Terrified of being judged by a dentist (VERY LONG!!)

[Sparklingfairy]

Be warned, this is very long and full of rambling!!

Hello! I'm new here, I'm really struggling with myself over this and have no idea what to do to get through it!

I'm 18 years old, and through my 18 years of life I've never really looked after my teeth atall well, they've never looked great, and I haven't visited a dentist for maybe 6-7 years, so that teamed with brushing rarely has taken a bit of toll on my teeth!

Another factor is my also 6-7 year history of eating disorders. I've been struggling with anorexia nervosa (restrictive type) so over the years, and still, I'm quite undernourished which obviously hasn't helped my teeth!

now, I know there are much worsen teeth out there, but to me they're the worst ever! They're very yellow (this is more obvious because of how pale I am), the enamel is quite translucent (my teeth still feel quite 'thick' if that makes sense?) but the two teeth that are either side of the two front teeth are a lot weaker, particularly the one on my right side, they're/it quite dull in colour and I'm fearing that they/it may fall out at anytime! I think there may be a lump (is it called an absess?) above the right one too which is causing discomfort, i thnk that's what is making it feel like its going to fall out... and then the two teeth either side of those two are higher up in my mouth than the rest like fangs and they sort of stick out because of it!!! I don't have any black on any teeth that I'm aware of though. Also, one of those 'higher up sticky out' teeth has a serious crack at the very top on the gum line... For now I've put temporary filling in it as it hurt when toothpaste got in it, but I'm also scared that may fall out at any time too

I'm honestly scared to smile/talk and opening my mouth because of how awful my teeth look... It's seriously getting me down. I have depression and have been on antidepressants for a few years, but being so self conscious/paranoid/embarrassed/ashamed/scared of how my teeth look, I'm starting to feel quite hopeless and it's honestly making me want to just die (sorry if that sounds overdramatic, it's just how I feel) it's honestly taking over my life... I keep crying because of how horrid my teeth look, it's literally all I can think about! To put that in perspective, I'ts currently 4:04am and I've been awake since 3:30am thinking about my teeth, I even dreamt about it all! I'm also scared to eat... Not just because of my issues with food, but I'm scared of knocking the teeth out by crunching or something!!

I'm also scared of going to the dentist and him judging me on what my teeth look like and how I've let then get like they are. I'm scared he won't do anything because they're so bad, or there'll be nothing he can do for them I'm going to try and register at a new dentist and get an emergency appointment, I'm still nervous of having to wait months for one though!

another thing I'm scared of is the cost of treatment, even though I see an NHS dentist and always have done, I doubt he'll do any work that's needed on the NHS, and money isn't great; I have a history of fainting/having seizures, and as a result I claim disability living allowance and only do voluntary work. However the £296 a month is pretty much all split between paying my mum to let me live at home, and public transport (I may have £20 for a new jumper or something, but that won't pay for dental work!) so I won't be able to afford expensive treatment

im so scared/confused/frustrated and depressed about all this and i feel really lost and worried, and apart from trying to get an appointment at the dentist for asap, I don't know what to do with myself in the meantime...

Thanks for reading (if you got this far!)

 

[carole]

Hi to the forum.

I understand how you feel as will many people on here. I don't eat certain foods either because I have always been afraid of my teeth breaking.

You shouldn't have to wait months for an appointment. You should also get treatment free of charge if you are on certain benefits, take the letter with you that says what benefit you are on and they will do the rest.

The dentist won't judge you or make you feel uncomfortable, if they do then leave and don't go back, find another one. The first visit is for a chat and if you feel you can cope a look around your teeth to see what treatment is best to get your teeth and mouth nice and healthy again. They will be able to do something to get you out of pain and give you a smile back.

Explain how you feel, they will understand. They will do their best to make you feel at ease. Think of it this way without us needing treatment they wouldn't be able to do their job. If everyone had perfect teeth then that would just bore them to death too. You will be able to discuss what they think you need and come up with a treatment plan together. You must work at a pace you feel you can cope with and not feel you need to agree to more treatment in one appointment than you can handle.

