Call or Email or just go back to being in Denial?

[Gummin It]

Re: Did I just go crazy? DIY Dentistry

Groovy bro , take care of them while you have....

 

[rubyshoes]

Re: Did I just go crazy? DIY Dentistry

odette I could seriously freak you out with some of the things I've done in DIY dentistry I thought I was crazy too but it worked and that's all I cared about for many years (I will add that some of the things I did seriously made the rot much worse).

It's a terrible fear and I found the more DIY I did the more it fed the fear. And nothing anyone says makes a difference even if you know what they're saying is true but at some point you turn a corner and somehow find the courage a bit at a time and in my experience that's the time you start to look for a dentist. There's a lot of sympathy out there for our fear now and lots of ways to help cope with it. Dentistry really has changed took me 30 years to realise it

ruby

 

[Stress Doc]

Re: Did I just go crazy? DIY Dentistry

Hi Odette:

That takes much more bravery than going through any dental treatment I can think of. I would not say you are insane, crazy, mal-adjusted or anything else. I will say I think you are ready for change. Change comes from one of two reasons, inspiration or desperation.

I can tell you have the courage and bravery to deal with dental treatment. You just need to believe in yourself and your ability. Avoiding the fear makes it worse. I am not ridiculing you or think you are weak. We all have fear. I like the following quote from one of our greatest generals in WWII, General Patton.

"If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened."

General George S. Patton

It is OK to be afraid and seek support. If I can help you in any way, please let me know.

Blessings

 

[odette]

Re: Did I just go crazy? DIY Dentistry

I've really done it now. David finally lost it in his frustration with having to deal with me scared and in pain. We were in the kitchen and he just started yelling and I know it was because he is frustrated and he can't take seeing me in pain anymore.

I feel just so awful. Tomorrow, I'll get in touch with that dentist I saw on base and I don't care if he or his staff holds me down.

 

[brit]

Re: Did I just go crazy? DIY Dentistry

I've really done it now. David finally lost it in his frustration with having to deal with me scared and in pain. We were in the kitchen and he just started yelling and I know it was because he is frustrated and he can't take seeing me in pain anymore.

I feel just so awful. Tomorrow, I'll get in touch with that dentist I saw on base and I don't care if he or his staff holds me down.

No, find yourself a kind caring dentist who has sedation if you want it...just any dentist will not cure your fear...if anyone holds you down, you make sure you sue them though...that would be assault.
Where are you..the middle of nowhere? There must be loads of reputable painfree dentists to choose from and take David along to hold your hand in the treatment room....you do not have to do this alone and unsupported.

 

[odette]

I just emailed a dentist

I know, it's Sunday morning at 1:49am but I finally worked up the courage. People had made the suggestion in the forum and plus, Nov 11 is coming up and i didnt spend nearly 10 years getting shot at to survive and be in miserable tooth agony. Plus one of the ways you honour the dead is by living well

I just told this practice my name, a brief summary that I'm phobic.

We'll see....

I just cannot believe I just contacted a dentist!!!!! Wow!!!! Where did that strength come from!!

Thank you everyone

 

[monkey]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

That's great! I recently contacted a dentist with the help of this forum, too! The hardest part of my treatment is over only a few weeks after my initial appointment and everything went great. You will be amazed at how easy everything goes from here! You just completed the hardest step by explaining your situation to somebody!

Like most of us in this forum, you probably think that you need a lot more work than you actually do. You will feel great when you make it to that first appointment and find out how much easier things are going to be (and how comfortable treatment can be).

I hope everything goes well!

 

[Stress Doc]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Hi Odette:

That is excellent, well done. You have taken a huge step in improving the quality of your life.

Please keep us informed of your progress. You will do great. You will also find that civilian dentists are much more proactive in dealing with dental concerns and would never ever restrain or do anything like what you have experienced.

This is one of the best things you could ever do. You have lived with this pain long enough. Be very proud of yourself.

Blessings

 

[odette]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

I'm going to phone the office tomorrow morning, too. I don't want to be hiding behind my email forever.

I guess one of the biggest reasons why I'm doing this us cuz I'm afraid of losing my best friend, we haven't even spoken since he yelled at me in frustration Friday night because he said he couldn't take it anymore seeing me in pain and not doing anything constructive about it.

I guess this is what Tough Love is supposed to be?

When I call in tomorrow, when should I disclose that I was a peacekeeper and that I have PTSD and I'm terrified of the dentist. The soldier in me doesn't want to admit that cuz I'm prideful, but I guess the dentist needs to know, right, so he can help me?

I'm just trying so hard to be brave and do the right thing.

Thanks for listening

 

[Stress Doc]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Hi Odette:

That is something you should discuss with the dentist personally, not via staff. You can let the staff know that you have dental anxiety and would like to talk with the dentist.

There is no loss of pride or anything else by admitting your fear, it is a part of life. I have had multitudes of patients with many different issues. I have never thought less of any of them. The dentist's job is to help you solve your dental challenges, all of them. You are rebuilding a relationship that has been damaged. You have choices and need to make sure the dentist is a person you can work with. This is not something that is forced on you. You can get up and walk out if you feel uncomfortable. This relationship is a partnership not one of master-servant.

