with all the nasuea. He looks surprised when I tell him I feel better talking with them in than without them. He asks if he can lay me down so he can look and I ask to stay up. HE LETS ME! I tilt my head back for him and become compliant in compromise. He takes the lowers and puts them in. Less time than with the hygienist. He pokes and has me bite. Frowns. Fiddles. Takes them out. Tries again. Turns and tells the hygienist they just have too much wax on them. Files of some wax. Tries again. More wax filing. They fit now but the bite is off. He asks if I'm biting all the way down and I nod. We both know it's not right. He takes them away and fiddles with them. Then he tells me I have an option here. Appreantly, my mouth is so small there isn't room for them to fit a metal base, plastic gum, and tooth in the last molar on my right side(lower). So I can choose to go without a tooth there and just have the plastic. I'm relieved because my mouth has felt tons better without my missing back molars. He's pleased with my choice and takes all the wax off. My lowers snap in perfectly. Everybody's pleased and I get to look in the mirror at what I look like with teeth. I don't know what to make of it because it looks good but it just looks WEIRD to have teeth. Even, white, unbroken teeth. I say so. The dentist announces I need another bite regristration. Cue panic. Until I realize it's the chewing gum stick. He squirts it over my teeth and I bite and hold it and Alicia sings to me until he takes it away. He peels it off and it doesn't dislodge my dentures at all. He takes the top out and starts with last minute instructions. I'm free from the Perioguard(hurrah) They start talking at each other and I suddenly realize I'm still wearing my lowers. I point this out and my dentist is surpirsed. He forgot too. He takes them away and I'm free. Then we find out my dentures might be ready tomorrow and another appointment is made for tomorrow afternoon. I'm anxious all over because I have to do this one alone. Alicia can't take off work. Forgot to mention, at the last minute my regular hygienist came in(Effie Trinket) and she declared how fabulous my teeth looked and gushed over me for a second. I didn't realize until I left, that I think of her as my hygienist and how freaked out I was when she wasn't there. I want my hygienist and my dentist. No one else. It's just weird I call any dental professional mine! So here I am, anxious again and excited. I don't think I'll have any trouble getting used to them if people would stop poking while there in there and I can sit at home and eat and talk to myself all day! I might have them before the trip though I will be so busy it won't be a slow adjustment period at home like I'd like. As long as there aren't any sore spots I should be good to go. Honestly, the things don't feel at all as unnatural and uncomfortable as I expected them too. I can barely feel the lowers at all after a few minutes and the only reason i can feel the uppers is because my mouth is so used to no front teeth. i'll be sooooooooo happy when this is DONE.
Thanks for reading all that and giving me somewhere to vent!
I was feeling really stressed and tired yesterday and that tends to make me all anxiety and doom and gloom! I feel somewhat better today and appreciate your advice.
but I will need a permanent filling put in. I wigged out a bit but he took pity on me and said I don't have to worry about it for at least a month or two. I just hope it doesn't start bothering me.
I think that means I avoided dry socket. He switched me from twice a day on prescription mouthwash to once and said to get some scope to use when I brush and gave me a gentle lecture about brushing. He decided to give me an antibiotic after all to make sure the swelling isn't an infection although he seems to think it's normal. 