They will not do any treatment on the first app unless you want it, even then it is unusual. As time goes on and you get to know each other having treatment and attending appointments becomes a lot easier, this will sound impossible to you right now but you can over a short time frame come to trust and relax with your dentist. They may also do an x ray on the first appointment. You can have an exam with just a mirror if you are afraid of the pointy tool (probe).

You can email the dentist to explain how you feel and ask if they can help you if that is easier for you.

You do not have the worst teeth that they have seen. Once you get your mouth back to health it is easier to maintain your teeth and gums and future appointments will be very easy to deal with as often they will just be a check up, and any treatments will be very small jobs if any.

Good luck to you I hope you manage to make an appointment soon and get the peace of mind you need.

You are not alone with this now, there is always someone on here to give you support and encouragement and we all understand how you feel and how depressing our mouths can have us feel at times. Let us know how you get on please

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

Hi there Sparklingfairy.

I'll second everything carole said. You are definitely not alone, and you're not a bad person just because you have bad teeth. All of the problems you described can be fixed and made healthy in one way or another, and there are lots of caring, compassionate dentists out there who won't judge or scold you. Dental work these days is not painful at all, and I can tell you that life get so much better once you have someone helping you fix your teeth up.

Up until about a year ago, my life was like yours. My teeth were crumbling and breaking and I was so ashamed and embarrassed, and I constantly worried about losing my teeth, and I was terrified of going to the dentist. I hadn't brushed them at all for almost 20 years! When I found my current dentist, she was so kind and compassionate, and treated me like a normal person even though I felt like a terrible freak because of the state of my teeth. Finding out that I could be treated with respect and without pain has changed my life.

You can find a dentist who is kind, and he or she will help you figure out a plan to fix your smile and get out of pain. I know that feels completely impossible, but you can do it. Check out the journals and success stories here, and you'll find that lots of us have managed to overcome our dental fear and get back on track. You don't have to live like this.

Also feel free to vent, rant, ask questions, share your worries, etc. Everyone here has been through it, or is going through it, and we'll help you move forward.

Here's a few more hugs, because you need them and deserve them:

 

[Sparklingfairy]

Hello to you!! Thankyou so much for you kindness and support! I appreciate it so much!
Ive had an appointment at the dentist today, and unfortunately I don't feel very happy atall

I was very nervous and cried a bit whilst I was in there, apparently I need two fillings, but apart from that nothing else was said... I don't feel anything was explained and I don't really have any idea what's happening apart from I need two fillings! I think he said about 5 words maximum to me, he checked my mouth and took two x-rays, but I feel really down and can't stop crying, I feel really lost and confused I'm not even sure why really! My teeth are not absolutely awful, but I feel they look bad and today hasn't made me feel any better, I'm so self conscious to open my mouth when talking and laughing, I think that's what's getting me down most, because I'm so pale, it makes the fact that my teeth are pretty yellow more obvious, and (I think I said before) the teeth two away from the front and higher up/stick out like fangs, and that makes me not want to open my mouth, but I'm guessing there's nothing that can be done for that apart from paying probably hundreds and hundreds to have them removed and have false one fitted, which I won't be able to afford, I had to pay £20 today for the examination/x-rays, then after the 2 fillings I have to pay another £29, and that's panicked me a bit, because I know I definitely won't be able to afford anything that will make my teeth look better! However, if I start claiming to benifits I'm entitled to (I claim disability living allowance already, plus because of my eating disorder/mental and physical health i can't work at the moment) provided they are covered in the NHS charge exemption list I'll be able to get a refund, so I guess that's a small positive thing! I'm not going back for the fillings until 22nd and 29th November though

he did tell me I should try and avoid sugar as much as possible, does this mean I should completely avoid it? I don't eat meals only small snacks like cereal bars etc which are sugary but I'm in the process of finding some help with my eating issues, including a dietician, so that may shed some light! What do you guys think I should try and eat/avoid?

i feel so down I know I've only got myself to blame for the damage to my teeth, I guess I just need to accept it and live with these horrible teeth as the consequence of my actions

thank you so much!!

