trying to get the nerve to meet new dentist

[shamrockerin]

So I think I am going to try the dentist that my therapist recommended to me. I am going to call and set up an appointment for sometime next month- hopefully they will be willing to accommodate a meet and greet type of appointment.

I am hoping that since I just had a full set of x-rays and a full exam less than 6 months ago, they won’t make me do everything all over again.

If I go for a meet and greet, I’m not sure what to say/ask/do. I already know the basic stuff, like sitting in the chair and how they polish teeth (the kind of stuff they usually tell little kids on their first visit) and I’m not the kind of person who wants to see all the torture devices tools, so I’m envisioning walking in there, meeting the guy, and then having nothing to say and just staring at each other in silence. I really don’t want to go through every single bad experience I’ve had, and the only things I can think of to help explain my phobia that are accurate and that aren’t outright rude is :”I don’t like being looked at or touched.”

I just don’t know what to say to a dentist that I’m meeting for the first time- anyone willing to share what you’ve said in first meetings that was helpful?

 

[FearfulInMA]

Hi!

I'm not sure that you need to go in with a litany of questions. I think that you can go in, say that you're looking to find a new dentist, and share some of the things that have been helpful for you in the past (with the dentist you liked who retired). From there, if the dentist is one that is good with anxious patients, s/he should be able to take it from there.

You should not need new x-rays (maybe you can get copies of the most recent x-rays to bring with you). If you just really want to meet the dentist and get a sense of her/him, you can also say that you don't want to talk about a treatment plan (I think you still need some fillings, right?) and just try to get a sense of how s/he responds to what I suggested above.

I've been seeing my current dentist for almost 9 years at this point, but I'm pretty sure the first time I went to see him, I said very little. I probably didn't ask any questions. I know I told him I was very anxious and had some ideas of what I needed (didn't want a play-by-play during dental treatment and absolutely needed all needles kept out of sight), but that was probably it. Despite that, I knew pretty quickly by his demeanor and responses that he was a good dentist for me. I guess, for me at least, feeling like I'd found the right dentist wasn't about his answers to my questions, but rather about feeling like he wanted to work with me to get my dental health in order and that I could trust him to work with me in a way that would help me to manage my anxiety.

Fingers crossed for you that this new dentist is the right one for you!

 

[Tink]

Hey - so glad to hear you're going for it!

You know, it's actually OK if a meet-and-greet really is just that. Fearful is right, it can be about just getting an idea of what they are like and how you feel about working with them.

It also sounds like you already do have a clear idea of what sorts of things you do and don't want - so if you feel up to it, tell him those things you just listed in your post! It's OK, there really doesn't need to be loads of it. Chances are (if you want it) your therapist will also be able to speak to the dentist and make sure he's aware of how difficult you find things and how best to help you out.


I've had phone calls with my dentist just to check in and make a point of speaking to each other. I've had appointments which were literally just to sit in the chair for 5 mins and have a chat. I don't even remember what we talked about...most of it wasn't about teeth, just friendly small talk. The idea was about building trust and a relationship. (Or in our case, rebuilding, but that's another story)

There really are no rules or expectations, it's all about what benefits you. And if what benefits you is just to say hi, then that's cool.


ETA: Also worth remembering that there are two people in the conversation, it's not all on you to drive it along - if the dentist is any good, he'll help out with chat, and he may ask a couple of questions if appropriate.

 

[comfortdentist]

X-rays are fine but each doctor has to do their own exam. Sometimes what I'll do is perform a very cursory exam and chat with the patient to better understand their needs from me. Next I'll treat just one tooth so that they learn that I'm actually very gentle and nice then the patient can decide to commit to returning for a proper exam and treatment.
Not the norm but in treating anxious patients you must be flexible.

 

[shamrockerin]

Sometimes what I'll do is perform a very cursory exam and chat with the patient to better understand their needs from me. Next I'll treat just one tooth so that they learn that I'm actually very gentle and nice then the patient can decide to commit to returning for a proper exam and treatment.

I guess this is what I'm hoping for. The dentist that I liked alot and worked well with did this. I'd already had the exam, xrays and all the fillings at the other practice, so when I transferred to him, he did a quick exam. His willingness to work within my comfort zone helped me to trust him very quickly.

I might have to be kind of blunt when I go, like "Look, I know I'm not the best patient. Most dentists want to just refer me to a sedation clinic. I know I can get through cleanings and fillings, it just takes me some time. Are you willing to work with me?"

 

[Tink]

I might have to be kind of blunt when I go, like "Look, I know I'm not the best patient. Most dentists want to just refer me to a sedation clinic. I know I can get through cleanings and fillings, it just takes me some time. Are you willing to work with me?"

Nothing wrong with blunt! "Are you willing to work with me?" is an excellent question to ask, and it gets across the fact that you'd rather work through it than be sedated.

(You're not a "bad patient" though, you're a patient who finds it very challenging - that's different!)

 

[shamrockerin]

(You're not a "bad patient" though, you're a patient who finds it very challenging - that's different!)

heh- I don't know. Maybe I'm not bad after a while, when I've come to trust whatever dentist or Dr. I'm working with, but I know at first I'm very standoff-ish and not very polite. I have trouble making eye contact w/ them and that comes off as rude, too. I remember one of the intake forms for a previous dental office asked "What hobbies do you have?" and I didn't feel like opening up at all so I wrote "why?" or something like that. . .

Once I get to know someone, I can relax a little and even make jokes, but w/ dental stuff it takes an extra long time for that to happen.