S
strangespaces
Junior member
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2019
- Messages
- 2
- Location
- Navarre, Florida
Hey everyone, I am in need of support to deal with my shame that has prevented me from doing something about my teeth for years.
I want to share some stuff about myself, how I let my teeth get bad and what drove me to let them stay bad for this long-
So a big part of what started me with going down a bad path (in terms of my teeth) was my mom (who has mental illness and a drug addiction) stopped taking me to the dentist at 14 and fortunately it was right after my wisdom teeth surgery. I didn't keep good dental hygiene after that point because I was living in a home where I didn't feel safe at all. I was worried more about how to be a good daughter that didn't know if I was gonna get: passed out high mom, euphoric mom, or the vindictive, bitter, unpredictable mom. I learned to neglect my needs and self care in order to do what I could to please her and have as much peace as I could.
I graduated High school at 17 and my mother wouldn't allow me to leave her home till I was 18 because "that's the law and theres nothing you can do about it" she would say. I had a crap job at sonic that I was always at so I didnt have to be home. I had dreams of college but I became to engulfed in the 'bad' and they slipped away from me. So at 18 I left everything I had with her and moved out, I said "keep all my stuff, its material, I can buy it again" cus I wasn't getting trapped. At 19 I was doing okay for myself, made decent money (crap job upgraded me to be the manager of said toilet) , I had my own place, A car, A boyfriend. Oh and I also cracked two teeth and I had no idea how I'd pay for it. So I ended up doing nothing instead of something and putting it in the back of my head.
At 22 I got married (to earlier mentioned boyfriend) and moved to Florida. By 22 I had lost 1 tooth completely and 1 was rotting and another one was cracking.
At 23 I got an infected tooth that created an absess the size of a baseball, I ended up being hospitilized for 3 days and had an emergency tooth extraction. The surgeon said call my dentist as soon as I can after I'm feeling better". And.....I didn't...
Last year I learned my husband was a sex addict. I hit rock bottom. (I was also at 3 lost teeth, 2 rotten) and I went and got myself a therapist. My husband started a sex addiction recovery program
I'm 25 now and I go to therapy for myself, therapy sessions with my husband (he attends sexaholics anonymous every week as well), support group meetings, and church every week for almost a year now.
I learned I was codependent couldnt take care of myself b/c I'm to busy enabling the addicts in my life, I was diagnosed with aspergers and complex ptsd. I've come a long way since I started a year ago, I've never been this healthy mentally, spiritually, and emotionally before and it's giving me the strength to find some courage and face this problem.
With how my teeth are all of the damage is in the back left and right of my mouth. So I'm able to mask what's been going on for a long time, but that will not be an option in a few years. No one knows how bad the inside of my mouth is, and I've not been asked or acknowledged about it. I've hidden it from my husband (I think he is starting to get an inkling of what happening though). The only time I talk about it is with God. I pray for the courage to let my shame go and bring this into the light. I desperately need to break the shackles of shame that my teeth have me in. I'm not afraid of the pain, the technique the dentist chooses best, or the expense. I'm terrified of the judgement of the dentist though because of the neglect I've shown myself or that I'll get looked down upon because I'm also a smoker (I'm a smoker who can accept not smoking for however long my recovery period is) (I'm not ready to let go of smoking permanently though).
If you have any words to help me with whats happening in my heart and how I can build up the momentum for making that call I'd really appreciate it. Anything will help me because this is the first time I've every spoken about what's been going on.
Also I have tricare dental and if anyone else on this has it, I invite you to share your story about the experience you had with them.
Thank you all for reading this. I appreciate that. I am so grateful to have found this forum.
I wish you all many blessings.
-S
I want to share some stuff about myself, how I let my teeth get bad and what drove me to let them stay bad for this long-
So a big part of what started me with going down a bad path (in terms of my teeth) was my mom (who has mental illness and a drug addiction) stopped taking me to the dentist at 14 and fortunately it was right after my wisdom teeth surgery. I didn't keep good dental hygiene after that point because I was living in a home where I didn't feel safe at all. I was worried more about how to be a good daughter that didn't know if I was gonna get: passed out high mom, euphoric mom, or the vindictive, bitter, unpredictable mom. I learned to neglect my needs and self care in order to do what I could to please her and have as much peace as I could.
I graduated High school at 17 and my mother wouldn't allow me to leave her home till I was 18 because "that's the law and theres nothing you can do about it" she would say. I had a crap job at sonic that I was always at so I didnt have to be home. I had dreams of college but I became to engulfed in the 'bad' and they slipped away from me. So at 18 I left everything I had with her and moved out, I said "keep all my stuff, its material, I can buy it again" cus I wasn't getting trapped. At 19 I was doing okay for myself, made decent money (crap job upgraded me to be the manager of said toilet) , I had my own place, A car, A boyfriend. Oh and I also cracked two teeth and I had no idea how I'd pay for it. So I ended up doing nothing instead of something and putting it in the back of my head.
At 22 I got married (to earlier mentioned boyfriend) and moved to Florida. By 22 I had lost 1 tooth completely and 1 was rotting and another one was cracking.
At 23 I got an infected tooth that created an absess the size of a baseball, I ended up being hospitilized for 3 days and had an emergency tooth extraction. The surgeon said call my dentist as soon as I can after I'm feeling better". And.....I didn't...
Last year I learned my husband was a sex addict. I hit rock bottom. (I was also at 3 lost teeth, 2 rotten) and I went and got myself a therapist. My husband started a sex addiction recovery program
I'm 25 now and I go to therapy for myself, therapy sessions with my husband (he attends sexaholics anonymous every week as well), support group meetings, and church every week for almost a year now.
I learned I was codependent couldnt take care of myself b/c I'm to busy enabling the addicts in my life, I was diagnosed with aspergers and complex ptsd. I've come a long way since I started a year ago, I've never been this healthy mentally, spiritually, and emotionally before and it's giving me the strength to find some courage and face this problem.
With how my teeth are all of the damage is in the back left and right of my mouth. So I'm able to mask what's been going on for a long time, but that will not be an option in a few years. No one knows how bad the inside of my mouth is, and I've not been asked or acknowledged about it. I've hidden it from my husband (I think he is starting to get an inkling of what happening though). The only time I talk about it is with God. I pray for the courage to let my shame go and bring this into the light. I desperately need to break the shackles of shame that my teeth have me in. I'm not afraid of the pain, the technique the dentist chooses best, or the expense. I'm terrified of the judgement of the dentist though because of the neglect I've shown myself or that I'll get looked down upon because I'm also a smoker (I'm a smoker who can accept not smoking for however long my recovery period is) (I'm not ready to let go of smoking permanently though).
If you have any words to help me with whats happening in my heart and how I can build up the momentum for making that call I'd really appreciate it. Anything will help me because this is the first time I've every spoken about what's been going on.
Also I have tricare dental and if anyone else on this has it, I invite you to share your story about the experience you had with them.
Thank you all for reading this. I appreciate that. I am so grateful to have found this forum.
I wish you all many blessings.
-S