 

[Sparklingfairy]

I feel so awfull, I can't stop crying! I mentioned in the original post that the tooth on the right side of my mouth next to my front one looks grey ish like it may be dying, and it feels weak like its going to fall out, and I've just told my mum who said that it won't otherwise the dentist would have said, but because it was such a short appointment and not much was said, I really don't think he would have... I can feel it without touching it with my tongue; honestly it feel like it could fall out anytime and I'm so so scared, I literally can't stop crying! I'm scared to eat it drink anything atall because I don't want to make my teeth worse!!

I'm really struggling to cope

 

[vicki]

Hi

So sorry you didn't have a very positive experience for your first appointment...



Your first appointment with a new dentist (whether they're NHS or private) is a chance for you to get to know them, for them to get to know you and also for them to have a good look at your mouth and then recommend any treatment that might be needed. If your dentist does recommend any treatment, then they are supposed to discuss this with you as well as the options available, so that you can make an informed decision about your treatment. Your appointment is meant to be a two-way thing where they discuss things with you, but from what you've said, it doesn't sound like this is what happened, especially if the dentist didn't really speak to you .

The problem with NHS dentists is that because of the pressures on them to see as many patients as possible, they don't really have much time to spend with individual patients as they would like (and as much time as patients sometimes need). The result is that some places offer very quick and rushed new patient and checkup appointments, where you can sometimes feel as though you're like a can of peas on a production line . Not all dentists are like this though; there are some very good NHS dentists, who will take the time you need to explain and discuss things with you as well as making sure that you feel comfortable and that you understand what's happening.

I know this is probably the last thing that you want to do, but what about contacting other NHS dentists in your area and seeing whether they are accepting new patients and then if so, arrange another new patient appointment and see what they say. You might find things are very different at another practice - if you have a read of the stories on this forum, you'll read posts from people who have had similar experiences as you and you'll also come across posts from people who have found a really good NHS dentist and things have worked out really well for them.

Although I go to a private practice now, before I changed practices, I used to go to quite a large NHS practice where the dentists never really stayed more than a couple of years and so it meant that I saw quite a few different dentists whilst I was a patient there. Most of them were newly or fairly recently qualified and most of them were under so much pressure to get through their list of patients, that they couldn't even remember my name when I walked through the door (the only reason that they did remember was because they looked at their computer before I walked in). Out of the 6 or 7 dentists I saw in all the time I was a patient at the practice, there was only really one who actually treated me as a human being and made an effort to make sure that I was OK and didn't make me feel bad for being scared.

Going private doesn't always guarantee you a better experience, but it what it does usually mean is that the dentist has more time to spend with you and there is usually a lot more choice when it comes to materials and treatment options. Earlier this year, my dentist (who is really nice) referred me to a local Endodontist because a root canal I'd had done at the previous practice needed re-treating. I was reassured by my dentist that this endodontist was really nice and patient and was really good at working with nervous patients. When I went for the appointment, he turned out to be absolutely awful; he was rude, impatient, rough and made it very clear that he had no time for people who were nervous or who asked questions (and I was seeing him as a private patient!! ). I was absolutely devastated afterwards and was in floods of tears on my way home in the car. I was that upset, that my mum had to drive my car because I was still shaking really badly.

Fortunately, I managed to get a recommendation from someone else for another endodontist who was a bit further away, but who was very highly recommended. I arranged another initial consultation and went to the appointment. As I was sat in the waiting room, I was so terrified because of what had happened with the first person I'd been referred to, that I was on the point of running out, when the dentist came in, introduced himself and said we would go upstairs to his office for a chat. I am so glad that I went to see someone else for a second opinion and treatment, because he turned out to be the nicest, kindest and most patient dentist I've met. I was treated as a normal person and never once made to feel bad for being scared. He answered all my questions very patiently; no matter how silly I thought they were or how much I shook or stuttered because I was terrified in the beginning.

When we have problems with our teeth and maybe haven't been to see a dentist for a few years, many people (including me!) do tend to worry a lot about what *might* be wrong and all the treatment that *might* be needed. Only a dentist can really tell you for sure, so if you're worried, please do consider getting a second opinion. We have a database of dentists who have been recommended by other members and you can find it here (click on your country and then the region): https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/forum/forums/dentist-reviews.25/

Unfortunately most of these recommendations are private dentists, however there are NHS recommendations for some areas. You could also search the NHS website. If you click on Dentists and enter your postcode, it will bring up a list of NHS dentists in your area. The information on the NHS website isn't always that up to date, so it's worth giving a few practices a call to find out whether they're accepting new patients.