I would suggest you write out your questions and concerns so you do not forget any of them. This is very acceptable and proactive.

When you care for someone there comes a time to make a stand. Your friend did not walk away they are there with you.

I wish you the best and hope you get the answers and relief you seek.

Blessings

 

[odette]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Oh my god,
I finally got up the nerve to call the dentist and they have an opening tomorrow evening at 7:00pm and I agreed to it. (what the hell am I doing!!!!!)

I’m totally freaking out because this is all happening too fast for me to process. And David still isn’t talking to me and I can’t go without him, I need him there to support me, but he won’t even turn his phone on so I can tell him.

This is all happening too fast. I don’t know if I’m even ready to do this.

 

[Stress Doc]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Good Job!

There is no such thing as "ready." If we waited until we were totally "ready" we would never do anything.

As long as our "why" for doing something is strong enough we can come with the "how."

You have started the ball rolling just keep moving forward. This is for you and about you. You will do this because you want it.

You will be OK and solve this problem. Just keep believing in you.

Blessings

 

[GrahamDee]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Oh my god,
I finally got up the nerve to call the dentist and they have an opening tomorrow evening at 7:00pm and I agreed to it. (what the hell am I doing!!!!!)

I’m totally freaking out because this is all happening too fast for me to process. And David still isn’t talking to me and I can’t go without him, I need him there to support me, but he won’t even turn his phone on so I can tell him.

This is all happening too fast. I don’t know if I’m even ready to do this.

You should be proud having come this far. As for "What the hell..", the answer to that is you are getting the dental attention you feel you need. Of course you are scared and nervous, but there is nothing wrong in that.

I know this may sound obvious, but you have to remain in control. If you feel you are not ready for dental treatment and you need the company of someone for a bit of support, then perhaps it may be an idea to wait a little while. That said, you have made a good start and you will accomplish a great deal by seeing it through and even going as far as getting in the "chair".

Please, please remember that the dentist is NOT there to hurt you. Dentistry should be pain free. Always. Period. You sound very nervous, then you have to make yourself comfortable by telling him exactly how you feel. Its not stupid or embarassing - he's heard it all before. A good dentist should listen to you. Talk you through everything and gradually ease you into a course of dental treatment. They are YOUR teeth and YOU call the shots. Not happy? Then walk away. Simple.

Extreme nerves can be quelled by talking to him and taking your time, as well as a whole range of drugs which will help put you at your ease.

I know its easy to say this, but you will be fine. Trust me. They can do miracles these days. And once you are out of the "Chair", you will feel like a million $ (or £ or whatever), and next time will not seem so bad.

Please post how you get on...

 

[odette]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Thanks for your responses,

One of the main objectives of someone with PTSD is the constant, obsessive need to seek and secure safety. And it’s hard for me to feel safe when I’m not in control of a situation. One of the things I hate most about going to the dentist is the fact that I have to lay flat on my back and let the dentist “work on me” and I just have to lay there and take it, I can’t do anything to protect myself cuz I’m supposed to be letting someone that close into my personal space and even when they hurt me, I can’t react, I have to just take it.

The idea of using a safety signal is useless to me because if I get too scared, I will partially check out of the situation so I won’t be able to raise my hand to let the dentist know I have had enough and am about to lose my shit. I’ll just lay there paralysed, I even will hold my breath, so I need someone else to be aware of my behaviour and notice that I’m not ok. But again, that means I’m again reliant on someone else to protect myself.

I mean, logically, someone could say there is no threat at a dentist office, but to me, the threat of potentially being hurt is huge…it’s not even the pain that scares me, it’s the thought of getting hurt by someone and not being able to protect myself.

The worst was when I was really struggling to get through some treatment and “for my own good”, it was deemed that I had to get this treatment done, but I was totally freaking out so the military dentist got someone to hold me down so he could finish. And when they finally let go of me, I was up on my feet screaming hysterically and they simply told me they had to hold me down “for my own good” .

But ya, it’s a whole bunch of vulnerability, loss of control issues, really.

 

[Stress Doc]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Hi Odette:

If someone held me down, "for my own good" they would get a less than pleasant reaction. I can assure you that there is not a private practice dentist that would ever restrain you. The list of criminal, ethical and civil charges for that would be long and scary.

That type of treatment will get you hauled off to jail and cause you to lose your license.

I understand PTSD and know about the safe and secure aspects. A conversation about this with the dentist is in order. There are always physical cues when this is happening, sweating, skin color, breathing, etc.

Careful observation will alert the dentist and allow for breaks.

The dentist does not have a desire to hurt you. This is not a "power through it" type of treatment.

This is a whole different treatment world than what you have experienced.

You will do great.

Blessings

 

[brit]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Odette
I have answered in your other thread..no one will hold you down in civilian life...it isn't going to happen..you can seek and obtain a high degree of control over what happens and at what pace.
Sth I didn't mention in the other thread which you could suggest to the dentist is the techniques which are used to make children feel comfortable about dentistry such as 'show tell do' ....also use of positive language such as 'numbing' rather than 'injection' all works to help relax an anxious patient by making the atmosphere relaxing rather than threatening. Have some soft music playing (not through an IPOD) but just in the room on a radio or whatever.

