Phobics prefer blondes - no, gentlemen!

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Thephilsblogbar

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Re: Male or female dentist?

It is harder when you have an emergecy dental problem. I liked the one I saw last year.

When my dentist was away on holiday I had to see someone else for my regularly appointment, she was pretty rough with the cleaning, even though the time before when I saw her she was pretty gentle.
 
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Melvina

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Re: Male or female dentist?

I prefer a Male Dentist as I have been verbally abused & held down by Female Dental Nurses when I was 4 up to age 10, I am now 41 & have had a Male Dentist for 27 years after this then he moved further away :( so I tried 3 different dentists before I found a real good one, he is only 24 & I have only seen him twice, said I have gingivitis & make sure u floss daily & clean your teeth properly etc! & come back in a mth, next time I came back, he chatted away about gng to a wedding show the next day & had proposed to his girlfriend the week before, I just so relaxed out too! & I had to get him to stop as I needed a drink & he said dry mth u nervous aye? u fine as everyone gets nervous it's cool as, he so gentle even though I needed a deep scale clean too, one sensitive tooth & he said we won't go over that one again then, gave me a 15 % discount too, :jump: I will be gng back in a year too, & not nervous at all, makes such a difference too, he was saying how Katelyn the Dental Assistant was so good & the boss stole her off me & I'm having her back again, I have never laughed so much @ a Dentist eva! Plus I never knew there was a wedding show the next day either, plus possibly because I have a few nephews around this age group maybe that's why I just got on so well
 
tigerstripedred

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Re: Male or female dentist?

female (pretty much for anything medical) I was assaulted which was,a big reason I stayed away from the dentist for so long. Being confined to a chair unable to speak, having people around and behind me is still a trigger although less so if they are female. Unfortunately my dentist doesn't do Rct or implants hercmale partner does. He's good and gentle enough but it still abdolutely does my head in. Thankfully my dentist takes the time to check on me if he is having to do work.
 
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Scarlett88

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Re: Male or female dentist?

I honestly don't mind either. Had good and bad experience with both. Right now to make things equal I have both a male and a female dentist. They are both excellent in what they do and both of them are caring and nice which helps with my worries.
 
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newbieindeatalfear

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Re: Male or female dentist?

It could go both ways, Depending on the persons.

A female is supposed to help you open up and relax and be sweet like a mother figure

A male could be good but more scaring you to do better/ like a dad

It really depends on how caring the dentist is and how the approach is.

I think you need a dentist that is there for your best interest and also a good friend because it helps when you can talk to them and not feel embarrassed. Interpersonal skills need to be a best.

I guess for me would prefer female.
 
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Thephilsblogbar

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Re: Male or female dentist?

When I had braces (removable) for my teeth I saw a male. I did not like him as he asked me how long I brush my teeth for.

It also helps having a good dental assistant, the pair I go and see are fab, help calm me down as best their can, no dont make bad comments and always interested to see where I am off on my travels next.

Even though my appointments are still 10 minutes (even though NHS treatment) for checkups I am sure the appointments over run to make sure teeth are fully checked, and no signs of disease.

As long as the dentist is gentle and not too rough with the cleaning tooth, water jet (both did say sorry at my last appointment) as it was more powerful than usually, gentle with the injection if I need any dental work.

I want to save my teeth and make improvements to make it much easier to clean my teeth.
 
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Tink

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Re: Male or female dentist?

So this issue has come up again in another thread (https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/forum/threads/need-a-woman-dentist-in-charlotte-nc-asap.23559/ ) and I wanted to add my thoughts. This thread seems like a more appropriate place for it than on a new poster's request for help finding a dentist.

There seems to be a conflict between where some patients (legitimately IMO - will elaborate in a moment) prefer one gender over the other, but where others feel that requesting this is sexist and discriminatory (also a legitimate concern).


Here's my take on it:

Personally, I don't care if my dentist is male, female, trans, blue, purple, Martian, or anything in between. What matters - as has been rightly pointed out upthread - is the individual. I need a dentist who is kind, patient, caring and willing to work with me and meet me halfway. I will put the effort in if they will, it's a partnership. I've found such a dentist, who happens to be a man, but he could just as easily be a woman and it wouldn't make the slightest difference.

There have been a few broad gender stereotypes put forward in this thread, and TBH I'm not buying those. There is far more variation in personalities within a particular gender than you will find between genders. There are nurturing, gentle, men and there are strong, calm, problem-solving (what some might consider "fatherly" qualities) women. In fact most people are some mix of all of the above, once you get to know them. Take home message: people are people are people. What a phobic patient needs is somebody with the right personality.


But...

But.

For some patients, it's far more complicated than that.

The thing is - as I'm sure we're all aware - dental phobia can be complex, and very individual. No two people's phobias and hangups will be exactly the same. But something we do have in common is that it is hard, and for us there can be lots and lots of barriers to going to the dentist. Some of those are things we can do nothing about, but others might be things where with a bit of adaptation we can move that barrier aside and make it a little bit easier to take that step and go to the dentist. For some patients, seeking out a female - or male - dentist might be a way of taking away one hurdle, which could be enough to make all the difference.

The stuff that forms barriers for people can be weird, and unpredictable. I've known people who are triggered by all sorts of things due to past traumas: I know somebody who found that the layout of the room triggered traumatic memories for them, and somebody else who prefers older dentists over younger ones (also due to past trauma). Personally, I trained myself to stop interpreting my dentist growing his occasional beard as a sign that Something Terrible was about to happen (long story!)

What these things generally have in common is that they all stem from past bad experiences. In an ideal world, we would all be able to process these bad experiences and move on so that they don't affect us going to the dentist - and many people do exactly this, over time. But it's very, very hard to do, and we don't live in an ideal world. Don't underestimate how hard this stuff is! Maybe a patient might need to see a female (or male) dentist, just to make it possible for them in the meantime.

So it's far from ideal, and TBH it is discrimination, but some people may need to discriminate to make it possible for them to go to the dentist with where they are at now. FWIW I'm not sure I like that either, but it is what it is.


TLDR: Life is complex and messy and people are complex and messy - sometimes we have to come up with imperfect but best-we-can-manage-in-the-situation solutions. Live and let live is my rule...applies in both directions!
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Re: Male or female dentist?

I've had good with both. I have "mom issues" my mother was always very harsh and negative and said awful things to me. Really didn't have a ton of females growing up that were good nice influence so I tend to feel more comfortable with male providers.. BUT i've had good and awful of each!! The one dentist that gave me my dignity back and was SO compassionate , the first one to be was a woman dentist. I used to walk in covering my mouth and she would tell me , I have abeautiful smile I shouldn't have to cover it. Because of her compassion she gave me the courage to get my bottom horrible teeth out and new dentures in. I will always rememberand thank God for her. But I love my new dentist I found now that is malle.. very compassionate too.
 
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Melvina

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Re: Male or female dentist?

My next dentist, I hope, is going to be a male. The last female dentist I went to treated me like a child. I didn't like that.

I don't like female dentists either as I went to a few dental nurses when I was little & they were extremely nasty & mean, I was only 4 & was crying when having a filling done & they didn't even care, finally Mum took me home before they had finished, now I am 43 I don't like them still & have a darling of a male dentist & he said he will do the hygienist job too & then he moved to another dentist place a wee bit further from where I live & you know what I changed too, & we get on like a house on fire, I do NOT do female dentists or hygienists, never will either
 

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