I don't know whether you've seen it or not, but we have a page with some information about finding a dentist here:

How to find a dentist for nervous patients

Discover how to find a dentist who is good with nervous, scared or phobic patients - and who to avoid!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Avoiding or at least limiting your intake of sugar is a good idea, especially if you're prone to tooth decay. Other foods such as fruit (fruit sugars and acids), acidic foods and fizzy drinks can also contribute to tooth erosion and tooth decay, we have more information here which might help:

How to prevent and stop tooth decay

Find out how to prevent tooth decay and how to stop existing decay from getting worse.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Acid erosion

Dental erosion is the loss of enamel caused by acid attacks. Find out how to prevent this common problem, and what can be done to fix it!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

It's great that you're getting help for your eating issues . A Dietician should be able to help you with a sensible and manageable diet for you which also looks after your teeth . I know it's easier said than done, but there's no point in blaming yourself for what's happening now. We've all done and not done things that we should or shouldn't have, but it's in the past. What matters is that you're wanting to make things better now and with the help of the right dentist, you will be able to do that. It might take a bit of time (and a lot of courage...), but you'll get there

 

[Sparklingfairy]

Hi vicki!!

Thankyou for your reply! I'm strongly considering finding another NHS dentist for asap (I may be overreacting, but I honestly feel like at least one of my teeth are going to fall out!) I'm just worried about the cost really, £20-£30 here and there isn't too bad, but I'm just thinking if I have to keep finding new dentists or if they find other things the one I saw today didn't mention, the cost will be more and what with being 18 and medically unable to work due to my current mental/physical health I only have my disability living allowance to live on at the moment! But thankyou for sharing your experience, I'm glad you managed to find a caring/understanding dentist! It's reassuring to know it is possible! Just out of interest, how much more did you pay when you went private compared with the NHS? If its bit too much difference I may aswell look into a private dentist... I looked on the links you provided, and the one with the reccomended dentists to a specific area cane up with one wgich is highly recommended in the post, and is practically just behind my house! Its a bit of a shame that for over 18's you're automatically 'going private' whereas under 18's are considered NHS patients; if only I'd been bothered to seek help before my 18th birthday (which was 4 months ago now) One more thing, if I do go to another dentist, should I keep my 2 appointments for my fillings with this dentist or cancel them? and would that be possible?

I'm laying on my bed overthinking about all of this, I think what I'm after is cosmetic dentistry... It's more I'm ashamed of how they look than an actual dental problem (although I do have quite a hole In one tooth that needs a filling and there's another that needs a filling too) but the 'fangs' are an insecurity rather than something a dentist can treat, if I'm making sense? Like my 'ideal dream' would be that a dentist would pull the 4 bad ones either side of my front teeth and fit false ones (I'm not sure how that would work with the 'fangs' as obviously their place in. The gum line is fixed isn't it??) and for them to be whitened, however I'm imagining this would cost hundreds if not thousands! and I doubt a dentist would do that anyway, which makes me sad because then I'll have to live with them (I'm incredibly sorry if I'm starting to come across as vain, it's just my self asteem and my body image is extremely poor without having to now be depressed about how my teeth look!!)

im wondering, how would anyone feel about me attaching a photo of my teeth so that you'll be able to see what I'm saying (I'm not atall saying no one understands what I'm saying atall, because you all do and I'm very very grateful for the support and kindness, but I'm not sure i can explain my situation with words very well... I completely understand if you don't want to be grossed out though!!)




This is quite a long shot, and I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place, but I'll try for now!, if there's anyone out there who has experience/struggling/struggled in the past with mental health issues, especially depression or eating disorders, would you mind getting in touch with me? I could do with some advice regarding my plan of action treatment-wise

HUUUUUGE hugs and thanks to you all for your advice and kindness!! I appreciate it massively!

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

You're doing good, Sparklingfairy. This is all a lot of stuff to deal with at the same time.

