• Dental Phobia Support

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Scared out of my mind

A

Anxiousasallheck_

Junior member
Joined
Jan 19, 2023
Messages
17
Location
California
Hi. I’m new here. I’ve checked periodically over the years on this forum just to tell myself that I’m not the only person on the world that feels the way I do. I’m incredibly embarrassed to even say this to a bunch of strangers-I will be turning 45 in a week and I haven’t been to the dentist since I was very young. I remember telling my mom when I was like in middle school that I felt I should go…and she basically ignored me or made some snarky comment…
My parents were much older than al my friends parents at that time (and even now) so it was a different generation…I don’t want to blame them for everything!
Somewhere from middle school to high school my general anxiety got ridiculously out of control (and never got better) so I have an irrational fear of the dentist. As I got older my bottom teeth got worse…I think about them 24/7. I don’t even know how I have friends and a family with how bad my teeth are! I feel ashamed and like a horrible person for not handling them sooner.
Jump to me cracking a tooth and it falling out recently..no pain. I have been looking for dental phobia friendly dentists and I think I found one…but I am TERRIFIED. Like I read some of these stories and I’m like omg…will I be able to cope?!? I feel the dentist will take one look and run, screaming. Plus tell me there is no hope for me.
Any advice or just general conversation would be appreciated. Thanks!
 
Plus tell me there is no hope for me.

This, my friend, is where I must disagree: not only is there hope, there is every reason for hope.

I am glad you posted, and hope you feel welcome.

We are only as sick as our secrets, so we’ll done for getting all that out.

You are, indeed, facing some difficult situations. Fortunately, you wholly admit to what is happening, so you’re ahead of lots of people.

Posting here is a step on your journey to dental happiness. You may not believe it this minute, but trust me that you are further along in this journey than you realize.

Please do keep us posted.
 
@Anxiousasallheck_ Don't be embarrassed, I think you are actually really normal. I heard from a dentist once that they thought half of all americans don't ever see the dentist. I didn't go myself for 19 years(maybe 20) and I have seen lots of people on here that have not gone to a dentist longer than either me or you. I don't think the dentist will freak out and run if they are identifying themself as a phobic patient friendly dentist, I think that is about the opposite of what a phobia friendly dentist would do. My general advice is it is often the anticipation that is worst, and it can come as relief to finally go in and get it over with. After my 19 year break I found someone who promoted themself on their website as welcoming patients who hadn't seen a dentist in a long time, which worked out pretty well for me, that might be a good kind of dentist for you too.
 
I just want you (those who have responded so far) to know how much your responses have meant. Like truly!!! Thank you so much for your kind comforting words. They help..it funny how words on a screen can make a person feel better! ✨♥️
 
@Anxiousasallheck_ Hi there, I am new to this forum and I am in a very similar situation to you! It's been a very long time and I also recently chipped a tooth (twice, because like an idiot I chew ice and hard candy). I am dealing with a ton of health anxiety right now (not for the first time), but I am working my way up to one of the first things to do which is find a gentle dentist. In addition to not going to the dentist I took terrible care of my teeth and have been thinking a lot about gum disease which I know is one of the things they can address with lasers now.
Anyhow I may start my own post but wanted to chime in here. I was glad to read your post!
 
@walkingguy…right there with you. I have been having some back and forth email conversation with a dental office this past week…the fact they have been taking the time to answer my questions and have such patience is a good sign to me…my only concern is they seem to only do oral sedation with drugs…so not a complete sleep…not sure how that works…BUT I’m trying really hard to NOT over think everything. Last week was horrible anxiety wise…so I’m trying to just stay a little more grounded.
(Hopefully!!) I’m sending you all the positive vibes that you find a great dentist as well!!!!
 
@Anxiousasallheck_ You are making some huge steps. I know you're nervous about all of this. And am pleased that you are talking to the dentist. Be open with him. Tell him about your fears of the anesthesia. That you're worried that you can only have certain types at his office
Id had 3 teeth extracted in 2020 and had nitrous oxide for the first time. I really did well with that type of anesthesia.

I had a tooth extracted 3 weeks ago at my dentist, but he doesnt offer the nitrous. He did say that i could use Xanax or Valium before the appt and he'd be sure i was very numb. I did take Xanax and was comfortable for the procedure. My dentist took his time, and kept asking me if i was doing ok. That is important for us who are dental phobic. That the dentist doesnt rush, and asks us if we are ok. It made me feel more in control of the situation
 
@Anxiousasallheck_ Hi there, I am new to this forum and I am in a very similar situation to you! It's been a very long time and I also recently chipped a tooth (twice, because like an idiot I chew ice and hard candy). I am dealing with a ton of health anxiety right now (not for the first time), but I am working my way up to one of the first things to do which is find a gentle dentist. In addition to not going to the dentist I took terrible care of my teeth and have been thinking a lot about gum disease which I know is one of the things they can address with lasers now.
Anyhow I may start my own post but wanted to chime in here. I was glad to read your post!
walking guy, I feel exactly the same. I posted last week that I chipped a front tooth a while ago (fell off my bike when some idiot on a scooter clipped off me) ended up in the ED of the local hospital, had a busted lip that need to be sutured and had to receive a tetanus shot - Gordon one of the dentists on here said that going by my description, it’s likely that my tooth will be composite bonded (couple of people I know have seen my front tooth and have said that would be most likely the case - including my Aunt, she said it’s a really simple procedure. My upcoming appointment is on Wednesday 19th April, and I also have a ton of anxiety right now. I’m literally terrified as this appointment is just over two weeks or so away. As I said in my initial post, I’m dragging myself to the dentist for that appointment but somewhere in the back of my mind I’m telling myself it won’t be that bad as I’m convincing myself it will be. Really think the way I’m thinking is totally irrational, as it’s likely the dentist will bond my front tooth, also likely I won’t be numbed for the procedure! I get where you are coming from regarding anxiety, I’m dealing with it now as obviously this appointment is upcoming. I’m sure I’ll be fine but I’ll be a shaking mess leaving the house and heading over to the dental office on the 19th, but I’ll be really polite to the staff over there when I arrive. Totally agree, anxiety is so difficult to deal with.
 