If you don't like having to rely on Chris to work out when you need a break and tell the dentist, then get the dentist to agree to break every 3 minutes or at least ask you every 3 minutes if you are ok or if you want a break.
You need to take back the control you were inappropriately denied before and you can do this..this is how you protect yourself...tell the dentist what you want/need.....to do so would enable even a clueless dentist to assist so long as they were a nice person...and willing to do what you know you need.

Have you read this? Some of these ideas may help you: https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/abuse-survivors/

 

[odette]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

thanks for the replies. I'm trying to get my head around the fact that civillian dentists cant hold you down like that and not let that experience tint the whole experience tomorrow.

I cannot tell you how lucky I feel to have this forum to express my true feelings. I've had to carry this fear for too long and was too afraid to tell my buddies cuz soldiers are not supposed to be afraid of anything and the few I did tell just barked at me to soldier up and go when what I really needed was for somebody to listen and reassure me.

I hear that having excess adrenaline in your system can complicate treatment cuz it affects the Novocain?

But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here, I am under the impression that I'm going in for xrays and an exam.

I know xrays mean having to tolerate the bite thing in your mouth but how much touching is involved with the exam. I hear they have this hook and this ice pick tool they poke into your gums and they push it into each tooth to see if it hurts and if it does hurt then they shoot electricity thru the tooth to see how badly it hurts.

But if you're teeth are sore, shouldn't they just leave those teeth alone instead if making them more messed up. I read on the Internet that dentists probe the nerves of your teeth with that ice pick tool to see if it's still alive. I mean, the tooth hurts so obviously it is not dead so why would they be stabbing at the nerve like that?? I don't get it!

 

[odette]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

I am so greatful for all the responses. This gives me something that chris David and I can work on tonight so we can frame what our objectives will be for tomorrow. I trust either of them with my life and I was so happy when the dentist said I could bring someone.

I know I'm gonna be a difficult case so I want to do all I can to help the dentist help me.

 

[Stress Doc]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Hi Odette

The dental exam you described only happens in horror movies where the dentist has one eye, steel teeth and an assistant named Igor that says "Yes master".

The first visit is usually a basic exam and consult. Many dentists use digital x-rays and even if they do not, the newer x-rays are easier than the old days. There is not much probing that is done and if you do not want any at all just say so and they will comply. The dentist might use a small mirror to see the back side of a tooth but that is about it.

The first visit is an opportunity to determine what is the best course of action and options. It is also a time when you see if the dentist is a person you can work with, yes, you really do have the option to leave if you do not feel comfortable or feel you can work with the dentist.

In regards to higher levels of anxiety having an affect on the LA. This used to be a much greater problem in the old days. Today, the newer amide based LA is not as effected by anxiety levels and there are other choices of LA. Should not be a problem at all.

As Brit said, if your anxiety levels are high then a short term course of anti-anxiety medications can help. They do not cause you to lose control, but take the edge off the anxiety and make the whole process easier.

Remember, PTSD is psychological and biological. There are things that can help. These are not things you can "tough" your way through. Being kind and understanding is the order of the day. You have had enough trauma.
This is not weakness to expect compassion.

We are all here for each other. There are many people on this forum rooting for you and will offer fabulous support, advice and comfort.

Do the appointment in doses you can handle. Schedule regular breaks if you want and have them explain everything to you at each step. You do not have to have anything you do not want.

Blessings and Peace

 

[fatcat]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Hi Odette

I am so pleased you have contacted the dentist! I am glad you feel that you can say your true feelings here, it really helps to get it all out and get advice from people in a similar position and those that have expertise in this area.

I agree with the others that you need to take back the control that was taken in those awful experiences you had with the military dentist. Just remember your relationship with the dentist should be a partnership, by that I mean the dentist is not "your boss" so to speak so don't feel you have to do anything you are not comfortable with just because you feel you should or feel you can't say no. I have the vulnerability and lack of control thing too, my dentist has learnt through my reactions that he needs to tell me what is happening next and why, if you feel that would be good for you too let them know. I also think the having a break thing works, a good and caring dentist will be fine with this.

My first appointment (I am UK so may be sightly different) was an exam and xrays. The exam was just him looking with a mirror in my mouth, I have never had the pick thing pushed into my gums and I've not heard of anyone I know having that done. If you are worried about it you could ask them if they will do it or ask them not to do that....surely there must be other ways to test the tooth. If the idea of the dentist touching your face upsets you then you should tell them before you begin that you would prefer if they limited it and/or warned you before they do. The xrays, I find easier if I am in control of the thing that they put in your mouth, if the dentist tries to hold it I can't cope and just start gagging.

The most important thing I think, though it can be hard, is to communicate the things that are uncomfortable/a no go for you so they know where they are to start with.

I really hope things go well for you and hope you will come back and tell us how it went. You seem to be in a strong frame of mind right now, it's great and you will do great!!