BUT, you managed to come on here and tell your story and ask for advice, and you managed to make and keep a dental appointment, and (although you might not believe it yet) you learned that you don't have any serious health issues with your teeth.

Unfortunately, you found a dentist who was too busy or wasn't very friendly or didn't understand your concerns, or some combination of these. The fact that he didn't have much to say about your teeth actually means that there's nothing very wrong with them (with a set of x-rays and a look inside your mouth, a dentist can pretty fully evaluate you in just a few minutes). But it sure would have helped if he'd told you that, instead of leaving you to wonder if "no news is good news." But it is. The color of a tooth has nothing to do with its health or stability. So your grey tooth might look ugly to you, but if it were actually at risk, he would have told you.

If you go back to this dentist or another, you might want to write out a list of your concerns and the things you want to talk about, and hand that to the dentist. It's pretty common to get intimidated or tongue-tied when the doctor is in the room, but you deserve to be able to have a conversation about these issues, even if he's busy. I've had teeth that I was all worried about, and having the dentist explain to me why they weren't a problem was a huge help. Since it's such a huge cause of anxiety for you, it's worth finding a dentist who makes you feel comfortable and who you feel you can talk to.

Now, there's this thing that we all do, which is sitting around supposing what may or may not happen with our teeth, and what is and isn't possible to fix. I think (based on what your dentist found) that you're right about most of your needs being cosmetic. There's a huge range of things that can be done cosmetically to straighten, whiten, or obscure teeth you don't like. Some of these might be too expensive for you now, but it's something you can always save towards.

It's not vain to want your teeth to look better, although I'll tell you that teeth (like most personal appearance things) are something we all think everyone notices way more than they do. I had teeth that were literally crumbling apart, and I figured everyone saw that. But when I mentioned to some really good friends that I was getting my teeth fixed up, they had no idea that I had anything wrong with my teeth. It's just not something people focus on as much as we think. But that doesn't stop us from obsessing about our own!

You are welcome to post photos of your teeth here. Lots of people do, and we won't be grossed out.

It's entirely up to you whether you get your fillings done at this dentist or another. I'm not hearing that you're afraid of this dentist or concerned about him; just that he's not very friendly. So I'd be inclined to tell you to keep the current appointments, just to get these issues taken care of, rather than waiting. But it doesn't make much difference. You can have this dentist do the fillings even if you plan to see another dentist, or you could cancel the appointment and wait to find another dentist. It's all the same to the dentists.

 

[carole]

Hi I don't understand why they have taken money from you, did you take your entitlement forms with you to show the dentist of what benefits you are on. I am almost sure you shouldn't pay. On the nhs website it will tell you a list of prices and also the exemptions from charges.

You don't have to go back to this dentist ever if you don't want to. You could look for another dentist and keep the appointments in case you don't find one before the app's. Even after having one filling done you still don't have to go back.

I do think even for an nhs dentist half a dozen words is good enough. Did he even have a smile for you when you met him.

It is your decision to make whether or not to see this dentist or go somewhere else. Do you have a dental hospital near you, sometimes they treat patients without a referral.

Ask the dentist about the teeth you are worried about and let who ever you decide to see for treatment put your mind at rest. I used to have a dentist who just grunted at me when I asked anything and it left me feeling just as you are doing convinced that my teeth were going to break or fall out or something, goodness know what was going to happen that wasn't good.

I don't know about advising you about your diet, maybe someone will be along soon to help with that. I will say that to try and stay off carbonated drinks like cola as they are not good at all for teeth, works wonderful on cleaning old pennies though.

Don't brush your teeth for about an hour after eating anything as the enamel softens when we eat and if we brush too soon we can do damage. Get some glide floss and try flossing daily. Don't worry if your gums bleed sometimes they do when we first use floss, they soon toughen up.

My dentist advised me to brush, with an electric toothbrush twice a day for at least 2 mins, mine is an oral b and often they are on offer for half price, if you cannot afford one a soft small headed tooth brush is good. Using gentle circular movements on each tooth front back and along the top will make sure you get all the spots you need to. Use mouth wash at lunch time, an alternative that is brilliant and probably does more good is a salt water rinse, as often as you wish to use it. You just need a teaspoon of salt in a glass of luke warm water to make the rinse.