First off, welcome to this wonderful forum, a place where you can be honest with yourself and people who are just like you, I can speak from experience that it takes a lot of guts to come on here and tell people your story. And I know that taking that first step of that first appointment is always the hardest, but as others who have replied, have stated before very often, the anticipation of your appointment is much worse than the appointment it self so try not to beat yourself up too much. You are doing great and are well on your way to a happier smile.

And please do keep us posted.
 
The anticipation is the worst, just know they will not judge you and want to help you with your teeth issues. I didn't go for many years, went back 20 years ago as i needed my wisdom teeth out. Just take it slowly and tell the dentist what you are ready to deal with(the most important) and to space out treatment if that what helps you, it works for me. Find things that calm you- music, taking something along for good luck or bring a friend/family with you to wait in the waiting room. I've worked my way to feeling better, but still have a way to go before i will be comfortable, over the years, and just had 3 fillings done yesterday. I've had two root canals and crowns done and never thought i'd be able to do that or get 3 wisdom teeth out, but got brave and did it for my health. Also, reward yourself as you make an appt., go to appt. and when you get the things done- doesn't have to be anything big but something that makes you feel good. Tell yourself you are brave and you can do this and listen to modivational videos online. Your mind likes to make you things the worst but try to be positive and will be over before you know it. :)
 
The anticipation is the worst, just know they will not judge you and want to help you with your teeth issues. I didn't go for many years, went back 20 years ago as i needed my wisdom teeth out. Just take it slowly and tell the dentist what you are ready to deal with(the most important) and to space out treatment if that what helps you, it works for me. Find things that calm you- music, taking something along for good luck or bring a friend/family with you to wait in the waiting room. I've worked my way to feeling better, but still have a way to go before i will be comfortable, over the years, and just had 3 fillings done yesterday. I've had two root canals and crowns done and never thought i'd be able to do that or get 3 wisdom teeth out, but got brave and did it for my health. Also, reward yourself as you make an appt., go to appt. and when you get the things done- doesn't have to be anything big but something that makes you feel good. Tell yourself you are brave and you can do this and listen to modivational videos online. Your mind likes to make you things the worst but try to be positive and will be over before you know it. :)
Thanks for the information/ support.

I’m going to my dentist in less than 2 weeks (regarding my chipped front tooth) re : my accident a while back when a scooter ran into me on my bike. Just to remind you I had a busted lip and had to get a tetanus shot in my local hospital so the dentist couldn’t sort my tooth out initially.

My local dentist is about a 2 or 3 minute walk from my house (across a main road) - my neighbourhood is literally around the corner, so I don’t see the practice until I walk around the corner. I had to go run an errand earlier today, so I walked past their office - pretty much had an internal panic attack - i am TERRIFIED about going in for my appointment in a couple of weeks. Not going to lie. Was in another local dentist a few years back so I haven’t been for ages so this incident has forced me. It’s out of my hands tooth has to be sorted. Also, I’m generally sleeping reasonably okay in recent days but I’m waking up sometimes in terror, because it’s constantly on my mind,which is incredibly irrational because I’ve been told sorting the tooth is going to be a bonding exercise.

A friend of mine said the practice should be contacting me in about a week to confirm. He said if they don’t for me to call them - due in on the Wednesday morning, so I’ll call them a couple of days beforehand on the Monday. My friend said I’ll most probably have to remind them regarding the incident and it might be a good idea to admit that I’m really anxious so i think I will. Won’t do any harm if they know that when i arrive for the appointment. 👍🏻
 
@nutzforcats I just saw this response. Thank you. I just started a new post where I’m a giant fraud and didn’t make it to my appointment I was suppose to have in February…then rescheduled for March and that time I didn’t even call and God.I felt like a real sh*t person. Like really really bad, my stomach hurts just thinking of how crappy it was to go back and forth with the office manager and then just leave them high and dry. I was ashamed. I still am. I try to reason with myself but it doesn’t help that my anxiety has always been out of control regarding everything. Oye I’m a mess.
But again…coming on here and being honest….it helps. Truly.
 
I'm in the same boat. My anxiety is threw the roof. As I text this I'm dealing with an abscess in my upper jaw that's kinda spread to my eye a little. It hurts so bad. But I can't make my self do what I need to do for some reason.. I feel I would rather let the infection kill me than go to the doctor. I don't want anyone to see me. It's embarrassing. All puffed up. So I know your feeling. And your not alone
 
@kristoefur ya know…you should go to virtuwell or one of those other online doctors. I am not saying it replaces a real doctor visit or that you should continue to avoid any necessary care BUT I myself have used the online doctors before to get antibiotics. I mean, better to help yourself before you get a horrible infection. I find that doing this is easier for my anxiety. I do go to doctors visitors but god damn-dentists terrify me!!! I think it’s a control issue…ya know? Like you’re just there in a chair and they are controlling everything near your face!! Terrifying!!
 
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