A piece of cheese is very good for cleaning the teeth after eating, you only need a small wedge like the size of those little butter packs you get in a cafe.

I would say that this is posted in the correct place for the support you are wanting.

If you would like a dentist on here to answer you about anything then post your question with photos included on the dentist questions section on here. You are also free to post pics on this thread too.

I think on the diet front it is best to eat what you feel you can, as you are seeing a dietician they are best placed to help you, although in general fresh home made is normally pretty safe.

Just deal with one thing at once as things crop up.

Most important, TAKE A BREATH and relax you have just made a massive step in going to see a dentist and getting help for your other problems. So now give yourself a weekend off and put everything out of your mind as much as you can. Give your self permission not to worry about teeth and diets for a couple of days.

You will find much support on here and there are a whole range of problems that people have suffered from on here as well as dental troubles and nerves. Feel free to pm me anytime if you wish to.

By the way CONGRATULATIONS on getting an appointment and going to see the dentist. Give yourself a big pat on the back, a gold star and a very loud WhooooooooooooooooooooooHooooooooooooooooo

 

[Sparklingfairy]

Hello everyone!

Two things before I do a main reply; Carole, could I send you that pm? There's something urgent I need advice on and I'm not sure where else to turn!

secondly, I'd really appreciate any advice on what to eat in regards to my teeth. I'm aware none of you are experts or dieticians, but honestly, any words of advice will be hugely valued and appreciated!

I'm currently (and have been for almost 7 years) struggling with Anorexia nervosa, but don't panic!! I'm not asking for advice in regards to that!

Im honestly scared to eat or drink anything atall through fear of making my teeth look worse... They're pretty yellow and the enamel is pretty thin, and the dentist has told me to avoid sugar as much as possible, now, my thinking is that even carbohydrate like bread and savoury carbohydrate things that don't actually contain sugar, will have the same affect? Or is this just paranoia do you think?

its 1:15 in the afternoon as I'm typing this, and I've eaten nothing solid, only a milky coffee which I drank through a straw, and I regret even that because I know that coffee can cause staining of the teeth!

so even just anyone's opinion on what I could eat that wont make my teeth any worse would help!

Thankyou all so much once again for your continued advice and support! I'll do a proper reply and update later on today!

 

[Sparklingfairy]

Hello again everyone! I'm just going to attachable photo of my teeth, I'm incredibly sorry that you're going to see them; I'm extremely embarrassed by them, so now you'll understand why! Sorry for my nose in the photo! Also, make sure you open the photo as a web page rather than the little thumbnail photo that comes up when you first click on the file, because I've noticed that makes the photo look stretched and not what the photo actually looks like!

as you'll see, the enamel is quite thin, and they are very very yellow! You'll also see what I mean about the teeth either side of my front teeth being very dull in colour, and the one on my right (it'll be the left one in the photo) is going black and there's a small lump on the gum a bit above that tooth, however you won't be able to see that in the photo.

the third and possibly the most embarrassing (or AS embarrassing as the colour) are my fangs! But my mum thinks they're a generic issue that I've inherited from my dad who also has them, and are probably not due to my poor care of my teeth and the damage caused by my eating disorder over the years, which I suppose is a little reassuring to know, however they are still there, and are still ruining my life and making me cry!!

does anyone know what a dentist may say if I ask what can be done about my 'fangs'? I've decided I'm going to pay to get my teeth professionally whitened in the near future, I am going to ask my dentist first however! And I think that will give me a little more confidence, it's just the 'fangs' that prevent me from laughing/smiling, it's even got to the point where if I think I've 'smiled or laughed with my teeth', I'm apologising for it! And it's very depressing

thankyou for reading this and looking at the photo, I'm so sorry you have to see it, it's taken massive amounts of guts and courage to post it, I hope you not too horrified, I'm so scared of what you're all going to think

 

[Sparklingfairy]

I literally cannot stop sobbing because I'm so scared about losing this tooth (see picture above, it's the one next to my front tooth on the left side of the photo, but it's my right side if that makes sense!)

it feels uncomfortable, not painful, I can just feel it, and the gum above the tooth is a little blue/purple ish, not massively but a bit, and there's a small lump there as I've mentioned before.

i am TERRIFIED that its dead/dying and it's either going to fall out, or the dentist will want to pull it out so that I'll be left with a gap right at the front of my mouth!! I'm so scared I literally cannot stop crying!

My dad is going to take me back to the dentist Tuesday morning as his dentist will be there then (he's apparently much much better and nicer than the one I saw) to see if I can have an appointment with him, but I'm guessing I'll have to wait, and I think psychologically I won't be able to cope, I'm not sure I'm going to get through until Tuesday without having a breakdown!

EDIT: I'm so sorry if I'm putting anyone off by sounding so depressed

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

I took at look at your picture, and I don't think your teeth look bad at all!

You have to remember that the *health* of your teeth is completely independent of the *appearance* of your teeth. Only an x-ray and a dentist can tell you about the health of the tooth. I have a tooth that I think is all diminished and at-risk, but my dentist has assured me it's perfectly fine. On the other hand, I have some teeth that seem fine, but my dentist showed me on the x-rays that they needed work in order to save. Definitely ask your dentist (or have your dad ask) about this particular tooth, and he can tell you what's going on. But really, if you first dentist didn't mention it, it's fine.

I want to repeat that, because it's important. The way your teeth look, visually, has NOTHING to do with how they actually are, health-wise. A tooth can be stained and ugly, and still be perfectly healthy.

Appearance-wise, I think your teeth look pretty decent too. Even the canines, frankly. Canines always kind of look fang-like; that's their job! But if you want to blend in the front teeth to look more "picket-fence" straight, that's usually something that can be done with crowns or veneers. I'm not a dentist, but I don't see anything that would require serious work to look "better" (whatever that means for you).

Actually, frankly, I think your teeth look about average. Like, I wouldn't see that and think, "Oh my God, what's wrong with her teeth??" I think it's pretty common for us to focus on our least favorite feature, but most people see us for some combination of our personality, our dress, our bodies, our faces, and some other features. Spoken from personal experience, I can say that self-image is one of those things that's really helpful to talk through with a counselor, therapist, or some other objective person. I'm still pretty certain that my image of how other people see me is pretty far off from what the actually see. Sometimes I care way too much about that; other times I'm okay with it.

All of which is to say that, not knowing you personally, I think your teeth look fine. Not Hollywood-perfect, but certainly not hideous either. You'd probably say the same thing about my nose, or my blotchy complexion, or my body shape. Part of life is figuring out what to improve, and what to say, "F*** it, let people think what they may!" I sometimes wish I could go back and tell my insecure self at 18, "Hey, you're a little awkward, but you're doing okay!" I'd say the same thing to you.

As little qualification as I have to give dental advice (no medical training at all, just 100+ hours in the Chair), I have even less experience dispensing psychological advice. But I'd think it might benefit you, if you don't already have one, to have a counselor who can help you process all this anxiety and obsessing and worry. The reason isn't that you're crazy or broken in some way-- I just think that you have a LOT of thoughts racing through your head, and again from personal experience, I know it's really helpful to have someone help you reality-check some of these things, and give you objective advice to keep some of this stuff at bay. We can do a certain amount of that on the forum here, but nothing's really as good as a trained professional. I think you see yourself as being horribly defective in a lot of ways, but from here it really sounds like you're just a pretty typical person who needs a little extra help to work through a lot of complicated circumstances. I really think your teeth look fine, but anonymous people on a website are no substitute for someone helping you believe that yourself.

Oh, about sugar. You can pretty much eat whatever you want if you brush and floss regularly. Sugary drinks like Coke and sugary fatty desserts are pretty unhealthy in lots of ways as part of your regular diet. But a Coke or a dessert once a day won't destroy your teeth or your health. As you have read on this site's article on preventing tooth decay, you can basically eat whatever you want, just allow a few hours in between snacks, and brush your teeth. Since you have some dietary issues already, this is a great thing to talk to your dietitian about. He/she can help you figure out a good balance of foods that promote good dental health, and also give you the calories you need.

By the way, good for you for getting up the courage to not only post your story here, but also your pictures. I NEVER would have been able to do that. Give yourself a big pat on the back for being so brave and courageous, that's a wonderful thing about you that you should be proud of.

 

[carole]

I agree with Steve In Cleveland the fangs don't look bad at all, maybe a brace might help pull them in line. I would not look at your teeth and thing they are terrible, I don't think they look yellow either.

Before you go in for whitening see a hygienist and have a clean done, if your dentist doesn't do it because it is amazing how the teeth lighten sometimes when they do a clean.

I hope your dads dentist is better for you. How brave of you to return so soon. Good for you keep going, you will be able to do this, and one day soon you will be able to smile with confidence

 

[carole]

Here are the links as promised

Soft Food Ideas

Lots of soft food ideas for recovering after tooth extractions or other dental procedures, or when you have dental problems.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

GRUB! (Soft Food Ideas)

:cook: Now, I am not sure if this is the right place to post this, and hopefully someone will put me right if I am a bit off track on that one. For ages now, I have been saying I would be putting up recipes that are easy on the mouth and yummy (hopefully) on the tummy :) So, here is the first...

www.dentalfearcentral.org

What to eat or not after extraction

I hope this is posted in the right place if not gently move me on please. There are a lot of posts on her of people asking what to eat after having teeth out. As this is not something you think about much before having teeth extracted I thought it might be useful to start a thread so people...

www.dentalfearcentral.org

 

[Sparklingfairy]

Hello everyone! Thanks once again for all the support and advice, you are helping a lot!, I just wish I could allow myself to take it in!

im still feeling pretty down down today; the yellowness is too embarrassing and that problem tooth (there's definitely something wrong! The gum above it is still purpleish and the tooth is slightly grey, plus the little lump above the gum is still there, im not sure if its bigger or not) is causing me discomfort, which is getting slightly worse, and I'm so so terrified its going to fall out (it feels weak) or that the dentist will want to pull it out so I'll be left with a gap right at the very front of my mouth If either it falls out or it has to be removed, all the feelings that will evoke, I honestly fear my reaction may be an attempt on my life, as dramatic as that sounds, I know myself and I do honestly believe it could be possible... And I'm TERRIFIED! What if it gets worse?? I can't get to make an appointment with the dentist until Tuesday, and god knows when I'll be able to have an appointment!!! Even as an emergency! I'm so scared I really am!

I could do with some more advice regarding sugar; tommorow I'm travelling up to Liverpool to visit a close friend of mine for the day, (it's a good 4-5 hour drive from where I am in the east of England! But usually me and my dad would go into Starbucks for a drink to take with us before we leave (at 6:00am!!) then I'd have a drink and something to eat when I'm with my friend (usually a cake or something) and sometimes I'd have another drink on the journey home about 6 hours later. So this is obviously going to be ALOT of sugar and teeth damaging stuff! So basically should I not do this and maybe just have a drink and something to eat when I'm with my friend? My dad keeps insisting it'll be fine and to carry on as normal, but I'm too scared!

I'm honestly a nervous wreck because of the state of my teeth the days running up to seeing the dentist about this (whenever I manage to get an appointment) will be extremely long and scary and depressing

Carole: thanks so much for the links! I've had a quick glance at them, but I'll take a proper look later on, I'll also reply to your pm.

Thanks again both of you!

EDIT: I feel truly awful! I'm not sure if its my imagination or not (god knows anymore!) but I'm sure that bad tooth I'm talking about is getting smaller! Like its disolving or rotting or something!!! What if something happens with it or this lump above it?? What can I do in the meantime? I can't express how terrified I am with words anymore!!!

 

[carole]

Hi the tooth won't be shrinking. Wait until you see the dentist and let him have a look and then he can best advice you on the condition of your tooth and the best course of treatment if you need any.
Mention that the colour of your teeth really bothers you and see what he says about that too.

I hope you enjoy your day away to see your friend, your dad is correct continue as normal it will be fine. A cup of coffee is not going to do untold damage to your teeth. As long as you brush twice a day, first thing in the morning and last thing at night properly it will prevent any damage being done.

I think with the other issues you have at the moment in your life it is best to eat little bits often, but the important factor is to eat what you feel you can. Take all and every offer of help and hopefully as you build up your strength you will begin to feel better in yourself.

All the best to you